Unrequited Wrong
by Hades'Queen
Summary: The story of Delilah Emma Lovett and how everything had always been wrong and would always go wrong. Marriage-law, it's been done, but not like this. Rated M for language, violence and adult themes. Set in OoTP. Please Read and Review.
1. Prologue: My Self Introduction

**Diclaimer:** I do not own the world of Harry Potter. As for the marriage law thing, that was someone else's idea too, I think it was a challenge. This was supposed to be a parody of a marriage-law fic. But eh...

**Warning:** Rating for language, violence and adult themes.

**Authors Note:** Story takes place during OoTP, or starts there at least. Slightly AU. This is mainly a Humor/Romance/Drama. I'm not sure at this point if the whole thing is told in first person, at least for the first part. I got a good part of this story worked out so, it should be pretty entertaining and interesting. And for anyone reading Gumby, don't worry I will still be writing that in the meantime while writing this as well.

**Summary: **The story of Delilah Emma Lovett, and how everything had always been wrong and would always go wrong. Marriage-law, it's been done, but not like this.

**Unrequited Wrong **

_**Prologue: My Self-Introduction**_

At the moment, nothing seems important to me, so much so to the point that I'm ready to give up on the life that I have for some reason worked so hard to keep even though it's never been at all worth it. However, if you are to understand the situation I'm in, I suppose you should know everything. Therefore, I suppose I should introduce myself.

My name is Delilah Emma Lovett and I'm about to start my seventh year, (I'm in Ravenclaw) at Hogwarts. If you care about my physical appearance, I can describe myself as long. You see I got long arms, fingers, legs and neck. Although I'm pretty short, standing at only five feet and four inches. Some people think I'm tiny, cause I also happen to be very thin. I really have no boobs to speak of and I don't have hips, I have hip bones. I got teeny, tiny wrists which are snappable and have no physical strength to speak of. My face, I suppose its ok, but no one would ever refer to it as beautiful and if they do, it's a bold faced lie. I have straight hair that I keep down just past my shoulders, but won't allow it to grow any longer cause I do not have the patience to deal with it. Naturally my hair is jet black, but because I do not wish to look like a certain potions master, I dye it with a six-month solution a lilac color. As for my eyes, see once more the reference to the Head of Slytherin.

Anyway, if you wish to hear about my life at home, well I'm pretty sure my father was a wizard as he is currently in Azkaban and has been since before I was born. My mother, she put me up for adoption as soon as my umbilical cord was cut and I grew up in a muggle orphanage. Due to the fact it was a poor orphanage, I suppose I grew up as an urchin. I suppose I have a colorful language and have a tendency to be temperamental and shout and become violent. I suppose the reason I only have one friend is because Monica Roberts is the only person that can stand me. I suppose its because she's got her own colorful tongue and is just as crazy as I am. Actually she's crazier.

Umm... I'm an insomniac. It stems from my fear of what will happen to me when I fall asleep. Mainly because for some reason or other, mean spirits are attracted by me and they tend to like to bug and hurt me. Many a times have I awoken with my body covered in bruises and feeling like I've been run over by a truck. At school, Peeves in particular loves to pick on me, and I absolutely refuse to go anywhere near the Shrieking Shack because of the supposed violent spirits that reside there. I do not need that type of attention. And please do not confuse Spirits for ghost because they are different entities.

What else? Ah yes, I started to... collect (some would say steal), large silver rings, for when one of the kids picked a fight with me, I'd have something to inflict damage with as my string-bean arms cannot put any strength behind a punch. That is why most of the time you will find that I wear a ring on almost every single finger of both hands. At first I only fought to defend myself, but I started to like it. However, I still only do it in self-defense. This includes verbal arguments.

And now onto me as a student. Well you would think that as a Ravenclaw I'm a perfect student, but you'd be wrong. Not to say I'm not intelligent, but I'm lazy. I prefer not to do homework as its pointless, but I suppose I do well in my classes, when I pay attention. You see I'm easily distracted. Mostly because I like to make up spells and test the boundaries of wandless magic and experiment with it. I have notebooks and notebooks full of information I take from absolutely everything that I read, which encompasses a very large variety of subjects, and thats what I use for experiments.

Unfortunately, being messy and forgetful makes it a little hard to find something in particular that I wrote down that I wish to test out. Oh and something that you should know about pure magic (which is what you feel with wandless magic), it cuts up your skin and cracks it when you are pushing too far beyond your limit. That is why many times you might see my hands bandaged with masking tape (which I use cause its all that rat hole of an orphanage had to cover wounds and I got used to it).

Now I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me, I'm not some crazy temperamental bitch. I tend to be very quiet, distracted, oblivious person. I hardly notice what goes on around me and therefore I can't get angry as much as I would if I paid attention to what goes on around me. Most people tend to ignore me, and most of my Professors only seemed to be vexed about the fact that I don't work up to my full potential. But I don't care about people in repects to what they think of me.

As I turned of age the previous September, which I'll explain why that is a problem soon, I refused to return to the Orphanage. Currently, I'm living in the Leaky Cauldron and I work in Flourish and Blotts. What I get paid mostly goes for my room and food, and the rest I save up for my school supplies. My best friend of course offered me a place to stay and all that, but I grew up to be self-reliant.

I did once make the mistake of depending on someone to be my sunshine and all that shit, but I won't be making that mistake again. In case you're wondering, the mistake's name is Jake Dawson and we were dating for two years and just broke up in May. I suppose it really is my fault, and for quite some time I've had a gaping hole in me that wants to be filled and the pain is a little hard to ignore. It's not that I miss the bastard, but I do miss being loved by someone. Now I feel incomplete. Not that I'd ever let anyone see that. Not even Monica and she's been my best-friend since first year. You see, I abhor weakness and therefore refuse to show any, especially in the form of tears.

Now, onto my problem, every couple decades or so the Ministry passes a law to control the masses. They call it their felicity campaign, but how interesting that they only care about the felicity of muggle-borns and half-bloods. You see what this campaign entails is the marriage of all muggle-borns and half-bloods who are of age by a certain deadline (1/1/95), which I was. At the time, I had been in a relationship with my boyfriend and I thought that by June 15, 1995, which was the deadline to be married, that we would. Unfortunately we fell apart one month prior to the date.

I thought that was the end of it, but how wrong I was. A few weeks back, I got a questioner from the darpartment of felicity, which I was to answer truthfully to and send back as soon as possible. At the time, I had been pulling a 12 hour shift and was half-asleep when filling out the stupid thing and my brain didn't connect as to what this was about. Now what the problem is, it that a week or two ago, I got another letter from the department of felicity and it stated that based on my answers, they had picked out a husband for me and that if I did not marry him by September 1st that I would be placed in Azkaban prison, sentence-pending.

You would think that this was the worst of it but no, not for Delilah Emma Lovett. No, the person I was betrothed to be married to was none other than Severus Tobias Snape, the Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Withcraft of Wizardry (I never even knew his first name before I got the stupid letter). I had to marry the snarky bastard who made everyone's life a living hell. Not to mention that the previous year I particularly came under his range of fire as I was supporting Harry Potter as the school champion (you see I hated Cedric 'cause he was stupid Jake's best friend. Cedric lied to me all those times that Jake was cheating on me).

I wish I could say that there was a way out of this, but there wasn't. Professor Snape and I both appealed to Professor Dumbledore but there was nothing he could do about it (besides he had alot on his plate what with the return of the Dark Lord) and on August 31st we were married. Don't ask me how the whole thing went as I have no fucking clue. I spaced out during the whole ceremony. Which from what Monica says, only constituted her, Dumbledore, the ministry official that married us and of course me and Snape. She said that most of it was judicial jargain that she herself spaced out on and then Snape and I had to sign a contract and that Dumbledore and her had to sign as witnesses.

Now if you think that all of this can't get any worse, it can. You see, I have to live with him and worst of all, we are expected to have proof that we consummated the marriage within a year. Meaning by next August, I should at least be one month preggy or I will be going to Azkaban and so will Snape. Some government, huh?

At the moment Monica and I are on our way to Hogwarts on the express. All my stuff is packed up and I have spent my last night in the Leaky Cauldron and from this day forth, I will be living with Professor Snape in his private quarters. Our marriage is to be kept a secret and for my remainder at Hogwarts, I shall be known was Miss Lovett and when I go to our rooms, I am to be discreet (which I suppose makes it good I'm mainly invisible to my classmates). But all the teachers are aware of me and Snape's situation and of course Monica knows.

"Hello!!!!!" I snap out of my thoughts and look over at Monica, whom I've been ignoring thus far as I've been so lost in my own thoughts. I look into Monica's chocolate brown eyes and I'm sure the expression on my face looks quite stupid. Monica is who I wished I could be. She's so full of strength (unlike mine which is only the ability to pretend), and she's bold and wild. Not to mention she is brilliant and all the boys think she's sexy with her long, curly chocolate hair and gorgeous face and body to kill for. However, she uses the Monroe philosiphy "Kiss but don't love, listen but do not believe and leave before you are left".

"Huh?" I say dumbly as she looks at me, a perfectly sculpted brown brow lifting slightly over her perfect eyes.

"I said what are you and Snape going to do about the consummation thing?" Monica asks as she looks at me. I blink as I look at her and shrug my shoulders as I pull my neglected notebooks into a hug. Ever since I found out I had to marry Snape, I've kind of been neglecting my experiments, which until recently had been my whole world. The only distraction from that gaping hole that Jake left, which is why I'd become particularly feverish with them after the break up.

"I don't know, not like we had a chance to talk about it after the ceremony as you well know," I replied. Monica and I had been taken back to the Leaky Cauldron after the "wedding" and she was supposed to help me pack up all my things. Not necessary as there wasn't much to pack up. We set out together to the Hogwarts Express that morning, via Knight Bus. Monica paid, much to my chagrin. But I suppose its 'cause she's a rich pureblood and she likes to be generous with me. I HATE that, but she's my friend so I allow it.

"Well he's made it very apparent that he doesn't want to touch you with even the tip of his wand, no pun intended," Monica said as she grinned over at me. I merely shrug in response to this.

"Muggles have artificial insemination, so I guess I can start working on a spell to make a magical equivalent to that," I say with a shrug.

"You are willing to bring a child into a loveless marriage?" Monica asks. I glare over at her.

"Not like I have a bloody choice you asshole," I snap out angrily. Monica rolls her eyes as she leans back and crosses her arms over her chest.

"No need to get all sensitive, it was just a question, you stupid whore," Monica says with a grin (yes I know our friendship is strange with the name-calling). As much as I would like to be like her, sometimes I just want to smack the crap out of her, which I have done in the past (resulting in an all out brawl between us, after which we make up). However, at the moment, I'm too emotionally exhausted. I would have had the hardest time getting out of bed this morning had I not spent the whole night awake. "So... whats going to happen at the castle?"

"My crap is going to be taken to his rooms and I'm supposed to meet him at his office after dinner, or at least that's what I think he said in the short OWL he sent me this morning," I say with a shrug as I look through my pockets for the stupid letter. I give up my search when I can't find it. "He said I can have his room and he'd sleep on the couch."

Monica raises a brow at this. "That's decent of him, who knew he could be decent," Monica said. I smile at this, his offer to give up his room had been a surprise to me too. Not that I thought the Potions Master to be a complete ogre, I knew there had to be some good to him, I just simply thought I'd die before I saw it.

"I'm not going to take it though. I sleep very little as it is, whats the point of the both of us not getting any sleep? Besides, he's an arse as it is, I'd hate to see what he's like sleep deprived," I reply with a shrug. Monica smiles at this as she knows it true. Everyone knows it is true.

"Besides, it would be disgusting to sleep in the same place as him," she said. I merely shrug at this, I don't care about appearances. Sure Snape isn't much to look at, but he could look worse. I don't even think the greasy hair is that disgusting, considering I hardly go through the trouble of taking care of my own hair. The fact of the matter is, there are more important things than looks. Besides, being good looking just makes you predisposed to be vain, arrogant and selfish.

"Its not like he has cooties or nothing," I say, causing us to both burst into laughter. You see, laughter is key. If you are ever depressed, laugh at stupid stuff as much as you can and you can live through anything. Especially if you have a friend like Monica. Suddenly, life isn't as daunting now that I've remembered that.

**TBC..**

**A/n:** Reviews are much appreciated. So please leave a review and tell me what you think of it so far.


	2. Chapter 1: Husband And Wife

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 1: Husband And Wife**_

"Delilah, you know your roots are starting to show right?" I turned to look over at Monica and touch the roots of my hair. I haven't looked in a mirror in the past couple weeks, and in any case were I was standing before a mirror I was too distracted to see my reflection because of my impending doom- I mean marriage. I think about the last time I dyed my hair while scratching my noggin... yup nearly six months ago. It's about time for a touch up. "If you want after dinner, we can go to the washroom and dye it. I still have some potion from the last time."

For a moment, I stare at Monica and try to think of something I'm forgetting. However, after the mind-numbing sorting ceremony and speeches, my brain is absolutely mush. Ugh and that Umbridge woman, if I could I'd punch her in her fucking toad face the second she made the first "_Hem, hem"_. Honestly, I should have stopped taking Defense Against the Dark Arts after fifth year, but the fact that I thought Lupin might stay and teach made me keep it.

"Well we might as well go now. Just looking at Umbridge makes me loose my appetite," I say, dropping the fork in my free hand and standing up. Monica nods and together we hastily exit the hall and make our way to the nearest washroom from which Monica summons the potion and sets to work. I think Monica would rather enjoy become a cosmetologist, but her parents would never go for it. They got it set in their mind that their daughter should become a Healer or some Ministry official, though it is blatantly obvious she disdains the Ministry. I think thats the only reason she believes the Dark Lord is back, because the Ministry says he is not.

"Can you believe that they put that Umbridge woman here. They are going to take over Hogwarts," Monica says as she starts at her work.

"To tell you the truth I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying," I say. The second Umbridge started her lengthy speech, I tuned her out. Really her voice was beyond annoyingly sweet and I couldn't imagine anything she said would make me very happy. So rather instead of listening to her and running up and tackling her to the ground, I decided not to listen and remain out of Azkaban.

"I noticed, that was about the time that you started to look towards the Hufflepuff table as if you would find Jake there, you know he's finished his year last year," Monica said as she tugs on my hair a little rougher than necessary. She thinks that I'm stupid because I allowed myself to fall in love. But I don't think I'm stupid for falling in love, just for feeling hurt afterwards. Really there is nothing wrong with falling in love.

"I wasn't looking for him. I was just spacing out. It's not my fault we happen to be next to Hufflepuff and facing it. Anyway, change of subject, what did your parents say about Dumbledore and Harry? Were they buying into the whole Daily Prophet strung bull shit?" I ask, thinking about the people in Diagon Alley. Most of the people thought that they were both nutters, but come on people its common sens! The Dark Mark at the Quidditch World Cup, disappearance of Bertha Jorkins, the death of Cedric Diggory, it made sense!

My stomach churns with guilt at the thought of Cedric's death. I really shouldn't have hated Cedric for being a good friend to his best friend, Jake. Perhaps it wasn't the best thing he could have done by covering up for Jake when he was cheating on me, but it was in service of a friend. For my friends, well friend as there was only Monica, I would do anything, even if it meant betraying the whole world. I suppose what he did wasn't as serious as what I would do for Monica.

"Of course they were, they almost weren't going to send me to Hogwarts. But I told them they better not even think of it or else I'd reveal their past indiscretions to an Auror," Monica said darkly. I don't say anything in response to this and we remain in silence while she finishes placing the potion in my hair. When she is through we sit in several minutes silence, both lost in our own thoughts before she begins to rinse out the potion.

Things seemed to be getting a bit out of hand. Having a Ministry Official at Hogwarts as a Professor? It was obvious that the Ministry was afraid that Dumbledore might be able to convince the students about the Dark Lord and their presence was to control it. I was sure that they were going to try and ... ouch! "What the fuck Monica?" I shout out angrily as I felt someone kick out my legs from beneath me and landing on my back, the back of my head smacking the floor.

"It wasn't me!" Monica says angrily from where she is still standing. I can't see her because the underside of the sink were my hair was being rinsed is obscuring my vision. "Peeves! Get the hell out of here before I hex you back to where you came from," Monica shouts as she pulls out her wand from her robes. I steadily rise into a sitting position and my head smacks the underside of the sink.

"Ugh, stupid sink," I say as I rub my forehead and begin to rise. I look up to see Peeves floating away, laughing his fucking ass off. He was probably floating by when he felt my presence and decided to fuck around with me. Seriously what the hell is it about some people that you call this type of attention. I rub my head for a moment, feeling that I'm starting to get a splitting headache from hitting my head on the sink and from smacking my head on the floor. "Well did you finish rinsing out my hair?"

"Almost, come here," Monica says as she stashes her wand away in her robes and pulls my head into the sink. This isn't very comfortable, but eh. I had nothing better to do then return to the common room... wait, I'm supposed to be married to Snape and living with him. How am I supposed to get to his rooms if I don't know where they are?

Suddenly I stand up straight and flip my hair back, wetting everything behind me. "Oh shit," I say as I get ready to bolt for the door. However, before I can move Monica had me caught by the hair and I have a hard time turning to look at her as she is holding onto it. Her brows are furrowed together.

"Be patient, I'm not done yet," she snaps as she buries my head in the sink.

"But I have to meet Snape," I say, trying to speak as best as possible despite the water pouring into my face and down towards my mouth. I grimace as I try to keep the water and potion out of my mouth.

"Oh I forgot you were meeting him, well let me finish washing it out and I will dry your hair and than you can run off to see your little husband," Monica says as she finishes rinsing my hair. I furrow my brows together, this is the first time anyone refers to him as my husband. It's really weird that I haven't even thought about it that way. It's strange to give him the title, as it seems to mean much more than simply saying that you married someone. I wonder why that is. "Ok," Monica says as she pulls me out of the sink and pulls her wand out to dry my hair. "Your free to go now," she says as she looks into my eyes.

I nod, but instead of heading for the door I head for a stall and find myself staring at what I just ate without realizing I'd been eating. Throwing up really is one of the worst things that your body can go through. First it seems to tense up all over the place, most especially your stomach muscles. They clench so hard that you are unable to stand up straight. But that isn't the worst of it. The bile burns up every inch, the acids eating up at everything along the way up and bringing an unholy stench and taste into your mouth, sometimes even causing your nostrils to burn. And then, you are left so weak that everything you are trembles and you can do nothing but collapse on the disgusting floor. In the end, you become a blobby mess like the shit you expelled from your body.

"Are you all right?" Monica asks as she stands in the doorway of the stall behind me. I can tell she is stand right behind me because my stall door is open. I can't stomach to say something so I merely nod as I steadily rise to my feet, clenching onto the wall so that I do not fall into the toilet. I wipe at my mouth with my robes before heading over to the sink and thoroughly washing out my mouth of the disgusting taste. I bring water to my mouth at least a hundred times before getting the disgusting taste out.

"I'll talk to you later," I say as I straighten up and look over at Monica who is looking at me worriedly. "Thanks for everything Mon," I say. She merely nods and I take off running for the dungeons. Luckily they aren't too far away and I find myself standing outside Snape's door in two shakes. I immediately knock on his door as my stomach muscles clench once more, but this time out of fear and thankfully not out of the need to throw up. Throwing up on an empty stomach is worst than anything.

My head snaps up as the door is yanked open and a livid Snape glares down at me, his eyes becoming nothing more than slits as he has narrowed them so. However, before I can say anything he steps out of his office and grabs my arm in a pincer like hold and starts to drag me into the office. I am trembling with fear as he drags me towards the fireplace. OH GOD HE IS GOING TO BURN ME ALIVE FOR FORGETTING ABOUT HIM!

However, before I can yell in panic, he has thrust a flower pot towards me. I am taken aback by this and stare stupidly down at what he has thrust beneath my nose. Is he giving me a flower? I nearly slap my forhead for thinking something so stupid as I realize its Floo powder. "Dumbledore's Office," he says through clenched teeth. I look up at him and realize he means for me to go.

Hastily, I grab some of the ashes, not my favorite way to travel mind you, and floo over to Dumbledore's office. I think it such a shame to remove the ashes on my person in the headmaster's office, but I do as he motions for me to sit down. Judging by the thoughtful expression on his face before I entered, he isn't here to congratulate me for something brilliant I've done, though that's never happened before. Not long after my arrival, Snape steps out of the fireplace as well. But unlike me he doesn't sit down, which makes me feel like a mouse between two lions. Or rather, a lion and a snake.

"Delilah, I'm sure you are wondering why you are here. Now I am well aware that neither you, nor Professor Snape are thrilled about your union," Snape and I exchange looks, his of pure loathing and mine of fear and confusion, "But like it or not, the marriage is real and as Professor Snape puts his life in danger everyday and it will not escape your brilliant mind, I thought it best that you should know something about your husband. Now first thing first, what do you think about the Voldemort's return?"

I blink. I really have no idea what he's talking about. How is Snape putting his life in danger by teaching? I doubt any of his students is about to Avada him anytime soon. And what did Voldemort have anything to do with my marriage to Snape? "Well I think his return is awful and the ministry is being stupid in telling everyone that he isn't back when it is blatantly obvious he is back they are just making things easier for him," I say, becoming a little angrier as I speak about this. Really the ministry was full of idiots. Instead of forcing people to marry they should be finding ways to stop Voldemort! And why the hell is Dumbledore smiling at me!

"Good, that makes this a little easier. You see, there is something called the Order of the Phoenix. Its a secret society that I run, with the sole purpose of bringing down Voldemort. I started it the last time he was around and now that he is back, I've reinstated it," Dumbledore said slowly. I nod stiffly, not knowing what any of this has to do with either me or Snape. Unless Snape of course is part of Dumbledore's secret society. "Now Professor Snape used to be a Death Eater..."

My head immediately snaps to Snape and unconsciously I try to push my seat further from him. This movement catches his eyes and he glares over at Dumbledore, making it clear to me that he didn't want to tell me this in the first place. I frown at this and think about how stupid I was being. Clearly is Dumbledore said that Snape USED TO BE a Death Eater, didn't mean he was one right now. Besides I'd doubt he'd hire someone who'd kill his students as a teacher. Especially for as long as Snape has been here. I look down in shame for a moment before being able to turn my gaze back to Dumbledore who is watching me closely.

"Sorry... instinct I suppose," I say bashfully as I look into the old-wizards sparkling gaze.

"Quite all right. You see Delilah, Professor Snape is a spy for the Order of the Phoenix. His job is very important and very dangerous. Due to the fact that you are bound to come across his secret sooner or later, living in such close proximity and everything, I thought it would be most wise to make you aware of the situation and make it known to you that should you breath a word to anyone, you might as well perform the killing curse on professor Snape yourself," Dumbledore said severely.

"Did you really have to say it like that, its not like I was going to tell anyone," I say, bummed out and looking down at my hands. Honestly, I already felt guilty for something that I didn't even do.

"Pardon me, I just wanted to impress upon you the severity of the situation. Now due to the fact that your marriage is public record it would be only too easy for Voldemort to find out about you, which is also why I think it most prudent you know the danger that you are in," I can't look up at him at this. I realize my face has blanched and that tears are gathering in my eyes. WHAT DID THE MINISTRY DO TO ME?! "Now we do not see the need to reveal to the Voldemort your marriage, but there will come a day when it will be made known to him and you must be prepared for that. I severely doubt when that day comes he will brand you as his follower, as the Dark Mark is reserved for his highest of members, but he will nonetheless wish to keep you close."

I nod as I continue to stare down at my lap, my lilac hair shading my face, completely covering it from view as tears drop into my lap. My head is absolutely spinning as I try to comprehend everything. I was going to have to meet the Dark Lord?! And then what, pretend that I was like all of them?! How was I going to do that when I was a half-blood who admires muggles because they made due with their lives without the use of magic?! And all for what, someone I could hardly even care about?! My life had been ruined all because the Ministry was being too idiotic to believe the most powerful dark wizard of the age had returned?!

"I realize that this isn't easy for you..."

"The fuck its not! I'm fucking seventeen years old! I shouldn't be married, much less married to someone who is going to get me killed!" I shouted as tears raced down my face and I jumped out of the chair. Dumbledore didn't seem as alarmed as Snape was by my outburst. "If I loved him it would be something different, but I don't know anything about him! Shit I don't even know how many years older than me he is!"

"Calm down Miss Lovett," Snape snapped and I whirled around and shot him a withering glare.

"Don't tell me what the fuck to do! If I want to scream and shout right now you are just going to have to sit there and fucking take it until I can't shout anymore and my brain decides to think rationally again! But until then stay the fuck out of it because you didn't even want to tell me about this you bastard! If it were up to you I'd be left in the dark unaware that my death is coming closer and closer. Do you think that would be better?!" Snape didn't say anything to this, but it was clear he wasn't happy about it. But maybe he didn't see the point of getting in a yelling match with a crazy psycho bitch.

Collapsing onto the floor, I held my head in my hands and started to rock back and forth. I wanted it all to go away. Wiping with my fist furiously at the tears that were coming down my face, I listened to the silence as I breathed in heavily. I knew they were both staring down at me, I could feel their gazes burning me with their intensity, but neither one said anything or did anything. They let the storm pass and after what seemed an eternity, I was able to rise to my feet and look at Dumbledore. I wasn't ashamed about my outburst, why should I be, it was only a human reaction. Dumbledore seemed to understand.

"What now then?" I asked calmly, though my voice broke slightly.

"For the time being Professor Snape can train you in defending yourself, body and mind and when the time comes you can decide to either go into hiding, or stand up and play the part of Professor Snape's wife as would be expected of you," Dumbledore said softly and calmly. "The decision need not be made now as I assume you have in the least a year or two before Voldemort is aware of your circumstances."

"I won't go into hiding," I say suddenly, shaking my head adamantly and staring at the floor. "A muggle by the name Emiliano Zapata once said that 'it is better to die on your feet, than live on your knees'. I doubt that there is anything I can really do to help in the war against Voldemort," here I shivered as it was the first time I'd ever said the name out loud. "But I doubt you need anymore people to keep under protection."

"Delilah, you don't have to make-"

"Excuse me Professor Dumbledore, but I know what I am and what I'm not. I'm not great, but I'm smart and not a coward. Besides, we all have got to die sometime, I suppose dying for something you believe in is better than just kicking the bucket at old age," I say as I looked up into his blue eyes and crack a small smile. He's smiling at me too, like he's proud of me. Its a look that no one has given me before and it warms my heart.

---

Snape and I walked in silence through the winding passages from his office to his quarters, which really is for the best considering it allowed me to concentrate on how to get to his rooms. It was a fucking maze to get there! Anyway, Snape didn't seem at mad at me as I thought he'd be, considering I'd cursed him out. However, instead he seemed to be deeply contemplating something, so I left him to his thoughts. I myself felt quite feverished with mine.

Upon entering his private quarters, I plopped down on the couch of his common room, without bothering to look around. I did notice when I walked in that there was a single door, which I assumed led to his bedroom. Before the leather couch in which I sat was a coffee table and as was the usual, the couch and armchair were before the fireplace. Somewhere behind me there was a large desk and every inch of the walls were covered in book shelves filled with books and vials. It was kind of like his office, but I didn't care about any of this. I just noted that my trunk was not in the room when I sat down on the couch and started to bite on my thumbs cuticle.

I hardly noticed what Snape was going, but I was aware that he started to stare at me as I could feel his gaze one me. It slowly brought me out of the haze of my muddled thoughts and as I turned my gaze to where he was standing by the fire, I noticed he was staring at me expectingly. "Sorry, what?" I said as I looked at him in confusion, he'd probably said something to me and I didn't notice. Snape wasn't used to being ignored, so he glared at me.

"I said the room is yours and you should get some sleep," he said as he stared at me.

"About that, I have no intention of staying in your room. You see I don't really sleep and therefore it would be pointless to kick you out of your room. I'll be fine sleeping on the couch, for the few hours I manage to sleep before classes start," I said softly. My voice sounds a little raw and foreign to me and I guess its because I haven't used it in a while.

"Miss Lovett..."

"Please stop calling me Miss Lovett," I say as I bury my face in my hands. "I HATE my last name, reminds me of my father. I'd take yours over it any day," I grumble. I then look over at him and see that he is not pleased by my interruption, but at the moment I really don't give a shit about anything and I'm too tired to fight about anything. "It's been a long day Professor Snape. I know you probably want to sleep... and I... well I can't sleep so I'll just stay up in here and work on a couple a things. I just need my stuff..." I say, casting a look around.

"Your trunk is in here," Snape says standing up and motioning for me to follow. I sigh and follow him towards the door I'd seen and walk in behind him into his room. At the foot of the large four-poster is my trunk. There is a rickety nightstand on either side of the bed (which of course has a black comforter and pillows) and a wardrobe opposite of it. There is another door next to the wardrobe and I assume it must lead into a bathroom.

"Great, I'll just get a couple things and go," I say as I get to my trunk and bend down. I pull out my school bag, which several notebooks are in, and some quills and inkwell, before closing it. As I stand and head towards the door, I notice that Snape is standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest as he grimaces at me. "Professor Snape, I apreciate you trying to do the decent thing and leave me the room, but trust me I'll probably only sleep for two hours, four at the most."

"You can drink a potion," Snape said, as though he thought I was retarded.

"I'd become addicted and rather not run that risk," I say, a tone that indicates I've thought about it very thoroughly before shoving past him and back into the common room. He didn't seem to like this, however, instead of yelling at me he just slammed the door shut behind me. I mentally shrugged at this, no skin off my back.

---

Snape tried to sneak out the following morning, probably thought I was asleep and didn't want to wake me. "Did you not sleep at all?" he asked angrily as he glared at me. I hardly looked up from furious scribbling. I'd pulled out some of his books, and started to look for any info I could that related to babies, medicine and such. I thought I might as well be productive and start working on that.

"I went to sleep at four, woke up thirty minutes ago when I heard you turn the shower on," I replied as I checked something from one of the books and scratched something out on a notebook. After a moment, I looked up to see that Snape was staring at me with a raised brow, scowling at me. "Hey, your hair looks silky instead of greasy," I say as I look at him surprised. His scowl only deepens.

"Look Miss Lovett, just because we were married does not mean you can get away with anything you'd like. I will not condone such behavior. To me you are nothing more than an inconvenience and the same obnoxious student you have always been," he said coldly as he glared at me. I merely shrugged at this and turned away from him.

"I suppose it's the potion fumes that make it greasy huh?" I ask as I go back to work, ignoring what he said.

"Did you hear-"

"Hey Professor Snape, I get that you don't want to be married to me, ok. But like Professor Dumbledore said, this isn't a mock-up marriage, it's real. Legally-and-magically-binding real and we got to make it work for the mean time. I mean we're going to be living together. There is no need to make this a bigger hell than it has to be," I say reasonably as I look up at him. He's still glaring at me. Sighing I stand up and reach for my bag, gathering everything up and putting it away. "I'm going to go see my friend," I say in exasperation as I turn to leave.

"Miss Lovett," I stop as I reach for the door and slowly turn to look at him. He's staring at the books I was looking at. And here I stupidly thought that this was going to be about what I just said. "What are you working on?" he said as he looked over at me.

"Research. I want to come up with a way to make it possible for us to procreate without having to have sex. Muggles do it, they call it artificial insemination. From what I read, men masturbate into a cup and then thats planted somehow into a woman, I suppose its like basting a turkey," I reply as I look at him. His face becomes pale and I assume he'd not very comfortable talking about this. "We have a year to make a baby, and I'm not a slut and I'm not allowing anyone in me unless there is love in the mix. And I doubt you're thrilled about it either. I thought I better get started on this as soon as possible."

I stare at him, but he remains silent and immobile, once more I turn away and am stopped when I hear him say something strange. "17," I stop and turn to give him a confused look. He stared directly to me. "I'm 17 or 18 years older than you are. Twice your age," he said as he looked at me.

"Your 35?" I asked as I stared at him, I take Arithmancy so mental math is quite simple to me. I was surprised by this as he didn't look to be 35, he looks quite a bit younger.

"36 on January 9th," he replied coolly.

"Well I'll be 18 September 19th," I say with a shrug. He nods, something barely even noticeable and I turn to leave. I suppose things won't be so bad if we can at least be civil to one another.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **All right people, so please review and tell me what you think. I hope so far that you are enjoying the story because its fun to write. Thanks to everyone that reviewed in the last chapter!

Please Review!**  
**


	3. Chapter 2: Old Acquaintances And New

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 2: Old Acquaintances And New Friends**_

I didn't pay much attention to Monica that morning, well not much after we got our schedules. You see she wanted to know everything that happened yesterday and I couldn't very much tell her about it, could I? And because she's my best friend I won't do her the injustice of lying to her, besides I think that Snape would like his privacy. The only thing I really said to her was that I slept on the couch and that Snape had only acquiesced because he became pissed off at something that I said, which at the moment I couldn't remember.

Anyway, she laid off and became enthralled with her schedule as well. She's taking Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Divination (just cause its easy), Charms and Astronomy. I'm not taking Potions because I'm allergic to Dragon-hide and its equivalents and I don't want to continue being sent to the hospital wing for handling volatile substances. Although, I was pretty good at it. When you could get me to concentrate, that is.

I'm taking a strange course load I suppose. Most people take the five main classes, Potions, DADA, Charms, Transfiguration and Herbology, because most careers require it. But I don't really don't know what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I love to experiment and learn just for the sake of learning. So I'm taking Charms, Transfiguration, Astronomy, History of Magic (which Binns puts me to sleep, but the actual text book is interesting), Arithmancy and of course Defense Agaisnt the Dark Arts, which I'm starting to wish I hadn't. I tried to talk to Professor Flitwick about me dropping it, but he said this year DADA was mandatory to all. Monica says its just the Ministry of Magic making sure that the parasite (Umbridge) has access to all the students.

Any who, for our Monday we have no classes together, quite disappointing really. I have History of Magics, while she has Potions and later on she has Divination and I have Transfiguration. But tomorrow we get to spend all day together because we both have Defense Against the Dark Arts and Charms together. I'm actually dreading that a little, 'cause I know neither one of us will be able to keep our mouth shuts when it comes to Umbridge. I wonder how terrible that will go.

There is no point really talking about Monday as it was pretty boring, went to classes, tried to pay attention as much as possible, ate at the alloted times and then when curfew came headed to Snape's quarters. This time he didn't argue with me about the sleeping arrangements and he didn't say anything to me at all when he came in, which was damn near midnight. He was surprised to see that I was still awake, doing work, but he didn't say anything.

Actually, most of the week went on like this and both days that we had Defense Against the Dark Arts, Monica and I were in detention with Umbridge (we didn't do anything except speak out of turn and perhaps say a swear or two). I won't ever bother to describe how sickening Umbridge's office was. Being in there alone was enough torture, however, Umbridge decided to torture us further by making us write lines. Suffices to say that Monica and I both have rather ugly scars on our hands that say _'I will not swear'._ But of course, we just swear all the worse for it now and the scars are healing due to the fact that I always have dittany on me.

Snape didn't take any notice of it. Or well if he did he didn't say anything, but I severely doubt that he noticed. I mean, we were hardly around each other, despite the fact that we are living together. I mean we are both in classes almost all day and all my free time I spent with Monica and I don't know what he did with his time, but all I knew was that he came in pretty late and he went straight to bed. I suppose that has something to do with the fact that he is Head of House, or maybe he was doing secret spy stuff. I don't know, we really didn't talk to each other. Actually we didn't talk to each other at all.

For the most part, while being alone in his rooms I stayed in the living room and worked on the research. I did start to take showers when Snape was gone, usually as soon as I got in and by the time he got back my hair was dry (I wonder if he at all has wondered if I ever even showered, considering he hasn't been around to see me shower, or has even seen my hair wet). Usually when I went to take a shower, I'd pick out my clothes for the next day. Snape seems to take a shower every morning, which is when I take the opportunity to change clothes so he doesn't walk out on me changing.

Anyway, Friday came a lot faster than I expected it to, all things considered. But I don't think Snape knew I took Astronomy, because when I walked in he was pissed off as hell. "Its one in the morning, where have you been?" he barked out, clutching his forearm and looking at me murderously.

"Astronomy," I responded motioning to the door, as I jumped (causing me to drop my school bag) back a little at his bared teeth and the way he yelled at me. Snape was really frightening sometimes. Not to mention his teeth were god awful. I mean mines weren't perfectly straight or pearly white, but they weren't yellowing and the very little they were crooked really wasn't too noticeable. Not unless you were burying your face in my mouth.

Snape doesn't say anything as he marches over to me and grabs me in a pincer grab and drags me out the door and through the halls. For a moment, as we emerge on the first floor, I think that he is going to take me to Dumbledore for something I did wrong, but instead he leads me outside. I have no idea what the hell he is doing, but I don't say anything as I cast a worried glance at him and see the determined look on his face. Obviously he's in a hurry to get to someplace. Actually, considering how I'm so much shorter than him (I hardly even reach his shoulder!) I have to jog to keep up with his fast pace.

"Where are we going?" I ask as we emerge out into the grounds, but he doesn't let up his pace as he walks.

"I have a _meeting_," he says through clenched teeth. Immediately my hearts starts to beat wildly with fear and I wonder what the hell that means! I'm not going to meet the Dark Lord am I? I haven't been trained! "As I do not know how long it will last or how long I will be away I think it best I leave you at Headquarters so you are not wandering about the castle unsupervised all weekend."

It takes a while for this to sink in as we cross the grounds. My school robes are open to the cool September air and as we march across the nearly pitch black grounds I realize that it isn't very warm to be wearing a skirt, especially in the open breeze. "Headquarters?" I ask as I try to keep up with him and as my arm begins to feel like its going numb. The breeze keeps blowing my hair in my face, making it more difficult to see and be able to keep my footing.

"The Orders Headquarters, Professor Lupin should be there to show you were you can stay, I sent him a message," Snape said through gritted teeth. My heart skips a beat at the mention of Lupin's name, though I'm confused about it too. See I had a school girl crush on Lupin, I just loved what a gentle spirit he seemed. I didn't care that he was poor, or when later I found out he was a werewolf. I still thought he was very cute, despite his age, which I always imagined had to be around Snape's age, though I couldn't be sure. Snape always seemed younger cause Lupin looked so jaded, but Lupin had a young enough face.

"You sent him a message?" I ask nervously. God I hope he didn't tell him I'm his wife! Not that I entertain silly thoughts of being with Lupin, but honestly do more people have to know I'm married to him?! I was already getting slightly strange looks from most of my Professors, like they are all wondering whether Snape and I are shagging, I don't want someone I admire to look at me like that. When Snape doesn't respond, I ask him a little breathlessly what he said in the message.

"As much as I would have liked to avoid telling him the facts of our unpleasant situation, I had to tell him why you were being taken there," he said impatiently as we finally pass up the school gates. Before I could say something to him, I really did want to yell at him, I got that unpleasant apparating sensation. Honestly, I hated all forms of wizarding transportation. Apparating made you feel like you were being squeezed through brick walls, Floo got you all ashy, flying made me queazy (fear of heights) and Portkeys yanked your navel unpleasantly. They're all shit.

Opening my eyes, I hadn't even realized I shut them, I see Snape point towards the end of the hall at a door before dissaparating once more. I blink around in the darkness and before turning around and making my way towards where he had just pointed to. Its a little hard to see in the dim lighting, but its obvious this place, whatever it is, has been sorely neglected. Its old and it smells old. Not to mention the fact that the wallpaper seems to be pealing and dust seems to cover almost every surface. Its a depressing place really, even the orphanage at least had light colored walls. Although, this place gives it a run for its money in the old, smelly aspect. Actually this place smells better.

I walk into the door where Snape pointed to and seem to have run out of floor. "Oh fuck," I say as I feel pain hit every inch of my body as I fall. Considering I'm rolling, I realize that I've felt this painful sensation before when I'd last fallen down a set of stairs. I groan when I land sprawled on my back on the floor, my head uncomfortably resting on the last step, my feet having kicked open the door at the bottom.

Groaning audibly, I shut my eyes tight at the pain and sit up. "Oh my, are you all right?" I hear that infamous, mild-mannered voice say before feeling something gentle and warm on my shoulder. I imagine it has to be his hand.

"Snape might've warned me there were stairs," I respond as I look up and try to smile at the face staring down at me. A look of recognition crosses his face as he looks at me and seems to realize who I am. Ok... so Snape told Lupin he was sending a student he was married to over, but didn't tell him who I was?

"I'm sure he was in a hurry. Delilah Lovett right?" he asks as he stands and helps me to my feet. I nod in response to his question and groan softly as I stand up and allow him to lead me into a seat. A quick look around tells me I'm in a kitchen and a quick glance at the table, on which there is a tea cup, tells me that he's been waiting for my arrival. I blush as I realize that that was not one of my most graceful entrances, however, I wave this away as I watch him walk around the table and resume his seat.

"What did Snape say in the message?" I ask Lupin as I rub my neck.

"Something about marriage law and you knowing a little about the Order and his job in it. I think he contacted me to explain a couple things to you," he said, causing me to nod in response. He then launches into a lengthy report about some of the inhabitants of Grimmauld (I suppose the Ministry is using Sirius Black as a scapegoat for everything seeing as how he really is innocent), about how Dumbledore runs the order, a couple of people in the Order (the real Moody and himself for one) and about Grimmauld itself. He doesn't really tell me any Order business and I noticed the way he's completely avoiding speaking to me about Snape.

"Any questions?" Lupin asks. I shake my head. I mean really I've been wondering how everyone believes Snape really is a spy for Dumbledore, however I don't question it. I suppose Dumbledore has his reasons for trusting Snape and that Snape has his reasons for switching sides, neither of which I am really concerned about. The only reason I would care was if I didn't trust Snape, but I completely trust Dumbledore and can't imagine someone as brilliant as him would be fooled by Snape, even if Snape is good at hiding stuff.

"Not really," I respond. Lupin nods and hesitates. I know he wants to ask me something by his hesitation, and it isn't hard to guess what. "Snape and I have to live together, but we don't even sleep in the same room. And we don't spend anymore time then necessary around each other," I say to him, in answer to his unasked question. Lupin merely nods in response to this.

"What are you going to do about the... consummation clause of the law?" Lupin asks delicately as he watches me.

"I'm not sure. Snape and I haven't talked about it at all, we don't talk period, actually. I've been doing research on alternatives to conceiving without... but it seems only muggles have a solution and I'm not sure if I can invent a magical imitation of it by the time the year is up," I reply solemnly as I look down at the table. I want to bang my forehead on it as this is all very thoroughly depressing and hopeless, but I don't want to appear like a nut before Lupin. I was always well-behaved and well-spoken around him, not something I did for any of the other teachers.

"Delilah, didn't you have a boyfriend?" Lupin suddenly asked. My heart stops momentarily and I'm aware that I grimace slightly. To be so blatantly reminded of Jake, well its not like I miss him, but once more I'm aware of that hole in my chest. You see I think, that from the moment you have your first boyfriend and he leaves you, he leaves a hole inside you. Because once you have been with someone, you realize how incomplete life is when they are gone; having had someone you love like no one else, and then losing that leaves a hole that needs to be filled. Falling in love again will fill that hole, until that person leaves you.

That's how I feel. I don't miss Jake, I miss having someone to love like that. I miss having someone love me, hold me, kiss me... its just empty without all those things in your life, once you have experienced them. I usually try to ignore the hole, distract myself from the emptiness by doing research and learning new things, but when I'm reminded of it like this, it pangs so acutely that I can't even breath. The oxygen gets sucked out of my body and my brain just refuses to function correctly.

"A month prior to the marriage deadline, Drake and I broke up," I say, staring deeply into his magnificent amber eyes. They immediately cloud with sympathy and probably regret for asking the question. "Don't worry about it Professor Lupin, it was a while ago. I don't even remember who broke up with who," I say, giving him a small smile. The truth is I remember it very well. It was supposed to be a mutual thing, but the truth of it was he was the one really breaking up with me. I know, could I lack anymore dignity? The guy was fucking cheating on me and I still wanted to be with him! But... what can I say, love makes absolute fucking idiots of us.

"I'm very sorry, Delilah," he says gently. I smile a little bigger at him this time, touched by his sympathy. For a long moment, we stare into each other's eyes, me thinking about how wonderful his are, and him probably mulling everything I've said over. However, after a moment, he smiles lazily. "Well I suppose you must be getting tired and you'd like to see where you will be staying," he said as he stood up. I merely nod at him. The truth is, I'm not at all tired, but I assume he must be and allow him to lead me up the stairs.

He leads me up the stairs and show me a room before bidding me a good night and leaving. I merely nod and watch him go, before turning back and lying down on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. I wish I wouldn't have dropped my bag so that I would have something to do instead of lying down here so uselessly, however there is nothing I can do about it now. I sigh as I stare up at the ceiling, its going to be a very long night.

---

Snape didn't return to Grimmauld all night, I know 'cause I stayed awake all night. However, I didn't worry about him too much. Not that I'm some harsh bitch that didn't care about what happened to the man just because I was never particularly fond of him, but it seemed irrational to worry about him. I realized that he was putting his life in danger, but considering I didn't know how long any of his meetings were, I thought that it would be a little stupid to worry about the man. For all I knew, you-know-who might've sent him on some mission or whatever it was called that might take him all week.

When I heard people, or perhaps Kreacher, the House-elf Lupin had told me about, stirring, I decided that I could get up. I headed down the stairs to the kitchen when I realized that my stomach was growling and thinking that it would probably be unsafe for me to wander around in a House I knew very little about. I knew that in some room there was a Hippogriff and as I was never particularly good at Care of Magical Creatures, I didn't think it would be wise to snoop around the place. Not that I was curious either way, apparently the Black family were high-strung on the pureblood mania crap.

I was surprised to see that there were three people in the kitchen when I walked in. The only one I recognized was Lupin, but I could hazard a guess at the other two. The ruggedly handsome, yet malnourished looking man had to be Sirius Black. As for the witch with the violently purple, spiky hair had to the metamorphmagus Auror whom Lupin had told me about... Tonks? I really couldn't remember her name.

"Delilah, this is Sirius Black and Nymphadora Tonks. Umm... she's whom I've been telling you about," the second part he said to Sirius and Tonks, both of whom were staring at me like I was the most fucking fascinating animal at the zoo or spectacle at the circus. Neither of which I'd ever gone to my whole life. Our orphanage was too poor to have field-trips of any sort. I had a feeling that the care-taker wasted all of the funding on boozing.

"Nice to meet you," I said, feeling awkward as I looked at them.

"So you married Snape?" I was a little taken aback by Sirius' boldness and I found my eyes narrowing in on him.

"Well that's rude," I huffed at him. If Lupin weren't in the room I would have cursed Sirius' ass out. However, Sirius grinned at this and I had to admit the man had a sexy fucking grin. I guessed by the way that Lupin talked about him that they were best mates at Hogwarts. He'd also informed me of the fact that Sirius was Harry Potter's godfather, which had to mean he was close to James Potter.

"Not thrilled about being married to Snivelly, can't say I blame you," Sirius said with a grin. I realize by Sirius Black's tone that he hates Snape. Does everyone in the whole world hate Snape? Well I know Snape hates almost the whole world. For some reason he especially seemed to hate Harry Potter and I knew that he hated Lupin, but I'd assumed that was because Lupin took the Defense Against Dark Arts post. Now I'm starting to think this has to stem back to when they all went to school together. If Snape hated James Potter as much as he hates Harry, then I suppose that's where it originally stems from.

"Its nothing personally against Snape, I just don't think the Ministry should be interfering with people's lives," I respond.

"Isn't there a rule that teachers and students can't have relationships together, how would the ministry allow this?" Tonks suddenly asked. I turned to look at her and smile. She's kind of changing the subject at least and apparently she has a sharp mind to have moved on beyond the whole me being married to Snape thing and catch something most people would probably look past.

"Yeah, thats what Snape, Dumbledore and I thought; unfortunately the law is stronger than a school rule and technically I'm not Snape's student and that was a loophole in the rule. 'Cause I no longer take Potions and I'm not in Slytherin," I reply. She nods at this and I'm still left standing before them like something on display. Ugh, I almost wish Snape would return or that I would have been allowed to bring Monica along. And what the hell is Monica going to say when I don't show up and see her sometime soon?

"No offense, but you don't look like your of age. You look like your thirteen or something," I turn and glare at Sirius, like I really need to know _that_. I already know I look much younger than I am, its not like I'm pleased about being short or absolutely form-fucking-less. However, before I can bite his head off Tonks punches him on the arm for me. Thank god there is a woman in the room that understands me. I would hate Lupin to think that I'm a foul-mouthed little urchin like everyone else, mostly because I respect him, not so much because I have a crush on him. I _can_ look my age, but that would entail getting primped and all that jazz, and... well shit, I'm too fucking lazy to run a brush through my hair, much less put it up in some fancy due and put on make-up. Besides I'm too poor to really own clothes other than my stupid school uniforms. Robes cost a lot of fucking money!

"Well appearances can be deceiving," I say tartly. The room lapses into silence then, and I begin to fidget under their gazes. Am I really that fucking fascinating? Or are they all, that fucking obsessed about Snape's life? "So... is there anything to do around here?" I ask as I look at the three of them. I really wish I had all my notebooks.

"No, it's very boring around here," Sirius says, crossing his arms and looking sour. I look over at him and feel bad for the guy. Lupin said that the guy has to hide-out here every minute of every day. I suppose its just another prison for him and the only solace is that there aren't any Dementors around. But I can't imagine being stuck in a place you hated growing up in would be any better, and apparently Sirius Black really hated his whole family. Lupin had made that blatantly obvious to me last night. "You know you can sit down," Sirius suddenly snaps at me. I jump in startlement and sit before I realize what I'm doing. God I must seem like a whipped little house-elf. This is going to be one long fucking day.

---

Tonks had to go into work not long after that and I was left to talk to Sirius and Lupin, who let me call him Remus as I was no longer his student. I found that after they got over the whole me being married to Snape, which they seemed to forget easily enough, they started to tell me about their days at school. Talking about it seemed to cheer Sirius up a lot and I could tell that he cared a lot about James Potter and once Lily accepted James, they seemed to care a lot about her too. I wondered, while they were laughing and talking, if Sirius saw Harry for who he was, or if all he saw when he looked at him was James.

I noticed the way they didn't speak about Snape. By the fact that they were all in Gryffindor, and there couldn't be any doubt in my mind that Snape was in Slytherin, I knew that they had to in the very least have had house rivalry between them. But guessing by the way Sirius had spoken about Snape, and once more the whole Snape hating Harry thing, told me that there was more to it than that and no one seemed to want to talk about it. It made me curious, but not so much that I wanted to ask about it. After all, it wasn't like I wanted them to start staring at me once more like an animal from the zoo. And not that I would ever ask Snape, because he was a touchy, snarky bastard that I don't think I _can_ care about or want to care about.

Anyway, we spent most of the day talking. When it came time to eat, I was the one that had to cook 'cause after watching Sirius and Lupin... I mean Remus (still can't get used to that) go at it, I realized they can't cook for shit. I can't really cook either, but give me a cook book with instructions and I can make anything. Just like Potions, all you have to do is follow the instructions, anyone can do it so long as you follow it precisely and pay attention to what you are doing. It really isn't that difficult.

When dinner came around, Tonks came back, and she brought Moody and an Auror named Kigsley back with her. The real Moody didn't seem to like me and stared suspiciously at me most of the meal and he absolutely refused to eat what I cooked. Kingsley seemed nice enough, but I could tell that he was curious about the whole me being married to Snape thing. I had to be explained to every Order member, much to my chagrin. Very quickly I felt like I was losing my identity as Delilah Emma Lovett and just becoming Snape's wife. It really started to bug me. I'm so used to being ME, I don't like being seen as nothing but... well someone's belonging, especially when that person doesn't want me and vice versa.

Putting the whole thing aside though, Kingsley, Tonks and Sirius seemed like wonderful people. The real Moody seemed every bit like the impersonator, which I suppose means that the person usurping him did a very good job, so I didn't like him too much. But I suppose like they all have their good parts, Moody must've had them too. I suppose I just should give him a chance. I really don't go by first impressions and tend to try and look for the good in people, but there are some people coughUMBRIDGEcough, that don't deserve it. That's because they are twisted.

Even Snape I didn't think was too horrible. I mean... well he had a rare passion for what he did, so I suppose that that's good. If the guy could be so dedicated and passionate for something in his life, there must be other things that he is just as dedicated to. Also, he had to be very brave to risk his life for the LIGHT and he was very intelligent, there was no denying the fact. So yeah... he was rough around the edges, but who was I to judge? I mean I'm fucking rough around the edges too. I suppose we all have our good and bad, and for some people, the bad seems more predominant, but that doesn't necessarily make them bad.

Wait... how did I stem off to thinking about Snape? Anyway, my point is that I'm trying to like these people in the Order. They seem like decent human beings. I mean, that's obvious 'cause they are brave enough to take a stand against Voldemort, but I mean personality wise. I actually started to talk to Kigsley, this was of course after dinner, and I really admire him. He is the coolest adult ever. Granted Sirius and Remus are both cool, but they don't got what Kigsley's got. Its just... a quality that makes him like... shique. And his confidence isn't cocky like Sirius' and Snape's, which I like. And Kingsley was by far the fastest to accept and let go of the me being married to Snape thing. Wasn't even curious like Remus.

When Kingsley, Moody and Tonks left, (Remus was currently living in Grimmauld) the rest of us kind of separated. Sirius went upstairs somewhere, I think to the Hippogriffs room, and Remus said he was tired. I took this time as an opportunity to explore Grimmauld cautiously, as I had nothing else to do with my spare time. I didn't find anything too exciting or interesting, although Kreacher did scare the shit out of me, popping out of nowhere like that and making me fall on my ass. Honestly he's the first House-elf I've actually met, but the little bugger is an arse.

After wandering around Grimmauld for hours, I retired to the room I'd been shown last night. Laying down on the bed, I found myself really missing Monica and hoping she wasn't too terribly pissed about not seeing me today. I really have no idea how I'm supposed to explain my disappearence to her, and I can't lie to her because she's my best friend, that's just not right. However, Monica can be understanding, so I suppose she'll understand if I don't want to tell her about it.

---

I jump up startled awake at the sound of angry voices. Don't ask me when I fell asleep, 'cause I have no fucking clue. Must have nodded off at some point. This sort of kind of thing that happens when you don't sleep in a long time. "Its not going to kill you to let her sleep, Snivelly," thats the voice of Sirius, I've come to recognize it by now and it sounds like he's talking to someone just outside the closed door. I don't remember closing that and I have to guess that someone passed by it, saw me passed out, and closed it.

"Unlike you Black, Lovett cannot stay in Grimmauld all the time doing nothing. She has work to do and appearances to keep up," Oh, Snape's voice was only to easy to recognize after having known him for seven years. He sounded very angry and yet at the same time, his voice had that ever present sneer in it. I thought it was a particular low blow for him to point out the fact that Sirius can't be anywhere but in Grimmauld, but I suppose Sirius' little nickname for him wasn't very nice.

"Lovett, that's a very nice way to refer to your wife. Of course I can't imagine she wants you for a husband. No woman would want you," that was Sirius once more. Where they always like this? 'Cause this is full out loathing.

I hear a strange sound, like shuffling of feet. Deciding that I should probably do something about this I stand up and head to the door. When I open it, I'm slightly surprised to see that Snape and Sirius are standing with their wands pointed at each other's throats. Lupin, I mean Remus, is standing there pretty uselessly, and as all three men turn their gazes to me, I find myself wondering why Remus didn't put a stop to this long before now. After all, I know that he doesn't hate Snape, or at least he has never shown any open hatred towards him. Actually, come to think of it, Remus seems incapable of hating anyone.

"Now kids, put your wands down before you poke someone's eye out," I say as patronizingly as I can while smiling sweetly at both grown men and giving them a pointed look. Honestly, they are behaving like children. Snape glares at me and Sirius' eyes him warily as they both slowly and grudgingly put their wands down. I suppose it is a blow to your ego to be told by a seventeen year old that you are behaving like children when you are like twice her age, but I can hardly care about that.

"We're leaving," Snape says as he turned on his heel and walks down the stairs. I watch him leave and turn to look at Sirius and Remus who I shrug and try to smile at.

"It was very nice to see you again Professor... I mean Remus," I say as I shake hands with Remus. He gives me his trademark mild-smile and then I turn to Sirius who is smiling down at me dashingly. "It was very nice to meet you Sirius," I say as I make a move to shake his hands, but instead he ignores my hand and wraps me in a bear hug that squeezes the air out of my lungs.

"Don't let him push you around and don't be a stranger," Sirius says while we hug. When we pull away, he's smiling t me warmly and I feel something warm in the pit of my stomach. This really is the first time I've been accepted by anyone other than Monica. Sure they all stared at me like I was a freak at first for having have been married to Snape, even though I had no choice in the matter, but they were all quite nice to me (except Moody who for some reason didn't trust me, but I suppose that's just the way that he is).

"Thanks Sirius, I'll make sure to lace into him if he tries," I say a little sarcastically, though smiling warmly at him. Honestly, it's not like I'd ever allowed anyone to push me around, but still I don't want things to be any worse with Snape than they have to be.

Turning away from them I make my way down stairs where Snape is waiting by the door. He doesn't look at me as I join him. Actually he just turns away and leads me outside, where I am left to just follow along behind him before he apparates us outside Hogwarts gates. "Had fun?" he says sardonically and somewhat angrily as he lets go of me and begins his march across the grounds. I have to jog to keep up to him. Fucking bastard has longer legs!

I know he's being an arse and that isn't meant to be answered, but I do anyway. "I met Kingsley and Tonks, and saw Moody. They all seemed rather nice, you know once they stopped staring at me like I'm a freak for being married to you and all," I say as jog to kep up with him. He grimaces at this, but doesn't say anything to me. Through the darkness, I can see the sour expression on his face.

"I suppose you enjoyed Lupin's company?" Snape said sarcastically and I stop walking.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask, causing him to stop and stare at me. The look in his eyes is just malicious and his grin sadistic. What the hell did I EVER do to deserve this?!

"Its rather blatantly obvious you always had a crush on him. Why else would you rectify that foul tongue of yours when you are around him?" Snape said sarcastically, every inch of him is mocking me. I suppose he's being his usual sadistic, bastard self. Really, sometimes I really can't stand him. OK... most of the time I really can't stand him. Unless he's not saying a word to me, like he was most of this week, I hope we will be going back to that some time soon.

"Do you always have to be a dickfuck? Remus has his charm, but almost everyone does. That doesn't mean I want them, or want something to happen with them or love them," I say angrily as I walk past him and make my way to the castle. Before stopping and turning around to glare at him. "And you know what, who I like really isn't any of your fucking business. I'm not resigning myself to never being able to fall in love again, just because I was forced to marry you!"

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Hope that everyone enjoyed the chapter and will continue to review! I am thoroughly grateful for everyone who has reviewed and I'm glad that you enjoy Delilah and the story so far. Please Review!**  
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	4. Chapter 3: My Vulnerability

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 3: My Vulnerability**_

"Where were you all day Saturday!" Monica exclaims unhappily when I see her the following morning for breakfast. Snape and I parted ways as soon as we got into the castle, I assumed he went to report to Dumbledore and I went straight to his private quarters. He came back in later and didn't even look at me before walking into his bedroom and slamming the door shut behind him. He has taken to ignoring me and I was taking to... well actually I didn't even have to pretend that I didn't care because I really didn't. This is what I wanted after all.

"I was seeing a man about a dog," I respond as I sit to eat breakfast with her. Monica raises a brow at this. Of course she knows that that means I don't want to talk about it, but I'm not sure if she will take that for an answer. I try to ignore her as she watches me buttering up my toast, hoping that she will just let it go. After much deliberation, I finally feel her gaze leave me as she turns back.

Most of that Sunday, we spend doing the work that... I start laughing at the thought. Monica and I doing work, now that is effing hilarious. All right what I should have said is that most of our Sunday we spent pretending to do homework, when really we were just talking about all the normal stuff that teenage girls talk about. Boys, making fun of girl's we hate, and talking about hair. Monica cares a lot about her appearance, where on the other hand have not a thought to spare on how I look. I suppose that's our biggest difference and why Monica spends a lot of her time fussing over me. Anyway, it's a pretty normal Sunday.

Monday arrives without hitch and before Snape even gets up to shower, I leave the room so that I don't have to sit there while he ignores me and walks out of the room. I suppose that for Snape, living with me is like living with a ghost. Anyway, I made my way down to the Great Hall, which was mainly empty as it was so early in the morning (6am, honestly I don't know why Snape gets up so early to shower as classes don't start until 9). Though, despite how early it is, that isn't to say that there isn't anyone here. There are a surprising amount of early birds at Hogwarts, or perhaps people that just can't sleep, like me.

Anyway, I look around and see that a few teachers are up, Sinistra for one. I smile and wave at her as she looks over me. She gives me an amused smile as she waves a little towards me. I like most of my Professors a lot. Once you get to know them, they are really awesome. Like Professor Flitwick is really got a good sense of humor and is very encouraging. And Sinistra, her sense of humor is dry and sardonic and cynical, but she makes me laugh so hard and has damn good advice for anyone willing to talk to her. And McGonagall, yeah she's strict, but you can tell she really cares about her students, she's a softy at heart.

Oh god am I that starved for human interaction? Geeze I'm fucking pathetic! However, before I get lost in that branch of self-pitying thought, I feel someone drop down in the seat in front of me. Looking up, I smile at Monica a she begins to scowl at the food she shovels onto her plate. Like most normal teenagers and people really. Monica hates Mondays.

"Did you hear about Umbridge becoming High Inquisitor?" Monica asks. I shake my head at this as she begins to tell me about it, her voice dripping with disdain the entire time. Apparently it was in the Daily Prophet, which we both stopped reading. However, she manages to produce one from her school bag and places it before me to read. My eyes particularly bulge out at all the garbage there.

"She gets to evaluate all the teachers? Everyone is teaching just fine except for her, so what right in hell does she have to tell anyone how they are teaching? And they outed Professor Lupin to the whole world! And that wasn't the real Moody last year! And why the fuck did Madame Marchbanks resign! She should stay and fight everything that's going on! It just doesn't make any sense!" I say angrily as I throw the stupid prophet away from me in disgust. They whole wizarding world is starting to go to the dogs. On the one side Voldemort is rising and the people who _should_ be stopping him are in la-la-land, making it impossible to live in this world!

"Honestly," Monica says simply. She and I both eat our breakfast, both fuming at the thought of it. However, Monica lifts her head when she watched people begin to file into the hall as the time becomes steadily later (yet still quite early for class). "So how are you and Snape doing?" Monica suddenly asks, motioning with her head. I turn around and see that Snape was walking towards the High table and merely shrug as I turn back around.

"He's ignoring me and I plainly don't give a damn. It's better this way, it means I don't have to talk to him," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. Monica merely nods in response to this, though continues to stare at me. I continue to eat, trying to ignore her gaze until I finally look up into her deeply chocolate gaze and raise a brow. "What?' I say, feeling irritated that she is just staring at me. I know she has something to say, then why won't she just say it.

"Well you're married to him... shouldn't you guys give it a chance? I mean... it's not like you believe in love at first sight, you know that the whole falling in love thing takes time. I seem to remember you hated Jake in the beginning and once you got to know him you started to like him," Monica says as she looks at me. I turn away from her and play with my food as I think about what she is saying, which is true, I did hate Jake. I don't really remember what changed, why I started to fall for him, but I did.

"Well... Jake didn't hate me though, and at least there was room for physical attraction there. I seriously doubt _he_ (don't want to mention Snape's name in case people are eaves dropping) would be interested if I looked my age, much less as I don't even look like I'm 15," I respond. Monica is giving me a queer look now. Shit, that made it sound like I want Snape to be attracted by me. "Besides, I can't think of him past... you know... Professor."

"Well he's not bad looking you know, well... I mean...at least he's tall and lean with broad shoulders. And you don't really care about the physical anyway. You've put a block up around him, 'cause I know you don't hate him," Monica points out astutely. I turn away from her and look up at the High table. Snape has sat down and is talking to Sinistra. Well actually... he doesn't seem to be making much of an effort to hold up conversation with her. I frown as I stare at his sour face, the way his dark hair is falling on either side of his face and his hooked nose.

"Maybe I have put up a block around him," I say, thinking about how I tend to get along with the adults I want to get along with and how I just don't click with him. "But, if Snape is capable of loving anything let alone a person, why would I want it to be me? Someone like him probably corrupts love quite nastily," I say as I turn to look at Monica.

"Please Del (nickname 'cause of my initials and it being the first three letters of my name), you act as though love is perfect. You know it isn't and you know that you are every bit as jealous and possessive when it cames to love as anyone can be, and those are the darkest emotions attached to love. Love is a bitch, but if two people try, you can make it work," Monica says as she looked at me, I merely glare in response as I get up to leave the Great Hall, Monica following behind me. "Del, give it a chance. You deserve at least a chance at happiness, don't you think? After all you won't be able to get out of it for at least three years."

I nod at this, knowing that its true. Everyone who is married cannot divorce within the first three years of marriage, it was the law before the marriage law was reinstated. Meaning that I am stuck with Snape at the very least three years, which by the looks of it will probably be hellish if we continue on the way that we are. However... I'm scared of letting Snape in, because what if I do fall for him? If my love with Jake became so painful, what would it be like to be in love with a sadist?

---

Not much happened the following week or two. Monica remained as ever and kept her ears up for news about what was happening about Umbridge, The Ministry and such. As for Snape and myself, well he continued to ignore me and I was so lost in my thoughts about what Monica had said that I stopped working on everything. In those times alone in his private quarters, I felt some type of loneliness gripping me like a disease and I felt so cold, and that had nothing to do with the fact that I was in the dungeons.

I missed the dorm. Sure I was invisible to everyone there, but Monica and I were dorm mates, and at least I was able to get a better clue of what was going on in everyone else's lives, or knew what was up with my classmates. I felt like I was even more ostracized then ever before and being in the dungeons was certainly not doing anything better for my moods. I was beginning to understand why Snape was the arse that he was. Anyway it was shaping up to be a very long and miserable year. I was so miserable, that by the time my birthday arrived I'd completely forgotten about it, although I suppose the fact that it fell on a weekday didn't help.

"Happy Birthday," I nearly jumped out of my skin when Monica popped up in front of me at the top of the stairs that morning. I'd been heading up from the dungeons (Snape's private quarters, I always left early so people wouldn't think it weird to see the same Ravenclaw coming out of the dungeons every morning) towards the Great Hall for breakfast when she suddenly popped in front of me. She damn straight knocked me off balance and I almost fell back and rolled down the stairs. Luckily, and a little to both Snape and my discomfort, Snape had been walking up the stairs and he managed to reach out in time to tip me forward so I fell back on balance.

"Miss Roberts, perhaps its not the brightest idea to surprise someone walking up the stairs, especially someone as clumsy as Lovett," Snape said dryly as he gave Monica a disparaging look as he started to walk past us. Monica whirled around and looked around the hall, which was empty, as I came to stand next to her, completely forgetting that she's wished me a Happy Birthday and glaring at the back of Snape's head.

"Its her birthday! Aren't you at least going to wish her a happy one?" Snape ignored Monica and kept walking. I didn't think that too surprising of him. Actually it seemed like just the thing that he would do. "Well fuck him," Monica said, turning around. She then wrapped me in a hug, much like the one that Sirius had given me, and once more I felt warm all over. Merlin, I _am_ fucking pathetic! "Happy eighteenth birthday," she said when she pulled away and handed me a present. I smile at her and begin to unwrap it. Unsurprisingly she has bought me a set of robes. "They will go fabulously with your complexion."

"You do know I will never wear them," I say as I pull out the rather expensive looking robes. They are dark green, with silver hemlines and cuffs. Ugh! Slytherin colors! What is she trying to pull? This is what I get for having such a meddling friends. And here I thought that like me she would never condone the use of any colors except for those of our beloved House. Though, I suppose they are very nice looking robes.

"You will if you don't want me to kick your arse," she said as I put them back in the box and closed it. I ignore this statement as I put it away in my bag. I'm not afraid of Monica, even though I know she will make good on her threat. I can handle her, what with having gotten into plenty of fights my whole life. I could take being slapped around and punched a bit and I could dish it out with the aid of all the rings on my finger. Funny thing is that the only finger that does not have a ring is the one that really should. Snape and I never got wedding bands like is the tradition.

I merely shrug and we make our way into the Great Hall. The rest of the day went by like all the other's before it, except when I returned to Snape's private quarters, I still refused to call them ours, and found Snape was already there. This was strange enough as it was, what with Snape usually coming in long past curfew, without having seen the somewhat large black box on the coffee table. Snape looked up from the essays he was grading at the desk, or thats what it seemed like he was doing, and eyed me carefully while I eyed the box carefully.

It was a black box, covered with a lid and wrapped with a dark green bow. Not only that, but it seemed to be moving a little. "Its for you," Snape pointed out. I nod stupidly as I cautiously step towards the box.

"Who's is from?" I ask as I look up. He raises a sleek black brow at me as he purses his lips.

"Oh, right... stupid question," I say laughing nervously as I approach the moving box. Somehow knowing it is actually from him makes me a little more apprehensive. What if he put some curse on the box and the second I touch it I will die? I look over at him and see that he stopped paying attention to me and turned back to his essays. "Umm... why?" he looks over at me and glares. "Umm... I'm sure it's a nice gesture on you part, but that... well that just makes it weirder. Especially as you were doing everything in your power to ignore me. I thought you were pissed off at me because of everything that I said to you."

Snape blinked as he continued to scowl at me. "There is no special reason. Sinistra mentioned something you might like and suggested I get you something for your birthday and Dumbledore insists we... try to make this as easy as possible," he said, unemotionally like he really could care less about anything. He then once more turned away and went back to grading his essays while I stared at him. Sounded like Monica and Dumbledore were on the same page, while Snape and I were also on the same page as each other in the not-wanting-to-deal-with-each-other bit.

Slowly, I turn away from him and tum my attention to the box and tentatively reach out for the green bow. I tug on it softly, undoing the bow. Cautiously, I pull of the lid and softly let it drop on the table next to the box, my eyes widening at the small black kitten poking its head out from inside. He's got great big yellow eyes that are staring at me curiously as it cocks its head and meows. It looks like a miniature panther. "How did you know I wanted a Bombay?" I whisper softly as I gently pick up the tiny kitten.

"The person at the Menagerie said they were... affectionate, didn't need much grooming and were indoor cats. Sinistra said you were a dog person and I assume that meant you need affection," Snape said. I could tell that he was trying to keep his tone from sounding mocking. However, I had eyes for nothing but the perfect little creature that I was holding as I brought it to closer inspection. I smile brightly as it licked my nose for a moment.

"Thank you," I whispered as I brought the kitty down and looked over at him. I felt a little uncomfortable that he was staring at me, as I didn't know how long he'd been staring at me. However, the look he was giving me was like that of someone studying a very unexpected reaction to an experiment. "What exactly did Professor Sinistra say?"

He turned away from me in annoyance. Perhaps he thought that I was difficult to give a gift to. "That you were a good, sweet kid with a rough exterior. That you were a bit of an outcast, and lonely and that I shouldn't give you such a hard time," he replied as he continued correcting essays.

"I grew up in an orphanage," I blurt out, causing his head to snap over to me and his brow to furrow, like he doesn't understand why I'm saying this. I turn away and sit down on the couch, holding the kitten in my lap and petting it softly with my index finger, it has such nice fur, so silky. "My dad is in Azkaban since before I was born. Dumbledore said it was a life sentence or something about him being a dark wizard. I don't know I really didn't care to hear about him," I say, while watching the kitten exploring my robes and lap. "I don't know anything about my mother except that she named me and dumped me at that run down orphanage as soon as my umbilical cord was cut."

"Have you tried to look for her?"

"No, why should I give a damn about someone who didn't give a shit about me?" I say angrily as the kitten digs its small claws in my robes as it tries to climb up to my face. I'm leaning back on the couch so it isn't that much of a climb and my back is towards Snape. "Anyway, the cursing and all... well what do you expect from someone that grew up with a bunch of urchins? Making friends here at Hogwarts is kinda hard when everyone has had... well normal lives. No one really understands... even Monica doesn't... but she's accepted me for some reason and she doesn't feel sorry for me, which is great."

"Well that's because you both understand that life isn't fair, a lesson all your classmates will learn sooner or later, like most adults," Snape said simply. I nodded at this, taking this at face value.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" I ask, casting a glance over at Snape.

"Boy," he replied.

"Want to help me name him?" I ask as I fully turn around to look at him. He raises a brow at me, as though he'd rather not. "Oh come on Professor Snape. It'll be fun. What do you think he looks like?" I say with a smile as I hold up the small little kitten for Snape to look at. How could anyone resist such a cute face?

"Since when do cats look like something?" he asked as he stared at me. I shrug.

"What do you think about... Cerberus?" I ask with a smile. Snape raises a brow at this.

"That's the three headed-dog's name in Greek mythology, I don't think the cat will appreciate being named after a dog," Snape said sarcastically. I smile as I look over at him and think. "And do not name him fluffy, snuffles or any cutesy little name I will refuse to say," Snape said.

"Hmm," I say, tapping my free hand with my chin... I mean tapping my chin with my free hand. Anyway... my mind is pretty blank for names. What would be a good cat name that isn't cutesy? "How about Shadow?" I ask as I look at Snape. Snape looks over at me and merely shrugs. "I'll take that as a yes," I say with a grin as I hold up the kitten. "How do you like it?" He merely meows softly in turn, causing me to giggle.

"Out of curiosity, what did Roberts give you?" Snape asks. I put the kitten down on my lap as I open my bag and toss the box over at him. He glares at me as he just barely catching the small box in his hands before it hit him. He opens it and stares with raised brows at the robes without pulling them out. "Slytherin colors?" he asks and I can tell by the mocking in his tone that he actually friends this amusing. I merely shrug as he turned his questioning gaze to me.

"I told her I refuse to wear them," I say with a shrug as I lay down on the couch to play with the kitten. Its so tiny he hardly seems to have any weight as it walks all over my stomach. It then pads over the small mounds of my chest to lick at my chin. I laugh lightly at this, and I know Snape can't see over the back at the couch at what I am doing, but somehow, I know he's staring at the couch 'cause when he speaks his voice is directed in my direction.

"Well it seems to me Roberts has impeccable taste," he said, his voice dripping with that mocking tone of his. I laugh at this.

"That's rich. I suppose you only think so because they are your House colors," I say. The kittens tongue feels rough against my chin. Being licked by cats is weird because their tongues texture is almost like sand paper, only not as rough. It isn't unpleasant, just very weird. Almost dry, not like the tongues of anything else I'd ever felt.

"That reminds me," he says, his voice losing the mocking and becoming very stern. I stiffen at this. Great, and here I thought we were finally getting along. Or as much as anyone can get along with Severus Snape. "What do you do every night if your clearly not working on your school work? As I hear it you haven't changed your practices when it comes to your work since you were my student. Don you care about passing your NEWTs this year?" he asked in a vexed tone.

"Why should I? I don't want any career like any of the ones in the pamphlets. Professor Flitwick and I just couldn't come up with anything and our Career Advice meeting lasted hours!" I say, slightly exasperated. My lack of ambitions towards a career is vexing, not because I'm worried about my future, but I'm annoyed at everyone expecting me to do something conventional with my life. That's not the life that I fucking want. "I was perfectly fine working in Flourish and Blotts."

"That's a waste of your talents, Delilah. You are a bright witch, albeit very lazy and... quite colorful," he said, clearly trying to be tactful. I lift my head up and stare at him wide eyed, causing the kitten to claw my chest so that it won't fall. Did I hear him correctly? Did he just call me by my first name and compliment me? "Isn't there anything at all that interests you?" he asks me in a vexed manner as he stares at me like I'm a twat.

"OH, well, I like to make up spells and test the boundaries of wandless magic," I say as I look over at him. "Look I'll show you something I made up first year," I say as I stand up. He watches me as I place Shadow down on the couch and walk over to his desk and pick up the stack of essays he's been working on and drop them on the floor. He immediately scowls as his face turns red with rage. "Hold on a sec, I'll pick up the mess, don't worry," I say as I walk away and sit down on the floor.

Rubbing my hands together until they are warm, I close my eyes as I plant them on the cool dungeon floor, palm down. This extracts a great amount of concentration to draw your magic and concentrate it on your hands, but if you think about your objective and nothing but, its easy. Having trained myself for years, I could almost picture the magic like some light gathering in my hands and touching the floor, reaching out towards the parchment of paper, taking it up and morphing it. The parchment twists and shreds and erects itself until what was once recognized as paper, no longer looks like it.

I open my eyes and look up at Snape who is staring strangely at what I have done. Parchment colored stems lead up to large star-gazer lily blossoms, all turned to Snape and seemingly saluting him. "That is...amazing but utterly pointless," Snape said. I merely shrug at this.

I stand up, removing my hands from the floor and the spell is broken and the parchment returns to what it was before. "Like I said, I made it up when I was a first year, and not everything has to be practical, that's fucking boring," I say as I stand before him and hold out my hand. The paper lifts itself off the floor and stacks itself neatly into my open palm, before I place it on his desk. "It took me so long to use magic like that."

"That takes a lot of concentration," Snape observed. "Its astounding you can actually concentrate that long."

"Always with the insults," I say in annoyance as I turn away. I head back to the couch and plop down on it, picking up the kitty and holding it in my lap. "Anyway, I've been using most of my time doing what I told you I was working on last time. Its not like you and I will be consummating this marriage together."

"There is a rather simple solution to that. Have someone else's child," Snape said dryly. "Not like the Ministry will look to closely to make sure its mine."

Turning around, I furrowed my brow as I look at him. "Are you suggesting I cheat on you?" I ask as I look at him. He raises a brow at me.

"Its not like you and I are really together, we feel nothing but perhaps loathing for each other. Besides, were you not saying just two weeks ago that just because you were married to me did not mean you were going to keep yourself from loving someone else?" he asked coldly. My face lightly blushes at this, I'd forgotten I'd said that. I don't even think I really meant it. I think that I was just mad at him.

"I don't hate you. No I may not love you or be fond of you or even really like you but... I respect you so I wouldn't cheat on you. Signing that contract may have been something forced, but in that gesture vows were made and I will not break my word or become dishonest because... its the only thing the Ministry could not take from me," I say as I look fiercely into his eyes. Snape stares at me just as intensely and for a few moments there is silence.

"That is noble. I underestimated you," he said, turning away to work on his grading. I raise a brow at this. Have we just come to mutual respect?

**TBC..**

** Authors Note: **Thanks to all of you who have reviewed including: black panther warrior, Gem Of The Stars and xxargh. You guys rock!

Special thanks to eyesuhkattspeleeng! When I started writing this it was really just to provide a bit of entertainment for myself. However, I kinda continued to write it cause you liked it so much. So hugs! Because you are awesome!

Anyway, please review!


	5. Chapter 4:All Rebellions Start Somewhere

**A/N:**As this is slightly AU, this chapter is a little different from the _Hog's Head _in OoTP, because Monica and Delilah will be in the DA. But there really isn't much of a change. 

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 4: All Rebellions Start Somewhere**_

Life seemed to become so much easier after my birthday. Snape and I were getting along better. At least, we were both making real attempts to be civil and it helped a lot that Shadow was company to me in the evenings when I was stuck alone in those very depressing rooms. Classes and all that jazz went on as it usually does, what with us going to class, constantly getting detentions from Professors (mainly Unbridge) and me and Monica hanging out like we usually do. 

Nothing exciting was happening, that is until the first Hogsmead weekend arrived. I was sitting in the library that morning when Monica came running in. "What are you doing! We've so got to go to the Hog's Head," she said excitedly as she started to pick up my notebooks and shove them in my bag. I stared at her like she lost her fucking mind as she slung my bag on her shoulder, grabbed me by the hand and launched in a full run out of the castle. On our way to the Hog's Head, I'd tried to ask her what this was all about, but was unable to because of our running.

By the time we got to the Hog's Head (completely out of breath), which is this dodgy tavern in Hogsmead, there were a lot of other students gathering inside. My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets and rolled around the floor like Moody's magical eyes, positively swiveling at the sight of so many people gathered around inside. Turning slowly to look at the center of this gather, I spot Harry Potter and his two side-kicks, the bushy haired girl... Hermione? And the other Weasley kid, Fred and George's kid brother whose name always escapes me. 

"Is he going to tell everyone what happened last year or something?" I ask, turning to Monica. Monica shakes her head as she goes to get a seat next to the twins and Lee Jordan. She dated all three of them at one point. Well not dated, she kissed them, which is something different. Although, somehow they don't seem to know that they have all kissed the same girl. Probably too noble to "kiss and tell" or they don't care to talk about that type of stuff. Anyway, I doubt that, despite my straight lilac hair, any of them really notices me. 

Seeing as Monica's attention is distracted as it usually is, by boys, I turn to the fifth years directing this meeting. Watching Hermione make her speech is rather painful as she is having a hard time with nerves, but I try to pay attention. So... Harry Potter will be teaching us how to defend ourselves. I take a keen interest when talk turns to the return of the Dark Lord. My, people are touchy about the subject aren't they? And Harry is very touchy about the whole Cedric thing, but I suppose watching someone get murdered in front of you is not something you want to talk about. 

I watch in boredom as people fight about what is said and what isn't and about the set up of meetings, stupid Quidditch players. Don't they see that this is much more important than that? This is about you-know-who! However, when I hear about what Umbridge thinks Dumbledore is trying to do, Monica and I finally exchange glances. Apparently the idea of Dumbledore creating an army to go against the Ministry is so preposterous that it finally managed to get her to concentrate.

"Well that makes sense. After all Cornelius Fudge has got his own private army," I hear a dreamy voice pipe out. Sounds familiar. Looking around, I immediately spot Luna Lovegood, with her blond hair and protuberant blue eyes. I've always been fond of her, she's so strange. Unfortunately she is three years younger than me and I haven't had very many opportunities to speak with her. Especially as the previous two years I was obsessed with my ex. 

My thoughts were so distracted I missed most of Luna's argument with the Granger girl. However, I tune into the last bit. "There are plenty of eyewitness accounts, just because you're so narrow-minded you need to have everything shoved under your nose before you-" everyone turns to look at the youngest Weasley for her, in my opinion, annoying imitation of Umbridge. However, Monica turns to me with a wide grin. 

"Was that _our_ dear, _sweet, _little Luna?" Monica asks in clear approval. I nod a little dumb-founded. Monica is real fond of Luna as well. 

Anyway the rest of the meeting seems unimportant as its people trying to decide when and where to meet but not coming up with anything. Although there was an interesting moment with that whole signing a paper thing, and me and Monica exchanged glances, but we really couldn't care less if we were caught so we were amongst the first to sign after Fred, George and Lee and we also are amongst the first to leave. 

"So does Cho Chang have a thing for Harry Potter?" I ask as we walk out. Monica is more in the know about stuff like that, so she nods in response as we make our way around the village. 

"And he's had a thing for her for quite sometime too. Just wait until he realizes what a nutter she is," Monica says. I shrug as this as we walk. I don't really know Cho, even though she is in our House and only a year beneath us. She then grins as she looks at me. "You know where this is headed, don't you?" she asks. Before I can say anything her grin broadens as she nods. "Open rebellion."

That evening, Snape sat up grading essays in the living room while I played with Shadow. "Shouldn't you at least try to do your homework?" Snape says irritably. I felt rather peaceful hearing the scratching of his quill and playing with Shadow. However, I'd been wondering whether or not I should tell him about Harry's secret group. I didn't think it was such a great idea, considering he was a Professor and he hated Harry so much. 

"Should and could, but wont," I merely reply with a lazy smile as I play with Shadow. He's gotten much bigger since when I first gotten him, but I suppose that he is hasn't reached anywhere near his full growth potential. However, Shadow is beginning to show personality. He isn't very fond of Snape, however it seems like Shadow will tolerate him. However, when Monica met Shadow, Shadow hissed, bit and scratched at her after a while. I think it was because I paid her more attention and he's used to me doting on him. Though it really breaks my heart to leave him alone for so long during the day. I always leave him crying when I leave for classes, and when I come back, he's waiting for me at the door. He'll then walk away from me and be all proud, but after a little coaxing he'll come around. However, I think he's settling into the routine and doesn't begrudge me when I'm gone anymore. 

"The Order has come across news," he starts off hesitantly, causing me to stop in my playing with Shadow, allowing him to catch my hand between his forepaws and bite me. I retract my hand and look over my shoulder towards Snape, but can't really see him in my peripheral vision. He never speaks to me about anything going on in the Order, or of Voldemort for that matter. Though it has been a while since Snape has gone to his side. "That Potter has started a... Defense class of his own," Snape said. Wow, that was fast. How did they know already? "Are you part of it?"

"And if I am?" I ask for a moment as I turn away to turn my gaze to Shadow. I figure I shouldn't lie to him. I mean if I'm not willing to lie to Monica because she's my friend and I respect her, then Snape, who I've grown to respect as well, deserves the same consideration. 

"If you wanted to start your training to defend yourself already Delilah, you could have just asked," Snape said coldly. "I can teach you things Potter can't. He isn't very..."

"Professor Snape, I know you hate Harry and I don't know why, but I won't. I went because Monica dragged me and I think that Harry is doing a good thing by trying to teach his classmates to defend themselves. He openly admitted that a lot of what he has done was luck, and that he had help, but he can teach us some things," I say turning to look over at Snape. He's glaring at me. "I'm not saying I love the kid or anything, or that he's perfect, but he seems like a good humble kid. Although a little on the moody side. But I suppose that's expected, probably doesn't like being treated as the boy-who-lived all the time and he is just 15."

"I rather think he enjoys it. I've had to teach him for the past five years," Snape said, his face twisting into something ugly with his pure loathing for the boy. I merely shrug as I turn away. 

"You might be right, I hardly know the kid. But anyway, this gives me an opportunity to meet people my age outside of classes and everything. And... as sad as that is, for some reason Harry is more competent in Defense Against the Dark Arts than most of us seventh years," I admit, thinking how fucking pitiful that is. I suppose it isn't our fault as we've had shitty teachers, but then how did Harry do it if he had the same shitty teachers? Well I suppose Moody, despite not really being Moody, and Remus were good, but really they were the only ones. 

"I will still be taking your defense into my own hands, despite the lessons you receive from Potter. First I will teach you how to protect your mind, but that can wait. I haven't the time at the moment," Snape said, turning away. I turn and look over at Snape. 

"Professor Snape, when Voldemort-"

"Do not say the Dark Lord's name," Snape suddenly hissed. 

"Sorry," I say, momentarily alarmed. "When... the Dark Lord finds out about your marriage to me, what's going to be the story about keeping it a secret from him?" I ask. I hadn't put much thought into this before, but that was because I hadn't allowed myself to think about it before. However, at the moment, as we are actually talking about it, it came to mind. Snape looks up from the essay that he was marking and looks over at me. 

"The exact story hasn't been formulated as there are great many scenarios playing in the Headmaster's mind of how or when the Dark Lord will find out. However, in general the idea is that your isolation to be brain-washed was required, so that you'd be presentable to the Dark Lord. That he was not informed in case it failed and your annihilation is required and it would be a waste of his time to have known," he responded matter-of-factly, a bored mask on his face. I raise a brow at this and gulp a lump in my throat. This gets more and more real by the millisecond. 

"How would he find out?"

"Many Death Eaters work in the Ministry. If any of them really cared to find out, which they don't, it would be only too easy for them to find out about our marriage. However, the Dark Lord can be rather ... one-track minded. The marriage-law that was passed when he returned slipped out of any sphere of his concern and as many of the Death Eaters in his inner circle are purebloods it hasn't been brought up to his attention," Snape said, much in the same tone as before, though this time a little darker. "At the rate things are moving, Dumbledore is preempting the take over by Death Eaters of the Ministry. Ignoring his return is really causing damage."

I run my hands through my hair in fear and frustration at this. I kind of feel so fucking useless and I realize that I'm not doing anything helpful. I wonder if all rebellions and revolutions seemed to move this slowly, when it seemed what you were allying yourself against was moving so much more at a faster pace, making it urgent to get things done. "What are you going to teach me?"

"A branch of magic called Occlumency, teaches you to block your mind from being picked through by outsiders, which is Legillimency. A Legilimen's is like a human lie-detector," he explained and I nod as I look at him. Its all very familiar to me. I've heard about this before. But at the moment its a little fuzzy to remember. "It takes a lot of concentration to hide your memories, which is how a Legilimens know if someone is telling the truth or not. A truly successful Occlumens can block off those memories, while creating false ones to prove the lies."

"I guess that's how you know when someone is telling you a lie or the truth," I say as I look over at him. He nods stiffly. "Have you ever invaded my mind without my permission?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him. I don't want Snape inside my head. Or at least not without my permission. Thats like mind-rape. 

"Its never been necessary," he replied tartly, turning away from me. I merely nod at this, figuring he must be telling me the truth, though quite aware that he could just be lying so that I won't bitch him out. However, at the moment I don't care which it is, I figure if he is lying to me the truth will come out sooner or later and then there will be hell to pay. 

"Does Umbridge know we're... married?" I ask as I look at Snape. He merely nods at this and an amused smile comes over his face as he continues to grade. You know, since my birthday he's done the grading thing in here more often. I suppose that must be what he is doing when he is not in here. 

"She's told me on more than one occasion that as your husband I should exercise more control over you," he says dryly. I scowl down at Shadow. Who the fuck does Umbridge think that she is telling people how do anything? And the very idea that Snape would _exercise control over _me is laughable. I'm not someone that you can control, I don't care for authority and seeing how in a marriage you are really supposed to be equal I would much less let that person boss me around!

"Bitch," I mutter. "And I'm sure you responded that I am a stubborn child, impossible to control even should you wish to," I say as I glare at him. 

"In fact that is what I said, however, your antics with Umbridge for the moment amuse me. So go right on rebelling against her, seeing as I can't openly without blowing my cover," Snape says, his voice almost sounding amused instead of its usually sardonic-mocking. I stare at him blankly, has he just _encouraged_ me to misbehave? Well I suppose he hates Umbridge as much as everyone else. 

"The fat-fucking toad is evil," I say as I play with a kitten. "Do you know what she does to students in detention?" I ask as I look over at him. 

"I've heard rumors, but I doubt any of them are true," he says, waving his hand and completely dismissing the subject. I glare at him as I turn away from him. 

"Thats just like a fucking teacher not to believe it," I say turning around in an angry huff.

"You are really going to have to stop swearing Delilah. The Dark Lord does not condone crude language in his presence," Snape said coldly. I roll my eyes, however, take what he said into account. The rest of the evening is hung with a heavy silence while his quill continues to scratch across parchment and I play with Shadow, who isn't a very active cat. He's actually more of a laying down, sitting around and enjoy to be pet cat. Which suits me just fine.

On Monday morning, Monica told me about the notice she saw in the Ravenclaw common room, which I haven't been in this whole year. I miss the common room. Anyway, a new educational decree banning any clubs and shit. "How the fuck did Umbridge know?" I ask, staring at the Hight Table. I know that Snape wouldn't have said anything, however, clearly she knew that something was happening if she's banning it. "Do you think its still on?" I ask turning back to Monica. 

"It better be," Monica says indignantly. "Look here comes the youngest Weasley, she'll know," Monica says as she watched Ginny walk over to the guy she is supposedly dating. Michael Corner or something. I'm not sure. Monica leans closer towards Luna, who is sitting near Cho, her friends and the kid Ginny is dating. I think they were all there the day that they were meeting. After a moment, Monica leans over back towards me. "She says they are still going through with it and we'll be informed of when and where the first meeting is."

I merely nod at this and Monday goes by in the same fashion that it usually does. Quite boring and slow. Tuesday isn't much better, what with all the rain. Monica tried to drag me into the room where everyone else was studying in that day, but there was no way in hell. I saw Peeves floating up high in the room, throwing Ink Pellets at everyone and instead decide to head to the Dungeons into Snape's Private quarters, while Monica heads inside to talk to some other people. I'm quite surprised to see Snape sitting on the couch in the room, just reading.

The second I stepped inside, he looked up and frowned. "I didn't know you were going to be here... I would've gone to study with everyone else, but Peeves was in the room and decided to avoid him," I say as I look at him. 

"As if you are really planning to study," Snape says mockingly as he snaps the book shut and stands. I glare at him, but decide to ignore his comment. 

"You know you don't have to leave on the count of me, I can just go to the library if you want to be alone," I say, motioning to the door. He walks over to one of the many book shelves and shakes his head. 

"I'm not leaving and you don't have to leave. Your cat misses you, by the way," he says. I turn and gaze at Shadow who is curled nearby the door, asleep. I smile as I stare at him and reach down and pick him up before heading to the couch and plopping down on it. Shadow raised his head as soon as I'd stepped near it and if I cat could smile lazily, I suppose that's was what he was doing when he raised his head to look at me. "What were you going to really work on?"

I look up and watch Snape sit in the armchair with another book. Its strange to be sitting so close to him. I mean yeah we've been living together for like a month now, but anytime we were in the same room together, which really hasn't been all that often, he is sitting at his desk grading essays and I'm sitting on the couch playing with Shadow. This is the first time we are sitting alone together, quite so close and facing each other. Why do I feel so awkward all of a sudden? I suppose it had a lot to do with the fact that I still think of him as my Professor.

"Look over the notes I've been taking," I respond with a shrug. Snape merely nods as he opens the book to read and I suppose that is his indication that the conversation is over. I merely shrug and turn my full attention to Shadow. Time passes really slow. 

"Delilah, where do you think that you are going?" I look up and stare over at Monica. We were sitting in the library working... ok we are never really working on anything, but trying to do some homework. However, I told her I was tired and got up to go. "We have a meeting today, did you forget?" she asked as she gave me a pointed look and lowered her voice conspirationally.

I stare at her blankly for a moment and then recall Luna Lovegood approaching me after I'd exited Transfiguration and saying something about a meeting. Luna is probably one of the only Ravenclaws that isn't afraid to approach me, other than Monica. Everyone else kind of ignores me or think that I am highly strange and are too scared to mock me the way that they mock Luna. But, the Ravenclaws aren't cruel in their treatment of Luna, at least not in comparison with the Slytherins, and some Gryffindors, because hey, lets not pretend, some Gryffindors could be downright assholes. Slytherins are mean to live up to the reputation, but Gryffindors aren't saints. They are supposed to be the noble house, but... I mean, look at the Weasley twins. Sure they aren't as bad as Slytherins, but some of their pranks could be downright mean. I should know, I've been on the end of one and lets just say, that was the last fucking time that Weasley's ever dared to fuck with me. 

"Yeah I completely forgot," I say, shaking my head of these thoughts. Monica checks her wristwatch before standing up.

"Well we should hurry up and get going. It's supposed to start in like five minutes and we need to get up to the seventh floor," she said as she head out of the library quickly. I groan at this. Were I still living in Ravenclaw tower, I would be fine with being on the seventh floor as that would mean I would be close enough to the tower. However, I have to take my happy arse all the way down to the dungeons. Not something that I am too happy about. "Here we are," she said as she looked at the painting of Barnabas something-or-other when we have at last reached the seventh floor. Across the hall from the painting is a door I've never seen before. 

"You'd think we'd have seen that, considering the tower entrance is on this floor," I say, just as a couple of more Ravenclaws arrive, among them Cho, Marietta and Terry. Cho is the first to attempt the door and we all follow in behind her, where Harry is already explaining to people about the room. "Ah.. its the infamous Come and Go room," I say as I blush at the first time I'd come into this room. My eyes tear up at the memory and I'm so engrossed in it, my mind does not quite register the walls lined in books, or the strange mirrors and sneakoscopes of the cushions on the floor that Monica has just pushed me on. 

The previous year, there was a particularly stormy night that Jake and I were running through the halls, he was accompanying me up to Ravenclaw tower. See we were out, quite sometime past curfew, soaking wet as we ran and laughed. It was near the beginning of the year, before the kids from Beauxbaton and Durmstrang had arrived. He and I had snuck into the kitchens, had gotten some of the elves to give us Firewisky and had spent most of the evening drinking by the lake. We weren't in all our senses as we ran, but somehow we had heard Professor Snape loud and clear (I think he was talking to Dumbledore) and we needed to hide somewhere. 

Out of nowhere we ran across the door and stepped inside into a broom closet. We were both breathing heavily, our faces flushed with the running and alcohol consumption and we were having a hard time keeping from bursting into laughter as we waited for Snape to pass by. I remember, my heart was thundering quite hard in my chest to be in such close proximity to Jake and his eyes were sparkling so strangely as he stared down at me and I remember just how he whispered to me that I looked beautiful, his hot breath tickling my wet earlobe. Had I been in my right state of mind, I would have scoffed at him and punched him for lying to me, but instead I leaned in and brushed my lips against him. 

We'd kissed plenty of times before, I mean come on, we were already dating for a year in the least. However, that was different. I felt a strange spark and like my entire body was on fire. I felt like I was burning up to have him pressed so close to me. My robes, like is usual for me once I get out of class were open and my tie loosened. Because my clothes were wet, my shirt was clinging to me and you could see my blue bra beneath the stupid white shirt. My skin and hair were both wet, hardly beginning to dry and his hands slid quite easily beneath the hem of my skirt and caressed me so softly. 

Back at the time, I was still a virgin. Jake and I had never done anything beyond kissing heavily, and I suppose the fact that we were drunk made us go all the way that night. I know, its pretty shitty to lose your virginity in a broom closet, standing up. But I was drunk, and I can't really say that I regretted it in the morning. I did cry a bit when I first realized what happened and that I was so sore, but Monica was there to make me feel better. She wrapped her arms around me and I blabbed to her everything that had happened. That was the first time I had cried in years, and I'm unhappy to state that it wasn't going to be the last time, but anyway, Monica made the pain go away. She said that if we loved each other, and she of course shuddered at it, and if we enjoyed it, than I should be happy it happened, 'cause I did nothing wrong. 

"Get up Delilah," I snap out of my thoughts and look up at Monica who has nudged me with her foot. I stare at her for a moment and wonder what she wants before casting a look around to see that everyone is standing up and pairing off. Standing up to Monica and I give her a questioning look that she knows oh so well, the one that means, shit, what did I miss? "Not much, Harry is officially our leader and we are Dumbledore's Army, the DA for short," she explains as she looks at me. "We're supposed to be practicing _Expelliarmus_."

I merely nod and we start to practice. This is really basic, but say nothing as I try to concentrate on Monica. We have fun though, because we compete to see who can disarm the other faster. Its a bit hard for me to disarm her though, because my reflexes aren't the best. However, I manage to disarm her a couple of times and at least my spells are heading in right direction, unlike a certain pair of kids that look a lot of like that are both in Gryffindor. 

Time was passing by very fast. I felt like for the first time in a long time I was actually having fun. When Harry Potter walked around, he told us good job and just kept walking. I couldn't help but notice the way that he avoided going over by Cho and thought of it incredibly cute. "You know, I'd like to fall in love again," I admitted to Monica as we watched the way Cho got real nervous around Harry and burned Marietta's sleeve, to which we both laughed as she could be quite a bitch. Passive-aggressive too, because if she has a problem with you, instead of fighting about it she'll just not say anything about it. 

"I know," Monica said as she stepped up to me and patted me on the back. I look over at her and stare at her dark curls for a moment. She's tied up her hair, which she rarely does and it seems so weird. 

"That kinda seems more hopeless now then ever before," I say as I frown. 

"Just don't give up hope Del," Monica says with an encouraging smile as she pats me on the shoulder. I don't say anything in response to that, and couldn't even if I tried as Harry whistles his nifty little whistle. Don't know where he got it from, but he suddenly had it like half way through the meeting. 

Immediately, all the commotion stops and everyone turns to look at Harry. You know, he's not very tall. He's hardly much taller than me and I'm pretty fucking short. "Well that was pretty good, but we've overrun. We'd better leave it here. Same time, same place, next week?" Harry says. Some kid, a Gryffindor by the looks of it shouts sooner and a lot of people agree. Hell I even agree, because I had fun. 

"The Quidditch season's about to start, we need practices too!" Angelina Johnson calls out. I only know her name because she is in our year and I've had classes with her. Never really talked to her though. I think its because honestly, all she seems to think about is Quiddicth, which I find is extremely typical. Not that I dislike her as a person, I guess I've just gotten a sour disposition towards the Qidditch players, what with Jake being on the Hufflepuff team and all. It was so annoying because it was all that he could talk about! And it always came before me!

"Let's say next Wednesday night then and we can decide on additional meetings then... Come on, we'd better get going..." Harry said. It took a while to leave, as we were leaving in groups of three or four. I left with Monica, Terry, and Luna. Although we had to split in different directions, I walked with them to Ravenclaw tower so that they wouldn't wonder why I was coming with. I even walked into the common room with them and hung out with Monica until it was empty.

"Won't Snape be mad at you. I mean, curfew was almost like an hour ago," Monica says as she looked at her wrist watch once more. I merely nod, but look around the common room. I've missed it so much. "Strange being back here?" Monica asks. We're both sitting together and I merely nod. I already looked around, looked at all the notices and even looked at the statue of Rowena for a while. I kinda think of her as my hero. Don't know why but I've always been partial towards her out of all the founders. I suppose because she was such a brilliant witch for her time. Really, I think that she's the reason I'm in Ravenclaw. Because before I started at Hogwarts, Dumbledore explained a lot about the school to me when he took me around Diagon Alley to get my school things. I thought it was particularly awesome that Dumbledore himself handled my case. 

"I've kinda missed it, even though I never talked to anyone in here or anything," I say as I stare up at the ceiling. When I was younger, like a first year or second year, I used to lay on the carpeted floor and stare up at all the stars that were painted on the ceiling. Usually I did this during the winter holidays, when everyone else had gone home to visit their families and I was pretty much left alone in the tower. 

"Yeah, I miss seeing your lilac hair contrast against all the blue," Monica says teasingly as she throws a blue pillow at my head. I catch it as it bounces off my head and lands in my lap and throw it back at her. She laughs as she puts up her arms and it bounces off. I can't remember when I started to dye my hair Lilac. I know it started when I was a first year, because the Weasleys started to call me mini-Snape what with me being so pale and having shoulder length, straight black hair and black eyes. Not to mention that I was the best at potions in the class and back then I was flat like a boy; not that much has changed now, actually. 

"Well I should get going Mon, I'll see you tomorrow," I say with a sigh as I get up to leave. Monica merely nods and walks me to the door before I head down the stairs and make my way through the halls. Its not surprisingly hard to sneak through the halls. All you have to do is make sure you keep to the shadows and listen intently for any footsteps echoing through the halls, which isn't all that strenuous considering the fact that there isn't much noise in the night. Sneaking around is particularly helpful if you know secret passages and stuff too. Like on the fourth floor, there is a hidden staircase that cuts straight towards the second floor. Very convenient as the third floor is a particular hot spot. 

However, once you get down towards the Dungeons, that can be a little harder. See Snape is real good at checking them. Why? Because he's always wearing all black and he blends in so perfectly with all the shadows and the bastard has night vision or something because he'll find you in the shadows. However, I suppose there would no point to fear getting caught by him, I mean he already knows I'm out past curfew and I'm probably going to get punished for it anyway. Probably get points taken away. I doubt he'll give me detention considering the fact that it would mean he'd have to spend more time with me then he already does. 

Making my way through the winding passages of the Dungeons, I soon find myself standing outside his Private Quarters, which are hidden behind a portrait of Herpo the foul and a great Basilisk. "_Sobria Inebrietas,"_ I say, causing it to swing open. Since the portrait is so large, I merely have to step over the frame to step inside the portrait hole and walk a few steps to the door which will allow me inside. I still have no idea what the password means. I've been meaning to look it up for ages, but have never remembered to do it. I know its Latin.

Stepping inside, I'm not very surprised that Snape is sitting at his desk grading. Or when he asks in annoyance where I have been and reminds me that it is past curfew. "Defense meeting. It ended around nine and I went with Monica and the other Ravenclaws to the tower so that they wouldn't think it was weird that I wasn't going to the common room," I respond nonchalantly as I close the door behind myself and plop down. Why do I feel like Snape's daughter that he's like keeping tabs on? Granted I think the man is old enough to be my father, that is if he started to have kids at my age. 

"Fascinating," he said sarcastically. 

"Quite actually, we learned the Disarming Charm, granted we already knew that, but still, it seemed a lot of people could really use the practice," I said as a large smile grew over my face as Shadow jumped onto the couch. However he hissed angrily at me before snootily turning away and walking away. I frown at this. He's probably none too happy that I got in much later than he is used to. 

Snape doesn't say anything more, merely continues to work on correcting his essays. I take this time to pull out some of my notebooks and look through all the notes that I've been taking and I have to frown. For the fact that I've been working on this for a month I haven't got all that much and none of it really seems like it will help me when it comes to the stupid spell. Just as I'm giving up Snape rises and heads into his room, closing the door behind himself while wishing me a good night. I sigh as I lay back, causing my notebook to fall on the floor and thinking that life is about to get a bit more interesting. 

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Thanks to everyone that has been wonderful enough to take the time to review. I really appreciated it and love to hear what you think. I'm glad that so far everyone likes DelilahAnyway, I hope that you have all enjoyed this chapter and will review! I will be updating soon after updating my other story! 


	6. Chapter 5: Sickness And Stubbornness

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 5: Sickness And Stubbornness**_

Over the following weeks, the most exciting part is the DA meetings and the Granger girl came up with a brilliant way for us to communicate to each other. School for me never changes, going to class, annoying my teachers with my lack of dedication in the class, and of course getting the occasional detention here and there. Detentions with Umbridge do not quite continue to be the regular affair that they used to be as Monica and I both start to ignore the old toad more than ever before.

As for things with Snape, they remain pretty much as they have been ever since my birthday. Honestly, I don't think that things will ever change between us and I'm pretty sure that I don't want them to. Though, he stops asking when I come in after curfew where I've been, as he just figures that I was at a DA meeting. I find it surprising that he doesn't punish me in any way for being out past curfew, but I don't question him about it so that he won't suddenly decide to change his mind and start punishing Ravenclaw for it. Honestly, I think that Monica and I lose enough points for it as it is, no need to make it lose anymore.

Anyway, before I really know it October slips away. And it had real shitty temperature and as the Dungeons are always freezing its absolutely miserable. By the time November arrives, I'm sick with a bad freaking cold. At first, it just started with a runny nose, so I took to carrying around tissue paper with me so that I don't get snot all over my robes and it doesn't run down my face disgustingly. However, within a few days of me trying to deny the fact that I got sick the coughing starts and quickly progresses into this really disgusting phlegmy thing.

"That's the second day you have that annoying hacking cough, will you take something already?" Snape asked irritably on the first Friday night of November. I raise a brow as I looked over at him as he is sitting behind me grading essays. Honestly I really don't know why he assigns so many of them when he has to spend hours and hours during the week just to grade them. It makes him such a fucking asshole, though I've noted he takes joy in grading the Gryffindor ones at times, probably because he loves to given them low markings.

"No, I prefer to get better on my own. It won't hurt my immune system to try and fight this off on its own," I reply before bursting into coughing. I've gotten very used to not taking medicine growing up, so I'm just as unwilling to take magical medicine now. Especially as the first time I took the Pepper-up potion I gagged and the steam coming out of my ears ended up giving me a fever due to its heat near my head and then the freezing temperature of the outside world. Besides, potions become addictive and... well... lets just say I have a reason to be afraid of that particular aspect of potion-ingestion.

"If you think I'm going to-" However, whatever Snape was going to continue to say to me, I never found out as suddenly he grasped onto his arm and grit his teeth. Remus explained to me how Voldemort called his followers to his side, and considering it was his left forearm he was holding onto, I immediately knew what it meant as he got up and headed into his bedroom. "Get ready to go to Grimmauld," I sighed standing up and putting a couple of things in my school bag, wondering whether or not I should take Shadow. I decided against it after a moment. I didn't want something to happen to Shadow in Grimmauld.

It wasn't long after that Snape emerged from his rooms in Death Eaters robes, holding his mask in his hand. As we made our way through the halls to exit, it made me wonder why the hell I had to go to Grimmauld. Would he really take as long as he did last time? Did he really not trust me to be alone in the castle? Once more I had to jog in order to keep up with Severus, which only further annoyed me and as I walked on the cold grounds I started to think about how I really should have gotten a thick cloak. This really won't do me any good.

"Apparate to Grimmauld," Snape said as soon as we passed up the gates before apparating away. I stood there for a moment, very annoyed with him. Of course, the last time he apparated me to Grimmauld (because I didn't know where I would be apparating to, to do it on my own), he had already known that I had my apparating license as I had apparated myself to the ministry the day of our "wedding". I shiver, and not just because of the cold, but at the thought. It's hard to believe that we have been...married for about two months. Probably because I hardly remember very much about the wedding and the fact that our "marriage" is not only loveless, but so very bizarre considering our previous relationship, which was merely a teacher/student one.

At that moment a very cold wind sweeps by and I realize that I'm standing there stupidly and really should apparate away. Sighing, I close my eyes and concentrate on where I have to go before disapparating with a pop and apparating into Grimmauld with another. Focusing in those couple seconds were you are being squeezed through nothing, oxygen being squeezed out of your lungs and then suddenly emerging as if from beneath water and being able to breath again, is not the easiest thing to do.

Opening my eyes, I slowly make my way towards the kitchen, wondering if someone is here. As I made my way down the stairs and emerge in the kitchen, I freeze in the doorway to see a tall, thin, freckly boy with long red hair that is held in a ponytail. I blink as I stare at him and wonder who he is. "Oh hey, Tonks," he says as he nods towards me. I furrow my brow as I stare at the boy and for a moment, I wonder why he assumed that I was Tonks, before considering the fact that my hair is lilac and would probably be something that she would do to herself. "What are you doing here?"

"Umm... I'm not Tonks," I say as I stare at the boy, well I probably shouldn't call him a boy because he looks like he is a couple of years older than me so he is probably considered a man. Why does he look so familiar? I haven't ever seen him before, or at least that's what I think. He is handsome and features like that would stick to someone wouldn't they? However, I suppose that considering I don't pay very much attention to anything or anyone that is around me, I suppose I really wouldn't remember him if I did know him already. At least not consciously.

I stare over at him and notice that he is giving me a strange look, like he's trying to figure out who I am and whether or not I'm supposed to be here. "Who are you?" he asked as he stares at me, his body tensing up. I stare at him and wonder what I am supposed to say. However, before I can respond I hear someone heading down the stairs and as I am standing in the open doorway, I turn to look at Sirius and Remus coming down the stairs.

"Hello Sirius, Remus," I say as I look over at them and offer them a small smile.

"Delilah, what are you doing here?" Sirius asked with a smile coming over his face. Why does everyone ask questions that I don't know how to respond to? I can't tell him Snape sent me here without knowing who that guy sitting at the table is. Does everyone in the Order have to fucking know that I'm married to Snape? Turning around and looking at him warily for a moment, I notice that on the table are two mugs filled with, presumably, tea. Turning around and noting the way that Remus is pushing Sirius, I guess that Remus was down here having tea with this guy and that Sirius is being dragged down here.

"Did Professor Snape send you here?" Remus asked with a mild smile. I merely nod in response at him. "Well you should join us for some tea," Remus said, motioning towards the table. I nod in response and together we all sit down at the kitchen table.

"Sorry about calling you Tonks. I'm Bill Weasley," Bill said as he extends his hand towards me. I shake his hand and nod, now understanding why he seemed familiar. Really, I should have guessed that. I mean, when I started Hogwarts the twins had a much older brother, whom I think was named Charlie. Just how many fucking Weasley's are there?

"Are you Fred and George's brother then?" I ask as I look at him.

"Their oldest brother," he says with a friendly grin. I smile at him in turn.

"Um... I'm Delilah Lovett. Well.. Snape actually, but everyone still uses my..." I trail off as I feel my face going horribly red. I'm such a fucking idiot! I can feel them all staring at me, Bill obviously confused with what I'm trying to say as he furrows his brows together and looking at me like I'm giving myself a hemorrhage by trying to formulate a sentence.

"So you are related to Snape then?" Bill says, trying to comprehend what I'm saying. I downcast my gaze and scratch my neck.

"His... well...marriage-law," I say. Thank god for coughing fits. At least if someone were bold enough to point out what I fucking idiot I'm being I could blame it on the fact that I'm sick and that my mind is so fuzzy I can hardly think.

Bill doesn't say anything in response and if it weren't for my coughing there would be a very awkward silence hanging about the room. However, when I'm through, they are all looking at me quite concerned, probably about how terrible my cough sounds. "That cough sounds very bad, Severus should have given you something for it," Remus says as he looked at me in concern and mild disapproval.

"He wanted to because he says its been annoying him, but I don't want to take a potion. Its just a cold, I'll get over it," I say with a shrug. I notice out of the corner of my eye that Bill is staring at me like everyone else does when they first find out that I'm married to Snape, but I decidedly ignore him. Instead I focus on Remus and Sirius, who suddenly cracks a grin at me.

"Probably don't trust him not to poison you, eh?" Sirius says as he nudges me with an elbow and winks at me. I smile at him and shake my head. It's very easy to tell that Sirius is a man-whore. However, he's amusing and nice for the most part.

We spent the rest of the evening talking about a wide variety of subjects, but when I tell them I'm part of Harry's Defense group they start grilling me about what they we are up to and learning. I explain patiently for the most part and try to avoid mentioning Cho and Harry, though considering how much Monica likes to point out what a disaster that will be, I'm not sure if that is entirely possible. Really Cho isn't one of the nicest people in the world. She isn't terrible, but she can be rather silly. But I suppose... I don't know I guess I just don't really like her.

Anyway, after quite sometime Bill leaves, something about some girl he is seeing or something. Don't really know, don't really care. Not long afterward, Sirius and Remus both wish to retire so I head upstairs with them and stay in the room where I'm supposed to sleep. However, for a while, I just lay there and stare at the ceiling, thinking about what life has been like for the past couple months and finding it strange how thoughts of Jake are becoming more and more minimal.

I returned to the kitchen long after everyone else had gone to sleep. My head felt so stuffy that I didn't trust myself to work on any of my projects, so instead I worked on an essay Professor McGonagall had set. Monica and I are very fond of Professor McGonagall, despite how strict she is. We call her mama lion. Actually, that has an origin to it. In one of my journals I sketched Professor McGonagall as a Lion, shortly after we had seen her in her animagus form. In the drawing McGonagall is roaring in the front of the den, while hidden in the den behind her are a bunch of lions cubs with Gryffindor scarves. They are positively trying to topple over one another to aid momma Lion to protect the den.

Anyway, I got off point, which was that Monica and I like McGonagall. Yes she gives us a particularly hard time because we are so lazy, but we know she is such a softy. We know that above all, she cares about our well beings. I don't think that someone hard-hearted, as she tries to be, would give a rats ass about the students in their classes. We aren't the Professor's family after all, yet I'm sure she'd protect all the students (although perhaps not most Slytherins) as if we were her own children.

I finished writing my essay at about two in the morning. "_Finite Incantatem_," I say with a lazy flick of my wand behind me and snapping my Transfiguration book closed. When I'm reading and don't have any light, I use a spell I created to provide light. Floating behind me is a white luminescent stem that rises up above my head, the white Daffodil lilting down towards my reading and casting light on it like a lamp. I thought it was clever and pretty and when I showed it to Monica she seemed to like it a lot. "_Lumos pixus," _I say with a flick of my wrist.

From the tip of my wand erupted several white lights in the shapes of Pixies. The edges and fine lines that define these pixie-shaped lights are actually lilac in color, like my own personal signature on the spell, I think. It clearly defines it as mine as it lights up the dark kitchen. I need the light because I'm hungry and though I know Kreacher is around here somewhere, but I've hardly seen the little bugger around (thank MERLIN). Besides, I've never needed anyone for anything, I don't need anyone now.

Sighing heavily and sending myself into a coughing fit, I make myself get up and head over towards the cabinets to look for something to eat. My head is hurting and I'm guessing that I'm over-extending my magical energy enough as it is. Being sick really can dissipate your magical energy and make it useless. Not that I'm one of those witches that uses magic for every little thing, but right now I wish to as my physical energy is particularly drained too. For days this stupid cold has been wreaking havoc on my body, wearing me out. Not to mention the stupid headaches and fussiness in my mind. To top if all off I feel like I can't breathe!

I shake my fogged up head and pull out two slices of bread. My stomach is growling. However, I pause and squint as I listen intently. I can hear the sound of footsteps and turning around, I'm mildly surprised to see Snape walk in through the door, Death Eater's mask clutched in hand. You know, I'd hate to admit this, but those masks are aesthetically beautiful. I don't know if they are all like Snape's, but his is really breath-taking.

"What are you doing up?" he asks as he looks over at me. I open my mouth to respond to him, but instead end up doubling over and coughing. When I look back up, I notice that Snape is watching the pixie lights with mild interest, and not really awaiting a response. He's seen my Lumos before, I think in my third year when he caught me out after curfew in an empty classroom doing research. Peeves had chased me in there hours earlier and I had just settled down there to take notes in one of my journals. Snape was so curious about my embellishment on Lumos at the time that he forgot to give me a detention, though he did take from me a lot of House Points.

Sniffling, I turned away from Snape and turned my attention to the jam jar. I gripped the jar and cap as tightly as I could and tried to twist it open, but the thing did not budge. "Need help?" Snape asked as I grunted with the efforts of my second attempt to open it.

"NO," I snapped instinctively, my voice sounded as congested as my nose. I held the jar, compressing my lips tight in my third attempt to open it; once more nothing happened. "Stupid jar," I muttered angrily as I turned the jar upside down and banged the bottom of the jar before trying once more. "Ugh!" I say in frustration, banging it on the side of the counter.

"Delilah..."

"I can open it!" I say stubbornly as my hand slips off the cap, flies up and hits something. My eyes widen in horror as I slowly turn around to see Snape is now cupping his nose with both of his hands. My jaw hangs open as I realize he'd probably been walking over to me to help me open the jar and my hand accidentally hit his face. "OH MY GOD! I'm so sorry Professor Snape, I didn't know you were standing behind me," I say as I put the jar down on the counter and turn to look at him bashfully.

Snape opens his eyes and glares at me. He'd been shutting his eyes tightly, probably trying to shut out the pain. I know I'm blushing furiously, and while I know I have just done what kids at Hogwarts must have been dreaming about doing since Snape started working there, I feel terrible. After all, he was only trying to help and I know it was an accident, but I should have been so stubborn. However, before I can open my mouth to continue apologizing he just points for me to sit at the table and turns back toward the counter and pulling out his wand while the other is still on his nose.

I frown and usually I wouldn't respond well to being bossed around, but feeling as bad as I do I turn around and head to the table to put away my Transfiguration book and essay. I was just about to close my notebook (I had left it open on the drawing of McGonagall earlier, which was actually the reason I'd decided to work on the essay she had set) when Snape set down the toasted bread, smeared in jam, before me. I was so surprised that he made this for me as I stared at the plate, that I hardly noticed the way that he was staring at my sketch. Is it possible that Snape can be considerate?

"Did you draw that?" Snape asks, pulling the notebook closer to him with his index finger. I look up and notice that he is staring at it in what seems like amusement, and possibly amazement. "I assume it is Professor McGonagall," he says, tracing over the square markings around the lion-mother's eyes, much like the ones she has in her cat form.

"Yes... sometimes when I get bored in Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magics or Arithmancy I sketch. After I did that one I did the other Head of Houses. See... Look," I said as I start flipping through it. A couple pages later I find the one of Flitwick as a tiny eagle with a worm in his beak, standing on the edge of a nest high on a tower, where eager baby eagles (who are larger in size than eagle-Flitwick) are bouncing up and down just as eagerly as he was to meet him. The babies are all wearing Ravenclaw scarves.

I flipped a couple pages and the nest one was of a den were a plump mother badger was feeding her young, who were coincidentally all wearing Hufflepuff scarves and courteously taking turns feeding. A few pages later was the Slytherin one. "This one is actually my favorite," I admit unhappily. He furrows his brows and sits down next to me, setting his mask down on the table, and looking more closely. This picture seems more elaborate than the others and I guess its because I really got into that one. It was... fun, I suppose.

A black King Cobra the size of a Basilisk is the center and takes most of the space. However, slithering out with great determination from within his vast, massive and powerful coils are small garden snakes of green and silver patterns. Each small snake has a lovely diamond shaped pattern, of different varieties of green on silver or silver on green. The background is nothing but vast darkness you can hardly differentiate from the King Cobras magnificent skin, the scaled sparkling like obsidian. I suppose I had the most trouble with his eyes, but was largely satisfied after several hours. Now they appear like the dark endless tunnels with that strange sadistic gleam in them. Quite satisfactory! Apparently, by the way that Snape is studying it so intently, he agrees.

Turning away, I focus my attention on the mask he set on the table. Casting him a look from the corner of my eyes, I tentatively reach out for it, causing Snape's eyes to snap at me. "Umm... can I look at it?" I ask slowly, probably should have asked before attempting to grab it. He looks at me like he thinks I'm insane before nodding his head. Taking the mask in my hand, I stare at it intently. I really is more magnificent than I had originally thought, despite the macabre design.

The mask itself is made of dark ebony wood, but its surface is covered almost completely by ivory, smooth and soft. The black swirls that design its surface is actually the ebony wood beneath the ivory that is allow to show through. The ivory has been shaped so that it almost appears like a scull, the ebony coming out to illustrate the edges and lines of the scull as well as the decorative swirls. The mask itself is heavy with magic that makes my skin crawl, but physically the mask is much lighter than it should be considering the materials it is made of and its size.

Shivering in displeasure, I set the mask down. I can feel the cold, magical signature of the mask, its magic sending unpleasant thrills through my body, chasing away the sickness within me and releasing adrenaline into my blood stream. "It's beautiful but laden with dark pulses," I say with a frown as I stare at the mask. Its beauty perhaps would not have been quite so repulsive if you didn't think about what looking at it would typically mean and if it were not engulfed in an icy, threatening kind of magic. "It has a permanent impervius charm, anti-removal charm and a weight-reducing charm. Does it have any other?"

"Not that I am aware of," Snape said, shaking his head and staring at me like I'd done something strange or impossible. "How did you know what charms were on the mask?"

I merely shrug before responding. I'm really not up for explaining something with my head feeling fuzzy, though that has gone away slightly and I cast a suspicious glance at the mask. "Its complicated. All magic feels distinct. When a spell is modified, they feel familiar, like if you were look at a dog, wolf and coyote. Same family, just different... and of course, each witch and wizard add their own magical signature to whatever they have cast," I reply, trying to simplify it as much as possible. I turn away from Snape and look at his Death Eater's mask. "That person's magic is very cold and cruel, mortally frightening," I say as I shiver. "Its not your magic.

"How do you know?" Snape asked. "I really don't feel magic unless its from a wizard that is very strong and even then it is only something faint. How are you capable of feeling it so strongly? Is it a magical ability?"

"No, everyone can feel magic, just you get so used to feeling your own magic within yourself that you lose the ability to sense it anymore. I can because I've been studying magic before I ever came to Hogwarts. Its really just a matter of cataloguing sensations and what they are associated to," I explain with a shrug before sneezing, I shake my head and look at him. "And you are right, the more powerful the witch or wizard, the more you can feel their magic. _That_," I say, pointing to his mask. "Is particularly strong. I suppose its the Dark Lord because its almost as strong as Dumbledore's. His is a pleasant warm vibration and seems to hum."

"Does that mean that you cannot feel _my _magical signature?" he asked, looking back towards the drawing and seeming displeased. Did he think that I was calling him weak or something? That wasn't what I meant at all.

"You're magic is strong. It's... white hot, like a lightning bolt and its very dark. That doesn't mean evil or anything... its just... it kind of feels heavily of grief, anger and oppression," I respond as I stare at him. He doesn't say anything or react in anyway, his face as always an impenetrable mask. "I actually wish your magic weren't as strong as it is. Its not that its unpleasant, just very... dominant and subduing. Undeniably strong."

"Can you feel yours?"

"Not really. I've become to used to my own magic. Dumbledore once told me that my magic tickles him. He says it feels like someone taking a feather and tickling one out of cozy slumber. Fuzzy, he said," I replied with a grin that Monica always says looks goofy on me. Snape seemed amused but then turned his attention back to my notebook and stared at if for a moment before closing it.

"I think that you put was much effort into your homework as you do in your sketches you probably would have been able to complete your Hogwarts training ahead of time," Snape said snidely, causing me to laugh. It isn't long though before my laugh goes into a hacking cough, which causes Snape to frown. "You really should take a potion for that irritating cough."

"No," I say stubbornly when I'm through coughing.

"Stubborn girl," Snape says in exasperation as he rises from the table and collects his mask. "We'll return to the castle at seven in the morning," he says as he turns and walks out of the room. I merely turn away from his retreating form to the jam and toast I've been neglecting. I stare at it a moment, knowing I shouldn't eat it because it will only give me more energy and not allow me to go to sleep, but I devour it anyway. At least with Snape's mask in my minds eye, I'll have something to do that doesn't require much thought.

**TBC...**

**Authors Note:** Well that is chapter five, I hope that you have all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it and that you will all leave a review telling me what you think. Thanks to everyone for reviewing so far and please Review and tell me what you think so far.


	7. Chapter 6: My First Private Lesson

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 6: My First Private Lesson**_

The following several days were going by slowly and very boring. My cough was finally gone by Wednesday, and Thursday evening Snape sprung on me the idea of starting my Occlumency lessons that weekend. He told me a couple of exercises that I could do to clear my mind to help me block it off and explained what exactly we would be doing during Occlumency lessons. He said that there was no particular hurry and that so long as I practiced the exercises he gave me that I should need the lessons more than once every week or two. He said if I could focus and concentrate enough to do wandless magic, that Occlumency should not be so hard so long as I tried.

This meant Friday, when I couldn't get to sleep, I did the exercises that he had given me. First thinking of nothing, focusing all my attention perhaps on a landscape and thinking about peace and serenity while trying to control my breathing. He said that it helped clear your mind to focus on your breathing, so that's what I did. Strangely enough, the next thing I knew, it was already Saturday morning and was awoken by Shadow who had jumped onto my chest.

For some reason or other, Snape thought that it was most convenient to teach me Occlumency in Grimmauld Place. Therefore, we both spent most of Saturday outside of the castle. Sirius wasn't too pleased to have Snape around, but the two kept out of each other's hair. As for me, I spent most of Saturday morning talking to Sirius and Remus while Snape went up to one of the many unoccupied rooms were we would be having lessons. He told me he needed to prepare and wanted me to go up to the room at 10. In the meantime though, I was enjoying talking to Sirius and Remus and I think that Sirius was a little happy to have someone other then Remus there with him.

"Delilah, weren't you supposed to meet Severus at 10?" Remus asked as Sirius and I stopped laughing at the dirty joke Monica had just told me the day before. I turn my watery gaze over to Remus and merely nod in response as I wipe away the tears of mirth from my eyes. Remus furrows his brows as he looks at me. "Then you should get going, you're five minutes late."

"Crap," I say as I jump up from my seat at the table in the kitchen. Ever since Snape told me about the Dark Lord being unhappy about foul language, I've been cutting down so that it won't accidentally slip when I'm around him. After all, bad habits die hard. "Snape is going to bite off my head," I say as I turn away and run up the stairs. There are a lot of stairs, so when I burst into the room where I was having my lesson with Snape, I'm a little winded. "Sorry, lost track of time,' I say while breathing heavily as he turns away from the table he's standing before. He has just finished covering something up with a black tablecloth, but I don't put it much mind as I look around the vast, unfurnished room. The only furniture in the room is the large wooden table behind Snape.

"Indeed," Snape says coldly, motion for me to step inside while lazily waving his wand at the door, causing it to slam shut behind me. I barely had enough time to move out of the threshold and into the room, when the door suddenly slammed shut behind me and making me jump. I moved into the center of the room where Snape is pointing at me very reluctantly. "Stand there," Snape instructs as he moved and motions to the space several feet before him. I moved without saying anything and waited for further instruction. "Have you been practicing clearing your mind?' he asked.

"Last night," I nod. "Its kinda hard though, can't seem to really turn off my brain," I respond as I stare into his black and penetrating eyes. I'd never understood before why his gaze always seemed to be able to look into everyone's soul, but I began to understand why when he spoke to me about Occlumency. Now it made perfect sense, makes you wonder though.

"It takes a lot of discipline and practice. You are aware of how this works. I will break into you mind and you will intend to block me. Wand up," he said coldly. I merely nodded and pulled me wand out of my robe pocket as Snape pointed his wand at me. I was just thinking about how daunting it is to have SNAPE pointing his wand at you when I heard Snape say "_Legillimency_."

Immediately, I saw clips of memories flashing before my mind's eye, the first being my first flying lesson in first year. I managed to get on the broom and get it in the air, but it took off and I slid off the end when it was about 15 feet in the air. Broke my stupid ankle. The next memory was the previous year when we were having Apparation lessons in the Great Hall. It was one of the many times that I had splinched myself. I don't remember which one exactly, but it was the time that I lost my wand hand. In the next memory, I was stuttering something, dropped my wand and when I bent to pick it up, I head-butted Remus who'd bee bending down to retrieve my wand as well.

"That was pitiful," Snape said. Suddenly, my mind was spinning and I felt head-rush as Snape pulled out of my memories. It was a peculiar feeling, kind of like brain-freeze or standing up too suddenly. I suppose your mind really isn't meant to be intruded like that and leaves you disoriented to detect that someone else is fooling around in your mind.

"It's not my fault. I get a bit nervous and clumsy when I am aware that I like someone," I say as I hold my head in my hands to try and stop the spinning. I can feel the heat on my cheeks and I know that I am blushing. That was probably an admission that I wouldn't have made if I could think correctly.

"I was talking about your attempt at Occlumency," Snape says, and I can hear the smirk in his voice. I blush furiously in my embarrassment. I feel like a bit of an idiot for that one. Although, really, Snape could have been referring to both things, I mean I wouldn't put it past him to make fun of someone for a crush that they had at some point in their lives.

"Oh... I didn't expect it and didn't prepare," I reply as I finally turn to look at Snape. I'd been shutting my eyes tight against the spinning, but now I can see him. He is raising a brow at me as he says that _that _is the point. I merely nod in response and finally realize how serious this is. Snape can see any memory at all and he said that he has no control on what he sees and that the only option I have to keep him from knowing personal memories that I don't want him to know about is to successfully block him out of my mind.

I hardly have time to recover when I once more feel the unpleasant sensation of having my mind broken into and I see my first kiss with Jake. Merlin, I'd forgotten how gorgeous he was with his dirty-blonde hair and grey eyes, kind of like Sirius', especially with that sexy, cocky grin on his face. In the next memory I'm sitting on a cot in the orphanage, I think I was about seven, and I was bandaging my cut up fingers with tape. But the next thing I know I'm outside, standing on gravel, about five years old and getting into the fist fight with a red-head who is faring much worse than me despite being about nine years old. In the next memory, I'm about eleven in a washroom at Hogwarts and Monica is dying my hair for the first time apparently as my hair is still all black. But that scene fades quickly and I see myself being sorted into Ravenclaw, I'd forgotten how the hat had covered my whole head. However, when that scene fades away too, I see myself pulling the covers off of my body and looking at my deeply bruised legs.

"What was that?" Snape asks, a strange tone in his voice. I can't stop the spinning and fall on my bum before I can respond. My eyes are shutting tight against the dizziness, trying to get the whole world to stop spinning. "What was that last one?" Snape demands, sounding a bit impatient. There is something in his tone that is almost familiar, but completely different from anything I'd ever heard from Snape. He almost sounds worried, but I've never heard that tone in his voice before.

"Umm... I was six, that was the first time I was adopted. The family that adopted me had a poltergeist in the house. It didn't leave me alone while I slept and gave me bruises all over my legs. After a week, the people that adopted me sent me back to the Orphanage. They thought that I was mentally disturbed and hurting myself," I explained, trying to take my mind off the growing headache. I then look up at Snape, his eyes are staring at me intently, his face as impossible to read as always, but seemingly pensive. "Spirits quite enjoy pestering me, I don't know why. It's like I attract them or something," I say as I steadily get to my feet and dust myself off.

"That explains why Peeves seems to enjoy bothering you more than most," Snape said. I merely nod though I know he isn't asking me a question. I frown as I look over at him as he turns this over in his mind. My head is really starting to hurt more and I feel as though we have been going at this for hours, though I know at the most it's only been about forty minutes. But still, I feel as though my mind needs a break. However, I know suggesting it will make him think I'm weak, and I am so not weak.

"Well I'm surprised you were adopted at all considering what a nasty tendency you have to hit people," Snape says as he looks at me, a smirk crossing his face and I know he's referring to that time I accidentally whacked him in the face last weekend. I glare at him, as he fully knows that that was an accident. However, something tells me he is not being his usual snarky, bastard-self. Is he teasing me? I shake my head of that silly thought, though that causes my head to hurt a little more. Snape does not tease. No, he mocks cruelly and unmercifully.

"Christina was an evil bully, she liked to push all the little kids around and that day she wanted me to eat the gravel. So I got angry and when she shoved me on my knees and tried to shove the rocks down my throat, I punched her in the stomach. I was only fire years old! Besides, in the orphanage you either learned to defend yourself or you became someone's punching bag. I got tired of being kicked around and stepped on like dirt," I said angrily as I glared at Snape. What right had he to judge me? He didn't know what it was like to grow up with disturbed muggles.

Snape raised a brow at this; however, he doesn't say anything about my angry outburst. "Prepare yourself," he simply says. Less than three seconds later, I find my head hurting as if it has just been cracked open like a coconut. Memories once more start to flash before my eyes, a lot of them are unimportant; like me studying, taking notes, me sleeping in History of Magic, sketching, playing chess with Jake, lounging on the grounds with Mon and Jake.

"Are you even trying? Do you think I want to see all your memories?" Snape snaps at me. I can't manage to glare over at him before he yells out Legillimency once more. Honestly, he's just torturing me, I think as I slip back into the dizzying pain I hardly any time to recover from a moment before.

A carnival. Flashing suddenly to nine-year-old me being frightened to death by an old and wrinkly gypsy in a dimly lit tent. I suddenly fall to my knees as Snape sets his wand aside. I duck my head and hold it in my hands. The pain is becoming unbearable. Considering the fact that I did not sleep the night before due to my insomnia, I'm glad I had such a big breakfast with Monica this morning. If not I probably would have fainted already from the exhaustion and headache.

"The last memory, your trepidation from it was not normal. What was it?" he asked, sounding curious and interested. I do not respond immediately as I try to calm my breathing. I continue to bend over and hold my head in my hands, keeping my eyes shut tight.

"The gypsy said that I would become an addict to potions. That I would drown in them and die; my life would become a disaster and I would be so lost. That I would be alone in the world and when I hit rock bottom that I would beg for mercy from the black saint to deliver me," I said, to try and distract myself from the unbearable headache. I heard him snort and I figure he thought me foolish and was staring at me.

"And you believe that rubbish? I suppose that is the reason you refuse to drink potions," Snape said coldly. I merely nodded in response. I don't care if he doesn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it either as usually, run-of-the-mill divination is very unreliable. But that gypsy wasn't your every-day-fraud like Trelawney. It had been a strange experience, like nothing I'd ever seen or heard before and when it comes to divination, gypsies generally seem to know what they are doing.

"She wasn't a fraud like Trelawney," I said simply as I slowly got to my feet. Before Snape says something, because I know he's such a smart-ass to actually say something, there is a knock on the door. I turn around very slowly and look towards the door as Snape waves his wand at it and it opens to reveal Remus.

His amber eyes move from between Snape and I and they settle on me, causing a frown to come over his face. "I was wondering if you were going to come down to eat lunch," Remus said, turning his gaze back to Snape just as I did. Thank Merlin for Remus! "Delilah looks like she could use a break," he says, causing me to frown. I must look a terrible mess if he said that, I think that I feel my face turning red. Oh, please tell me I am NOT blushing!

"Oh we are quite through for the day. However, in the future, Lupin, I do not suggest you interrupt my lessons. If I wanted to be interrupted, I would have stayed at the castle," Snape says in that voice he uses to intimidate students. You know, the one that is dangerously low like he's threatening to murder you right in front of Dumbledore like he doesn't give a shit. But I can tell by the mild smile that crosses his face that Remus can't care for Snape's threats. I smile as Remus says something polite before taking his leave.

"Professor Snape, why you treat Remus like that?" I ask once Remus has gone and I look over at Snape. Snape meets my gaze and glares. God he is so touchy! "Never mind," I say as I turn away and scratch my neck. I should make another list in one of my journals of topics not to ask Snape about. But I push away that thought as my brain finally catches on to something Snape said. We are done for the day!

"We should get back to the castle," he says. I merely nod as he pops away. Jerk, what he couldn't wait for me or something? I shrug as I turn to walk out of the room. There is not way I'm going to be the jerk that he is and not say goodbye to the occupants at the house. Hurriedly, I make my way down stairs and say goodbye to Remus and Sirius, pausing for a moment to be enveloped into Sirius' bear hug and then pulling my wand close to me and apparating.

I try my best to picture the gates of Hogwarts very clearly. I very much hope that I don't splinch, considering the splitting headache I have. Taking a little longer than is usual for me, I picture the gates clearly before dissaparating with a faint pop. I am very much relieved when I open my eyes to see the front gates of Hogwarts. However, something grabs hold of my elbow and wrenches me around. I suppose Snape doesn't like being left waiting.

"When I said that we should get back, I didn't mean and at anytime you'd like," Snape snaps at me before letting go and walking away angrily. I follow along behind him and guess he kind of has a point, but I'm not about to apologize to him. I mean... really do I have anything to apologize for?

"Well I can't just leave like you and not say goodbye, that's rude," I say. Why does the fucker have to walk so fast? It's hard to catch up with him, I have to jog to keep up with his break-neck pace. I'm short! However, when I catch up to him I don't much think I would have wanted to considering the stupid smirk that is beginning to light his features as he turns to say something to me that I assume would be quite nasty. However, hearing the sound of other students around he seems to think better of it and just turn away, making his pace faster. I sigh aloud as I give up trying to catch up to him and just let him go. I suppose I can go look for Monica now.

I slow down my pace and cross the school grounds at a leisurely pace, wondering if whether or not I'm up to deflecting her questions about where I've been at the moment. Considering my head is still hurting slightly and the fact that I haven't really slept, I suppose that I'm too tired to do so. Unfortunately, I think that I have very bad luck because the next thin I know I'm running across Monica who's with the Weasley Twins and Lee Jordan all playing Shock-sac, its like the magical equivalent to hacky sac. It's actually a small ball of energy you kick around in the air that sends small shocks through you every time you make contact with it.

Grimacing, I try to walk by them without them noticing. "Hey Del!" Monica yells. SHIT! Turning around I try to smile over at Monica, feeling like a kid trying to steel a cookie from the cookie jar when their mother has specifically told them that they are not to go anywhere near it.

"Hey," I say weakly as she left the boys and walked over to me. Its still a bit of a mystery to me how none of them know that they have ALL kissed Monica, however, I suppose its not that much of a wonder. They are the type of guys who hide what and who they like well if they want to. Besides they flirt with almost everyone it's just the way they are. Besides, Monica makes boys think that they are all special, even though she doesn't think any guy is worth the time of day, at least not for anything other than _having fun_. But it's not like Mon is a whore. She's still a virgin. Sure she's kissed a lot of guys, but she's never let anyone touch her goodies. She's not the falling in love type, that's all. If you ask me that seems the smart thing to do considering what a pain in the arse love is.

"Where in the bloody hell have you been? Why are you sneaking about outside?" Monica asks as she stops before me and puts her hands on her hips. Her face is flushed with the excitement of playing. Though, when Monica's face is flushed she looks just as attractive as ever. Mine seems to turn red in a very unflattering way.

I glare at her and am a little off put by her tone and the way her chocolate eyes have narrowed on me angrily. "What the hell is your problem?" I ask her in an annoyed tone as I push her, a little, to get her out of my face. I'm not really in the mood to be arguing with her with my headache and how tired I'm really starting to feel.

"What the hell is my problem, what the hell is yours?" she asks as she gives me a dirty look and shoves me, harder than I had pushed her mind you. I guess that headache is really having an effect on me 'cause next thing I know I'm on my bum and I can hear the distinct sound of male laughter reaching my ears. Gritting my teeth, I slam my fists into the dirt beside me.

"You wanna play rough, I'll give you rough," I mutter as I start to get to my feet and before I'm fully upright I tackle Monica around the middle and cause us both to fall to the ground,m both of us groaning at the impact. For a couple minutes we're rolling around while the guys laugh and yell "Fight, fight, fight!" My face is kinda buried in Monica's robes as I stick her in the sides, but I can feel Monica's hands tangled in my hair as she repeatedly tries to knee me in my stomach and sides.

"Gerroff me!" Monica says as she wrenches me off her by my hair and causing me to roll over on my side. I bite my lip to keep from groaning in pain as she straddles me, but before she can punch me, I manage to sock her in the face, causing her to fall to the side, cupping her mouth. Rolling over on my side, I crawl on top of Monica and try to punch her in the face again, but she lands a punch to my gut that winds me, causing me to fall off her and roll into a ball beside her. Monica then proceeds to get up and kick me in the stomach. "Bitch, you fucking busted my lip."

Grabbing her ankles, I pull them out from under her and cause her to fall on her back. She lands with a groan as holding onto my side I crawl on top of her once more. "I think you broke a rib you fucking skank," I say angrily as I gather her soft, chocolate curls in a tight first and punch her in the jaw once more. The fatigue has gone away, but the pain in my sides and my headache just feels worse and I'm angry at Monica for causing them. Before I can get in my second punch Monica grabs my thin neck in a choke hold and digs her nails into me, causing me to let go of her hair to try and dislodge her hand from my neck. "Stop fighting like a cunt," I say angrily as I pull her hand away and she has scraped off my skin. I can feel a bit of blood trickling down my neck and feel the scratches burning.

"FINE!" she yells as she lands another good punch, this one hitting me right in the nose and causing my eyes tear up. I can no longer hear the boys and before I can retaliate to Monica's punch I feel myself being hauled to my feet by both arms. Holding my nose in my hands, I look on either side of me to see that one of the twins is holding me up by both arms while the other one and Lee Jordan are trying to keep Monica away from me.

Breathing heavily I stare at Monica to see what damage I've done. Blood is pouring out her mouth and has stained her disheveled clothes, her perfect brown curls looking a perfect mess. Her pretty face is marred by a couple of bruises. She also seems to be breathing as hard as I am, but unlike me the crazy bitch is still trying to get at me. I guess I really am too tired for this shit, because if I weren't, I'd be thrashing in the Weasley boy's arms, trying to get at her too.

"Come on love, lets get you cleaned up," Jordan says as he and the other Weasley kid drag her away. She casts me a glare as they pull her away and she lets them lead her off. I shake my head and roll my eyes. This kinda thing happens often between us, so I'm not too worried about it. Turning away, I look up at the Weasley kid that is holding me and gently extract myself from his hold. I really can't tell the difference between them, I'm not sure anyone can.

"You all right? You too really did a number on each other. We didn't think you'd get yourselves so worked up, being best mates and all," the twin says as he looked me over with concern as I let go of my nose and am relieved to see its not bleeding and doesn't feel broken. I raise a brow as I stare at him, blinking the tears that came up when Monica punched me in the nose away. Being punched in the nose sucks more then being punched almost anywhere else.

"No big deal, Monica and I have gotten into plenty of fights," I say as I reach a hand up to my neck where the damn scratch is burning like hell. Pulling my hand away I stare at the blood and grimace. There isn't a great amount, but that scratch is still burning like hell. I look up into his eyes to see that he is still staring at me in concern. "I'm fine you know," I say a little aggravated as I look up at him. He grins at me in turn.

"Course you are. I remember the number you did on Fred and I first year," he says with a sparkle in his eyes. I raise a brow at this. I guess they do remember me.

"Right… well I suppose I'll see you around then," I say as I turn around and start to head up towards the castle. I grimace once more to feel the pain on my ribs and hold onto my side as I stride away, trying to get into the castle as quickly as possible. I was exaggerating when I said that Monica had broken my rib, but I know for certain there must be a huge bruise there somewhere.

"If you want, I can take a look at you," George asks kindly. I look over at him as he has caught up to me and frown. I groan as we make our way up the front steps.

"I can take care of myself," I snap at him. However, immediately feel bad. "Sorry, didn't mean to snap at you, just real tired. Thanks though," I say as I look at him as we step into the entrance hall. He merely smiles and nods at me.

"All right, see you later Delilah," he says as he goes back outside, undoubtedly to go look for his brother, Lee Jordan and Monica. I frown as I cast a quick glance around the entrance hall and head down the stairs. My side pains horribly every step of the way down and I curse the fact that to get to Snape's private quarters you have to go through a fucking maze of passages. Luckily for me, most people are still in the Great Hall having lunch, so I don't run into anyone down there.

I nearly feel like kissing the portrait when I finally come across it, but instead just hurriedly make my way inside. I ignore Shadow as he comes over to me and just grab the bottle of dittany in my bag out and make my way towards Snape's bedroom. I'm so distracted by my annoyance I hardly take any notice of the fact that the door is closed and I just open it and walk in. I'm quite surprised to find that Snape is actually in, and not only that he is just lying in bed, staring off into space. Or at least, that's what he seemed to be doing. Now he's just staring at me, his face going from anger, to mild concern.

"What happened to you," he asks as he gets up quickly, in one fluid movement.

"Got into a fight with Monica," I reply before I make my way over to the washroom and place the bottle on the sink. I grimace as I stare at myself in the mirror. I had noted on my way down that the robes I'd been wearing were caked in dirt, but I had no idea Monica had managed to make such a mess of my hair. Despite being straight and short, it's sticking out strangely and is horribly tangled.

"Is there anyone you don't fight with?" he asks from the doorway of the washroom, which I really should have closed so that he wouldn't bug me. I decidedly ignore him as I open the tap and grab one of the hand towels. Snape told me once that all the teachers are assigned a House elf and that they restock all the towels, clean the rooms and do the laundry. There is a hamper were you toss the clothes and it just disappears and when it reappears, it's usually sitting atop my trunk. Thankfully, they always stow away my knickers beneath my robes.

Opening the tap, I put a piece of the towel beneath it and clean the wound in my neck for a moment before gently applying dittany on it. It burns for a moment, but heals not long after it. Pulling out my wand from my robe, I toss my robes over to the hamper. I tend to wear muggle clothing beneath my robes. Considering the fact that for the most part I grew up around muggles and am used to their clothing, I still wear it. Besides, like I said, Robes are downright expensive. Most of the ones I have are my school robes. The few that I have that are not for school are gifts from Monica.

Looking in the mirror, I grimace at my hair. Pointing my wand at my hair, I mutter a spell under my breath, causing my hair to straighten out like it's just brushed it. "Why did you get into a fight?" Snape asks. I look over at him as I put my wand down. He's glaring at me, clearly not happy about the fighting. Most wizards and witches think that resorting to such violence is despicable and disgusting. They find fistfights to be barbaric.

"She shoved me," I say as I lift my long sleeved shirt a bit to see my sore spot. I frown to see the size of the bruise on my left side. The bruise seems to cover the expanse of about my three bottom ribs. My milky, creamy skin has turned such a deep purple it puts my hair to shame. Actually it's such a deep purple it almost seems to put Snape's black hair to shame.

"Delilah, what do you gain from fighting?" Snape says very angrily. I look up to see that he is staring at the bruise with deep concern and anger as he marches into the washroom.

He bends over and puts his face very close to my ribs causing me jump back. "What the hell are you doing?" I shout angrily at him as I pull my shirt down. Snape straightens up and glares at me, while still giving me a look that tells me he thinks that I'm being a stupid idiot and he would never be interested in me in that way. In fact, I'm positive that is what he's thinking.

"I want to make sure they are not broken," he says as he glared into my eyes. I feel my face becoming red as I realize how stupid I'm being. Of course Snape isn't checking me out! Who the fuck would get turned on by the sight of the black hole on the left side of my abdomen? "Are you going to be stubborn about this too and just allow yourself to walk around with a broken rib for the following weeks?" he says, making me feel more retarded than I already do.

"No," I say sheepishly as I raise my shirt to reveal the bruise. Snape nods as he grits his teeth and kneels down on one knee before me and begins to touch my ribs with the tips of his fingers, his brow furrowing as he concentrates on the feeling of my ribs. I purse my lips at the slight pressure he is placing on the bruise as he touches them to make sure that they are not broken.

Trying to distract myself from the small amount of pain I feel, I stare at the top of his head. I'm a bit uncomfortable with the fact that his eye level is with my chest, but considering I got breasts that I can fully cover with my hands, I doubt he'd be interested in looking. However, I push that thought aside as I realize Snape is on one knee. "You know, whenever I pictured being proposed to, I didn't picture anything fancy, just wanted the traditional him getting on one knee before me, placing a small ring on my finger and asking me to share the rest of his life as his friend and equal," I say pensively.

"Fascinating," Snape says dryly, still highly concentrated on my ribs. After a moment he gets up and looks down into my eyes. "Nothing is broken. Are you going to heal your bruise?" he asks as he stares at me.

"I've never been particularly good at healing bruises, and one that big would be impossible for me," I say with a frown coming over my face. A smirk crosses his and I glare at him, pulling down my shirt roughly. "You know if you're going to be all smug about it, forget it," I say angrily as I try to walk past him.

"Touchy," Snape says, as he grabs my arm and stops my progress. I can hear the mocking tone in his voice and look up and glare at him, fully ready to stomp on his foot to get away from the snarky bastard. However, catching the small, tiny smile on his face throws me for a loop. "Your stubbornness isn't going to get you anywhere," he says as I feel a gentle poke on my ribs, before a tingly feeling spreads through the bruised area. With that said, Snape turns on his heel and leaves me alone in the washroom.

Furrowing my brow, I look down and pull up my shirt to see the bruise is completely gone. When the hell did he pull out his wand?

**TBC…**

**A/n:** To everyone who has reviewed so far, thank you so much and I hope that you continue to read and review. Please Review and tell me what you think!


	8. Chapter 7: In Sickness And In Health

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 7: In Sickness And In Health**_

Monica and I were talking and back to usual by Sunday morning. We merely ignored the event that happened and returned back to normal. Like I said, this type of thing was really not uncommon between us. Actually, I suppose that it was bit fortunate that we got into a fight as it meant I was able to evade those questions that I was tired of trying to step around without having to lie to her.

The following Saturday, after my first Occlumency lesson was the first Quidditch match of the season. I believe it was Gryffindor VS. Slytherin, but neither Snape or I could go to it because we had another Occlumency lesson today and after breakfast we were going to head to Grimmauld, something I was a bit nervous about as instead of practicing Occlumency as I should have been doing, I had been distracted by a great deal of other things. I hoped that this time would not be as terribly painful as the last, and that Snape wouldn't be too terribly pissed at me for not practicing.

"Well Mon, I will see you later," I say as I rise from the Ravenclaw table when I finish my breakfast. Snape and I are supposed to meet at the gates and apparate to Grimmauld at eight. I have just enough time to get down to the gates if I speed walk there. However, before I can move Mon has clamped her hand shut around my wrist and pulled me back into the seat beside her.

"You know, I don't think there has been a single Saturday since we have gotten back to Hogwarts that we have spent together. Now I have been patient with you, hoping that if I gave you time that you would eventually tell me, but my patience has worn thin, Del. What the fuck are you up to?" Monica says, her hold on my wrist getting tighter as she spoke. She turns her angry, brown eyes to me and glares.

"Its not... Snape is just... tutoring me," I say feeling terrible. No, that's not a complete lie, but it is not the truth either and I've always told her the truth, the full truth. Disappointment and anger flashes though her eyes and she knows, but before she can say anything I cut her off. "Look Mon, its not my secret to tell," I say simply. Her hold on my wrist loosens and I pull my hand away from her and stare intently at my best friend. My heart feels heavy in my chest. "I really wish I could tell you Mon, because there is no one else I would want to talk to more," I say, sounding pathetic with neediness. Perhaps its because I realize for the first time that I haven't been able to vent all the emotions I have been suppressing to anyone. At least, not since the first night back at Hogwarts, but that doesn't count because neither Dumbledore of Snape are my friends.

"All right Delilah... but, you know I'm here for you," Monica says the anger in her eyes melting away and hug her briefly for being such a great friend. I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes just knowing that you friends are there for you is enough, even if you can't unload your troubles on them or have them offer you any advice or further comfort.

"Have fun at the game, tell me about it later," I smile at her as I get up and start making my way out of the Great Hall. I sigh as I realize that I have to run down to the gates or else I'm going to be late. Sighing heavily, I run down towards the gates and get there in a few minutes to see Snape pacing outside the front gates. However, I immediately notice that something isn't quite right.

"Our lesson for today is canceled, but apparate to Grimmauld," Snape says as I reach him before dissapparating with a pop. I feel terrible about the relief that grips me at the thought that I have no Occlumency today because I realize it means that Snape has a Death Eater meeting. I still have no idea what that really means. I can't imagine that Voldemort is too kind to his followers, servants, slaves, whatever he prefers to call them, but I have yet to have seen Snape come back in anything worse than a bad mood, which I suppose is bad enough in and of itself. However, its still pretty selfish of me to be relieved that he has to go see the Dark Lord just so I can get out of an Occlumency lesson.

Shaking my head of these thoughts, I instead think of Grimmauld before apparating there with a faint pop. I assume that Remus and Sirius are expecting me, considering the fact that I was supposed to have my Occlumency lesson, however, after checking the kitchen Remus doesn't seem to be in and I suppose Sirius has shut himself up with Buckbeak. Sighing unhappily, I head to the room I usually stay at when I'm here (Snape has a room for the very rare times he stays here too, or so I've heard from Tonks). I think I might as well take advantage of the fact that I got nothing else to do and practice my Occlumency exercises.

However, as I mount the stairs and my line of vision becomes parallel to the landing, my eyes widen in horror and I utter a small scream as I look at Kreacher. He is one ugly bugger and makes me fall back down the stairs. I groan as Sirius' mum begins to screech all her horrible blasphemies, causing Sirius to run down the stairs and wrench them shut while I try to pick myself off the floor.

"Sorry Sirius," I mouth over to him as I stand and rub my head. Falling down the stairs is never fun. Sirius merely smiles at me as he manages to get them to shut tight and mouths that its is all right as he follows me up the stairs. "Stupid Kreacher," I mutter angrily, kicking him on the behind as Sirius and I walk up. Granted, that wasn't the nicest thing for me to do, but the freaking thing shouldn't be popping up all over the place like that. Besides, it made Sirius laugh.

"Where is your darling husband?" Sirius says, causing me to cringe once more. Still not used to anyone referring to Snape that way. Seriously, saying someone is your husband seems so different from saying that you are married someone. More meaningful somehow. Because... I mean, you can get married to anyone. You can be drunk and marry some jerk you have never even met before. But someone being your husband... well that's different, its a title awarded to your life partner. Its just so strange for people to say Snape is my husband, even if he's only my husband by technical definition.

"Snape had a meeting," I say with a shrug. "No lesson today," I say with a shrug as we make our way up the stairs. Sirius doesn't say anything about this.

"Come and meet Buckbeak, you haven't ever been introduced," Sirius says as we pause on the landing in which "my" room is. I look at Sirius as though Azkaban really made him lose his marbles. I know that Hippogriffs aren't bad and all that, but still they can be quite dangerous and I have never been particularly good at Care of Magical Creatures.

"Ummm... No Sirius, I don't think so. I've never been good with creatures," I say slowly. He grins at me, that smile that reminds me so much of Jake and really makes me melt and go weak in the knees. I suspect its purely a physical reaction, like having to pee after drinking too much water. I can't believe that Sirius is actually as handsome as he is, despite the haunted look he has about him. He didn't fair as bad as some wizards do in Azkaban.

Makes me wonder how my father is doing. Not that I really ever knew him. The only picture I'd ever seen of him was of when he was already imprisoned in Azkaban and he looked as nuts as the rest of them. His black hair all wild and disheveled, while he screamed like a maniac. I don't think I looked like him but for the hair and eyes. Although, perhaps my mother had the same characteristics, don't know. Never really bothered to look for her. All the lady from the Orphanage, Madam Blatherwith, said was that from what she remembers of her was that she was very young, apparently a mere teenager and just as thin as I was. Madam Blatherwith never said, but I suspected that she thought that my mother was a drug addict. Either that, or a bit mentally insane.

"Come on Delilah, not scared are you?" Sirius challanged as he looks at me. I snap out of my thoughts and turn to look at Sirius and raised a brow. I suspect that kind of ruse would work on someone in Gryffindor, but I'm not a Gryffindor. I'm a Ravenclaw and am therefore too smart for that kind of ploy and he seems to realize this after a moment of consideration. "I promise I won't allow anything to happen to you," he says as he raises his right hand as if he is making a solemn oath.

I regard Sirius for a moment and think about it. I guess that I really should go up and see Buckbeak, considering the fact that it will at least be a distraction. Sometimes when I begin to wonder about my parents, I can't stop. I don't like to think about them, because then it just kind of fills me with a longing for something that I never had and never will. It also makes me wonder and fear turning out like them. My father is in Azkaban because he was a dark wizard and did awful things that I can't even remember about anymore from reading them in that one article. But am I like him? Or am I like my mother who at worst was just a heartless woman, or at best was a drug addict, teenager who thought it was the best for me to be dumped in an orphanage. "All right Sirius."

"Great, come on," he says as he leads the way to Buckbeaks room. I don't pay much attention on getting there or on the room itself when we step inside. The room of course is utterly unfurnished, but its huge. Kind of a mess to and not very good smelling, but you don't notice that when you are staring at a great big Hippogriff in its bird-like face.

My stomach tightens as Sirius pushes me forward and tells me to bow to him. For a moment, I'm frozen with fear as I stare into its great yellow eyes. However, after a moment of staring at it I slowly bow, keeping eye-contact with him. After what feels like an eternity, Buckbeak inclines his head, allowing me to straighten up. "Good job," Sirius says as he claps a hand on my shoulder and walks over to Buckbeak and pets him. After a moment of me just staring at Sirius and Buckbeak together, Sirius turns to me with that great grin on his face. "Well what are you waiting for? Come over here and pet him."

I approach cautiously and tentatively reach out to pet Buckbeak, who is a really proud creature. You can tell by the way that he carries himself. After a few minutes of petting his soft feathers and having him coo softly, I begin to realize how beautiful he really is and I feel a great pity that like Sirius, he's imprisoned in such a gloomy place. I feel like creatures so beautiful and good shouldn't be locked up like this. Its cruel. Like forcing a Sunflower to grow in a dungeon.

"It isn't fair for you and Buckbeak to be imprisoned like this," I whisper softly as I pet Buckbeak. I keep my eyes carefully narrowed on the beautiful creature I'm petting, to keep any sympathetic tears from welling up. I try not to concentrate on the depressing thoughts I have and instead focus on the texture of Buckbeaks greyish-silver feathers. But I can tell that Sirius has frozen beside me and I can hear the sigh that he lets out, full of his miseries and woes. Kind of wrenched at your heart to hear it.

"It isn't, but people are imprisoned all the time, they just don't realize it. For some, there imprisonment is far more subtle," Sirius says, causing me to look at him with a furrowed brow as I look over at him. He smiles his sexy grin at me when he notices I'm confused. "I thought you Ravenclaws were supposed to be brilliant," he teases lightly, causing me to swat him playfully on the arm.

"Come on Sirius, what do you mean?" I ask as I look at him.

"Your marriage is your own prison. I've heard that you won't allow yourself the opportunity to find love because you are tied down to someone you can hardly care for," Sirius said as he looked at me. I turn to look at him and wonder how he knows that and why he's twisting it like that. I am about to protest, when he puts a finger to my lips and stares intently into my eyes with his grey, stormy ones. "You are stuck with Snape for three years. Who is to say that you won't find love and let it slip away, just because you are stuck in this commitment for the time being."

"Sirius, no one is going to love me in the next three years. Falling in love isn't as easy as people seem to think it is. It isn't some fairytale, there is no such thing as love at first sight. Its not something simple," I say, turning away from him and walking a bit away. I don't even know why we are talking about this. I don't see how it is relevant and I don't really want to talk about it.

"Sounds to me like you have given up on love Delilah, or that you make it more impossible than it really is. Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps falling in love is so difficult for you because you resist it so much? Isn't it possible that you have loved someone from the beginning, but you make yourself hate that person so that you can avoid the pain of love?" Sirius says. What is he trying to say? That I love Snape? I thought he was trying to convince me that I wasn't allowing myself to love anyone because I was married to someone I don't care about.

"You're wrong Sirius, just because you thought you fell in love every five seconds with a different girl when you were a teenager, doesn't mean that it was real or that falling in love is easy," I say, turning around and shooting a glare at Sirius. He laughs heartily at this.

"I admit that my attentions were easily gained, but that doesn't make what I say any less true. And who is to say what you may or may not find in the following three years? If someone were to fall in love with you," Sirius said, stepping closer to me and backing me into a wall. "Would you let them slip away because you are married to Snape?" he asked as he placed his hands on either side of my head on the wall and locked his eyes with mine. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights and my heart is thundering in my chest. What is he doing?!

"What are you doing Sirius?" I ask as I stare into his eyes. My voice trembles as he smiles at me bewitchingly, leaning down closer to me. He's making it impossible to breath for me. I can smell him. He has the smell of Grimmauld on him, but its mixed with his warmth and manliness.

"I'm questioning your beliefs," he replied with a cocky grin as he leans in to place a kiss on my lips. It feels like time as slowed down, and I can feel him coming. A part of me, the part that is starved for human contact wants him. Wants to feel his lips pressed to my lips and my skin. A part of me is starved for that intimacy wants his hands roaming and discovering every inch of me that there is to discover. However, I turn away and his lips land on my cheek.

"I made a vow to be faithful and if that means vowing to three years of celibacy and starvation for love, than so be it," I say, pushing Sirius away and walking out of the room.

--

After laying down for several hours, thinking about Sirius and my parents and trying my best to practice Occlumency, I felt positively feverished. I felt hot, like it was the hottest day of summer inside my body and my head was throbbing miserably. I couldn't see anything because my eyes felt very bleary, almost gunky and gross. I think feeling so miserable made me pass out because the next thing I knew I could hear two people arguing and someone sitting on the bed. I could feel someone's magic over me, but my mind was too fuzzy to distinguish whose and I felt my whole body in some kind of pain, like my magic was leaving my body.

"Don't give me that Black, how the hell did she get Magical Draining Flu? Its only contractible through direct contact with someone else who has it," I could hear Snape snapping snarkily when my head cleared up a bit. Magical Draining Flu? I've heard of if before, only wizards and witches get it, like chickenpox you can only get it once in your lifetime. Most witches and wizards get it as children and is easily treatable and goes away in less than two days if you take the proper potions. However, its quite a bit more serious to contract as an adult, considering your magic is better developed at that age. Could cause real damage to your magic if not treated properly, though no one has died from it for many centuries.

I don't pay much attention to the ensuing argument as I try to open up my eyes, which feel like they have been sown shut. The reason that Magical Draining Flu affects you physically, is that your magic is so closely tied to you that to be drained of it, weakens your entire system, including your muscle mass and immune system. Most people get common colds, fevers and can't get out of bed for the entire time they have this flu. I suppose mine must've come with a fever.

"I need to get her back to the castle. I can make the potion she needs there," I hear Snape say.

"No potion," I manage to croak out. Hmm... came with a sore throat too. I try to lift my arms, but they both feel like they weigh a ton and I can barely bring my hands to my eyes, that I have no energy felt to rub my eyes free of the gunk that is pasting my eyelashes together. I can feel Snape using his magic to do something, but I have no idea what he is actually doing. My mind is too muddled, but I know that the magic he is now performing is not on me but on something else. I can hear him muttering angrily under his breath.

"You don't have a say in this, Delilah," Snape says through gritted teeth. Sirius, doesn't say anything to that, despite the way that he loves to argue about absolutely anything with Snape. However, I pass out before I'm able to hear anything else.

--

The following three days I pass in and out of consciousness, but unable to see anything because of my eyes. There was one point were I felt Shadow and I realized that I was laying down in Snape's bed, but wasn't aware of how I got there or how long I had been there. There were times when I gained consciousness and I could feel Snape's presence in the room, but he didn't say or seem to do anything. At other points there was absolute silence, and then sometimes I could hear small scuttling feet and a squeaky voice, so I assumed it was simply a House elf.

When at last I felt a bit more strong that I could rub my eyes clean, I found light glaring into my face and I could feel pressure on my left side. After a moment, I guessed that it was morning and that Shadow was laying down next to me. "What day is it?" I croaked, knowing that Snape was in the room solely because I can kind of feel his magic. I can't feel it as strongly as usual, but I know that it's there; muffled but here. I still feel terrible and guess that I must still be sick, but I can feel some of my strengths coming back to me and I guess that I am recovering. Frowning slightly at what that means, I try to remember everything that happened in the hazy fog that has been my consciousness of lately and remember what Snape said about making the potion for Magical Draining Flu. The Potion takes about three days to make, but works quickly after being administered.

"Wednesday morning, all your Professor have been informed that you have Magical Draining Flu," Snape replied coldly. I open my eyes, squinting in the light as I try to look around. Snape's bed feels so massive and amazingly comfortable (how can Snape drag himself out of their comfort so early every morning?!). The covers are insanely warm and soft and I'm not at all surprised it was so easy to for me to be unconscious. I slowly look over at Snape and spot him leaning on the door frame and staring at me with his arms crossed over his chest. I blink at him lazily as I recall being sat up and something putrid slipping into my mouth and down my throat. My eyes narrow on Snape.

"Your force-fed me a potion even though I told you not to," I accuse him. He straightens up and glares at me. If I could I would have gotten out of bed and tried to hit him, but despite how well the potion has worked, I know I yet do not have the strength enough to get out of bed. Especially not considering the way that every limb of my body seems to way a ton. But at least the stuffiness has alleviated slightly so that I can think.

"Is that the thanks I get for having Twixy watch you while I am in class, for waiting valuable ingredients and my valuable time to make a potion for you that must be made particularly meticulously and for watching you personally in the evenings?" he says very coldly. I feel like he'd turned the blood in my veins to ice and I feel horrible pangs of guilt. I didn't think about how much trouble that this may have caused him and I'm surprised that he went through all of the trouble. My stomach muscles tighten and I feel kind of sick to think about the ungrateful bitch I'm being. The potion was administered, that part is over and I should be back to my usual strengths in the next two or three days. No use crying over spilled potion.

"I'm sorry. Thank you for everything Professor Snape," I say, my voice still sounding a bit raw. He seems to not respond to this but merely uncrosses his arms, his face as always an impassive mask. It almost reminds me of his Death Eaters mask, lacking emotion and making it seem macabre.

"I have class to teach. If there is anything you need, just call Twixy," Snape says. I merely nod in response and mumble a quick thanks. He merely nods and walks out. I listen intently and head him exit his private quarters, when I am surprised by a pop and sudden scuffling feet. I turn slowly to see a small House Elf with a button like nose and lilac colored eyes staring at me with a smile on her face, though her head hardly seems to poke out over the bed. I smile weakly in turn and I notice that floating behind her is a tray of assorted foods.

"Mrs. Snape must be starving," she said as she climbed up on the bed and snapped her fingers. I could feel my body shift so that I was suddenly sitting up and propped up against the pillows. I felt my eyebrows rise into my hair line as I looked at the cute House Elf. Apparently Shadow was well-acquainted with her as he didn't even stir from my side at Twixy's appearance. He merely lifted his head, blinked at her and resumed his sleep.

I was so entertained by watching Twixy and her magic that I didn't even notice what she had called me. Ever since meeting Dobby, I've kind of been fascinated by the House Elve's magic. What makes it different from ours? I can't even feel their magic, it doesn't seem to be detectable like ours. And how come they are allowed to apparate and dissapparate inside of Hogwarts? Do the wards not recognize their magic to know that they are doing it?

"Yeah, kinda," I say as the smell of the food reached my nostrils and my stomach growls. Makes me wonder if I've been fed at all the past couple days and if I've been washed. I'm guessing I have as my hair doesn't feel gross and I can't smell myself. I assume that it was a cleansing spell though. I hate using cleansing spells though. There is nothing like personally washing your body, hair and brushing your teeth and hair.

I'm actually starving and I know if I had my usual strengths I would have devoured the whole meal very quickly, instead I'm eating it like it takes every bit of my strength to bring to my mouth. She brought me scrambled eggs, with bacon, link sausages, toast, orange juice, milk, pumpkin juice, and a bowl of strawberries with some pancakes and a bit of French toast. It wasn't so bar to have to take my time eating as it meant I could fit so much more into my stomach, but despite having spent the past couple days drifting in and out of consciousness, I feel myself getting real sleepy after I finish.

"All finished Misses?" Twixy asked. I nod and weakly smile at her. Her lilac eyes positively dance with delight as she snaps her fingers and the tray disappears. I had no idea that elves could have colored eyes. I thought that they're eye colors were limited like ours to just different shades of green, blue, grey, black, and brown. But Twixy's eyes are my favorite color or well, my dyed-hair color anyway. "Will you be wanting anything more Misses?" Twixy asked, to which I shook my head in response. She only nodded before popping away with a snap of her fingers, which simultaneously laid me back down to rest.

I slipped into sleep not long afterwards and came to when I heard a door close. I looked up just in time to see Snape walk into the room and I assumed that it was either lunch time, or as was more likely, classes were done for the day. "I see you are doing better," he said coldly as I manged to sit up, well actually, I was able to roll to the side and prop myself up on an elbow. But its still success!

"A little," I respond. My voice doesn't feel as raw as it has been lately, but still not quite back to normal. Pushing myself up off my elbow, which takes a considerable amount of effort, I manage to sit up. Well actually my shoulders are kind of slumped forward so that I'm slouching, but I suppose that this is as straight as its going to get. Not that I have very a very good posture to begin with. It's not terrible like some people either, but it could be much straighter.

"I need to ask you what you did when you were at Grimmauld place. It is impossible for you to have gotten the flu," Snape said as he stepped over to the bed. I feel my face turn a little red as I remember Sirius coming onto me, I still don't really know what that is about. I suppose he really was just testing me... but... well considering what we were talking about, was he saying more than I thought he was? Could Sirius be feeling something for me and wants me to reciprocate those feelings? I shake my head of that. I've hardly spent all that much time with him for him to be in love with me, besides, there isn't much to love. And after hearing about what the girls he dated when he was a teen were like, I'm so not his type. Though I suppose he doesn't have very many options at the moment.

"Nothing. I spent most of the day in that room, trying to practice Occlumency while laying down,"I respond as I turn away from him and stare into my lap. I try to make the gesture seem casual, so that it doesn't seem like I'm purposefully avoiding his gaze so that he can't do Legillemency on me. I know that I didn't do anything wrong, in fact what I did was very right, but does Snape really deserve that consideration considering we don't feel anything for each other? Would he think more of what really happened? Besides, is there a really need for him to know? Nothing happened and I doubt that he cares. "When I got there I checked the kitchen to see if anyone was around and when I didn't see anyone I just headed up stairs. Sirius showed me Buckbeaks room and introduced me, and after that just went to the room."

"That's all?" Snape asked skeptically. I turn to look at him and wonder if Sirius said anything to him and wondering if there is more that he wants to know. Its a little hard to tilt my head to look at him, but I don't stare into his eyes. Instead I look at everything else on his face. His brow is furrowed and his left brow is raised skeptically. Beneath his hooked nose, his lips seem perpendicular to it, as they are forming a straight line. I can't really see the back of his jaw as its obstructed by his hair, but it doesn't seem to be clenched, which is usually his give away that he's angry about something. Although, Snape always is angry, but when he clenches his jaw it means he wants to murder you and is trying to refrain from doing so.

"Yeah," I respond as I go through my head at all the other events. "Although," I say furrowing a brow. "Do you know how often they change the covers at Grimmauld?" I ask as I look over at him. He raises his brow quizzically, however, he isn't looking at me like I'm completely daft, which is a good sign. I guess he's only waiting to see where I'm going with this before deciding that I'm stupid.

"I can't imagine that it is often, by the looks of the place," Snape responds coolly and sneeringly. "Why?"

"Well the covers for the bed were different from what they'd been last time. I hadn't noticed it at the time, but I remember now. Kreacher must've changed them and if someone had that Flu had slept on them, the disease could cling to the covers for decades," I say as I think about Kreacher. I couldn't remember seeing him at any other time of the day, and considering his contempt for everyone, I wouldn't put it past him to do such a thing, especially to someone he really doesn't like.

Snape's face is now frowning. "Why would he do that?" Snape asks. I look up at his eyes for the first time since he's started questioning me and see that they look shiny, like when he is angry about something. However, his voice doesn't sound skeptical like it had a little while ago, which must mean he doesn't think that my idea is too idiotic. And he really does have a reason to be a bit skeptical about Kreacher doing that. I don't think House Elves really have it in them to be vindictive like that, or at least not for no reason.

"Well when I was going up the stairs, he scared me and I fell and rolled down the stairs. I was angry at him and I kind of... sort of kicked him," I say as I look away bashfully. That wasn't the nicest thing for me to do, however, after a moment I mentally shrug it off. I'm quite the violent person at times. Most of the times when I hit someone its in retaliation, but sometimes if I'm annoyed enough or angry enough I don't care. Snape seems to know this about me, though I think that he has me pegged as something worse than I am.

"I see," Snape said simply. "Twixy will come by to serve you something to eat," Snape said before turning away and walking out of the room. I raised a brow as I watching him go. However, I don't say anything as Twixy immediately shows up with a tray of food for me to eat, which I devour with far more enthusiasm than I had earlier and when I was done she once more popped away with the tray at which point I lay down to sleep once more. However, as soon as my head hit the pillow I realized that the pillow smelled of lemons and limes. It wasn't an overwhelming scent, but it was...almost ticklish in a soft and pleasant way. I thought it was amusing that the sour Potion Master's bed would smell of lemons and limes. Was it his scent? That would be quite fitting.

--

"I see you're feeling better," Snape said Saturday morning when I walked into the living room. I certainly felt much better and I could feel that I had recuperated all my strengths. I could feel my strengths coming back to me in my uneventful Thursday and Friday in bed. Snape only came in I noticed when he was going to take a shower in the mornings, or after classes before dinner to see how I was faring.

I went back to my usual restless self last night and could not sleep. It was the reason that I had gotten out of bed at five in the morning and was now standing in the living room were Snape was barely sitting up on the couch, looking quite groggy. I studied his face closely, as much as possible considering his face was covered on either side by his greasy hair, while he bent down to pull on one of his boots. He looks like shit in the morning. His hair is sticking oddly out place in the back, there are dark bags eyes beneath his eyes and a very jaded look about him. I've never seen him like this before and I suppose if I weren't "married" to him I probably never would. Its strange how some people can look so fresh in the morning, while others can look so dead.

"Why are you bothering with your shoes if you are just going to have to pull them off again when you jump in the shower?" I ask as he pulls on his other boot. Snape doesn't respond as he runs his hands through his hair, somewhat smoothing out the back as he sits up straight before standing up.

Rubbing the back of my head, I realize that my hair might, or is, as big of a mess as his. But I don't really care about that, or the fact that there must be monster bags beneath my eyes, ten times worse than Snape's. Looking down at myself, I stare at at the white and lilac striped pajama bottoms I'm wearing and the wrinkled white t-shirt. I allowed Twixy to help me into the bathroom to change and do all the other backed up bodily functions the other day and finally change out of the robes I had probably made reek.

"You shouldn't be barefoot, these floors are too cold. You'll get sick," Snape says coldly as he manually folds the black comforter I used to sleep in. I smile to see him do it manually. Usually when I leave in the morning, I always leave it just strewn on the couch, that is, if I ever bothered to use it that night. On those days, when I get back in, I always find it neatly folded on the couch. I think that it must be Snape and that seeing as how he is such a neat freak, my messy ways would probably drive him nuts.

Looking down at my feet I wiggle my toes a bit. The stone floors were really freezing, but I ignored that. Instead, I found myself studying my feet. I think that is the part of my body that I hate most. Their kind of long, thin in a skeletal-like way and a bit flat and wide. My toes aren't completely hideous, but it still really bugs me that they are as long as they are and that my big toe is like a quarter of a centimeter shorter than the toe next to it.

Feeling a bit awkward after the self-assesment of my toes I sit down on the couch with my feet tucked beneath myself. "Thank you for your concern," I say sarcastically as I run my hands through my hair and look up at him with a small grin on my face. Just as I look up, Snape turned his eyes to me as he bent down to place the neatly folded comforter on the couch, his hair once more framing his face. Something briefly flashes behind that usually cold and unfeeling gaze of his that I can't quite place and disappears as quickly as it appeared, hardly allowing me to scrutinize it.

Arching one of his sleek brows, he straightens up and his lip curls into his trademark sneer. "One of us has to, although if you get sick and die on me it would be most convenient," Snape said mockingly. I narrow my eyes as I look up at him and glare before standing up. He's such a fucking arse, why can't he just once be nice? Will it kill him if he doesn't respond to everything with a sardonic response?

"I'm going to take a shower," I say as I suddenly stand up, knowing that this will annoy him. As a man of strict routine and who is used to always taking a shower first thing in the morning, this will undoubtedly piss him off. Anyway, its incredible what an urge I have to stick my tongue out at him and to resist I have turn on my heel and start heading to the bedroom door.

"What?" Snape snaps out, speaking much louder than he has thus far. I smirk to see that he has finally decided to fully wake out of his grogginess and that me taking a shower when its usually his time to is getting a rise out of him. "You usually take your showers in the evening, wait until then."

"Are you kidding me? I've been laying in that bed for a week and spells is just not the same as taking a shower. You know what, actually I think I'll take a bath considering how long I've been incapacitated," I say after turning to look at him and smiling. Snape turns beat red at the suggestion of me taking a bath and he clenches his jaw shut. He probably wants to murder me this moment, I can tell by the throbbing of his temple and the way that he is giving his death glare. Honestly if looks could kill, Snape would have a higher killing rate than a basilisk. With that said I turn around an rush to the washroom, hoping that he isn't going to murder me just yet.

**TBC...**


	9. Chapter 8: My Outstanding Performance

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 8: My Oustanding Performance**_

Snape and I had returned to our previous sleeping arrangements, though it was a bit of a struggle to get Snape to get the point. Saturday night was like the battle for who would be the first to need to go to sleep and leave the living room. By the time it was three in the morning and Snape was tired as all hell and could see that I was as chip as ever, he grumbled something under his breath and walked into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. I could have sworn he said something about only trying to be chivalrous and me being a stubborn dunderhead or something, but I'm not quite sure. Could have just been my imagination.

Being sick for a whole damn week set me back quite a bit. The week following it, I had to bargain with most of my Professors to get the lessons I had missed. Sufficed to say that I had a lot of backed up homework assignments. I took advantage of my insomnia to make up everything that I had missed since September. When I finally handed in all the missing assignments to my Professors they tutored me in what I missed.

For the last week of November that I had spent bed-ridden, I had to make up for with the first two weeks of December, doing so much work that I didn't have time for Monica, Shadow or the DA. I thought that finally on the second Saturday of December I'd finally gotten a break, but NO. Snape took that away from me. Instead of hanging out with Monica as I wished to, I found myself being dragged to Grimmauld place instead, my stomach in knots. Due to my sickness, I haven't practiced Occlumency at all. So this will probably be as terrible as it had been the first time.

"Do we really have to go to Grimmauld?" I ask Snape was we walk down towards the gates after breakfast on Saturday. Its not really that I have anything against Grimmauld, but travelling there and back is a big ass pain. And yes its nice to see Sirius and Remus, but I don't want to be around Kreacher; at least, not after what he did to me the last time. And here I thought that they weren't malicious, but no that thing purposefully got me sick.

Snape doesn't deign that question worthy of a reply as we past Hogwarts gates. "Your lesson is at ten, make an effort to be on time Delilah," Snape said irritably before disapparating with a pop. I glare at the spot before pulling my wand out of my jeans back pocket and following suit. As I apparate into Grimmauld, I'm just in time to see Snape is already half way up the stairs. Rolling my eyes, I make my way towards the door that leads to the kitchen downstairs.

"Delilah!" Sirius says brightly as he gets up and wraps me in a bear hug. I can feel my face turn pink as I recall what happened the last time we were alone together, but try to push that away as I notice Remus and Tonks both sitting at the table. "Glad your better," Sirius says as he pulls away from me, looking at me closely as if making sure that I really am no longer ill. I smile tentatively at him as I smile and we move to join the others.

"Hello Remus, Tonks," I say as I join them.

"Glad you're feeling better Delilah," Remus says mildly as I sit down across from him, next to Tonks. Sirius resumes his seat at the end of the table, sitting between Tonks and Remus. "Have an Occlumency lesson today?"

"Yeah, in like half an hour or something," I respond with a shrug. "Actually I should probably try and practice. I haven't been able to recently. I've been too busy what with being sick and then making up all my work and playing catch up."

"If I remember correctly Delilah, you never turned in any work," Remus said with a genuine smile of amusement as he looked at me, his eyes glinting in a teasing way. I blush lightly as I turn away from him. He didn't really need to point out to anyone that I was a lazy arse. However, I forgive him easily as I know he's only teasing. Had it been Snape, that would have been something completely different.

"Well that hasn't changed. They took advantage of the fact that I needed to catch up and made me make-up all the work I had not done since September," I say with a slight frown as I cross my arms over my chest and pout. Remus and Sirius both go into barking laughter at this and Tonks merely smiles and shakes her head. "I bet they all got together and planned it out. The staff can be quite organized," I say, causing them to continue to laugh. Tonks and I exchange glances and roll our eyes at them.

"All right, are you two done already?" Tonks asks several minutes later when they have finished laughing and are wiping the tears of mirth from their eyes. Once more I roll my eyes at them and sigh in exasperationg as I glare at them.

"Sorry Delilah, its just we haven't had anything to laugh about in quite sometime," Remus says mildly as he is the first to recover his breathing. I merely nod and try not to glare at the both of them as much as before. Sirius merely nods along with Remus as he holds the stitch in his side like it really is about to burst, his bony chest starting to rise and fall steadily. If I could have, I probably would have punched them both in the arms for laughing, but merely push the thought aside as I clench my fists beneath my crossed arms.

"Glad I can provide some entertainment," I say dryly.

"How's married life treating you?" Sirius says with a smirk on his face. I look over at him and scowl pointedly at him.

"That's none of your business," I respond but hear a strange echo. We all turn to the door were Snape has appeared and is now turning from scowling at Sirius to giving me a smug look as he arches a quizzical brow at me. God Snape is so quiet, none of us even heard him coming down the stairs, much less opening the door to the kitchen. That's quite a feat considering that this is an old house and it creaks and moans at the slightest bit of movement. Were we really not paying that much attention or is Snape just that good at creeping about?

"I thought I'd fetch you seeing as you aren't a punctual person," Snape says coldly as he looks over at me lazily and ignoring the existence of everyone else in the room. I raise a brow at this but say nothing as I rise from the table like someone who is just barely getting out of bed. Despite the fact that I haven't found the conversation in the kitchen particularly stimulating but quite vexing, that doesn't really mean I want to be spending more time with Snape. I was around him more than enough this week with no one else for company.

It's not that Snape is horrible company, its just we have nothing to say to one another. Most of the time we were in the living room together we both spent working. He spent most of it grading and I spent most of it catching up on my work. We didn't say anything at all to each other and it was hardly companionable silence. I missed having someone to talk to, namely Monica. Sure she and I tried to talk to each other in our classes or lunch, but catching up seriously took over all of my breaks that I felt like I'd hardly seen her at all.

Monica didn't really complain. She understood and she told me about her exciting week instead, what she was doing instead of hanging out with me and telling me what I've been missing in the past DA meetings, not that I've missed very many. Maybe about like three to five. I don't know, I've kind of lost track of the amount of times I noticed the numbers on the galleon change.

"Sometime today would be nice Delilah," Snape says snidely as he walks out of the room. I roll my eyes at him as I begin to head out of the kitchen, following along behind him.

"See you guys later," I say to everyone. I ignore their murmurs as I head up the stairs and try to catch up to Snape. He doesn't say anything to me as we head up the stairs to the room we are practicing in. In fact, he doesn't even acknowledge the fact that he knows that I am following him. The silence is a bit oppressing. I feel like my life for the past couple weeks has been nothing but this silence and its going to drive me nuts.

"I'm surprised you didn't get into a huge fight with Sirius just now," I tell his back as we walk into the room. Like the first time, there is something rather large sitting on the only piece of furniture in the room, covered up by a black cloth. I eye it for a moment and wonder if that is part of the room or if its Snape. However, I don't mull over it for long as Snape whirls around and points his wand in my direction. I flinch for a moment before I realize that the spell he has cast was merely to shut the door behind me.

Snape raises a brow as he noticed me flinch and raises a brow causing me to blush in slight embarrassment. Why do I always feel like such a fool around him? However, he says nothing about it and nothing about what I have just said. "Pull out your wand," he instructs as he motions for me to take up my position. I comply with a bored sigh, despite the fact that my stomach is flipping nervously with he anxiety of what follows. "I'm going to assume that you haven't practiced lately. So I don't imagine today's lesson will be as long as the last."

I merely nod in response as Snape pulls out his wand and points it at me, muttering _Legillimency_. Once more I feel the unpleasantness of my mind being invaded. The first thing I see is me standing at the counter of Flourish and Blotts, the day I got the interview for the job. However, the shop melts away as I see myself and Monica when we were eleven skating on the frozen lake. The next memory takes place like many others with Jake and I sitting out on the lawns, the sun shining brightly on everyone around. But this one is different from the others, because I know this memory all too well. Its strange to see the expression on Jake's face and how tense I'm sitting. I knew it was coming, before he even told me that there was something that he wanted to talk to me about.

When my mind focuses on Snape and see that he has lowered his wand and is staring at me, though his eyes do not seemed focus on me at all. Like he is lost in his own thoughts. "You were dating some Hufflepuff, weren't you?" Snape suddenly says softly his eyes still looking unfocused.

For moment, I do nothing more than stare at him. Did he not know or remember that I was with someone? Why did he not think of asking about that until now though? He'd seen a memory of it before. "Yes I was," I respond simply as I looked at him. He still seems lost in thought, but then he shook his head.

"Shouldn't be surprised that _that _dysfunctional relationship did not work," Snape muttered to himself, earning a glare from me.

"It was dysfunctional because Jake was a jerk that couldn't keep his cock in his pants," I say as I glare at Snape. I know what he was thinking. I know that secretly, he was accusing me for the breakup. As far as everyone was concerned who did not know Jake in the least, our breakup was all _my _fault. Everyone thought of me as the crazy, jealous girlfriend, who started fights with any girl that dared look at her boyfriend. Well that is not true. Or rather, it isn't the full truth. Yes I do get easily jealous and my first reaction is to punch and hurt the person that I'm jealous of, however, the only girls I did punch and hurt where the ones that slept with Jake when they knew that he was with me. And Jake deserved what he got too.

Snape scowls at me. "Language Delilah," Snape reprimands me. I roll my eyes however, when I look back at Snape I see that he is once more pointing his wand at me while he glares. "_Legillimency,"_ he says a little louder than he was talking previously. He honestly gives me no time at all to even try and clear my mind. However, I suppose I really should be ready at any given point or at all times. I have no idea how Snape can manage to keep his mind closed off all the time.

The following memories are some that he saw last time, like me just hanging out with Monica, waking up with bruises when I was younger, Peeves pulling pranks on me. There is one were I'm picking out a large silver ring form a jewelry box when I was younger, the first DA meeting, Monica dragging me down to the Hogs Head, getting drunk with Jake, Mon, and Cedric at the Hogs Head, me tearing up while Cedric tells me something with a sorry ass look on his face. I suppose that is one of the many times that he lied to me about Jake's whereabouts. I didn't always know that he was lying, but I guess the tears are because in that particular memory I already knew what was going on.

I shut my eyes tight as memories from the orphanage, getting into various fights, the several times I had to be interviewed by parents, the several ones that adopted me, rebelling against being adopted, I try to push all these thoughts away. I don't like remembering the orphanage now that I have moved past that point in my life and I try to blank my mind against the flowing memories. I try not to pay attention to what I look like with all the bumps, bruises and scratches, or how tiny I used to be and how fragile I looked as I'd always been small and fragile.

Failing miserably, I try to stop my brain from working and just focus on the area around me. The creaks and groans from the house, and for a moment the flashing memories stop. For a moment, memories aren't flashing past my eyes and I could see Snape standing before me. For a brief moment, I see him as he stands there. The look in his eyes is of deep concentration and his stance is very rigid. The corners of his mouth are turned down in the tiniest of grimaces and his wand is pointed right out at me and I could see my arm, clad in a long white sleeve, clutching onto my wand.

But I lose the moment and for a few more seconds I can see more memories. Getting lost the first day on my way to Potions class when I was a first year, one of the stupid staircases switching on me when I was trying to get to Transfiguaration that same day. The first time I saw Dumbledore at the orphanage when he came to get me clad in a purple suit, the first time I was sent to the Hospital Wing and met Madam Pomfrey.

"Well that was a slight improvement," Snape said dryly after that brief moment. I look over at him and can see that he has lowered his wand. I rub my eyes and could feel the beginnings of the headache caused by your mind being invaded start. Its a very dull and hadly uncomfortable pain starting near my temples. It'll probably expand and become more sharp as the lesson goes on, just like it did the last time. But I can tell that the last time it had been much worse.

"Does that mean we're done for today?" I ask as I try to grin at him. He arches a brow at me, but I can seem a glint of amusement in his eyes for a moment as he stared at me.

"Nice try," he says dryly. I sigh as I sag slightly. "Wand up Delilah," Snape orders. I raise my wand arm once more and not long afterward I feel the familiar prodding of my mind. Memories flash through my mind. The first time I walked into the Great Hall, serving detention with professor McGonagall, hunched over a tray of food in the lunch hall with the other kids from the orphanage, getting a piggy back ride when I was four by one of the older boys, receiving my Owls and staring down at them.

"You got all 'Outstandings'?" Snape asked as he looked at me incredulously. I don't really hear him as I try to think of the memory just before that, of the boy who was about seventeen back then. I'd completely forgotten about him. He used to take care of me like he was an older brother or something. He was tall, very thin, pale with greasy black hair that reached up to about his chin. He used to wear these very tight black pants and sneakers with holes in them. I guess the reason I never saw him again after that was because he turned of age. I wonder what happened to him. I don't even remember his name anymore. Quite sad, cause that brings a pang to me. I know he'd meant something to me once, but I can't remember him.

"What? Oh, yeah," I say with a nonchalant shrug as my gaze actually focuses on Snape. Once more Snape raises a brow as he looks at me, seeming surprised and ... is that... might he be impressed? I shake my head of that, thinking it impossible to impress Snape with anything at all. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because its been quite a few decades since that has happened," Snape said pointedly as he stared at me. I raised a brow at this.

"Well they thought that I cheated somehow. Just before the start of my sixth year they had me retake all of my tests, heavily watched by like fifty Professors and all just to get the same stupid result," I said angrily. I note once more that he is looking at me strangely. " What?!Why is that so surprising? Remembering stuff isn't difficult. I'm not an idiot you know," I say defensively as I look at him. He scowls at me with his impatience at this.

"We're done for today, you may go down and say goodbye to them if you wish, I'll meet you at the castle," Snape says impatiently as he points his wand to the door and waves at me to leave dismissively. I merely shrug at this and leave the room. I'm glad that we are leaving, because that means finally I have some time for myself! I can finally talk to Monica!

**TBC...**

**Author's Note:** You all know the drill, tell me what you think.


	10. Chapter 9: A Man Named Severus

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 9: A Man Named Severus**_

"You know, you should come and spend the holidays with me," Monica says as the holidays are approaching. We are walking down the halls towards the Great Hall for lunch and I think about Monica's offer. I have spent many of the holidays with her and her family and they aren't exactly pleasant being as her mother is tight lipped and rigid woman who obliges to her hard-ass, bastard husband who likes to spend all his time criticizing his daughter. And boy does Monica love to make her father's eye twitch and to see her mom go pale by bitching back at him.

I don't really feel uncomfortable about it, being around a dysfunctional family I mean. After the first time of being with Monica's family, they have given up trying to hide their dysfunction and they treat me like I'm the one that corrupted their daughters. It does put me in a compromising position though. I mean, I have to stand their bitching at me without being able to bitch back a them because they have been oh so kind enough to accept me into their home. However, that doesn't stop me from thinking very ill of them and punching their ego with some well disguised insults.

"Well as much as I would like to see your darling parents and make their hairs turn grey... I don't think I should ditch Snape. You know," I say as we walk into the Great Hall and take our seats at the Ravenclaw table. Monica nods as we sit together.

"I guess. Did you hear about the Weasleys?" Monica asks. Between my last Occlumency and the last day of the term, there was only a week. At some point earlier this week, I noticed that a couple redheads were missing from my classes and soon noted that it wasn't only the twins that were gone but that Ginny, Ron and Harry Potter were all gone too. It made me wonder so I had asked Snape about it. He said that their father had been attacked when on Order business and that he was in St. Mungos. He didn't really seem to want to talk about it, but I knew that they must've all been taken out of school to see how Mr. Weasley was doing.

"Yeah," I respond simply as we sit down together at the table. I've never actually met the twin's parents, but I know that they are in the Order of the Phoenix. They sure had a lot of kids though. There are the four that are still coming to school with me, then there is the one I just met, Bill. There was another who was Head boy a couple years ago, when the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. And then I'm sure there was another that was about, two or three years older than him. So that's about seven kids. Really, I wonder if they wanted that many or if they simply did not think to use potions or charms to prevent it. Jake used this one charm every time.

"So... are you going to get," Monica pauses and looks around her to who is sitting around her. From what I know, our of the Ravenclaw seventh years, only about five of us are married. Mainly because we were the ones that were of age when the law was reinstated. One of them is this girl named Christina and she goes home to her husband everyday because he is a couple years older than her. Monica says she travels by special portkey. "A Christmas present for..."

"No, or well... I haven't thought about it," I say as I look at Monica, cutting her off as she can't think of a way to refer to Snape. I know who she is talking about already anyway. Monica raises a brow as she looks at me.

"You know you should. After all, he did give you Shadow, even though that damn cat is as much of a prick as he can be," Monica says. I glare at her, but suppose she has her reasons for disliking Shadow. Shadow does seem to have taking an instant disliking of Monica and loved to bite and claw her. He's super jealous of her. I guess its because she's the only person he's seen me give so much of my attention and affection to.

"Yeah, I guess, but what would I give him?" I ask as I look at her. I really have no idea what the hell Snape would like or what to get him. I hate shopping for gifts cause I never get anyone the right thing. Its the reason why Monica and I really don't exchange gifts. We tend to just do something nice for each other. Like breakfast or something. There was this one year when I made Monica this difficult light show with a complex spell. I involved millions of lights, but they could depict scenes and even better still, you could smell the landscape it created like you were actually there. I suppose it was something fleeting and useless, but I doubt Monica will ever forget it.

"Hmm... a book? New cauldron?" Monica says with a shrug as she realizes the problem with getting Snape something. At least Snape had some clue of what I might like for my birthday cause Sinistra told him. However, I doubt that Snape has ever told anyone what he may of may no like. Although, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to ask someone. Perhaps one of my Professors might know. It seems most logical to ask Professor Dumbledore, but I doubt that Dumbledore has any time for something so frivolous as that. "Why don't you poke around his rooms, see if you find any clues of what he may like."

"Well... I should get him something and as I'm going to be at the castle for so long, I guess I have plenty of time to think of something," I say with a shrug. Everyone will be heading home in a couple days and even after that there will be a couple days till Christmas. I probably have about five or six more days to come up with something. If I can't think of anything, I suppose there shouldn't be much of a problem. I doubt that Snape will be expecting anything or that he will give me anything either. "But I refuse to snoop around in his stuff. Its not like I'd want him to look at my private things. Besides, I got plenty of time."

"Yeah, you got plenty of time," Monica says, slightly sarcastically. I ignore her as we begin to eat out food. I do have plenty of time. Screw her.

--

"Professor Sinistra?" I say as I walk up to her at the end of class on Friday. She looks up from her desk were she was gathering up all the charts that we handed in and she smiles at me. I hate lingering behind at the end of class, trying to make everyone believe that you really are taking so long to gather up your things so you don't have to wait on your teacher or have your classmates staring at you like you are weird.

"Yes Delilah?" she asks kindly as she straightens up and looks down at me. I cast a glance around the classroom, just as the last person leaves and shuts the door behinds themselves, before I ask her my question. Its the last day of classes before break and Christmas is a few days away. I haven't been able to think about anything to get Snape. I really didn't want to ask anyone other than Sinistra what to get Snape, 'cause unlike Sinistra, I don't think that anyone knows that he got me a present and I don't feel like explaining that I just want to return the favor.

"I wanted to ask you, if you know of anything Professor Snape might like for Christmas," I ask as I stare at her. She seems genuinely surprised by this as she straightens up and pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Sinistra doesn't always use her glasses, but she is tonight.

A smile breaks out over her face. "You are going to buy Severus a Christmas present?" she asks as she looked at me. I feel a blush creeping onto my cheeks (thank god her class is so dark) at the way that she is smiling at me like I am something so very special. I downcast my gaze as I tuck a couple of hairs behind my ear and wonder why she thinks that it is such a big deal.

"Well you know, Snape gave me a kitten for my birthday, I thought I'd get him something for Christmas," I respond with a nonchalant shrug as I look up are her. Her smiles brightens at this.

"I didn't know he actually took my advice to give you something," Professor Sinistra says with a broad grin. I feel the blush on my face become deeper as I stare at her. Crap! So Snape didn't say anything about having gotten me something. I wonder if Sinistra will mention it to him and if Snape will be pissed about it. Considering that this is Snape we're talking about, how probably will be. I don't think he would want anyone to think of him as being a considerate person, I really think he likes the reputation he's got going for some reason or other.

"Yes... well anyway, do you think that there is anything that he would like in particular. I mean I'm kind of drawing blanks here and I thought maybe you might know. I mean you've been colleagues I'm sure, for longer than I have been at Hogwarts," I say as I look at Sinistra with a hopeful expression.

To my disappointment, but not necessarily very surprising, Professor Sinistra's smile breaks a little and she gives me a sorry look. "I'm sorry Delilah. Severus is very private person. I really wouldn't know what to tell you. Something potion's related perhaps?" she asked as she looked at me. I nod at this, figuring that no one would really know. I sigh as I droop my head a little and rub my temples. This is far more trouble than I really should be going through for Professor Snape. I don't even really like him. Although... lately he isn't so much of a jerk, really. But then again, I'm not his student and not someone he hates like Sirius, Harry Potter of Gryffindor in general.

"Well, thanks anyway Professor," I say as I look at her, with a small smile. "I should go. Snape'll get pissed if I get in too late," I say as I look at her and sling my bag back onto my shoulder as it had started to slide down my shoulder. Sinistra merely smiles as she leads me towards the door and holds it open for me.

"Good luck, Delilah," she says as she looks at me. I nod as I hurriedly make my way down the steps and head down towards the corridors. Its pretty late, so all the Prefects and everyone is probably in bed. If anyone is up and about, it will probably be a teacher or Filch. However, I don't worry too much about it as I finally read the seventh floor and start making my way down towards the dungeon. However, as I was rounding down towards the second floor I heard a very annoying "_Hem Hem" _causing me to turn around and glare up at Umbridge who is standing on a landing between the third and fourth floor.

"Miss Lovett, what are you doing out at these hours?" she asks in her sickly sweet voice as she begins to descend the staircase slowly. I stare up at her and feel like my body is going to convulse at the sight of her. The little pink bow sitting at the top of her head is still there, but she's actually wearing this pink, filly, lacy, horrid nightmare of a nightgown and pink fuzzy slippers. What the hell was she doing walking out at this hour?

"I had Astronomy, I'm heading to my rooms," I respond defensively as I glare up at her. She is still descending towards me with that fake sweet simile on her face as she looks at me. I look around the hall and remind myself that we are completely alone and realize that this isn't a particularly good situation. There is no one around to stop me from doing anything to the old toad if I so chose to. And really, considering what a bitch Umbridge is, I would really have no choice in the matter because I simply will not be able to control my temper and violence.

"But you're in Ravenclaw, you are quite far from the tower," she says as she looks down at me. "And Astronomy has been over for over fifteen minutes," she says as she comes to a stop a couple of steps higher than I am on the landing.

I raise a brow as I look up at her. I thought Snape said she knew all about the whole us being married. "I stayed after class to ask Professor Sinistra a question and I'm not heading to Ravenclaw tower," I reply simply. "If you don't mind Professor, I'm really quite tired," I lie as I turn away and start heading down the stairs. I really don't want to deal with her.

However, I don't get too far away from her before I feel her hand clamp down on my upper arm and turning me around. "Miss Lovett, where do you think that you are going? I have not dismissed you," Umbridge says, her tone becoming a slightly higher in pitch than it was a moment before as she spins me around to look at her. I try and tug my arm out of her grip, but the old toad has a real good hold of it. What does she want? "What did you ask Professor Sinistra?" she asks as she looks into my eyes.

I try and tug my arm out of her grasp once more but it doesn't budge. The bitch is actually hurting me and I can feel the anger rising in me. I feel like spitting in her face, however, I push that notion away, reminding myself that I do not want to go to Azkaban and meet my father. I try to think of a response to her question. If I could I would have told her that it was none of her fucking business what I had asked Professor Sinistra, however, I know that that will probably only get Professor Sinistra in trouble and I really don't want that.

"Is there a problem here?" a velvety voice says before I was able to respond to Umbridge. My stomach churns as I turn and see Snape walk up behind me. A shiver runs through me to see the hard look in his eyes as he looks past me towards Umbridge as he steps up beside me. Umbridge hastily lets go of my arm as she smiles towards Snape.

"I was just asking Miss Lovett why she was not in her dorm when her Astronomy lesson was over fifteen minutes ago," Umbridge said in her usual sickeningly sweet tone as she turned that acidic smile of hers towards Snape. I look over at him as he casts a glance at me and raises a brow at me. I shrug as I roll my eyes and turn to look at Umbridge in her fat toad face. Seriously, no one should be tortured by having to look upon the face of this woman. Its worse torture than the Cruciatus, I'm sure.

"And as I already explained to her I wanted to ask Professor Sinistra a question and that I was just going to bed. I'm tired. So can we go now," I say as I turn to look at Snape impatiently. He turns to look at me and raises a brow at this. I feel my face turn pink slightly, that must've not sounded right, however, Snape doesn't seem upset. Actually he seems sadistically amused. I roll my eyes at him as I turn to look back at Umbridge who is looking between us strangely. What the fuck is up with her? Is the fact that she is wearing a sleeping gown sent her into retard land or something that she really doesn't remember the fact that Snape and I were married thanks to her fucking ministry fucking around with our lives?

"Being law abiding citizens as we are, we live together, or have you forgotten that Professor Umbridge?" Snape says silkily as he looks at the fat toad. A look of realization dawns on her face and I suppose that the stupid, fat, bitch did forget. However, before she says anything Snape turns away from her and looks at me. "You're cat is growing impatient waiting for you, its starting to claw at the door," Snape says after bidding Umbrige good night and leading me by the elbow down the stairs.

"Thanks for that, old toad-face was going to give me a bruise," I say once we emerge a floor or two beneath where we left Umbridge standing as we make our way down. Snape lets go of my elbow as the smirk on his face disappears as we walk side by side down the stairs. That same hard look that had initially been on his face has reappeared and replaced the amusement that had come into his eyes once we had gotten talking. I wonder what that is about but don't have to wonder for long.

"She should not be touching you. Professors should never lay a hand on their students," Snape says as we emerge in the dungeons and begin to walk through the freezing halls towards his Private Quarters. Shit its like the temperature has just dropped like twenty degrees or something. If I thought that the dungeons were cold in November and October, they are much, much worse now that December is coming to a close. My stomach churns as I realize that Christmas is only a couple days away and that my time for getting Snape a present is running out. And after just having saved me from doing something awful to Umbridge, I feel he deserves it. Besides, he hasn't been an asshole to me lately. He's been quite tolerable.

"She does worse in detention," I say with a shrug as we walk down towards the dungeon. I look over at Snape and despite the darkness of the Dungeons halls, I see his expression becoming harder. Is he so angry about that? Wait, Snape can't be angry about students being mistreated, he's supposed to be a sadist who hates children. Hmm... well maybe I shouln't make him any angrier considering I have to be alone with him now and don't really want to deal with his surliness. "Besides, I seem to remember a certain Potions Master smacking both Monica and I with a a magazine on the back of our heads," I say with a sly grin at him.

The corners of his mouth twitch and it looks like he is trying to fight a smile. But that can't be right. "That's quite different Delilah, that hardly would've caused any damage. Besides, was I to stand two silly second years reading a magazine in my class. I think not," he says dryly as we reach the portrait into his room. "_Sobria Inebrietas_," Snape says, causing the portrait to swing open.

"What does that mean? I've been meaning to look that up," I say as I walk past him and open the door. Shadow jumps into my arms the second I step in through the door and purrs as I scratch his head. Merlin I love this cat. Snape definitely deserves for me to get him something.

"Sober Intoxication," Snape replies as he closes the door behind himself. "Now if that is all for tonight, good night," he says coolly as he walks to his bedroom and closes the door behind himself. I raise a brow at this as I sit down on the couch. Hmm... maybe I should get Snape something to drink. Would he like that? He sure could use something to loosen up.

--

"So have you decided what to get Snape for Christmas?" Monica said as she looked at me the following morning. She's asked me to walk with her down to Hogsmead from where she was going to meet her parents at the Three Broomsticks and they were going to Portkey home. I look over my shoulder to see her trunk bobbing along after us, while we trudge through the snow. I could've been a bitch and told Mon that there was no way in hell that I was going to meet up with her parents at the three Broomsticks or walk through this cold, but I figure at least this way I can look into the whole getting Snape a gift.

We were already in Hogsmead and the Three Broomsticks seemed to be looming ever closer. "I was actually thinking about getting Snape something to drink. Like a good Fiirewhisky or something," I said with a shrug as we walked closer. Monica smirks at me as she nudges me with her elbow.

"Not planning to date rape our poor Potions Master are you?" Monica asks mockingly earning herself a rough punch to the arm. She laughs it off as she rubs her shoulder. "I was just kidding Del, geeze lighten up. You would almost think that it is you that is going to go home to my lovely parents," she says, her comment ending in a sarcastic tone. I don't say anything in response to that as we finally reach the Three Broomsticks and enter after taking a deep and calming breath. Monica walks in ahead of me with her trunk before I follow.

Standing inside, we look around and spot Monica's parents sitting somewhere in the back. There are a few other seventh years that are going home (seventh years that have their apparating licences have the option of apparating home if they wish). Apparently people seemed to like to stop by for a drink before heading home to their families. Is family life really all that terrible. I really don't know. Nothing I ever had was normal, considering I wasn't really those people's kid and the only family I've really seen is Monica's and hers is quite dysfunctional, isn't it? Or is that actually normal?

Looking at the look of disdain that crosses Mon's parents' faces I grimace. "Do I have to go say anything to them?" I ask as I look at her. Mon rolls her eyes and just drags me over to where her parents are sitting. Both Mon's parents are thin and tall and Mon looks just like her mother, though of course her mother has a much more rigid look about her. Her father on the other hand, is a robust man with very large shoulders. He looks like he's all muscle and he has a rather thick black mustache that matches his hair and eyes. I wonder how a man like that ever fell in love with a woman like Mrs. Roberts. Of course, considering the fact that Monica's mom is beautiful despite her up-tightness, I'm not too surprised.

"Mother, father," Monica says in greeting to her parents. Her mother doesn't respond as she looks at me, her lips nearly disappearing as they are compressed into such a tight line. That's the one feature that Monica got from her dad. She has her fathers full lips. Her mother hardly has any lips to speak of.

"You're not spending the holidays with us this year, are you Delilah?" Mr. Roberts says as he turns his dark eyes to look at me. I turn my gaze to him and glare at him.

"I've love to Mr. Roberts, but unfortunately I've found someone who's company is more delightful," I say dryly as I roll my eyes at him. Mrs. Roberts makes a slight choking noise as she sits up straighter and more rigid than before in her chair. I look over at her and wonder if she was always like this. Did she always have that stick shoved up her ass, or was it her husband that placed it there? The woman's beauty is so frail, like its falling away, despite how stunning it looks in her robes. Her chocolate locks of curls are tied up in a fancy twist, but they are already graying prematurely.

"Ah yes, you were married were you not?" Mr. Roberts says, knowing only because Monica had to tell her parents why she was leaving early the previous summer. They know she was attending my "wedding". I look over at him once more and see that his eyes are glinting with pleasure. Bastard kind of creeps me out. Sometimes he looks like he is a rapist. Or one of those guys that beats on his wife and kids. Only I've never actually seen evidence of any of those things. "I hope that he is treating you as a husband should treat his wife and that you are adjusting to your _place_." Oh yeah, this bastard is definitely a domineering bastard. But I kinda knew that already, though he's not around all that often, come to think of it. Probably cheats on his wife. Monica once told me that she thought that he was.

"Well for you it must've been quite a relief to find Mrs. Roberts, wasn't it? I doubt that any other pureblood would have taken you, despite your money and name," I say with a faint smile. I smirk at the way he turns blotchy red and sputters and the way that Mon's mom whimpers. I roll my eyes and look at Monica who seems to be trying very hard not to laugh. "Have a nice holiday Mon, I got shopping to do," I say as I give her a quick peck on the cheek and purchasing a bottle of Firewhisky before walking out.

--

Christmas Eve came much more slowly now that I had a gift. I was bored at the castle all alone. Shadow could only be co much entertainment on a given day. Snape disappeared early on in the morning, leaving the room to me alone, which I supposed suited me because it meant I could wrap his bottle properly and tie a bow on it. However, I felt a bit uncomfortable about giving it to him, so I merely set it on the night stand before I decided to jump in the shower.

When I came out, I wrapped a bathrobe around myself and cursed myself for having forgotten about bringing the robes I was going to change into with me. So I quickly ran into Snape's room, grabbed the one at the very top of my trunk and quickly ran back to change in the bathroom. When I was through getting dressed and drying my hair, I cursed the fact that the robes sitting on the top were the Slytherin robes Monica had given me for my birthday, which I had sworn never to wear.

Sighing unhappily, I walked out of the room, grabbed one of my cloaks and stalked out of the rooms so as not to run into Snape in these robes. I suppose I really can't avoid him all day, but I suppose if I'm not in the rooms, I won't run into him until late evening. However, as I step out into the hall and start to wander around, I wonder what I'm supposed to do for the most part of my day. Considering its hardly past lunch as I spent my whole morning with Shadow and grooming. Yes, that's something that I do when I'm bored. I actually take my sweet time with all those processes I usually race through. I even bother to wear a little bit of makeup. For instance, the lilac eyeshadow over my black eyes, the black eyeliner, the mascara, the light pink lip-gloss on my lips. And you know what, I really hate to admit this, but Monica was right and these stupid robes really do bring out the color in my pale complexion and they fit me much better than my school robes.

Passing by a windowpane on the ground floor, I look at my reflection and grimace slightly. My hair is contrasting horribly with these robes, and so is my light eyeshadow. Tapping my chin lightly with my index finger as I stare at myself, I reach into my robes and pull out my wand. Flicking it at my hair, I temporarily change the color from lilac to Slytherin green, before doing the same to my eyeshadow. Scrunching up my nose in scrutiny I shake my head. TOO MUCH GREEN! ARGH! Flicking my wand at my hair once more, I turn it to its original black.

Furrowing my brow deeply, I stare at my straight black hair. Since I started to consistently dye my hair lilac since I was a first year I haven't seen myself with my natural hair color in so long. Its amazing how much just the color of your hair can altar your appearence. When I was younger, I remember that my hair made me so plain and yet right now... no, I've said so myself I'd never be beautiful. No, it's just the robes and the makeup that make me look like this. My hair just goes well with this color.

Turning away from the glass window, I walk out onto the grounds and ignore the fact that my hair is black. It's so strange that I feel so self-conscious with black hair, when it is something quite typical and mundane. However, as strange at it may sound, having lilac hair made me as invisible as anything else and ... I feel like the same could not be said if I'd kept my hair black since I was a first year.

Reaching up to my hair as I walk out onto the grounds, I stare at the silken strands. No, this isn't my hair. This is a charm that has turned my hair black. Yes my hair color, beneath the potion really is black. However, when you hold it up and look through the strands and see the sun shine through it, you see an array of golden colors. Like warmth washing through to you in golden brown, and reds. That is not something that artificially created jet-black hair can do, charm, potion or otherwise. This is no more my hair than my lilac mop. Though I feel more comfortable in lilac than currently, or then I did when I was a first year with my black hair. But I suppose that was the Weasley's fault. Growing up in the orphanage, I never had a problem with my hair before.

Making my way around the castle towards the lake, I think about the orphange and my childhood. I really hate Christmas you know. Its the time of year where not having a family gets shoved into your face. Emerging by the lake, I walk onto the now frozen surface a bit, before sitting down on the frozen ice.

I spent most of my Christmas's in the Orphanage. I'd say I was adopted about four times before I decided I was tired of it and didn't want anyone to adopt me anymore, because it always ended the same way. I was always sent back to the orphanage because the families I stayed with thought that I was damaged and strange. It made me feel quite horrible and if it weren't for the fact that I was constantly surrounded by people who were just like me, I probably would have felt rather down about it.

Staring out at the expanse of the lake, I could see that for the most part the lake hasn't completely frozen over just yet. But I find it hard to concentrate on the lake when my thoughts keep turning to my childhood and I keep thinking about the kid that I'd completely forgotten about. I looked happy, latching onto his back, my thin arms wrapped around his neck. Life in the orphanage, while never having been completely miserably, I didn't remember being happy in that place. But I'd forgotten him. Even now, as lost memories resurface, I can't recall his name at all.

But I remember him. I remember the way that he kept the other children from hurting me when he was around, I remember the way that he would carry me when I was younger, the tickling matches that he would enter with me, though really they weren't really matches as he was the one doing most of the tickling. I even remember the way that I cried so bitterly when I realized that he was gone and I know that that was the first time I ever realized that I was really alone in the world, the first time I had ever felt it. And I feel tears well up in my eyes to think that I could have ever forgotten him. I wonder, how could I have forgotten the first person in my life who showed me any kind of kindness and love? I wish I could remember his name and see his face more clearly. But all that I really have left of him is his chin-length, greasy black hair, his dark eyes, pale skin and the clothes that he wore. All I remember was that he was tall and thin. Wish I could remember his name.

--

"What are you doing out of your dorms?" Snape paused as I turned to face him. In the dim lit hallway, I could see his eyes narrow at me, like he's trying to recall who I am. I raise a brow as I look at him, wondering of he really can't recognize me considering we live together, for a moment completely forgetting about my hair being black. "Ah. Have you finally decided to join the world of adults and wash out the dying potion from your hair?" Snape asked, his voice dripping with mockery as he stepped closer to me, though only close enough for me to see him better by the halls nearest torch light.

"No, it's just a charm," I reply. He raises a quizzical brow at this. Rolling my eyes at him, I move my cloak aside to reveal the robes that I am wearing beneath. "My hair clashed with them," I say with a shrug, before letting my cloak settle over them once more. Snape merely sneers at the robes before looking back into my eyes.

"And the makeup?"

"Bored, had nothing better to do than to fix myself up," I respond with another disinterested shrug. I suddenly look up at him and cross my arms over my chest. "You must be bored to if you are already patrolling. Its not even going to be curfew yet for another half hour," I say as I look at him. He clenches his jaw shut, but say nothing in response to this. I noticed that he'd finished up all his grading a day or two ago. Makes me wonder what on earth teachers do during their holidays. Don't they get bored being at school year around? "Do you always have to stay at the castle for the winter holidays?"

"Usually. As Head of House I must stay and tend to my students. However, if none of my students remain at the castle, which isn't quite the rare occasion you might expect, I am free to spend the holidays where I wish," Snape replied in a the same tone that I remember he would use when he was lecturing in class. I nod in response to this as it makes sense. Switching the weight of my body from one foot to the other, I ask him if there were any Slytherins in the castle. I couldn't recall seeing any in the past couple of days. "No, there aren't," he replied simply. "You didn't eat dinner," Snape says just as I was about to open my mouth to ask him why he decided to stay at the castle.

"Umm... no, I didn't," I say in response, though he wasn't actually asking me a question. I'd gotten so caught up in my thoughts that I had lost track of time and completely missed my dinner. Wouldn't be the first or last time that something like that has happened to me. If I didn't eat with such fervor whenever I did eat, people would accuse me of being anorexic. "Lost track of time, sitting on the lake," I said as I looked around, before turning back to Snape who was scrutinizing me. However, his eyes didn't really seemed to be focused on me. He looks more like he's studying something internally, like he's turning something over in his head.

"We should get you something to eat," Snape said, turning around and motioning me to follow. I furrow my brow as I follow him down the halls, trying to keep up with his long and quick strides. It's a bit hard to do, considering the fact that Snape has long legs. However, as I follow along behind him silently, I find my mind turning back to my earlier thoughts and wondering about Snape. What was his childhood like? What were his parents like? Did he know them and did they have nice Christmas's? And why hadn't he gone home this year for the holidays if he could? Did he not have an actual home outside of this castle?

Despite all the questions formulating in my mind, I can't really bring myself to ask any of them, especially as Snape doesn't seem like the sharing type. Besides, do I really want to know anymore about Snape? He had to have a dark past, he did become a Death Eater after all. I can't imagine that he had a very happy home life when he was a child and I know that he is a half-blood. There must've been some hate in him towards muggles is he joined Voldemort; there must be something in him that agrees with Voldemort's views, or had at some point.

"Where are we going?" I ask as I suddenly realize that I have blindly followed Snape out onto the grounds. The sudden cold, December air brings me out of my reverie. I jog to catch up to Snape as he trudges quickly through the snow and down towards the gates of Hogwarts. Makes me wonder why I have followed him thus far to begin with. I should probably be more curious about people and their motives. Well I am a curious person, but mostly that pertains to knowledge rather than the personal matters of others. "I'm sorry what?" I say when I realize I lost myself in my thoughts and that he must've responded. Snape gives me an annoyed look that clearly says he is not about to repeat himself.

Just as we reach the gates of Hogwarts, Snape grabs me by the arm and Dissapparated us with a pop. I grit my teeth ad the unpleasant feeling before I feel ground beneath my feet once more and open my eyes (didn't realize I had shut them). However, when I open my eyes, I can't resist the urge to smile. The Leaky Cauldron, while not being the classiest, cleanest, nicest of places to spend your Chrismas Eve, it certainly warms my heart to be in the familiar, dank tavern.

Not realizing that Snape had not let go of my arm, I find myself being hauled over to one of the tables and sitting down as Snape sits down opposite of me. Before I can ask him what this is about, Snape motions for Tom and asks for something to drink before turning to look at me with a quizzical brow. Realization suddenly dawns on me that Snape means for me to eat something. "Oh," I say as I look over at Tom and smile at him. "I'll have what I usually ate when I lived here," I say with a smile at him, knowing that he remembers me very well. He merely smiles before walking away, sending over one of the barmaids a couple minutes later with our drinks.

"Did you usually drink with your meals?" Snape asks sneeringly as he brings his glass to his lips and drinks. I smile to see that he seems to like firewhisky while I merely stare at the class on the table and remove my cloak so that I can eat without it hindering me.

"Only in the evenings," I replied as I looked at him. I see him raise a brow at me and I merely shrug. "I've been building up my drinking endurance since I was fifteen," I say with a shrug as I look at him. There were plenty of opportunities for me to drink when I was staying with Monica's family, and once I had started dating Jake, who is a year older me, he showed me and Monica how to get the House Elves to get us alcohol. You see, Hogwarts stores it for the teachers, and its not that difficult to convince one of the elves to knick it for you.

Snape says nothing in reply to this as the barmaid brings over my food, just some soup as I really don't trust the cooking here for anything else, and refills Snape's glass before walking off. "Professor Snape, if you could go home for the holidays this year, why did you chose to stay at the castle?" I ask as I start shovelling soup into my mouth. Snape turns his gaze to me, he had been looking around. I guess he's not greatly comfortable sitting there, watching me eat while he drinks. To tell the truth, I'm not that comfortable with it either. I've never seen any of my Professor's drink and this wigs me out.

"I would think that was obvious," Snape said dryly as he took another sip from his drink. I looked at him blankly as I continued to eat my soup rapidly, earning myself an annoyed look. "Do you always eat like you are in such a hurry?" Snape asked as he looked at me with mild disgust. I merely grinned at him and nodded, while continuing to shovel the food in my mouth. I'm famished and I really don't care if Snape is disgusted by me scarfing down my food; I can't help it. In the orphanage you'd get your food stolen by other kids if you didn't scarf it down. Snape glared at me before looking away and drinking some more. "I'd hate to give the few daft people who think that you and I are actually involved reason to believe it anymore," he said in a low murderous tone as he finished off his drink and motioned to the barmaid for a refill.

"Hmm... than maybe I should have gone with Monica to spend the holidays with her," I say, pausing in my soup binging as the barmaid refills Snape's glass. If I were him I would just tell her to leave the bottle already.

"You didn't why?" Snape asked as he turned his gaze to meet mine rather sharply. I feel myself turn a little pink. Was it terribly considerate of me to not wish to leave him alone? Shrugging nonchalantly, I bend over my soup and begin to scarf it down once more while muttering something incomprehensible about hating her parents. Looking up suddenly, I tell him about the meeting with them in the Three Broomsticks

"Sounds like my father," Snape said darkly as he stared at the bottom of his glass before tipping its whole contents in his mouth and swallowing it hard. I pause with a spoonful of soup in my mouth and stare at Snape with my eyes wide. "My father was a muggle, my mother was a pureblood. He was always domineering, perfectionist who demanded perfection from his wife and only son. But when he found out my mother was a witch he didn't take it very well," Snape continued darkly as he glared at his glass. As if it were its fault that it was empty.

"Are they... still alive?" I asked hesitantly, pulling the spoon out of my mouth. Snape set the glass down on the table and looked over at me, as if realizing that I was there for the first time. He stared at me for a moment, like he was evaluating me and trying to decide whether to crush me or not. I wriggled a bit beneath his intense glare and felt like I wanted nothing more than the earth to open up and swallow me whole. Anything really would have been better than the way that he was staring at me in that moment.

"My father passed away when I was nineteen. I hadn't seen him since I'd turned seventeen. I left home as soon as I was of age," Snape muttered as he grabbed my drink and drank it. I would have been thoroughly pissed off at this, cause I hated it when anyone takes my drink (or food for that matter), however, considering Snape was baring something of himself to me, I was a bit too shocked and stupefied. However, I felt pity for Snape. It sounded like his dad was a real asshole. "I couldn't stand any of the arguments and punishments anymore."

"What about your mother?" I asked tentatively, motioning for the barmaid and telling her to leave the bottle when she came over to refill both of our glasses. She nodded and set the bottle between us before walking away. In the meantime, Snape was gulping down another of his drinks as I sipped at mine, completely having forgotten that Snape had put his mouth to my glass. Not that I really would have cared either way. Not like he was going to spread some disease to me.

"We keep the bare minimum of contact and I visit her on her birthday. We prefer to be alone. We remind each other too much of that failed marriage for us to want to be close to one another and I'm sure she blames me for my father's death," Snape replied bitterly once the barmaid had moved away and we were left to ourselves. I stared at Snape and found it strange that he was telling me all this and I supposed it was the firewhisky that was loosening his tongue. However, hearing about his family and a bit about his childhood made him seem more human to me.

"I suppose she actually loved him, despite what he was," I said as I watched Snape closely. He merely nodded as he took another sip of his drink. "What is your mother like?" I asked curiously as I looked at him.

"Quiet, brooding, sour," Snape replied coldly. I couldn't help but smile at that, to which Snape glared at me. "What do you find so amusing?" he asked as he looked at me. However, I wasn't going to be intimidated by Snape, even if his reasoning was a bit impaired by the drinking. I knew he wasn't drunk or even tipsy yet, the man sure can hold his liquor, however, I knew what he had drunk could certainly cause him to lose control.

"Your description of her, made me think of a female you," I replied, earning myself the death glare. I smiled at him. "On come on Professor Snape, you got to admit that anyone could use those very same words to describe you," I say lightly as I look at him and take a sip from my drink. Snape's mouth twitches, but he doesn't say anything as he takes a sip. "What's her name? When's her birthday?"

Snape raises a brow as he looks at me. "Where has all this curiosity suddenly sprouted from?" he mocks. I roll my eyes at him as I finish my drink. "I see," Snape says, as if he took my drinking as the response to that, and maybe it is. "Her name is Eileen Prince. Her birthday is April 17th," he replied dryly as he set down his glass and started to turn it in his fingers, staring at it intently.

We sat in silence for several moments and I couldn't help but watch Snape, who seemed to have lost himself in some thought or memory. "Professor Snape?" I asked softly as I looked at him.

"Severus," he said as he continued to stare at the glass, not breaking contact with it, as though it held the secrets of the universe. "I'm no more your Professor than Lupin and you are more worthy of calling me by my rightful name than he," he said, almost ending it in a snarl. I never understood why he allowed Remus to call him by his name if he didn't like it, however, I don't say anything about that. Merely nod in response, though I don't think I'd be very comfortable calling him by his first name.

Finishing off my glass, I think about what Monica once said about me blocking Snape out, and I know that she was right about that, because I'd never particularly tried to get along with Snape like I did with other people. Even now, I was reluctant to call him by his first name. Of course, when Remus had asked for the same thing, I had been reluctant too, but I tried to be less formal with him. I honestly did and I found myself wondering whether I was capable of giving Snape that same benefit.

"We should get back to the castle," Snape said suddenly rising. I merely nodded and did the same, watching him as he deposited a couple of galleons on the table top before apparating us back to the castle and making our way up silently, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I figured that for Snape, like me, Christmas was never a good time and I found myself wondering if he had ever received presents. I had, from the orphanage, but it was always something from a local charity and something usually very cheap.

As I followed Snape... Severus, into our rooms, I realized as he disappeared into his room that I had gotten to his room that I had gotten him a bottle. Actually, I didn't really remember until after I had plopped down on the couch with Shadow and he re-emerged from his rooms with the bottle in hand. "What is this?" he asked as he looked at me. I turned around and smiled bashfully.

"Merry Christmas Professor Snape," I said as I looked at him. He raised a brow at me. "I mean Severus," I said correcting myself, thinking that it was what he meant. However, he still continued to stare at me in a puzzled manner.

"Why?" Snape asked me.

I shrugged. "You got me Shadow and saved me from Umbridge," I said with a light shrug. He seemed uncomfortable with this still and I realized that he was probably uncomfortable because he hadn't gotten me anything. "Lets call it even? After all, you saved me from a horrid Christmas with the Roberts," I said as I smiled up at him. Snape merely nodded before turning around and muttering a good night. I sighed as I leaned back in the couch and curled up with Shadow, glad that he hadn't made more of a fuss about it and relieved that was over with.

**TBC...**

**Authors Note: **I hope that everyone enjoyed the chapter. Oh and the boy from the orphanage is not Severus. Please Review!


	11. Chapter 10: Kicking Off The New Year

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 10: Kicking Off The New Year**_

I suddenly jumped when I heard the door slam shut and I looked up to see Severus walk into the room and head straight to his room. Putting Shadow on the floor, I got up from the couch and peaked into Severus' room, where he was pouring himself something to drink. "Are you okay?" I asked him tentatively from the door way. Several days had passed since Christmas and I had gotten used to calling him by his first name seeing as we started to spend a bit more time together, either playing chess, which I thoroughly suck at, or discussing Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts or the Dark Arts themselves.

You know, Severus really does know a lot about the Dark Arts and I felt like an apprentice, because when he told me about them I would just sit there and write about it in a notebook that Severus had gotten for me as a belated Chrismas present. Severus didn't seem to mind me sitting there and writing stuff down. He said that it would probably come in handy if the time for me to meet the Dark Lord came. He said that knowing about the Dark Arts was just as imparative to learning about their defense as anything else.

"Professor Dumbledore has told me that I will be teaching Potter Occlumency," he said in a low and murderous tone that I dared not miss what he said as he downed the glass that he poured himself and poured himself another glass. I frowned at this, thinking that that had to be one of Professor Dumbledore's worst ideas. Severus HATES Harry Potter, why would he assign him, out of all the people in the world, the responsibility of teaching Harry Occlumency? Surely he knew that Severus was likely to kill the boy? And wasn't there anyone else that knew Occlumency well enough to teach it to Harry? Surely Professor Dumbledore could himself, although, I assume he really is too busy for that.

"But you abhorre him," I say as I stare at the back of his head.

"Thank you, for pointing out the obvious," Severus snaps in turn. GREAT! Now I am going to be the one that is going to be putting up with his vile little tempers, just because I'm the person around.

"Did he have to tell you on New Years Day?" I wonder as I make my way over to the living room and slump down on the couch. That seems like a bad omen or something. Great way to start the new year, I think sarcastically to myself as I cross my arms over my chest and prop up my feet on the coffee table.

"Feet off the table Delilah. Understandable that you weren't taught any manners in the orphanage, but its time to rectify those little nasty habits you have," Severus said irritably as he came into the room, carrying two filled glasses and the bottle of firewhisky I'd gotten him. He handed over one of them to me, before taking his seat in the armchair. I grudgingly put my feet on the floor as I glared at him, but still took the glass nonetheless. I'm probably going to start to do A LOT of drinking.

Deciding to completely ignore Severus' nasty little statement I take a sip of my drink. "Why is he having Harry learn now?" I ask as I look over at him. His gaze darkens as he stares at the glass in his hands and tells me about how they had known that Mr. Weasley had been attacked and explains slightly about a connection that Harry has to Voldemort. I don't really comprehend this connection, but to me it sounds like Voldemort can get into Harry's head without using Legillimency on him. "So Dumbledore wants Harry to block him off now?" I ask as I look at Severus, who merely nods as he finishes his glass and pours himself another.

"Haven't I made that blatantly clear already?" Severus snapped in response. I roll my eyes as I set down my glass. I really have no tolerance for this and I really don't want to deal with him if he is going to be behaving this way. I'll murder him if I stay. Picking up my bag from the end of the couch, I head towards the doors.

"I'm going to the library. I'll see you later," I say as I take my leave. Any hopes I had that the year was going to start looking up was dashed away and I found myself wishing once more the return of all the other students and the start of classes.

--

"Are you PMSing?" I was a little confused as to why I was looking at Jake, however, I didn't really notice that because of the raving mad jealousy and anger that had filled me up. Though I really did have this really eerie and overwhelming sense of Deja Vu as I shoved him away from me and tried to walk away. It was a bit hard to do considering the fact that he was holding onto my elbow and wouldn't let me go.

Turning around once more I shoved him with all my might yelling out, "Get the fuck off me, Jake!" He stumbled back a bit and by the time he had regained his footing he was chasing after me like a little injured puppy. I could feel the rage building inside me while my eyes teared up. I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to give him or anyone else the satisfaction. Instead, I was on a rampage seeking blood as I made my way furiously down the hallways, my legs carrying me so quickly away from Jake that he had to jog after me, which is amazing in and of itself considering the fact that his legs were much longer than mine and that he was on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. I knew perfectly well were I was going, even though I hadn't traced the steps down towards the dungeons since my last Potions lesson in my fifth year. "Where are you going?"

Breathing in heavily in annoyance as he forced me to look at him, I realized that unless I got rid of him he would not let me seek the blood I desired. With a swift kick in towards his groin, I got rid of his nuisance I didn't bother to watch him crumple to the floor, cupping his injured balls and curling into a ball to hide his shame as the students that were in the hallway at the time laugh. No, instead I started to sprint down the hallway and down the nearest staircase to where the seventh years should be getting out of Potions. I didn't care for the fact that the girl whose blood I was after was a year older than me and a Gryffindor. I didn't care that the girl was nearly twice my size because she was taller and had a bit more meat on her bones than me. Not that she was a fatass, but I'm just very, very thin.

But that was besides the point. I didn't care about anything as the I saw her walking down the hallway. I didn't even care about her friends standing on either side of her as I charged towards her and knocked her ass to the ground. In fact, it all became a red blurr. I couldn't see her long blonde curls, her stunning face, her beautiful blue eyes. All I saw was red and I could feel the pain on my fists as I pounded her face, or when I ocassionally missed and punched the stone floor. I didn't even realize when I broke a knuckle because I kept wailing on her face. All I knew, felt and was aware of was the rage and pain inside me. I wanted her to pay for how shitty I felt.

"Miss Lovett," I had to shake my head at the disorientation that I felt as I looked up at Snape. He was smirking down at me, his wand held loosely in his hand as he stood in the space between me and Gerogiana Pretnick. Looking away from Snape I sit up and realize that I've somehow been tossed onto my back on the cold stone floor. Looking a few feet before me, I can see Georgiana, her blonde curls covered in blood as is her face as her friends are all swooning around her. A quick glance around the hall shows all the bystanders looking on in horror. "Surely you realize that this more than warrants your expulsion from school?"

"Yes, Professor Snape," I say as I sit up and look down at my blood and cracked fist. One look at the disfigured bones was more than sufficient to tell me that I'd broken a knuckle or two, not to mention the intense pain I could suddenly feel.

"However, being as I do not know who actually started this, and as no one was seriously injured, I think a week of detention and fifty points from Ravenclaw should suffice," Snape said coldly with a sadistic smile on his face as he surveyed me. I felt relief suddenly that Snape hated Gryffindors so much. The Gryffindors of course started to protest, but one look from Snape rendered them silent. "Get to the hospital wing, and if I hear from either of you that you have fought, I will have you both expelled," Snape said, before walking away.

"What did you do Delilah?" Jake said as he came running down the stairs with Monica at his side. I could tell by the look on her face that she understood what I had done and just why I had done it, however, she seemed calm and cool enough to not do anything at all.

"Come on, Del, neither one of them is worth it," Monica said as she scooped down and helped me to my feet, wrapping an arm around me as we made our way towards the stairs.

"My little lilac, you know I love you," I froze on the stairs with a hand on the banister, my heart clenching. It was the first time that I'd realized that he cheated on me. I walked away in that moment, but that didn't matter because after spending a full night crying out until my body felt as though it were completely dehydrated, I realized that I couldn't live without him. Or, that was what it felt like at the time.

"Having a pleasant dream?" I sit up and look over at Severus who has just walked out of his room. I feel a little disoriented as I sit up and the black cover I had draped on me falls to the floor and accidentally dumping Shadow on the floor along with it as I cross my legs and rub my face. He isn't too pleased, but I'm not concerned with that as I try to figure out why my eyes feel damp and wondering why he would ask if I were dreaming.

"Who said I was dreaming anything?" I asked as I looked over at him. I've never been one to remember anything that I have dreamt about. I know that I have dreamt something, but for some reason or other, the moment that consciousness slips into my mind, I forget anything that may have crossed my mind in my sleep. Running my hands through my hair, which is kind of the way that I brush my hair most of the time cause I'm too lazy to really bother with it (besides, my hair is so straight it doesn't really tangle) I looked at him questioningly.

"You kept saying Jake," Severus replied in the same cold tone of voice that he used before. However, as was the case lately, Severus was mad for no reason. I was actually quite happy that classes were finally starting up again, though Severus on the other hand only kept getting moodier and moodier. I think its because it means that Harry's Occlumency lessons are going to begin soon.

"Oh," I mumble simply. I guess I must've been dreaming up a painful memory. Might account for the reason that I woke up with my eyes feeling wet. Running my hands through my hair I stand up and grab my school bag and throw my school robes over my arms. I feel like I only slept for like half an hour. Which actually, just might be the case considering that I couldn't fall asleep. So far, Severus and I have been fighting quite frequently and I couldn't sleep because of the last argument we had before I fell asleep. After all, what business was it of his if I had bothered to work on any of my class assignments? It's not my fault that for some reason or other all my Professors complain to him about the fact that I neglect to do their work. If he wants to bitch at someone about that, he should bitch at them.

"Can't you ever fold that cover," Severus snaps irritably. These days, he's taking to complaining to me about everything that I do. Apparently everything that I do grates on his nerves. I curse too much, I don't have any manners, I eat like a monster in a hurry, I shouldn't put my feet up on the table, I should put my things away, I shouldn't be so sloppy, I need to make less noise when playing with Shadow. I'm so fucking sick of it! He's driving me absolutely fucking mad!!

"Whats the point? I'm going to unfold it again later anyway. Besides, can't Twixy fold it?" I respond, my irritability already jumping into my voice. It's too early for this! I'm too tired to put up with it. Very soon I'm going to be ripping out my air. Living with Severus is like living with a neat freak grandmother with a foul fucking temper. If I didn't think that the man would murder me, I probably would have kicked him in the nuts already or tried to punch the shit out of him.

"I'm sure Twixy has a lot more to do than clean after a sloppy, seventeen-year-old pig," Severus replies nastily, causing me to turn around and look at him.

"Oh fuck you, Severus," I say sounding very tired as I drop my shit on the floor and turn to the couch. I start to fold the stupid cover sloppily, thoroughly ignoring Severus as he bellows at me about my language. I close my eyes tight as I drop the shittily folded cover and turn to look at him. Why does he have to make that unholy racket so early in the fucking morning?!

"STOP SHOUTING! I'M NOT EVEN STANDING FIVE FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM YOU!" I shout at him, trying to make my voice louder than his; considering the fact that he was not going to be able to hear a damn thing I said if I didn't shout in turn. Snape bears his teeth at me, however, stops whatever he was saying as he lightly shoves me aside and starts to fold the stupid cover properly. Picking up my bag and school robes once more in irritation, ignoring whatever Snape is muttering to himself, I wonder why the fuck are we fighting over a fucking cover? It seems so retarded.

"You need to grow up Delilah. Just because at the moment you have the comfort of a House Elf does not mean that you will keep that comfort for very long. You need to learn to be more neat, I won't be living in a sty," Severus said through his gritted teeth, sounding like he wants to murder me. I roll my eyes and simply walk over to his door, wondering what he is going on about. However, as I reach it I pause with my hand on the door handle as a thought crosses my mind that I had not quite thought before. If Snape has his own place, doesn't that mean that I'm supposed to move in with him when the year comes to an end?

Turning around I look over at Severus as he finishes folding the blanket, feeling my stomach turning into millions of little knots. "I... I can't deal with this anymore," I said, shaking my head and down-casting my gaze just as Severus turns around to look at me with his brows knitted together. "I'm not going to be your punching bag to get out all your frustrations on," I said as I looked up at him. "I'm tired of you starting up fights with me over the littlest things just because you are going to be teaching Harry occlumency. I'm moving into Ravenclaw," I say, shaking my head and turning around, not at all noticing the way he reacts.

--

Moving out of Severus' rooms didn't seem like too big a deal to me. Although apparently to Monica it was a big fucking deal. "You could have moved out anytime before, but you are moving out now! I thought that you were starting to get along, that's what you said in the owl you sent me after Christmas," Monica said bewildered as she followed along behind me after we met up in the Entrance Hall after our first class. We had a break and she accompanied me down the stairs towards his rooms, however, she waited outside while I went in to get all my stuff and Shadow.

"We _were _getting along, now he's gotten very pissy, more so than he already is," I had replied simply. My moving into Ravenclaw wasn't too much of a big deal and no one really noticed. Almost everyone was in class but a few sixth and seventh years I'd imagined, and there weren't that many of them in Ravenclaw. Surprisingly enough, there were also a couple of empty beds in Ravenclaw, considering that the few girls that had been married this past summer, just as was the case for a few Hufflepuffs of Gryffindors, actually went to their own homes with their husbands. It was amazing how many girls dated older boys that no longer went to Hogwarts.

I didn't see Severus around all that often after that. It seemed that our Occlumency lessons were called off and as I didn't take his class anymore, the only place I really saw him was in the Great Hall during meal times. I would occasionally look up and find that he was staring at me with a strange expressions on his face, however, when my eyes met his he would merely glare and turn to look at some other part of the hall. I didn't pay this too much mind and focused on my classes and on Monica.

Now that I was back in Ravenclaw, I spent much of my free time in the common room. When it was mostly empty, I would once more lay down on the floor and stare up at the starry ceiling. Sometimes I would just sit in front of the statue of Rowena Ravenclaw with one of my notebooks and start sketching her. Once when I was in there alone because Monica was in a "study session" with some Quidditch player from Hufflepuff, Luna even came up to me and sat next to me and we just stared up at her. It was actually quite nice to just sit there with the slightly odd fourth year. I think that Luna liked the company too, 'cause she started to smile at me in the hallways after that.

However, I don't think that Monica or Shadow have quite adjusted to me moving back in. I mean, Monica is thrilled to have me back and stay up late into the night talking about anything and everything under the great blue sky, however, Shadows possessiveness over me is greatly causing her injury. I think that not a day has passed that I have woken up to see Monica's face unblemished by Shadows claws. He really seems to like to bite and scratch at people he thinks are threatening to him. Looking over at Monica as she picks up the Daily Prophet before her and bites into her toast, I can't help but feel how terrible it is for her to get all scratched up by Shadow, yet she never says anything about it or complains.

"OH MY!" Monica said suddenly, causing me to snap out of my musings and focus on the shocked, pale expression that has contorted her pretty features, crinkling up the scratch on her forhead. Her chooclate brown eyes look as wide as saucers as she stares at the front pages and chokes a little on her toast. I raised my brow as I looked at her curiously and slap her on the back to get her to stop chocking. She hasn't reacted to something like this in quite sometime.

"What, what is it?" I ask, leaning close to her. I feel my dark eyes turn as big as Monica's as I catch sight of the alarming headline and at the several pictures of deluded looking convicts that apparently just escaped from Azkaban. "And they still don't think that Voldemort is back?! Why else would so many Death Eaters be broken out of Azkaban is he weren't already back! And how could they blame Sirius!" I finished indignantly as I ripped the article away from her. Immediately I freeze as I realize that that last statement probably sounded really weird. Looking over at Monica the way she is start at me with her brow furrowed confirms that. "What? I mean, isn't it more obvious that the Demetons are in on this instead of Sirius Black. I mean there hasn't been a Sirius Black sighting in the country lately, has there?"

"Now that's a scary thought. The Dementors working for Voldemort," Monica says, looking away and down at her food. I nod at this and look over at the High Table were Snape is staring darkly at the front cover of the Daily Prophet. However, his face remains emotionless as he looks up from the paper and tosses it aside.

"Come on, we should get going to class now, Umbridge will freak if we are late and I don't feel like bleeding three pints because I was a second late to her shitty ass lessons," I said, nudging Monica. She merely nods and together we stand up, picking up our bags and heading down the corridors towards are first class of the day together. We walked down the halls, mainly lost in our own separate thoughts about the mass breakout of Azkaban. However, when we've come across a mainly empty hallway, I feel Monica nudge me in the rib.

"I think that you should talk to Snape," I look over at her and raise a brow as I stare at her. "He came up to me the other day after class and asked me in that drawl of his how you were doing. He really didn't seem all that interested in my response, but he must've cared to ask in the first place and I think that he might miss you," she said in response to my questioning glance. "You know he's been in a right foul mood since the start of term."

"What do you expect me to do about that, exactly? He was in right foul mood since _before_ the start of term, that's why I moved out," I said exasperatedly. Honestly, what the hell does she want me to do? I'm not a miracle worker, I'm just a plain and ordinary witch, like anyone else. I might have magic powers, but its not like I'm fucking Jesus.

"Believe it or not Del, Snape seemed to be much better this year than he has been ever before and since you've moved out he's pretty much returned to normal. Not that he's been Mr. Fucking Sunshine, but he was tolerable. He didn't give as many detentions at least and now he's handing them out left and right," Monica said as we came to a stop outside of Umbridge's classroom. I roll my eyes at Monica. If she only knew why he was really in such a foul mood. "At least ... you know, maybe talk to him. You did once say that he must get awfully lonely down there in the oppression of the dungeons _all _the time."

I nod at this in response as we walk into classroom and take our seats. This class was as mind-numbing as usual as we copy from our "ministry approved" text books, word for word. As my hand copies everything, my mind of course wanders off towards other matters, mainly wondering if I should talk to Severus and something is nagging at the back of my head about something. I really don't know what the hell it is, but it's starting to bug me. Its like, when you forget something and you know you've forgotten it and that its there in your mind, but it is playing hide in seek with you and you just can't find it no matter how hard you look.

Even now, days and days later, it seemed that it wouldn't leave me alone. It was killing me that there was something that I was forgettting and that I couldn't remember. It was really becoming distracting. Usually, I really do pay attention in most of my classes because I love to learn, but recently, whilve I've been sitting in class I've been wracking through my brain, trying to figure out what I have forgotten. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I can't remember it.

"Delilah, snap out of it. What is wrong with you?" I look up at Mon who is casting a shield charm and look around me. How the hell did I end up in the Room of Requirement? Was I so distracted that I didn't even realize that I'd made my way here because there was another DA meeting?

"You know, when I forget something, I usually clear my mind of everything and allow the first thing to pop into my mind lead the way," Luna said from where she was standing, which really wasn't too far away from us. I look over at Luna and smile at her, trying to think of whether that would actually work. Ginny, whom recently seems to be spending more and more time with Luna Lovegood is staring at me, as if she's seeing me for the first time, but she doesn't say anything. However, its kind of amusing how she is staring at my lilac hair, as if noticing for the first time that _nobody's _hair should be that color.

I look over at Mon and shrug as I look at her. "It's worth a try. I've been trying to remember something for like the past week or two. It's driving me nuts because I can't figure out what the fuck it is," I say as I look at her, from the corner of my eye catching the Weasley girl flinch. What hasn't she ever heard anyone curse? It's not like her brother Ron has the cleanest mouth. I mean I've never really been around him, but since the DA meetings started, it was impossible not to notice that sometimes he could say rather colorful things, which the Granger girl did not seem to approve of as she usually cut him off or reprimanded him for it. I wonder if they're together?

Taking in a deep breath, I close my eyes and try to clear it of all thoughts. Everyone around me slips away and slowly, like peeling back layers, all my worries peel away. My studies, NEWTs, what to do about the future, the war with Voldemort, meeting Voldemort, Severus. Once my mind is blank, I feel like if my mind were a room, it would be very vast, furniture-less and very white. There would be no shadows and it would be impossible to tell where the perimeters of the room even were, or where the floor met a wall or where a wall met with the ceiling. Its almost blinding and the only color in the room, is my lilac hair, because for some reason I'm standing in the room in a long white robe that is just as undefinable from the background as anything else.

Indeed, it seems the only dark thing in the room are my eyes. Strange how I can picture myself. Without really realizing I find myself thinking about how thin and boyish I am and wondering how Jake could have been interested in me. I look quite boyish. There is hardly any definition were my bosom is and even though I have a thin waist and slightly bigger hips, there hardly seems to be a curve there, despite how close fitting those robes are. Which are slowly changing from what they are to the robes that Monica had given me for my birthday.

Looking up at myself, my hair turns to its natural black, like I'd worn it on Chrismast day, however, suddenly, my facial features start to change as well. My nose isn't hooked, my teeth aren't_ that_ crooked and yellowing like that, I'm pale but not that pasty looking, and my lips are certainly quite a bit thicker than that and a deeper shade of pink. It seems to take a moment for my mind to realize that I'm staring at Severus. Smiling to myself, I look down and wonder what he would look like in my robes. However, as I turn my gaze to the robes, I find that he is wearing his usual black robes and that he is his full height.

_"17,"_ he says simply in a dreamy kind of voice that is echoing in all this empty space, telling me that this room is really quite huge. I stare at him blankly, wondering what the hell that means."_I'm seventeen or eighteen years older than you are. Twice you're age,"_ he replied simply to my question. I stare at him for a moment, as the rooms dissolves and I find myself standing in his private quarters. Yet I can see myself standing at the doorway, holding onto the latch as I was about to leave for breakfast. I hear myself mumble something to which he responds, "_I'll be 36 on January 9th."_

"Snape," I say as I open my eyes and find that Luna, Ginny and Mon are all watching me intently. Luna didn't seem at all fazed or that she had noticed anything at all, however, Ginny was staring at me like there was something very queer about me while Monica was staring at me like I was an idiot. Looking over at her I smile at her and merely shrug my shoulders. "I just remembered that Snape wanted to see me about something," I replied with a shrug. Monica raised a brow at this but didn't say anything until we were on our way to the common room, walking along an extremely oblivious Luna who was skipping ahead of us.

"Snape's birthday was like three weeks ago," I say as we walk down the hallway very close together. "I should have gotten something for his birthday, but I completely forgot when his birthday was," I said, thinking about Shadow, who was probably curled up on my bed. I didn't think that he was too fond of Ravenclaw tower. I'm guessing he has become too used to the gloom of the dungeons. I'm starting to think that the brightness of the tower took him quite sometime to adjust to and he doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that we are in a room with other girls. Some of the other girls have turned up with scratches as bad as Monica's.

"Well what are you going to get him?" she asked me as we walked up the stairs behind Luna Lovegood, who was already at the door, looking pensieve. I guess the eagle asked its question already.

"I have no idea. I mean, its not like I can sneak into Hogsmead in the middle of the week," I said as we stopped behind Luna, who was tapping her chin and staring at the eagle. Crap she's stumped. I've never been that great at answering the questions that it poses. I mean, yeah I'm smart, but I absolutely SUCK at riddles and... I'm just not much of a philosopher. My ideals and morals are pretty set and I think that they are all pretty wise, but still, these questions usually stump me.

"I don't actually know this one," Luna said turning to look at us for help. Monica and I looked at her questioningly, wishing for her to elaborate to see if we could hash it out. Monica's actually pretty brilliant at these stupid riddles and questions. She's too damn brilliant I think, despite the fact that she doesn't care one wit about anything but having fun. "_What animal walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening?"_ she asked as she looked at us. Monica looked stumped and I stare at them like there was something wrong with them. However, after a moment, I figured that it was because there was no reason that they should know this. After all, they are both purebloods and that is a muggle riddle as far as I know.

"Its man. Man walks on all fours when he is a child, walks on two legs most of his life, and walks with a cane in his elderly years," I say as I stare at them. Monica raises a brow at this as the door to Ravenclaw opens with the eagle saying that it was an excellent response. I shrug as Monica, knowing what she is thinking. "Its from a famous muggle myth or something about a sphynx."

"Well anyway, you know you could get one of the Weasley's to sneak you into Hogsmead. I mean... they must know secret passages or something in order to get away with everything that they get away with," Monica suggested as we made our way up to our dorms. I nod as I think about this, yet have no idea what I should get Severus. The only reason I'd bought him the bottle of firewhisky was because I could think of nothing better, and I couldn't get him the same gift twice. Besides, he'd probably take it as me saying he was a drunk or something.

"Well I'll try tomorrow. Are you going to come with me?" I ask as I look at her as she heads to her bed. She grins at me sheepishly.

"Sorry, I got a study date with Fred," She smiled as she looked at me.

"How can you tell the difference between them?" I ask as I look at her, frowning. To me they look absolutely alike unlike Parvati and Padma Patil. I think that Padma's face is a little rounder than Parvati's.

"The freckle that Fred has behind his ear, George has where his collarbone connects with his shoulder," she replies, her eyes shining mischievously as she looks at me. I raise a brow at her and cross my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes at her. Her grin slowly slips away at the way that I am looking at her. "WHAT? I make sure that all they are looking for is a good time. I can't break any of their hearts if none of them want a commitment with me and we never said we were being exclusive," she says defensively as she looks at me. I merely shrug as I look at her and go over to my bed where Shadow is waiting for me to curl around him.

"I didn't say anything."

--

"So why did I sneak you here?" George asked the following day as he came out of Honeydukes. I shrug as we start making our way from shop to shop, wondering who thought to hide a secret passage behind the One-eyed witch statue. Not to mention why they would connect it to the cellar of the Sweet shop. George had suggested the Shrieking Shack passage, but there was no way in hell I would go anywhere near the Shrieking Shack, no matter how much George insisted that there weren't any spirits in there. Not like I would have believed him anyway.

"I need to buy something," I replied as we exited our third shop. I really had no idea why the hell I was wasting my time with this. I wasn't going to find anything for Severus, he didn't seem to like anything.

"Delilah, if I brought you here after you sexually accosted me, I think that I deserve more than that," George said, nudging me softly and causing me to laugh. When I approached him earlier in the day, after lunch when he was exiting the Great Hall, I'd jumped at him to make sure he was the right Weasley. I guess it was a bit alarming for him to have his robes and shirt pulled aside to have his shoulder exposed to me. I might've looked slightly strange doing that, especially as I literally had to jump on him to get a good look at his shoulder. I guess he hadn't expected that as I knocked us both on the floor with me practically straddling his upper waist.

"I'm sorry about that, but its not my fault the only indicator of who you are is on your shoulder," I replied sheepishly with a smile as we I look through shelf after shelf of quills. Severus does alot of grading, maybe he'd appreciate a few nice quills. However, as I pick them up and inspect them, I figure that if I was a Professor, I probably wouldn't want to be given something for me to do more work.

"Well you could have simply asked, but I can see how jumping me was a lot more fun. Amdow did you know that I had that mark on my shoulder?" he asked with a cheeky grin as he stared at me. I looked up into his eyes as I he was quite a bit taller than me, than again most people are and smile sheepishly as I shrug. He turns a light shade of red, contrasting very little from his hair as he turns away. "Ah, Monica. How much did she tell you about us?"

"I don't ask for details," I reply as I motion for us to exit the shop. "But I know that she's never gone all the way," I say with a shrug as we make our way down the empty streets of Hogsmead. We pass up several shops, with me mainly shaking my head, knowing that I can't possibly find something for Severus in there.

"Well she and I haven't gone very far, only kissed and we haven't even done that in several months," he said, blushing. I merely shrug at this, not really caring to know how far they had gone and wondering why he seems to think that I would care at all about it. I pause outside a store front that has many different trinkets and wonder if perhaps I'll find something suitable in here. "So Delilah, you haven't answered my question. What are you gonna buy?" he asked as he called my attention away from the store window.

"I'll know when I see it. You see its a gift for someone," I said with an enigmatic smile at him. "Come on," I said as I grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him into the shop. We had ditched our school robes and bags inside the dark passageway so that no one in Hogsmead would say anything to us. Though of course, this did mean that we were freezing out asses off in the cold. His face was quite rosy and he kept rubbing his arms when he walked and blowing hot air into his hands and rubbing them together. As for me, yes I was freezing in the cold January air, but I could ignore the cold as I was on a mission. "You know, you could cast a warming charm on your shirt so you aren't so cold."

George grinned at me as he thought of something. "Really could use one of my mums horrid knitted sweaters right now," he said as I looked through the shelves of strange trinkets and laughed lightly at his comment. I've seen those sweaters. There a bit bulky, but I'd always thought that it was very sweet of Mrs. Weasley to spend so much time knitting all those sweaters for all her kids. I figure that the Weasleys must've really loved kids to have so many of them. After all, I'm sure that they were more than capable of buying potions or doing charms that could've prevented them from having so MANY kids.

"I think its so sweet that your mum spends so much time on them and that you all wear them," I say, giving him a small smile. "Ooh hey, that's a nifty frame," I say as my eyes catch a frame on a high shelf above and behind George's head. He turned around and to look at what I'm staring at, which is a large, ebony wood frame with emerald green dragon scales imprinted on the sides of the frames like evergreen leaves. It looked perfect for some reason for Severus, especially as it reminded me so much of his Death Eaters mask, what with the ebony wood and all. Besides, it would go great with the furniture in his rooms as its all made of the same wood and the scales would contrast nicely against everything. "Mind getting it for me? I don't think I can reach it," I said as I looked at his bashfully. It SUCKS to be short!

"NO problem Del," he said with a smile as he reached up and pulled the frame down. "It's a bit heavy," he said, handing it over to me. I hold it from the back and stare at it. It's perfect!

"I'll be right back," I said as I clasp onto it harder and go over to the register, ringing the bell on the counter so that some one in the back room would come out. The transaction was fairly quickly over with, though I could tell that the old man didn't think it was very good for me to be out of school as he very undoubtedly knew I was. However, I guessed that he didn't have business all that often because who only looked at me with disapproval as he wrapped up the frame with brown paper and wrapped it with a white cord and handed it over.

"All set?" George asked with a smile as I walked over to him. I smiled and nodded and we once more had to sneak over and down into the dark passage way. Its not that hard to distract shop owners if you "accidentally" knock over three shelves of their products. They are usually so distracted with cleaning up the mess, they probably wouldn't notice two teenagers sneaking down into their private cellars. "So, you never told me who the gift is for. Do you have a secret boyfriend or something?" George asked as we made our way down the dark passage way. I held onto his arm as we walked. Something about dark, tight places that you don't really know would probably render anyone claustrophobic.

"Not exactly. More like a... friend of sorts," I said as we made our way. "Well I don't really know if we're friends. He's a very difficult person and I don't think that he has any friends," I say as we have finally made out way to the other end and pick up our robes and school bags. I imagine that by now dinner has been over and I wish we would have gotten something to eat in Hogsmead because we've missed dinner.

"Umm... do you like him?" he asked as we slowly emerged, checking around to make sure that no one was out in the hall, before helping me climb out. Considering I'm trying to to drop any of my things or fall flat on my face, I find that I'm not paying much mind to the questions that he is asking me.

"Like I said, he's difficult. I don't dislike him. It's just," I say when I stand up besides him and start trying to stuff the present into my school bag, before slinging over my shoulder. I paused as I suddenly realized what he meant by asking whether I _liked_ him. "OH! You mean am I attracted to him or fancy him," I said as I looked up into his brown eyes, my own eyes wide with realization as I start shaking my head. "NO! It is NOT like that at ALL," I say shaking my head of the thought. I may be married to Severus and think of him as perhaps a friend of sorts, but ... he was my teacher! Besides, I don't think of him like _that_. "I'll see you later George, thanks a lot for showing me the passage way and accompanying me. I really appreciate it," I say with a smile as I give him a very brief hug and bounce away.

I don't know why, but the prospect of giving Snape a real present has me giddy and for some reason, the moment I saw the frame and thought of Snape's mask, I knew exactly what to put inside it. Skipping into the nearest empty classroom and shutting the door behind myself, I sit at the nearest desk and pull out my notebooks and the frame. Hurriedly flipping through the notebooks in the semi-dark classroom, I grimace. "Where the hell is it?" I say as I flip through the third notebook and finally find it. "Success," I exclaim as I carefully extract the drawing of the gigantic snake and all the little ones and stick it in the frame.

With that being done, I inspect the frame carefully and grimace slightly. "Hmm... its missing something," I say as I stare at the drawing behind the glass, not at all noticing the discomfort I'm starting to feel in my hands as I hold the frame from both sides and look across the top and bottom. It really needs something and it would probably be best if it were in silver considering the fact it would keep the whole Slytherin themes going, but you can't get silver out of nothing, unless you're Nicholas Flamel and are a master of alchemy. Of which I most certainly am not, though I have read up a bit on alchemy and know the basics of molding.

With this thought, I stare at my ring covered hands. Each ring is polished silver, gleaming and twinkling at me in the soft lighting from the big windows. What with it being January and all, its still dark out pretty early and as its a clear night, the start twinkling and the moon are more than enough light.

"I could melt the rings, spell out his name or something and inlay it on the top and bottom of the frame," I say aloud to myself, frowning slightly and not too happy about this. Considering the fact that I've had most of these rings since I was a child and one or two are gifts from Monica, I'm not greatly pleased with the idea of doing any such thing to them. Besides that, without them I wouldn't be able to inflict was much pain as I do with my punches. However, as I stare at the frame and see how it really would be incomplete without it, I sigh heavily as I remove all of my rings and state the frame.

Pulling out my wand, I etch out his first name in fancy handwriting at the top of the frame and do the same thing with his last name, etching it across the bottom, both names perfectly centered. Turning my wand over to the rings, I mutter the alchemy spell that will allow me to melt the rings while floating them in thin air before making it fit into the molding of the frame and sticking it there with a very strong and permanent adhesive charm. Staring at the finished poduct with a slightly sad smile, I quickly wrap it up and stick it in my bag, deciding I might as well give him his gift now.

Wandering down to the dungeons, I look down at my hands and stare at my finger tips and palm which seemed to be covered angry red rashes. I grimace at the sight as I softly touch my fingertips together and wince at the pain. I'd completely forgotten about not touching the stupid dragon scales. It's like I'm allergic to all things dragon or something, or all kinds of leathery skin. I must've been too distracted to really notice the harm I was doing to my skin when I was decorating the frame. Stupid rashes sting like burns.

Reaching into my bag I begin to search for my dittany, as I make my way through the winding passages of the dungeons. After a few moments of digging around the bottom of my bag, bumping my hand on several well protected ink wells, I pull out the small vial of dittany and pour some out on the palms of my hand and over my fingertips before wrapping them with masking tape. I really need to start getting bandages. However, before I'm able to put away the glass phial, I feel someone bump into me and send the glass crashing to the floor. "Hey you jerk!" I said angrily as I looked up to see the person that stopped and turned around to look at me, feeling my eyes clash with startling green eyes.

"Oh I'm sorry... Oh, Delilah right? What are you doing here?" Harry Potter asked, mildly surprised as I pointed my wand to my broken phial and dittany and having it restored into my hand. I turned to look at him and wondered what I should say. I could have just asked him what he was doing there, though I could already guessed that he must've just had an Occlumency lesson with Snape what with him looking so exhausted and sick. However, I think better of asking as I know it will just embarrass him as he's been having to tell everyone that he's taking remedial potions with Severus.

"Umm... Umbridge assigned me detention with Professor Snape. She thinks her methods aren't working on me," I reply as I adjust my bag strap, which slipped slightly down my shoulder when he bumped into me. I'm actually a bit surprised that he knows my name, considering he's never really said anything to me other than 'good job', or 'you did that well', which I suppose its nice in of itself. "Umm... I have to get to detention before he freaks. See you later Harry," I say with a polite smile to him as I start walking away from him.

"Hey Delilah," I stop and turn around to look at him questioningly. "I like your hair. Reminds me of someone I know," he said with a slightly amused smile before turning around and walking away. I tilt my head slightly as I look at him, wondering who on earth he could possibly know that could have lilac hair. Shaking my head of this thought, I turn around and make my way to Snape's office, where I assume he must still be.

I knocked lightly on the door and cast a glance around the now empty halls. I was a little taken aback when the door was thrown open violently. I was so startled by the way that he threw open the door, I actually jumped a little and turned so fast to look at the way that he was glaring down at me that I think that it gave me whiplash. "What are _you _doing here?" he asked coldly as he looked down at me. I wasn't too surprised that he was in a bad mood, considering that he just finished having an Occlumency lesson with Harry, though I really wish I'd have known this beforehand so that I could just come back tomorrow or something.

"I wanted to talk to you, but if you're going to be a prick like you were at the beginning of the month, than I'll come back later," I said, feeling slightly annoyed that he was dampening my spirit as I turned on my heel. However, before I could step away I felt his hand close on my elbow and drag me into his office, closing the door abruptly once I was inside with a light snap. I turned and looked up at him with a raised brow.

"Professor Umbridge has recently noticed that you are staying in Ravenclaw and has reported us to the Ministry," Severus said coldly, turning away from me when he knew he had my full attention and walking over to his desk. Turning around I watched him as he stood in front of his desk, picked something off the top and turned to look at me before handing it over. Furrowing my brow I reached forward to the piece of parchment he was handing over and skimmed it, feeling a deep blush coming over my face.

"They're fining you 50 galleons because I'm not currently living with you?" I asked, looking up at him. Apparently if you spend more than a week away from your "spouse" and you are reported to the Ministry, you are subject to be fined 50 galleons each week that your spouse is not living with you.

"Its not very distressing," Severus said coldly with a wave of his hand to emphasize that. "I merely showed you because if I am going to continue to pay this fine, I would at least appreciate it if you would not be so blatantly indiscreet with whom you would rather spend your time," he said. Looking up, I furrowed my brow, wondering what he was talking about, when I suddenly remembered that the way that I jumped on George earlier must've seemed very... inappropriate. If Umbrige would have see it, I'm sure that she would have severely punished us both.

"That wasn't like that, I was trying to make sure he was the twin I was looking for," I said, feeling my cheeks burn. He raised a quizzical brow at this as he crossed his arms over his chest, asking me why I was looking for one of the twins without actually saying a word about it. "That's what I came to talk to you about. I needed to sneak into Hogsmead and I thought, who would know better than one of the Weasley twins? I specifically needed George because... well George has always seemed a bit nicer to me than Fred," I said with a shrug. Severus raised a brow at this, as though saying that they were the exact same person in his opinion, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Why did you need to sneak into Hogsmead?" he asked, the biting coldness in his tone slightly slipping away from his voice. I smiled at him as I reached into the bag and brought out a nicely wrapped parcel and handing it over to him as he looked at me in deep confusion and not at all uncrossing his arms to reach out for it.

"I'm terrible with dates. But, happy belated birthday," I said with a shrug, holding out the package to him still. He stares at me quite strangely for a moment before taking the package.

"What happened to your hands?" he asked suddenly and sharply as he notices them for the first time. I'm a bit startled by the question, but after a moment I merely shrug in response, noticing the way that he is staring at me intently and not at all concerned with the wrapped parcel in his hands.

"Allergy," I replied with a shrug. "Open your damn present already," I said impatiently with a smile as I looked up at him. Severus raised brow at this before turning his gaze to the parcel and pulling the strings and opening it. His eyes widen a bit when he at last catches sight of the frame, seemingly impressed. "I remember that you seemed to like that drawing and the frame seemed perfect with the Green dragon scales, very Slytherin."

"I take it you didn't handle it with much care for your own well being," Severus murmurred, unable to remove his gaze from the frame, running his fingers over the scales and his name inlaid in silver. Suddenly, melting down all my rings doesn't seem so terrible. Giving soemone a gift, is really an awesome experience. And something tells me that Severus didn't have very many thoughtful gifts in his life. "Delilah, are these your rings?" Severus asked sharply as he looked up and stared into my eyes. I felt my stomach tighten as I smiled at him shyly and nodded my head, feeling my cheeks turning rosy. "You shouldn't have... this is too much for me..." he said, trailing off softly as he looked back down at the frame.

Oh my GOD! Did I just _move_ Severus Snape, the infamous Potions Master of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry? "I... Um... I just thought that you could really use something to cheer you up, no matter how small. I mean, what with everything going on in the world now that the Dark Lord has returned and you having to teach Harry, even though you hate him so much," I said, feeling my insides all warm for some reason. God why did the cold bastard react like _this_? I don't know how to deal with this, that's why I feel like squirming were I stand while my insides are all melting.

"Delilah, but... you hurt yourself and your rings meant something to you," he murmured and I know that he is right, that probably is the kind of thing I would only do for Monica. He looked up suddenly and stared into my eyes intently, making my cheeks burn hotter. I can fry an egg on then. He seemed to compose himself as he suddenly cleared his throat and stood up straighter. "Thank you," he said, very softly as though it was a pain to him to have to say those words to anyone.

I merely nod as I look down at my feet. "Umm... Severus?" I said hesitantly, not really knowing why I was doing this. Probably the fact that I'm hoping that since I did something nice he'll start giving me a break and stop treating me like his stress reliever; or maybe its just the fact that he was willing to continue to pay that 50 galleon fine until I was ready to grow up, however for some reason I knew that I needed to move back in. "Do you think I can move back in?" I asked tentatively as I looked up. He raised a brow at this, clearly not at all expecting this and causing the blush on my cheek to deepen and me to curse inside my head. What the fuck is wrong with me? "Shadow is tearing Monica to shreds and I think its unfair for you to pay my fine."

"I told you not to worry about that," he siad cooly as he looked at me seriously. "However, I do think Miss Roberts will benefit from Shadow being removed from her presence," Severus said with an amused smirk. "However, if you expect me to rectify my temper, you too must make a serious effort to rectify your behavior," Severus said seriously as he looked down at me.

"All right. I'll go get my stuff then," I said with a small smile before turning on my heel and leaving. As I turned to close his office door behind me, my smile grew to see the secret smile he stole to look down at the frame when he thought that I wasn't able to see it.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Please Review!


	12. Chapter 11: In A State Of Delirium

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 11: In A State Of Delirium**_

"So what do you think I should do for Valentines Day?" Monica asks while we sit in charms. Today we are learning the Delirium Charm. It's a mildly complex charm that causes the person under its affects to suffer hallucinations. It could have serious affects it is not done properly, which is the reason that Professor Flitwick is monitoring us so closely. We spent most of the period so far practicing the precise wand movement before he taught us the correct pronunciation for the spell to work. He's been having us now practice it on mice.

"Isn't it a little early to be thinking about that Mon? I mean, February has barely started," I say as I watch the small white mouse on my desk trying to catch something in the air with its forepaws as it sits on its back legs. I roll my eyes at this and pull out one of my notebooks and start to flip through it, pausing on an amplifying charm that I never quite finished. It was meant to amplify sounds far away, but something about it didn't quite work right. I couldn't really put my finger on it, which is why I quit on that particular spell. Maybe I should try to work on that again, it usually kills me to abandon my projects and at the moment, the Delirium charm is boring me. It would be better if we could try it out on a person, but Professor Flitwick won't allow us to.

"Yes, but you know how it is for me. There are just so many options. How do I know who will offer me the best Valentine's Day date or if I should see more than one guy? Are you going to do anything special?" Monica says though I have only been paying half attention to her as I muttered something that I had written down on my notebook. After a moment, I feel a strange tickle on my head as I look up at her. I guess I must've looked up too fast and gotten head rush or something, because for a moment, the color scheme of my eye sight is all off and my world seems like some technicolored dream.

"No and I hope you will not try to convince me to do something with Snape," I say as I narrow my eyes at her. Since spending most of January with her and talking to her about Severus, she keeps trying to push me to him or something. I mean we've been getting along better since I moved back in a couple days ago, and I know that my relationship with him has changed and that we are perhaps a little more like friends, but I still don't see him like _that_. It's hard enough to really get past my whole preconception of him, even with all that I know about his family and childhood.

Maybe it's 'cause I don't fully know or understand him. I know that there is much more to him than what he has already opened up to me. Somehow I don't think that his awful childhood, or strained relationship with his mother and his hate towards his father were the only reasons that he once upon a time turned to Voldemort. And I know that there is something about his childhood and days at Hogwarts that he just won't talk about, which I think is very closely tied to his hate towards Harry and why he turned to Voldemort. But Severus isn't the sharing type and I'm surprised he's told me anything at all about his childhood and family.

"I wasn't going to do nothing of the sort," she says with a grin. I narrow my eyes at her and for a moment, I think that she is flicking her tongue against her teeth because I see something pink behind them. However, I merely shake my head as she turned away and looks at her mouse. I look over at it and stare at it as its scratching at the wood of her desk, like its wondering what it is or something. God, its like they're on drugs or something. "I wish it were Saturday already."

"Mon, its Friday! This is your last class for the day, quit your complaining. I've still got History of Magics and than Astronomy at night," I say in annoyance. I really want to slap her right now. However, I really don't want to get in trouble with my Head of House or start anything in class so I just flick my wand once more. Class is almost going to come to an end, and Professor Flitwick is having one of the Weasley twins walking around, picking up the mice into a little crate.

"Oy Delilah, what are you doing on Valentines Day?" I looked up blankly at the twin standing before me as he extended the crate to Mon for her to drop the mouse in. He smiled cheekily at me and with his free hand exposed the birthmark where his collar bone met up with his shoulder.

"I don't know George. Valentine's is quite sometime away," I replied as I looked up at him. "Why do you want to know?" I asked as I looked up as I placed my mouse in the crate while staring up into his brown eyes. He shrugged as he extended the box to the person sitting on my other side as he turned and looked at Monica.

"Lee, Fred, Angelina and a couple of other people are thinking about getting together in Hogsmead and we were wondering is you two would like to join us. We're gonna meet up in the Hogshead if you are interested," George said, making it blatantly obvious that he was talking to the both of us. He then turned to me and looked into my eyes, grinning as he usually did, making me feel a bit uncomfortable 'cause it reminds me of when we were first years and he was up to mischief. Though, I imagine it must be very cute. "I hope you do decide to join us. It will be a lot more fun," he said, winking at me before moving away.

I raise my brow at this and look over at Monica, raising my brow. "What is that about?" She asks as she looked at me. I stare at her and shrug, not sure myself what that was all about as I hear something peck on the window beyond Monica. I furrow my brow as I stared at the windowsill were a Raven is sitting outside the window. I smile slightly, despite the look of confusion on my face. It doesn't make sense for there to be a Raven at Hogwarts, especially not in February.

--

"Given any thought to what I asked?" I jumped in fright at the sudden appearance of George Weasley outside my Artihmancy class Wednesday morning before the second Hogsmead weekend of the year. Lately, it seems like he is popping up almost at all of my classes. Its really starting to freak me out, especially as I keep seeing things. Like for some reason, I keep seeing that Raven on the windowsill of every one of my classes. Sometimes he decides to peck on the window, but mainly he just sits there and watches me. It would freak me out, but I almost feel like its protecting me or something, which is really weird. But weirder still is that I frequently get head rush and it disorients me 'cause all the colors around me keep shifting weirdly.

"What are you up to George? What do you want from me? Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden when I've been invisible for the last five years and my first year all you would do was torture me about what I looked like?" I snapped suddenly as I stopped walking down the hallway and looked at him. Due to all the Head rush every time I stand up, the way the colors suddenly become far too bright sometimes and the strange nightmares that don't let me sleep have caused me to get massive headaches recently, I'm not in much of a mood to beat around the bush. The truth is, I'm really paranoid about the fact that he's been popping up everywhere I am and seems to really want me to go with him and all his friends to Hogsmead. He has to be up to no good.

"Ever thought that maybe I just want to make up for what I did to you?" he asked as he stared down into my eyes, almost looking hurt. I raise my brow, thinking that there is no real reason that I should believe what he is saying is true and he probably knows what I'm thinking because he suddenly says, "Look, I know it must be very hard for you to trust me, but you trusted me enough to accompany you to Hogsmead to get that present, right? I didn't do anything to you then, I actually enjoyed hanging out with you and ... ever thought that just maybe I would like to do that again?"

"OH," I say, since he sounded very sincere. Not to mention I could have sworn I saw something fly by in the background. I shake my head telling myself that it was just a trick of the light, that the shadow was nothing and focus on the floor for a moment as my head spins with dizziness. However, I can't really steady my head and feel myself sway for a moment before I feel George placing his arm around me and securing me on my feet.

"Hey, Del, are you all right?" he asked, his tone laden with worry as I held onto his arm as I tried to blink away all the dizziness and sudden nausea.

"Yes I'm fine, I think that maybe I didn't eat enough this morning," I say as I slowly look up. His brow is furrowed in concern as he looks down at me but he tried to smile at me slightly.

"Come on then, we'll get you well fed," he said nodding towards the Great Hall. I nod and allow him to hold onto my arm with his left hand while his other is draped around my waist as we make our way down the hall. I don't mind considering the fact that every step of the way I feel like I really can do with the support because my head is hurting so much that I think its worse than the ones I get after Occlumency lessons. "Here," George said when he sits me at the table and starts shoving a plate of food at me. Because its lunch time, we're amongst the first to arrive to eat. "Feeling better?" he asks as I start eating like a monster.

I merely nod as I look up at him. Since we started our treck towards the Great Hall I hadn't looked up at all because I thought that things might get worse. However, I'm very relieved when everything stays the same and his hair is ginger red as it should be and his skin in creamy white instead of yellow like it could be. Lately it seems whenever I look up every red is bright like a bow and people's skin either turns sickly yellow or orange like a pumpkin. "Thanks George, for helping me down here," I say when I swallow a mouthful of food and smile at him softly. He merely grins.

"Nonsense. It's a privilege to see a girl eat a mile a minute," he said with a grin at me causing me to blush light. All right, so I've never been that graceful of an eater, but hey, I get hungry. No point eating like a bird when you are starving. Besides, I really don't care what guys think about me and George doesn't seem very disgusted, just amused. Looking around as students start to fill in the table, I realize that I'm actually sitting at the Gryffindor table, making feel very uncomfortable as Angelina Johnson sits across from me with some of the other Quidditch players from the Gryffindor team.

"Umm... I should probably go to my table," I said, as I suddenly stood up. "Thanks a lot George," I say hastily as he stares at me slightly confused and make my way towards the Ravenclaw table. I walk a little way in the direction of the High Table. Usually Mon and I prefer to sit closest to the doors and furthest away from teachers' prying eyes. However, for some reason she has decided to seat nearer th High Table, that reason's name being Josh Tilden. Not my favorite amongst the Ravenclaw boys, and neither is his little entourage. They are one of those clique-y groups that sort of puts the odd-ones down.

Mon usually hates them, but she has always had this thing for Josh, I guess its because she saw him as something out of her reach. Mostly because he's been dating the same girl since we were fourth years. Sure Mon could have probably had him anytime that she wanted, but she wasn't the boyfriend-stealing type. Actually, she hardly talks to him anymore because she doesn't want the girl he's dating to think that she's trying to steal her boyfriend. Not because she's afraid of the girl, or any other for that matter, but she doesn't want to become _that _girl. You know, the home-wrecker that everyone hates but boys that want to get into her knickers.

"Hey Mon," I said questioningly as I stood behind her. She turned around and looked at me, her smile fading slightly as she noticed the way that I was looking at her. She knew that I wanted to know why she was sitting here eating with these bottom-dwellers. I glare at the two girls sitting there, both who have straight hair, but one is a red-head named Jessica and the other is a blonde by the name of Elsie. I don't like either one because they are the meanest girls in the Ravenclaw seventh year and personally see to it that every other girl feels inferior to their intellect and looks, which aren't that great. I mean yes they are beautiful and they are very smart, but nothing that comes from their mouth wasn't directly from a book or Witch Weakly magazine. Neither of them had an original thought in their pretty heads.

"I was just asking Mon to spend Valentines Day with us," Josh replied as he smiled at me. I looked over at Josh who had a pretty little smile on his face that didn't reach his silverish-grey eyes. It wasn't hard to see why Mon wanted him, I mean the athletic physique, strong square jaw, beautiful eyes, the spiky black hair. However, I always got a bad vibe from him, even though he seemed to be like a nice guy. Maybe it was just the fact that he was friends with these two girls, or the fact that his two best mates were in Slytherin, or the fact that his sweetheart Hufflepuff girlfriend seemed completely subdued since they'd started dating, but I just didn't like him.

"Us? Who is _Us_ and what about spending the day with the twins and their friends? You actually like them," I said as I looked at Mon and giving a pointed nasty look towards Jessica and Elsie, I was never really one for hiding my hate. Jessica and Elsie I hated because they thought they were better than everyone else and made that openly obvious by the way that they put others down, either subtly or not. However, Josh, I can't really do him the injustice of hating him just because of a bad vibe. There was no real evidence against him as a bad guy. Besides, it might just be that he reminds me of Jake seeing as he was Jake's little protege.

"Oh come on Del, it should be fun," Mon smiled up at me.

"Yeah Delilah. Its just gonna be us here, and my best mates," Josh said, putting all his friendliness into his smile as he looked up at me. I raised a brow at this, wondering whatever happened to his girlfriend, Denise. I felt a bit uncomfortable being the center of attention. Looking over at Mon, I could tell that she really wanted to spend her Valentines day with them for some reason and the thought of abandoning her alone with these creeps seemed to me like I was letting her be fed to the wolves. However, I don't want to spend my Valentine's with them and neither do I really know of Mon even wants me to go with them. I mean its not like she would object to it, but I mean, what if she decides that she wants to make it a private date with Josh. Though, unless he's broken up with Denise, which seems to be the case, that wouldn't be the case.

"Come on Delilah, it should be fun," Mon said a little more bossily this time while giving me one of her pushy smiles as her eyes cut into me. I stared into her face and raised a brow at this, wondering why she wanted me to go. The truth was that I had an uneasy feeling about this. I wasn't too comfortable with the idea of hanging out with the twins and their entire gang, mainly because I doubt it would be fun seeing as I'd have nothing to talk to them about. However, the idea of spending the day with these jerks doesn't sound any more appealing.

"Fine," I said, knowing that I couldn't abandon Mon to these freaks, even though I already know that at some point she was going to abandon me to go off and be alone with Josh. "I'll see you later though Mon. I need to-" however, before I could finish what was saying I felt someone walk up behind me and stand directly behind me. I could feel cold rippling towards me and I shivered as I turned around to see Severus standing behind me and I figured that he must have just come in from outside.

"A word Lovett," he said coldly, before glaring at the group of kids I was standing with before walking off. I merely shrugged at the questioning look that Mon gave me before jogging after Severus because he was walking too fast. As soon as we were out of the Great Hall and some way away from the Great Hall he suddenly stopped walking and spun on his heel to look at me.

"I don't care what you are doing on the fourteenth, but after dinner you are to apparate to Grimmauld. I have pressing matters to attend that evening," he said, his mouth twitching in displeasure, before turning on his heel and walking away, not letting me say anything before he's halfway down the hall and heading down the stairs. When he is quite some distance away I have to blink. I could have sworn I just saw his figure become that of a Raven. Not like watching an Animagus transform, it was more like I blinked, Severus was suddenly a Raven and then I blinked again a nanosecond later and it was Severus again. _What is wrong_ _with me?_

--

If I wasn't freaking out as I clearly had to be, I would have spent most of Saturday morning sniping at Jessica, Elsie, and the three Slytherin idiots that came along with Josh. As I had predicted, lunch time was nearing and it already seemed that Mon was going to ditch me to go off with Josh somewhere. However, I really couldn't care about that as I tried to stop looking at the snow. What the hell happened to my eyesight? Its gotten worse and right now the melting snow is a strange greenish yellow like its all been pissed on. It was making it near impossible to walk down the street as we made our way to Merlin knows where because I hadn't been paying attention.

I kept hearing a strange buzzing sound, that was making it particularly hard to pay attention to what people were saying, though I doubt that they were making any real effort to speak to me. Anyway, the sound, it was kind of like... when you are at a muggle hospital (I had to go a few times when I was younger) and one of the lights is struggling to stay on and it kind of makes this strange buzzing sound as it flickers.

"Ugh, why do I have to be stuck with the weird one?" looking up at the idiot Slytherin speaking. Jessica and Elsie are standing together, giggling behind their hands while I'm standing next to them but left completely out of the loop while the three Slytherin jerks are standing together a few feet away, leering at us. Furrowing my brow, I look around and wonder what the hell I missed as we were walking. I probably should have made a point of looking straight ahead I was walking, but the fact that the sky looked like the Aurora Borealis was flashing in bright purples and dark pinks, I was walking with my gaze focused straight up at the sky. It looks so pretty, even despite all the Ravens that are perched on all the buildings and tree branches, that contrast against the purplish sky.

Wait, that's not right. The sky isn't supposed to be purple, is it? And there aren't supposed to be that many Ravens all over the place are there? Am I dreaming? Hmm... maybe, but I wouldn't exactly call the current people I'm with dream-worthy. Maybe a nightmare. Or maybe I'm actually loosing my mind. Oh crap, I feel reality stlipping away as I begin to question whether I really exist, or if the world really exists, or if perhaps the physical world is just nothing more than a creation of the concious mind, but doesn't actually exist.

"Come on Lovett, we're walking," I hear the boorish Slytherin say as he grabs me by the arm and starts leading me somewhere. Ripping my gaze away from the sky I look around at the zombie-looking Slytherin walking alongside me, and look around to see where the hell Monica is. However, she isn't walking ahead of us like the other four idiots and turning around I can see Monica and Josh are walking towards Hogsmead, which looks like its quite a bit behind us and makes my eyes widen as I suddenly wonder where the hell we are going. Looking up ahead, I can see through the branches where all the Ravens sit, their gazes fixed on our group as we walk, the Shrieking Shack approaching.

Almost instantly the strange Aurora of lights in the sky darkens, the purples turning grey and black and back-dropping against a midnight blue and ghoulish Shrieking Shack. "OH NO," I say, probably more loudly than I need to because the wind that has started howling in my ears is becoming louder. The Slytherin pays me no heed as he continued to drag me over towards the Shrieking Shack.

Digging my heels into the ground, I try to stop and tug on my arm. However, the idiotic Slytherin is holding on very tightly onto the ground and manages to drag me forward. I could feel my heart begin to race in my chest and my breathing becoming very labored. Despite the cold February air, I could feel sweat begin to sprout on the pores of my forehead, upper lip and neck. I don't know what I was getting so worked up about, because I had no idea how close they were planning to go to the Shrieking Shack or if they were really heading there, but fear can be quite irrational and I'm afraid that like my anger, sometimes I allow it to get the better of me.

Fear is much worse though, because it paralyzes me. At least in my anger I lash out and hurt people. My fear just makes me panic and freak out, kinda makes me completely useless until my rational mind sets back in and at the current moment, I don't that it will do that any time soon. Its like my mind has become deprived of oxygen that it refuses to function as I try to resist getting any closer to the Shrieking Shack than I have to.

"What the hell are you doing Lovett?" The Slytherin with grey eyes and that is trying to drag me says angrily as he tightens his grip on my arm and turns to look at me. I look towards everyone walking ahead of us, who have no turned to glare at me like I'm impeding their joy somehow. As they begin to approach I picture them becoming a pack of wolves and I can't help but feel like a defenseless animal in their sights.

Breathing heavily, I could feel beads of cold sweat streaming slowly down my neck as I started to pull against him. "Let me go. I'm not going to the shack," I said in a panicked voice as I tried to blink away the redness now streaming into my vision, like a vein in my eye has burst. The Slytherin's hair starts to turn red, like blood is pouring down his blonde locks and into his face as he sneers at me and tightens his grip on my arm, yanking me close and closing his other hand around my other arm.

"Are you afraid of the Shrieking Shack Lovett?" he sneered, before looking back at the other boys, who by now are looking on in interest. "She's afraid of the shack," he calls out to them as he turns back to me while the other boys leer and begin to approach. "Lovett, how about you and I make a little trip there, confront your fears and all," he says as he looks down at me with a smirk on his face, causing something inside me to snap as my knee shoves up and makes contact with his groin. "Umph..." he says as he falls to the floor, releasing me from his grasp as I take off running through the forest, cutting a way through the woods away from the village and towards the school.

I could see the flashes of spells crashing into trees around me as I pumped my legs hard and bolted as fast as I could towards the castle, my heavy breathing coming out in puffs before me, banishing the red stains before my eyes, but clouding my sight nonetheless. My mind is racing as I run, the cold air burning in my lungs. Trying not to think of this and push aside the panic, I wished that I had not approached George the previous day and told him that I was going to spend my day with Mon and a couple Ravenclaws. With this thought in mind, my hands balled into fists as I thought about Mon and how I really wanted to beat the crap out of her for leaving me alone with those assholes.

Making it out of the forest, I stop as I stare towards the castle looming ahead and bend over to catch my breath. However, I could hear footsteps running in the forest. "We've got to catch her before she tells anyone. Professor Snape will skin us alive for this," I heard the familiar voice of one of the Slytherin boys. Turning around, I could vaguely see figures doging through the trees as they ran.

Turning around, despite how tired my legs are and how disoriented I feel, I turn and start sprinting towards the castle. I couldn't help the several times I stumbled as I ran, the spinning colors disorienting me, my brain slamming against my head, and making it hard to keep my footing in the melting snow. However, I suppose that my running wasn't exactly very straight, and that the Slytherins have lousy aim, because I could see spells whizzing past me as I ran across the open school grounds and quickly ducked into the castle, my wet shoes sliding on the stone floor in the entrance hall and causing me to fall on my back.

"Miss Lovett, are you all right?" I open my eyes, which apparently I shut tight as my head made impact with the stone floor, making my headache considerably worse. I could see Professor McGonagall looking down at me, her stern features seem softened, but its hard to tell cause I'm seeing double and her image is crisscrossing before me.

"I think I'm loosing my mind," I say as I lift my head and touch the back of my head and looked at my fingers. Pulling my fingers before me, my gaze finally settles and the lighting returns to normalcy as I see the dark blood on my fingertips and that is the last thing that I recalled before passing out. When I came to, I wasn't in Hogwarts anymore, and I could tell that right away without looking around.

Because there is so much undeveloped magic constantly surrounding me at Hogwarts, I constantly feel little breezes of buzzing magic all around me, wherever I do on the grounds. There is also the very powerful magic of the school itself, because of all its protection wards. However, before even opening my eyes, I could feel the difference. Wherever it was that my body lay, the magic was oppressed and almost sickly. Not that the magic was sick or anything, just pale and uncontrolled, whereas the feel of magic at Hogwarts while also being uncontrolled, is lively with excitement. Here, there is something muted about it.

Slowly opening my eyes, I look around what appears to be a darkened ward, filled with many beds and groan as I realize I must be in St. Mungos. "What the fuck happened?" I mutter as I reach up a hand to my head, willing the pain there away while shutting my eyes tight. I feel so dizzy, nauseous and tired all at the same time, but by the look and feel of it I've been unconscious for quite sometime.

"Originally we thought it was a simple concussion, but Madam Pomfrey discovered something that was very wrong and you had to be transported to St. Mungo's because she was not equipped to deal with a severely amplified Delirium Charm," I heard a low, velvety soft voice respond. Opening my eyes once more I look to my left to the person speaking and am unsurprised to see Severus step out of the darkness, his arms folded across his chest. Well, I was unsurprised about the fact that it was him because I'd immediately recognised his voice. However, for some reason I was actually surprised that he was here at St. Mungos with me, instead of at the castle.

"What time's it? How long have I been here?" I ask as I looked over at him through a half-lidded gaze.

"Midnight, you've been here 12 hours," he replied. "The damage to your mind has been extensive, Delilah. You will be required to stay here a minimum of two weeks. However, there was no permanent damage. The Healers said that if another week had passed, then it would be a completely different matter."

Closing my eyes, I groan as I hold my head in my hands. Tha pain is unbearablable. "What the fuck am I supposed to do for two weeks?! I can't just lay here in bed. What about my classes? My lessons!" I complain with a moan as I curl up on my side in the fetal position and cradle my aching head in my hands.

"Your Professors will all be preparing work for you so that you do not fall behind. The Healers said that so long as your mind isn't put under too much stress, you should be able to do your work," Severus replied, still using that low monotone he'd been using the entire time. "Delilah, why didn't you tell anyone that you were suffering delusions?"

"For a while I thought it was just head rush, it really wasn't so bad," I say as I look over at him. "Although I see purple right now. I thought that..."

"It will take a few days for the potions to rectify the damage on your brain. That includes your eyesight, and hearing," Severus said, impatiently cutting me off as he stepped closer to my bed side. I could feel my face turning pale at the thought that I've been forced to ingest a potion while unconscious and that I will continue to ingest one. "I know what you are thinking Delilah, and if you have any hope of improving those headaches, your vision and any other impairments, you will be taking your potions. You have no say in the matter." I turn away from him and swallow the lump in my throat. "I will return later in the day, Delilah, sleep well."

I watched him leave, thinking that it would be a fat chance in me getting to sleep, however, I did. When I woke up hours later, I grudgingly allowed the Healer, a witch that seemed to be Professor McGonagall's age, to shove three different potions down my throat. She said she wouldn't let me eat until I had taken all three potions and I told her I wouldn't take any of them unless she told me what they were for. "Your husband said you would be difficult. The first potion is to relieve you of your nasty headache. The second is to cure damaged brain cells and the third is a relaxant that you won't be a pain in my tuckus all day long," she replied as she stare down at me.

"Very well," I shighed as I smiled wearily at her. Despite the way that she spoke to me, I could see the sparkle in her blue eyes as she brushed her dirty-blonde curls from her face. She had her long hair tied up in a sloppy poney-tail and even though she was a bigboned woman with small gray strands in her hair and small wrinkles along her mouth and eyes, I couldn't help but be reminded of cherubs.

Her name was Daphne Simmons, though she only allowed me to call her Healer Simmons. She bustled in and out of the room constantly during the day, mostly to check up on me, but I got the feeling that she wanted to keep me company too, because she spent an awful amount of time with me every time that she came in. She told me that she thought I had a very good husband as when he came in with me, he absolutely refused to leave, though he had been forced to leave by Professor Dumbledore. She explained she didn't understand what was so important, however, she didn't ask me any questions about the fact that I was a student at Hogwarts, but I don't think that she got the impression that Severus was my Professor. Neither did she seem too concerned with the vast age difference between Severus and I, she didn't seem the snoopy type, though she did talk quite a bit.

However, despite the fact that she tried to keep me company, I was bored for the most of the day and was relieved when Severus walked in, after dinner. He had my school bag dangling from his shoulder, and my mind flashed to what I imagined he had to look like as student. "You're Healer said that you've been behaving well and taking your potions," he said as he dropped my bag on my bed, while sneering at me. I rolled my eyes at him as I sat up in bed and pulled my bag closer to me and opened it to see what was inside. I wasn't surprised that the only thing inside my bag other than my notebooks, scraps of parchment, a quill and ink, was my Astronomy book. "Therefore I will give you what Miss Roberts sent," he said, dropping a bag of candy on the table next to my bed.

Reaching over I look inside the bag and find that she's crammed it full of Honeyduke's sweets with a small get well card. I roll my eyes at this as I toss this back onto the table and look up at Severus who is watching me with a raised brow. "This is all the work that your Professors have assigned for the following two weeks," he said, puling out a packet of parchment and making my eyes widen at this as I grimace.

Looking through all six sheets of parchment, I sigh as I glare at all the work. I suppose they really could have given me more, considering I was going to be missing about two weeks of Classes. However, it does still seem a bit daunting. But at least I'll have something to do during the day when I'm bored with nothing else to do. "I'm going to need my Transfiguration, Arithmancy, Charms, History of Magics and Defense Against the Dark Arts text books," I said as I looked up at him.

"Where do you keep them?" he asked as he looked at me.

"I stashed them all beneath the couch," I replied, causing him to sigh in exasperation. "How is Shadow?"

"Fine. Though I imagine that he will soon became restless when he finds that you are gone longer than normal," he replied in his bored tone of voice as I frown in worry. Pulling out his wand, Severus conjured up a chair and sat down next to the bed, before pointing it to the curtains and having them drawn closed around us for privacy. There are about three other patients in the ward with me, though I haven't been able to get a good look at them and for the most part they've seemed unconscious to me.

"So how long you gonna stay?" I ask as I look over at him. He raises a brow at me.

"Would you like me to go already?"

"NO!" I say, causing him to raise a brow once more as he smirked at me. I roll my eyes at him. "Its nice to have some company. Its very boring here all day, doing nothing. Healer Simmons has been nice and kept me company as much as she can every time she comes in with my potions or with a meal, or just to check in and see how I'm doing, but she can't keep me company all day. I don't even have my wand. Where is it?"

"Safely tucked away in our private quarters," he responded simply. I merely nod, not at all noticing that he said _our_. "I'm impressed. Healer Simmons says that you didn't give her as hard a time as I expected you to about the Potions. Getting over your fear?" Snape said coolly, raising a brow as he looked at me. I shook my head as I stowed away all the work I've been assigned into my bag and dump it on the table.

"I want to get out of here as soon as possible and if that's the only way, what choice do I have?" I asked as I looked over at him. He raised a brow at this, seemingly impressed and I glared at him. "I'm in Ravenclaw for a reason. I try to be logical and rational about everything, despite my emotions."

For the remainder of his visit, which was until quite late in the evening, we mostly talked about what my teachers assigned and somehow I found myself asking him questions about his school days. He seemed very reluctant about talking about it, but he told me that he was a bit socially awkward, though he did not put it like that. He also told me that despite how well he did in all his classes, he could never particularly stand Transfiguration, History of Magics, Astronomy or Arithmancy and he told me that if there was any class that he struggled with, it was the last two. Though he admitted to it rather grudgingly. When he left that evening, I found that I was actually disappointed to see him go.

However, he visited me every day for the following two weeks, every night staying later and later, despite the fact that he must've had a lot of work to do and classes to get to in the morning. I really enjoyed his company and with the passage of the days, I found myself getting to know him better everyday. While I shared with him a lot about my childhood in the orphanage, telling him about everything that I could remember, he slowly started to open up to me. To my great surprise he even told me that his best friend had been Lily Evans and confirmed the fact that Sirius, and James picked on him; Remus hadn't participated, but he hadn't stopped it either.

I could tell by the way that he talked about them all, that he really hated James and Sirius, though of course I knew as much already. I could see though, that he hated Harry because he saw what he wanted to see, but didn't actually see Harry for who he was. I could tell that he resented Remus for never having done anything to stop his friends, even though he clearly had a responsibility to put a stop to it, especially as to Remus it didn't exactly sit right with him either. But what I caught on to, that I don't think he expected me to, was that he loved Lily Potter. And I could tell by the way that he spoke of her, that he still deeply loved her.

However, I didn't think too much of this as I spent the following two weeks working on all my assignments. Healer Simmons said I shouldn't overwork myself, so I took to sketching her and some of the patients in the ward. I even asked Severus to bring me some flowers to sketch and he obliged though very grudgingly. I found that despite that I was alone much of the day, and when I wasn't I was constantly being poked and prodded by the medi-witches running tests to make sure my health was progressing, I found some sort of peace that I didn't get when I was at Hogwarts. Though that didn't mean when my release date came, that I didn't want to haul ass out of there!

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Sorry for the long wait. But I hope that you have all thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. So please review!


	13. Chapter 12: Adapting

**Disclaimer: **"And I Love Her" and "Girl" are by the Beatles.

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 12: Adapting**_

February came to an end and I was very happy to return to the castle after being away for so long. Severus came by early on Saturday morning and after Healer Simmons and a couple of others ran several tests on me to make sure that everything was back to normal and that I was fine they released me. Of course, they warned against too much stress on my mind, before Severus apparated us to the gates of Hogwarts and accompanied me down to drop off my school things.

As soon as I got into the rooms, and after snuggling with Shadow (who appeared lighter), I went to the bathroom and took a very long bath. Normally I'm much more of a shower person, because showers are much quicker, however, after spending two weeks in St. Mungos without being able to take a proper shower, I'm desperate for one. Not to say that I'm unclean, because the Healers applied cleansing charms daily all over me, however, that isn't quite the same as being able to take a shower.

An hour or more later I climbed out of the bathtub smelling to the high heavens of lavender (its my preferred shampoo and body wash and just happened to be one of the fragrance taps of water in the bath). Pulling on clean clothes, I stepped out of my bathroom and marched out into the living room, causing Severus to raise his head from his grading as soon as I walked into the room. "Going to go see your friend?" Severus asked coolly as I walked into the room.

"I don't really want to, because I'm mad at her about ditching me, but I suppose that I shouldn't be mad at her seeing as I had expected that," I say with a forwn as Shadow jumps into my arms. Turning around to look at Snape I shrugged as I looked at him. "I'll see you later," I say as I walk out of the room, carrying Shadow with me and placing him on the floor as I make my way down the hall with Shadow following alongside me.

Emerging at the top of the stairs and making my way towards the Great Hall, where I assume Monica might be having breakfast, I look down at my feet wondering if I should just forgive and forget or tear into her. "Delilah, when did you get back?" looking up, I hardly have enough time to see the red-head addressing me before I feel myself engulfed int his arms and pressed tightly against him. He squeezes so hard, I feel the air leave my lungs and unable to return as I pat George on the back.

"George... I can't breath," I gasp as he lets go and he smiles down at me, I cast a brief look around the hall to see where Shadow has gone off to and see his sniffing around the entrance hall. "I just got back," I say as I look up at his smiling face as he takes up a more relaxed stance and pushes hands in his pants pockets. "Have you seen Monica?" I asked as I looked up at him. He merely nodded at this and it made me wonder why he seemed a bit uncomfortable about it. "Whats wrong?" I asked as I looked up at him, wondering what his problem was and feeling worried about Monica.

"She started to date the boy from your house, Josh Tilden," he replied, seemingly not too pleased with this as he seemed a bit affronted by this. I furrowed my brow, guessing that Josh and Denise... can't remember her last name, are actually over for good. However, I'm very surprised to hear that they are dating. Monica was never one for getting into a relationship with anyone, even if it was just a lose and carefree relationship.

"What? When did that happen? How?" I asked as I looked up at him startled. He merely shrugged.

"I don't know, but they've been inseparable since Valentine's Day," he said with a shrug. "Poor Denise Holland hasn't stopped crying her eyes out since," George added as an after thought as he looked at me.

"What's your problem with her dating Josh? Do you dislike him? Or do you like her?" I asked as I looked up at him. I tried not to sound offended by his offense at my friend, especially as I felt angry at her myself. While I'm proud and a bit confused that she has taken a step towards settling down a bit, I feel offended that it happened the day that I thought I was going to lose my mind and that she had ditched me for some boy. Not the mention the pity I felt rising in my stomach for poor Denise Holland, she really was a sweetheart and I know what it feels like to suddenly be without the guy you devoted so much of your time to.

"Neither. But Lee was very attached to her," he replied with a shrug. This made me look at him with a raised brow. Ok, so clearly they had to be aware of each others feelings towards Monica; didn't that bother any of them? And did they know that they had all tongued her? Because if they were that either makes them the closest friends in the history of time, or just very sick in a sexually deviant way.

Looking away and trying not to think of that, I spot Shadow scratching at the Great Hall doors which are currently closed. Good thing too, considering the fact that I really don't feel like going to chase after him into the Great Hall. However, seeing as this is the first time that I have allowed Shadow roam about freely like this, although he was free to do so in Ravenclaw, I understand that his curiosity might go a little nuts at the moment. "I'm sure that Lee will get over it," I say as I stare at Shadow for a moment and turn back to George who is staring at me with a raised brow. Maybe that was a bit callous to put like that. "I just mean that he doesn't strike me as the 'woe unto me' type and that you probably shouldn't worry too much about it," I say as I look up at him.

"You're probably right. Fred and I have been trying to help all of Denise's friends to cheer her up, but nothing seems to work. The girl is a mess," George said as he stared at me. I merely nod as I look at him, feeling sorry for Denise. However, I suddenly turn away as a I hear Shadow hiss before running over to me and jumping up into my arms. Looking over to where he was previously standing, I find that someone has walked out of the hall and spot a very surprised looking Dumbledore standing in the now open doorway.

"Delilah, glad to see that you are back and in good health," he said with a mild smile as he walked over. He then turned to George and smiled at him. "George may I have a word with Delilah?" he asked as he looked down at him. George merely nodded before telling me he'll see me later and walks away. Looking up at Dumbledore a little surprised, I wonder what he wants with me. He hasn't actually talked to me at all since that first night back at Hogwarts and am I bit surprised that he wants to speak to me. "Is that the cat that Severus gave you?" Dumbledore asked, motioning for us to walk.

"How did you... Yes it is, his name is Shadow," I say as we walk up the stairs, getting away from everyone in the Great Hall. I was gong to ask him how he knew that Severus had given me Shadow, however I'd decided against it as Professor Dumbledore seems to know everything anyway. "He was a birthday present."

"I'm glad to see that you two are getting along, much better than I'd expected," Dumbledore said as we walked down the hall together. Looking over at him, I wonder if he's saying that simply because Severus' and my personalities are not the easiest to get along with, or if he means something more by that. Turning to him, I can see that he is thinking about something, turning something over in his mind and he seems very pensive. Makes me wonder.

"Because he loves Lily Potter?" I ask softly as I stare up at Dumbledore as we walk. He turns to me with a raised brow. "He told me that he'd met her before they came to Hogwarts and that they fell apart in their fifth year," I said as I looked up at Dumbledore. Despite the fact that I hadn't really wanted to think about what Severus had told me, it was impossible not to think about it. "He didn't tell me that he loved her, but I could tell by the way that he spoke of her and I know that it hurt him a lot to lose her."

"The fact that he spoke of her to you is something in and of itself. He's never spoken of her to anyone," Professor Dumbledore said, seemingly very impressed as he looked forward as we continued to climb up the staircase. Looking down at Shadow, I scratched his ear causing him to purr as I think about what Dumbledore had just said. I hadn't really put in any thought to the fact that Snape was opening up to me and I wondered why I hadn't thought of it before. Considering how taciturn and secretive he is, it is a big deal for him to be opening up to me. "But this is not what I wanted to speak to you about. After the strain your mind has just undergone, I feel its for the best that your Occlumency lessons are put on hold."

I merely nod in response to this, Severus and I had already figured as much. However, I look up at Dumbledore with my brows furrowed a little, wondering if he thought that I had been having Occlumency lessons all this time when its been about two months since my last lesson. I guess Dumbledore doesn't really know everything. "Is that all Professor Dumbledore?" I ask as I look at him. He smiles down at me and nods. "All right, I think I need to go find Monica. I'll see you around Professor," I say as I turn around and make my way down the hall.

Knowing Josh Tilden, I figure that if he's not in the Great Hall, than he must be in the library and as I'm on the fourth floor I figure I may as well go see if Monica is there. However, I was merely halfway down the hall when I spotted Monica and Josh walking over to me. "Delilah!" Monica says excitedly as she runs over to me and engulfs me in a hug, causing Shadow to hiss and scratch her, because Mon just squished him. "I'll see you later Josh,"she calls you behind her to him as she drags me off, talking my ear off about everything that has been going on since I've been gone and asking me how I've been while avoiding Shadow. For the rest of the day, she doesn't let me out of her sight for a moment and makes me wonder if I was not better off secluded away in St. Mungo's.

--

"Look what I've got," Monica said excitedly as she joined me on Monday at the Ravenclaw table (we'd already had a long talk over what happened in February as she dyed my hair once more). Staring down at her lap, my eyes widened as I noted the Quibbler magazine which I had heard recently had been banned at school. The last several days I was at st. Mungo's everyone seemed to be reading the Quibbler, but no one said anything about it to me. I for one hadn't cared to ask why, seeing as I'd never been one to read the Quibbler. While I was fond of Luna, I didn't see the point in subscribing to something like that.

However, as we huddled over the magazine and read the article, I could see why everyone was making such a big deal about it. So Harry finally came out about what happened the night that the Dark Lord Came back. "Can you believe that he faced him. And not only him but all of the Death Eaters," Monica whispered as we started to eat breakfast before we would have to split up and go our separate ways. She had Potions this morning and I had History of Magic.

"Must've been awful to see Cedric killed like that. For no reason at all and like he was nothing more than a pesky spider," I say, feeling awful in the pit of my stomach. Over the past week, I've turned in all my work that I'd done over break, but I've been feeling more worried than normal and not about my NEWTs. I'd hate to admit it, but I've been very worried. I've fallen quite behind in what I was supposed to be learning and especially in Occlumency and the threat of Voldemort just seems to grow more and more every passing day. With this coming out, I'm more worried about it, because it makes it more real to know what Harry had to go through and it really seems that he was lucky to get out of there alive.

"You know, I think that Harry has more guts than everyone in Ravenclaw put together. I mean, he was only fourteen and he faced the Dark Lord and Death Eaters and got out alive. I mean he really didn't do much... but still, he got out alive and he brought Cedric's body back with him," Monica said as she looked over Harry. "He had just gone through everything in the Triwizard Tournament and still dealt with that... I mean, he's always had so much on his plate hasn't he? But he still does what is right."

"Come on, I'll walk you to Potions," I say, suddenly getting up and heading out of the Great Hall, walking quickly out of the hall and down towards the Dungeons. Usually Severus leaves breakfast really fast so that he can get back to the dungeons long before class starts, so he's either down in his office, or actually in the classroom.

"But Delilah, there are still fifteen minutes before class," I heard Monica, far behind me.

"Than Hang out with Josh, I need to talk to Snape. I'll see you later," I said impatiently waving her off as I descended down the stairs and headed towards Severus' office to see he was there before going onto his classroom. I walked into the room without knocking, causing him to look up and raise a brow as I closed the door behind myself and weaved over to the front of the class, looking around. I felt like I haven't been in this classroom in ages and I suppose I really haven't considering its been almost two years since my last Potions class.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as I stopped before him.

"I want to start taking Occlumency lessons again. I don't care that you and Dumbledore don't think that I should because of what the spell did to my mind. I am stronger than you are both giving me credit for and I think that it is foolish to push back my lessons any more than they already have," I said quickly as I looked up into his eyes as he looked at me more and more disbelievingly.

"Be that as it may Delilah-"

"Please Severus," I said as I looked pleadingly into his eyes. He frowned at this and I tried to smile at him encouragingly. "We'll take things slowly, make lessons shorter than they had been before and if I start feeling really bad, I'll tell you that I don't feel well and we'll call it a day. Just so long as we're doing something?" I suggested gently as I looked at him. If this didn't work, I wasn't above screaming and yelling at him until I got what I wanted. However, as the door opened and some of his students started to pour into the class, he looked at me and merely nodded.

"I have Potter tonight for remedial Potions, come to my office afterwards," he said as he looked at me pointedly. I nodded up at him, giving him a brief smile before turning on my heel and rushing out of the classroom and running up to Binns' class.

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders now that we were going to be doing something about that. I tried to pay attention in History of Magic class, which there weren't very many people willing to take beyond the fifth year, but I found myself instead drawing. I'd already read the chapter that Binns was going on about anyway so instead I started to draw. It made the class go by faster and after break, which I spent with Mon and Josh in the Ranvenclaw common room, I went down with them to the Great Hall for lunch, before heading to Transfiguration class.

"I'm sorry," someone said to me as I was walking towards McGonagall's clasroom. I looked up to see who had just bumped into me and found myself surprised to be staring at Denise... WHY DO I ALWAYS FORGET HER LAST NAME?!

"No that's all right. Denise right?" I say, trying to sound gentle as I looked at her. The girl looked a bit of a mess as she was wiping at her red-rimmed eyes. She wasn't a particularly tall girl, like me, but she seemed to be more filled in than I was. For instance, she actually had boobs. Anyway, she had very pale skin and light freckles covering her cheeks. Her eyes were bright blue in color and went well with her ginger curls that reached down to about her shoulder in tight little coils. Usually, she was a very cheerful, sweet girl, that cared a lot about her looks, but cared much more about the people around her. She was a very considerate person. However, at the moment, she looked like she'd been crying and didn't care about anything at all, not even her looks. I suspected her friends were taking care of her, kind of like Monica took care of me those first few days when I'd broken up with Jake.

"Yes," she said, looking up at me as she pulled away her fists from her eyes and looked up at me, suddenly, looking at me startled. "Oh you're... you're Monica Robert's friend," she said, new tears coming up in her eyes, causing me to frown and look at her in pity. My heart went out to her because of her suffering. When Jake broke it with me, I couldn't be mad at him at first, all I felt was pain and I secretly cried myself to sleep almost every night for a couple of weeks. If he'd gotten with someone while he was still coming to school, I think that it would have killed me.

"Come on, lets get you cleaned up. Class doesn't start for about another ten minutes," I said gently as I took her hand and led her to the nearest washroom. She followed along as I pulled her down the hall, eyeing me suspiciously, but seemingly having no energy or will to stop me from taking her to the washroom. I could tell that there was resignation all over her spirit. Her magic throbbed so painfully that it made her magic noticeable to me. Most student's magic isn't, at least not noticeably so. Its like if I were standing in the Quidditch field, I wouldn't be able to hear the buzzing of a bee. However, if there were a lot of them, like a whole beehive, I'd be able to hear it.

As we entered into the washroom, I pulled over to the sink and pulled out a piece of parchment and transfigured it into a washcloth, before putting a bit of it under the fawcet and cleaning the tears from her eyes. "I'm going to cast a concealer charm on your eyes, ok," I said as I looked at her, so she wouldn't think I was going to hex her. She merely nodded, but I could tell by the far away look in her eyes that she was gone. Pointing my wand at her eyes I muttered a quick charm to make the redness and puffyness disappear. "I had to learn to cast this spell last year when Jake and I broke up. I didn't want anyone to know that I was crying over him."

This seemed to make her come back to and she looked at me suddenly, like she was seeing me for the first time. "You were dating Jake Dawson," she said as she looked at me. I nodded in response. "Did you... did you know that he cheated on you all the time?" she asked as she looked at me. I merely nodded in response and was amazed that for once I didn't feel anything about it at all. "And you were still a mess when you broke up? Then you understand... what its like to feel pain even though he's a complete jerk to you. You know that you should feel like you are better off without him, but for some reason you feel like you can't live without him. And you are mad at yourself for wanting him back, but you just can't help. And you're mad that despite the way that he treated you, you wasted years of your life on him and you are mad at him for just throwing it all away. And what's worse of it all is that you are still willing to make that broken relationship work!"

I stared at her as she ranted fervently and tears once more sprouted in her blue eyes. She looked completely mad as she clung on roughly to my arms like I was a lifeline and broke down into tears. Anyone would have probably thought that she was demented and be scared, however, as I stared at her I couldn't help but feel a reflection of myself in her. "Yes," I said simply as she threw her arms around me and started to cry in earnest and I did nothing but hold onto her and ran my hands over her back, trying to soothe her sobs.

"Why does it hurt so much? We deserve so much better, but why does it ache? I should be happy I'm free from him, but I miss him," she cried as she clung to my shoulders, making my stomach churn at the thought that she was speaking of someone who was dating my friend. It seemed strange to think that she was happy about being free of him. I wouldn't say that was exactly my feeling when I'd stopped dating Jake, though it probably is now. However, it makes me wonder what is wrong with Josh.

"It just takes some time Denise," I said, pushing all my worries aside and trying to help the crying Hufflepuff that his clinging to me. "I know that its hard to not think about him, that everything reminds you of him and that you feel like a hole throbs inside you that needs to be fed, but I always felt that I didn't feel it as much when I was with my friends. Try to have fun with your friends Denise, don't feel sorry for yourself. You're stronger than that. Show him that you don't need him Denise and maybe you'll find someone that makes you feel like yourself."

Denise nodded her head, pulling away, sniffling and smiled blearily at me. "Thank you Delilah. I'm sorry about... everything, but you are the only person who would understand," she said as she looked at me and wiped the tears from her face. I merely smiled at her and nodded. "We should get to class," she said, ducking her face in embarrassment and walking out. Together we made our way back to Professor McGonagall's classroom where she joined her friends, all of whom glared at me. They've been doing that a lot, ever since I got back. I guess its only because Monica is my best friend. However, Denise merely smiled over at me and motioned for me to ignore them.

"What's that about, eh?" George says as he nudges me from behind. I turn around and look at him as Fred passes us up and takes his seat, leaning forward in it to bother Angelina Johnson who sits in front of him with lee Jordan. The twins actually sit in front of me, I sit alone all the way at the back of the class.

"Mutual understanding," I say with a shrug as I sit down at my seat and he sits down as well, turning in his seat and looking at me. However, before he can say anything to me, which I imagine he was going to as he was turning in his seat to look at me, Professor McGonagall swept into the classroom and started teaching us something new.

Class went by pretty quickly and of course, Professor McGonagall left us a lot of homework, which I decided that I rather not do as I started to put my things away. "You coming down to dinner, George?" Angelina asked as I finished putting my things away and slung my bag onto my shoulder.

"I'll catch up," he said simply as Angelina and their crowd passed by, Angelina giving me a slightly queer look before they all left. Turning around, I was slightly surprised to see that George was standing next to me. "I wanted to talk to you about something," he said as we made our way out of the classroom together and walked down the hall. "I know that your last relationship was a bit of a rocky one. And I was wondering if you..."

"Yeah... I don't want to deal with a relationship after that disaster," I said as I looked up at him, deeply hoping from the bottom of the uncomfortable knots in my stomach that he was not planning on asking me out. George smiled at that with his usual winning grin, though I could see his ears a little red, though I was unsure if that was just because of his red hair or because they themselves were turning red.

"Yeah, of course," he said, and I wondered why he sounded a bit strange. "I know that you and I haven't... I know that you wouldn't consider me a friend. But I was hoping that that could change. You don't ever seem to have as much fun as you could you know, loosen up," George said as he nudged me lightly with his elbow and easing my previous discomfort. I smiled as we at last came to a stop at the entrance hall. "You're always preoccupied with whats going on in the outside world, and in learning so many different new things and I don't think that I've seen you have any real fun in years. I got an idea. Meet me in outside the muggle studies class after dinner."

With that said, he marched into the Great Hall before I could give him a response. Furrowing my brow and wondering what he was up to, I walked into the Great Hall and took my seat next to Monica. Ever since she has started dating Josh, she has taken to sitting with him, Elsie and Jessica at dinner, making me have to suffer their company as well. For the most part, to keep meals civil, Josh has told Elsie and Jessica to keep to themselves and not bother me. For some reason, they do everything that he says without questioning him.

As I sit with them, I glance across Mon to Josh with a furrowed brow, wondering why Denise said all those things about him. He always seemed like such a nice person, but then again so did Jake. I suppose that Jake wasn't a terrible human being, however, he had been a lier and cheater. However, I wouldn't have been afraid of that. What was Denise afraid of? "Del, you okay?" Monica asked as she looked at me. I merely nodded in response and ate quickly in silence, wondering what about Josh scared Denise. However, I couldn't bring myself to say anything to Mon. He seemed to make her glow somehow.

"I'll see you later," I said when I finished eating quickly and exited the Great Hall, making my way to the first floor towards the muggle studies classroom. When I got there, I waited a few minutes before George showed up. "What are we doing here George?" I asked as I looked at him. He merely smiled and pulled out his wand. He cast a quick glance around the hall before unlocking the classroom and pulling me inside and locking the door again behind us. "George?" I said as he muttered _mufliato _and made his way to a closet.

Casting a curious look around the classroom, I found that its much the same like the other rooms. However, this is the only room in the castle that has outlets and electricity running into it. It is the only classroom where the charms against muggle items are not in place as for educational purposes, the teacher would teach the class how certain items worked. I was never interested in taking Muggle studies as I thought that it was a bit pointless considering I grew up in the muggle world and know how it works. "Aha," he said as he emerged from the classroom, pulling out something with him. I raised a brow as he placed the stereo on Professor Burbage's desk and plugging it in. He then turned the radio on and tuned it to a station.

"How do you know how to work that?" I asked as I looked at him. He merely smiled at me as he found what he thought was a suitable station. I was surprised that I recognized the song that was playing on the radio, but I suppose that as it was an oldy, most people who have lived in the muggle world would know it. I mean, honestly, what muggle doesn't know the Beatles?

"_I give her all my love, that's all I do, and if you saw my love, you'd love her too. I love her_," the song went, drifting into the classroom. George grinned at me as he turned to me and shrugged.

"Slow song, but a song nonetheless. Lets dance," he said as he bounced over to me and took my hand in his before spinning me into his grasp and holding onto my waist as he moved me slowly to the rhythm of the music. I feel my face turning red as I look down, allowing my hair to cover my embarrassment as the sun's setting light drifts into the room and causes the room to look a bit ambient.

"_She gives me everything and tenderly, the kiss my lover brings, she brings to me, and I love her_," the song continued as I closed my eyes and leaned my head against George's chest and thought of the first time that I had heard this song. I wasn't in the orphanage at the time, but living with a young couple who were still so in love with each other that they hadn't realized that they shouldn't have a kid together. I guess I'd made them see that as I caused them to fight so much, but I remember once when they thought I was asleep, I had seen them dancing in the kitchen to this song. I remember it was summer because all the windows were open as they swayed softly to the song. They were the ones that first instilled in me the desire to fall in love. They looked so perfect and happy in that moment. "_A love like ours, could never die, as long as I have you near me."_

"Bright are the stars that shine, dark as the sky, I know this love of mine, will never die. And I love her," I looked up, a little surprised that George knew the lyrics of the song and was singing them. I smiled as I stared up at him, but felt my breath get caught in my throat as I looked into this eyes and found that he was staring down at me intently. As the song played a small guitar solo without words, we stared at each other, softly swaying to the music. However, we both jumped apart quite startled as we heard someone scream.

Turning our attention, as the song started to play its last verse, we stared at the door, straining our ears to hear what was going on outside because we could hear some commotion. However, very soon, we heard the shriek again and we both ran out of the classroom and down the stairs only to be stopped at the top of the stairs looking down at the entrance hall at the commotion with a bunch of other students. I had to stand on my tiptoes to see over people's heads to see what was happening, but I quickly got annoyed at this. Butting people out of my way rudely as I made my way closer to see what was going on, I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and to my surprise found myself standing next to Severus.

Pushing away the event that had just occurred and telling myself that nothing out of the ordinary happened there, just two friends dancing, I gave Severus a questioning glance when he looked down and saw me standing next to him. I had already seen Trewlawney, who I hadn't seen around the school very often, but I didn't think she looked any bigger of a mess than usual, according to the way that Monica described her. Severus merely nodded towards the foot of the stairs which I had just dismounted. Turning around, I wondered how I'd missed the toad that was standing at the foot of the stairs. I suppose cause they are so wide and I was keeping near the left hand rail.

"You didn't realize this was coming? Incapable though you are of predicting even tomorrow's weather, you must surely realized that your pitiful performance during my inspections, and lack of any improvement, would make it inevitable you would be sacked?" Professor Umbridge said as she looked unmercifully at professor Trelawney, a smug smirk on her face and her high pitched voice sounding positively delighted.

"You c-can't. You c-can't sack me! I've b-been here sixteen years! H-Hogwarts is m-my h-home!" Professor Trelawney howled as tears were streaking down her face. I felt my heart clench with pain to see her so distraught. I didn't care that I wasn't her student and that she was a fraud, she didn't deserve to be publicly humiliated like this. I watched in horror as Umbridge spoke unmercifully and looked around to see why no one wanted to stop her. I felt my fists clench beside me and my body begin to shake with mounting rage as I clenched my teeth and glared at Umbridge with all the hatred in the world.

Suddenly, I felt a hand close around my fist and turned to look down at it before looking up to see who was holding it. Severus had wrapped his hand gently, but firmly around my fist, while keeping his impassive gaze on the scene before us. I felt my heart begin to race as I looked forward and watched as Professor McGonagall started to comfort Professor Trewlawney and looked around. Everyone was too busy to have noticed that Severus had taken my hand, however, as we were all crowded close together and we were standing so close, no one would have noticed that he was holding my hand. The folds of our robes hid it quite nicely.

Apparently I missed something huge as I turned my gaze and saw Professsor Dumbledore stride forward. However, I couldn't pay much attention as I was still very much aware of Severus' hand closed around mine. There were very rare, few occasions that he had ever touched me and for some reason I couldn't calm my breathing, which was causing my chest to heave. I think Severus thought that I was still angry, because with his thumb he was tracing soothing circles over my hand. I don't think I'd ever noticed before, but Severus has really nice hands, with very long fingers and despite the fact that they are not the softest of hands, for a guy, they are soft enough. The rough touch actually feels nice. Jake had girl hands, they were smoother and softer than mine, fucker.

Turning back around, I tried to focus on the scene and watched as Professor Sprout and McGonagall helped Professor Trelawney back up the stairs. I smiled to see Professor Flitwick move forward and help by levitating Trewlaneys trunks and following after the three female teachers. I felt my heart swell with pride and love to see Hogwarts teachers at their best and glared at Umbrige who was humanity at its worst. "And what are you going to do with her once I appoint a new Divination teacher who needs her lodgings?"

"Oh that won't be a problem. You see, I have already found us a new Divination teacher and he will prefer longing on the ground floor," Professor Dumbledore said pleasantly. I watched, mildly bored at the ensuing conversation before turning my wide gaze to the centaur that suddenly emerged and smirking at the way that Professor Dumbledore looked at Professor Umbridge.

--

I was wearing light pink, form-fitting, off-the-shoulder dress robes that merged into a lilac color along the skirt and matched perfectly with my hair, which was twisted up prettily, all thanks to Monica. Jake was wearing black dress robes with a lilac bow tie and despite the fact that we were dancing, you could tell that neither of us was very happy and before long we were pushing away from each other nearly having a shouting match and startling some of the people standing around us. However, I furrowed my brows and pushed this memory aside as I concentrated on my breathing and on Severus who was standing before me, his wand pointed at me.

Despite the look of concentration on his face as he stares at me, his face seems oddly relaxed and almost wistful. I stare deeply into his black eyes and I can see nothing else. Its almost as though nothing else exists but his eyes. After a moment, I see him drop his wand arm and looking at me impressed. "That was a vast improvement Delilah," he said, causing me to blush.

After watching the terrible scene upstairs, we had come straight down here once the hall was cleared and had gotten to work on Occlumency. This was the first time that he had attempted to break in my mind, and I felt a little proud to see that I managed to block him out after him having only seen that one memory of the Yule Ball. It wasn't a pleasant night, thanks to Jake ruining it by eyeing a girl the way that he had, however, I didn't care about that anymore. Instead, I felt a strange warmth in the pit of my stomach at the compliment that Severus gave me. He doesn't give them out easily you know.

"Thanks," I murmurred bashfully as I looked down at my feet.

"What were you arguing about?" he asked, hesitating after he said the first word. I grimaced at this and turned towards the couch and sat down on it heavily. I didn't want to talk about Jake, but It really didn't matter. I sighed as I looked over at him and smiled at him grimly.

"By that time, the same thing we always argued about; his wandering gaze, it strayed too often," I said as I looked at down at my hands. I could feel his gaze on the top of my head, probably analyzing everything that I saw, everything that he saw and my current stance. I don't want Severus to believe that I was still pining for Jake, especially as I don't. Though it really doesn't matter.

"I can't imagine why his gaze would stray from you that night, you actually looked presentable," he smirked, causing me to look up at him. I glared at him playfully, knowing that he wasn't really trying to insult me. However, he merely made his way and sat down in the arm chair across from me. "At your age men are fools," he said as he sat down next to me.

"Whats wrong?" I asked as I looked at him. He looked at me and glared but when I smiled at him while furrowing my brows he sighed and sat back and told me about what happened in his Occlumency lesson with Harry before once more going into one of his rants about Harry. "I'm sure Harry is terribly insolent with you, but ever considered that its because of the way you treated him from the first time you laid eyes on him?" I asked as I looked at him, causing his head to snap at me and glare in earnest. "I think from the moment he first set foot in the castle you saw him as his father and never really saw him for who he really is. He isn't James Potter."

"You didn't know James Potter," he snarled as he stood up and walked away. I stare at him for a moment, thinking that he did have a point. However, I knew more than enough to know that I was right. I think that both he and Sirius have a hard time seeing Harry for who he is, and instead see him as who his father was.

"You don't know Harry. To you, he's just a bi-product of the man you hate and the woman you worship," I said, causing him to whirl around and glare down at me. His face had turned red and he looks like he really will murder me. I turn away from him and clasp my hands, staring down at them. "When you talk to me about her... you can't hide your love. I think that's why you don't talk about her to anyone," I say as I look over at him. Turning away I once more look down at my hands, preparing for his onslaught for what I'm about to say. "I think Harry has a hard enough life as it is, maybe you should not make it more difficult."

Of course I was right when I said that he was going to snap when he heard that one, however, I was not prepared for the story he told me about why he switched sides after essentiallly betraying the woman he most loved and how the whole reason he was a spy was because of her; to protect _her_ son. "SO DON'T TELL ME ABOUT CUTTING HIM SLACK. LIFE IS NOT FAIR AND HE MUST LEARN SO NOW!" he shouted as tears streamed down his face before he fell into the couch and buried his face in his hands making weird strangled sounds as his body shook.

Resting a hand over my panging heart, I looked away from Severus until his... well I suppose that's what his sobs sound like though they sound like an animal dying, subsided. They really tore at my heart to see him so distraught and it disturbed me to know that he had really loved someone that he would never stop loving her. I could feel all his grief rolling of him and suddenly understood why there was something so sad about his magic. He lost her so many times. The first time because of his own mistake, the second to the man that he most hated in the world, and the third time she was ripped not only from his world, but from the world period.

Despite the fact that I felt like there was not something quite right about Lily Potter for him to have worshipped her so, I felt terrible that life had been so cruel to him. "_Is there anyone whose going to listen to my story_," I sang softly to myself as I stared at my hands and felt tears building in my eyes. My eyes went unfocused as I tried to push away the pain that I felt at Severus' pain. "_All about the girl who came to stay_," I continued to sing, aware that the room had suddenly gone very silent. "_She's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry, still you don't regret a single day," _I continued to sing softly, though you could hear it loud and clearly in the room. "_Oh Girl,"_ I sang, dragging out the song. I've been singing it at a slower tempo than the original song by the Beatles, but if I sing it I suppose it sounds better this way. Not like I have the greatest of voices. "_Girl_."

Looking up at Severus, I found that he was staring at me, his eyes having turned slightly pink around the edges. I decided not to continue to sing the song considering the fact that it probably didn't fit with Lily and feeling a bit embarrassed that Severus was staring at me, slightly befuddled and in mild wonder. "You should go to sleep Severus, its late and you have to get up to teach tomorrow," I said as I looked at him. He didn't say anything at that moment as he simply stood and left the room, closing the door behind himself as he entered the bedroom.

Curling up on my side, I picked up Shadow and curled up in a ball around him as pain wrecked its course through me and silent tears fell from my eyes and onto Shadow's fur. I don't know why I was crying, considering it had been so long since I'd last cried, but I couldn't keep the tears at bay. The insides of my body ached in so many places that I hadn't even know that you could ache in so many difference and foreign places. Gasping as a single sob escaped my throat, I tried to brush away the streaming tears, but found that it was no use. For the first time in months I cried myself to sleep without knowing the cause for the sudden onslaught of tears.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** All right everyone I hope that you are all enjoying this. So review!!


	14. Chapter 13: Temptation

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 13: Temptation**_

I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't stop wondering why I had broken down and cried that night nearly a week ago and everything that Severus had told me would not leave my mind. I didn't know why, but something about it bothered me deeply. Though, now I understood Severus better than before and understood why Dumbledore trusted him so much and refused to answer questions about it. There can be no doubt in my mind to which side Severus belongs in this war, though, I hadn't ever questioned it before. I suppose that I shouldn't trust as readily as I sometimes do, but if Dumbledore trusted him, why should anyone question that?

As it was, I could see memories flashing before me; the first time I used magic, a random fist fight with Monica, getting into a fight with a girl that Jake had flirted or maybe cheated on me with, finding an article about my father in the library when I was a first year and tossing it aside. "Are you even trying?" Severus suddenly snarled at me as he pulled out of my memories. I focused my gaze on him and glared, but did not respond. Since that fight and since he told me everything we pretty much have gone back to normal with each other. Actually, its worse than normal because he's been treating me almost like his punching bag once more. I guess that he doesn't really like the fact that someone else knows that he was madly in love with Lily Potter.

I've been wondering a lot about her lately. It seemed so strange to me that if they were friends since before they were going to Hogwarts, how could she just abandon him like that? I understand that he'd called her a mudblood and that was very insulting, but look at Monica and I. We get into fist fights and we still forgive each other. We may get pissed off at each other all the time about small things at times or about anything, but we wouldn't abandon each other like that and I most certainly would never stop loving Monica. Perhaps we were only friends with each other because we were so alike, but that doesn't make our friendship any less real.

"_Legilimens_," I heard Severus say. My mind started reeling through memories of Monica and I together. The fights we constantly got into because I was dating Jake and spending more time with him than with her, the entire day that we spent in her bed after Jake and I broke up so that I could cry my eyes out, the way that she took care of me when I became a zombie and made sure that I was well groomed when we left the Common room. Seven years of friendship flashed before my eyes; all the tears, blood, laughter, anger, love, hate, resentment... it was all there like a strange DNA pattern of what friendship was supposed to mean. No matter what, you don't abandon your friends because blood or not, they are your family, they are the only ones that you can count on to love you, pick up the pieces when you breakdown and to smack some sense into you when you need it.

"Delilah, get out and come back when you are trying to concentrate," Severus suddenly snarled at me. I rolled my eyes at him and walked out of the room and made my way down the stairs. It was Saturday, so once more we were at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Remus, Sirius, and Tonks were all hanging out downstairs in the kitchen and thinking that maybe they will help some to distract me of my thoughts of late. I made my way to where they were hanging out, not too surprised that Sirius had decided to go up to his room or perhaps Buckbeak's.

"Hey Delilah, is your lesson over so soon?" Remus asked as I walked into the room and sat down on the table. I merely shook my head and placed it on my arms on the table. "Do you feel all right?" Remus asked, concern tinging his voice. I don't know how it happened, but apparently they were aware that I had been taken to St. Mungo's. I'm thinking that perhaps McGonagall said something about it because I doubt that Severus would have.

"Yes I'm fine, I just can't concentrate and Severus kicked me out of the room and told me to come back when I was trying," I replied as I looked up at him. Much to Severus' annoyance, when we turned up earlier both Remus and Sirius had both given me a hug and expressed how happy they were to see me again and that I was well. I hadn't seen either once of then since my last Occlumency lesson, which I believe was in December. Looking up at the way that Remus and Tonks are looking at me with a raised brow, I suddenly realize that this is the first time that anyone has heard me call him by his given name. Usually when I talk to anyone I am careful to call him Snape, or Professor Snape. "Umm, I'm going to go find Sirius," I say with a nervous smile as I suddenly get up and haul ass out of there.

I slap my forehead as I make my way up the stairs. I was about to head towards Buckbeacks room, but I saw Sirius bedroom door cracked and stepped towards it, knocking lightly on the door and poking my head inside. "Delilah, come and have a lay," Sirius said blearily as he smiled sleepily at me and patted the bed beside him. I merely shrugged at this and walked into the room, closing the door behind myself and lay next to him atop his covers, looking up at the ceiling. There was more than enough space between us considering the fact that his bed was so big and I didn't see anything wrong with us just laying there.

Sirius' room is a vast difference from the rest of the House as its decked out in Gryffindor colors and has muggle posters of girls hanging on the walls. "You never grew up did you?" I asked as I looked across the pillow at him. He was reclining back on his fluffy pillows, his arms crossed under his head, while his legs were stretched out before him and crossed at the ankles. His eyes were closed, but there was a small smile on his face, telling me that he was very much awake.

"Are we back to that again Delilah?" he asked as he stared up at the ceiling, causing me to furrow my brow and wonder what the hell he is talking about. He opens one of his eyes and looked at me before closing it with a heavy sigh. "Last time we were alone together I believe that you told me that I fell in love with a different girl every couple of minutes when I was a teenager," he replied to my questioning glance as he looked over at me.

Suddenly, I felt my entire body go stiff beside him. I had completely forgotten that day when he almost kissed me. It would be a lie to say that some part of me hadn't wanted him. Sirius is a very attractive man, despite the fact that his beauty isn't what it once was. However, I don't feel anything for him other than platonic feelings, and what makes me uneasy is that I don't know how he feels. The idea that he might want me disturbs me a little, but that day he had simply said that it was nothing more than him testing me. "Sirius you don't actually want me do you?" I ask nervously.

"Honestly? Of course I do," he said, turning his head to look at me with a grin as I become pale. "But like you pointed out, my attentions are easily gained. You have to remember Delilah, that I haven't been with a woman in many years. And as petty as this sounds, the fact that you are Snape's wife only makes me want you more, kind of like the Forbidden Fruit that is not to be tasted."

I nod at this. Normally something like this might offend a woman, however, I feel slightly relieved about this. I guess its because that seems like a more logical reason for someone to sexually want someone, if that makes any sense at all. What I mean to say is, that he isn't attracted to me because he has romantic feelings for me, but simply because (a) I'm a woman and (b) I am, like he said, Forbidden Fruit. Sighing in relief, I turn my gaze to look at the ceiling and close my eyes, focusing on my breathing.

"You know, I admire you Delilah," Sirius said suddenly, causing me to turn and look at him, curious by what he means by that. "You are married to a man that you don't love and yet you remain faithful to him, despite being tempted. And I know you were tempted because I could see your desire burning in your gaze that day," he said with a cocky grin as he looked at me. I merely rolled my eyes at him and stared at the ceiling, though he isn't wrong. I haven't had sex in about a year and since I've been living with Severus, masturbation is completely out of the question. I mean what am I going to do, finger myself on his couch?! "I wonder..." I felt him roll over on the bed and leaning towards me. Turning my gaze to him I shook my head and pushed him off me, causing him to fall back onto his side of the bed with a laugh. "Can't blame me for trying Del."

"Hit on someone eligible Sirius, like Tonks," I said with a grin as I closed my eyes, feeling more relaxed than I have felt in days. All my worries slipping away and my brain not thinking of everything that had been plaguing me for days.

"I would if she weren't my favorite cousin's kid. Besides, I think that she has a thing for Moony. Why do you think I left them down there alone. I think he likes her too," Sirius said with a grin, causing my eyes to widen as I turned to look at him. I hadn't ever paid Remus and Tonks much attention when they are around each other, but I hadn't really gotten the impression that something was going on between them. Then again, I can be pretty damn oblivious to things. "Do you think that they would make a good couple?"

"A strange one, but they would be so cute together," I said with a grin as I looked at Sirius and noted that he had a matching grin on his face. I feel like my crush on Lupin had been a complete lifetime ago and none of those feelings remain anymore. I still think that he is quite handsome, but... I don't feel what I'd felt back then. I guess things changed and it was really nothing more than a silly crush. "They are so different and I think Tonks is just the person to bring him back to his youth. He looks like he could use some fun."

"Speaking of fun, I think you could do with some fun as well. After being stuck in St. Mungos for a month and with NEWTs coming up, I'm sure that some fun is in order for you as well," Sirius said as he sat up and a mischievous glint came into his eyes as he grinned down wolfishly at me. My brows furrowed in concern as I eyed him suspiciously and leaned up on my elbows.

"Sirius, what are you up to?" I asked, however, I ended up nearly howling the second part as his fingers attacked my sides and he started to tickle me. Today I'd worn a simple black t-shirt and jeans and considering I was laying down, my shirt rode up slightly and exposed some of my skin, gaining him easy access under my shirt so that his fingers could tickle my skin directly. Immediately, he had me thrashing about on the bed, roaring with laughter until tears had gathered up in my eyes, I could no longer breath and my stomach hurt. "I ... can't... breath," I said in between the laughter and gasps of breath as I tried to grab his hands and stop him.

It was hard to do considering he kept moving his hands around, however, when I finally captured both his hands I pushed him and we rolled over so that I was sitting on top of him, his arms strapped to his side. I had trapped his arms under my legs as I sat on him. Throwing my head back, I closed my eyes, trying to focus my attention on my breathing and trying to calm my heaving chest, while Sirius struggled beneath me to free himself. However, before I could steady my breathing, he freed one of his hands and used it to roll us over. Grabbing my arms he pinned them over my head and held onto them with one hands as his free hand started to tickle me once more.

"Sirius, stop," I begged as I laughed and tried to wiggle my arms out of his grasp. Thrashing about beneath him, I think that he and I noticed at the same time that he'd become aroused as my pelvis made contact with something stiff in his robes. I lay still beneath him as his hands stopped, my laughter immediately dying away as I looked up into his eyes. It was than that I noticed that I was laying on my back beneath him with my arms pinned overhead, and that he was kneeling between my open legs.

From the moment my pelvis had made contact with his erection, I felt my blood pool between my legs and as I looked up into his eyes I could feel how much I wanted him as he looked down from my eyes to my heaving chest, and stopping where his hands was on my stomach as he'd previously been tickling me. "Merlin I want you Delilah," he said as his hand traveled down my stomach, over my hip, grazing the side of my thigh. My body reacted without thought and my hips gyrated towards him wantonly, causing Sirius to lean his body forward, resting on his elbow and pressing his erection against me and for a moment grinding on me. "Merlin Delilah," he gasped as once more my hips moved against him of their own accord.

"Sirius, I can't do this," I said softly, causing him to look up at me and sigh heavily as he rolled off and lay on his back, draping an arm over his eyes as he propped up one of his legs to disguise his erection.

"Delilah," he groaned, sounding tortured as I sat up, now free from his grasp. "I admire your faithfulness, but at the moment I want nothing more than to curse it," Sirius said with a bitter laugh as he moved his arm slightly and looked over at me with a grin. "You know, he doesn't deserve your loyalty and if he isn't giving you what you need you are far too much woman for him."

I smiled at that, thinking how silly that sounded. I had never thought myself as being far too much woman for anyone considering my boobs were hardly noticeable. While Jake had seemed to very much enjoy sex, that didn't mean that I was any good at it. Besides, guys would be satisfied with anything, so long as it meant that they could stick their dick in a heated, tight, wet orifice. Not to mention the fact that it must have left him wanting if he went off to look for it elsewhere. "Too much woman, that's laughable. I think I fall short in that department."

Sirius shook his head, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he wagged a finger before me. "I myself have always been one for an ample bust," Sirius grinned as he looked at me. "However, you still have all the female equipment and judging by the way you can move your hips, you know very well how to use it," he said, causing me to laugh as I sat cross legged. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think that I will relieve myself. Unless of course you'd like to stay and watch," he said with a grin at me, causing me to roar with laughter as I suddenly bolted off the bed.

"You exhibitionist, sexual deviant," I said as I shook my head, causing him to laugh before I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind myself. As I made my way down the hallway, I wondered whether or not he was serious and as I reached the stairs, I decided that I was better off not knowing. However, as I climbed down the stairs, I felt suddenly very aware of my arousal and groaning at the fact that it had been quite sometime since I'd had any form of release. Why hadn't I ever taken advantage of being at Grimmauld before?

However, before I could make up my mind to do anything, I ran across Severus. "Where have you been?" he asked as he stared down at me. I felt my face turn red because of my previous thoughts, but felt no guilt about what had happend between me and Sirius. After all, nothing had happened. We'd had a tickling match and nothing more. Yes we'd become aroused by the event, but it was just a reaction because neither of us have gotten any in quite sometime.

"Talking to Sirius," I replied with a shrug. He raised a brow at this, however, he merely looked me over.

"Perhaps we cant get back to our lessons then," he said sarcastically, motioning towards the room. I sighed as I followed him inside, feeling a bit nervous of what he might see if I can't block him out. Taking our usual positions, I clear my mind and focus on Severus' eyes as he mutters Legilimency. For a few minutes I am able to block him out, thinking about the blackness of his eyes, before my thoughts turn to someone with laughing grey eyes.

Before I can stop it, memories begin to flash before my eyes, memories that Severus hasn't ever seen before for one reason or other. The day I went with George to Hogsmead and I was holding onto George in the tight passage, when he'd helped me down to the Great Hall to eat, when I'd jumped him to make sure he was George, and then jumping to the time that Sirius had leaned in to kiss me and I turned away. "What was that?" I suddenly heard Severus say in a murderously low voice as he glared down mutinously at me.

"Sirius somehow knew that I said I would be faithful to you and decided to test me, but as you saw I turned away from him," I said, looking down at my feet and scratching my neck. I hadn't done anything wrong, but Severus sure could make me feel like I had.

"Did you want something to happen?" he asked in the same tone of voice.

"At the risk of sounding like a hormonal teenager, yes," I admitted honestly as I looked up into his eyes, causing his mouth to press into such a tight line that he looked lip less. "But it didn't stem from any feelings towards him. Geeze Severus don't you have needs?" I asked angrily as I looked at him becoming defensive as he looked at me with judging eyes.

"I thought you wouldn't have sex with someone unless you felt something for them," he stated, his voice dripping with disdain as he glared at me with all the loathing in the world. I was slightly taken aback that he'd remembered what I'd said to him all those months ago. However, I didn't miss a beat. I suppose he must have thought that he got me caught up or something, however he didn't.

"That hasn't changed, just because you want something doesn't mean that you will do anything about it. If I were not married to you, perhaps in the face of my needs and loneliness I might have had a moment of weakness and given into my carnal desires without a thought to the emotional repercussions, but that would only make me human," I said as I stared into his eyes. "I'm only human Severus, unlike you I crave human warmth. But I have been faithful to you."

"Where were you and Sirius and what were you doing?" he asked as he stepped closer to me and looked into my eyes. I could feel my heart begin to race as he backed me up into the wall and the sense of Deja Vu washed over me. Except, I was staring into the dark pools of Severus eyes, which were sparkling with emotions I didn't recognize in his gaze, instead of looking into the mischievous sparkle in a pair of grey eyes.

"We weren't having sex if that's what you think," I snarled at him angrily.

"We'll see about that," he said as he whispered Legillimency and he tired to look in on that recent memory of Sirius and I. He caught a glimpse of us laying in his bed, talking just before I had jumped out of the bed and walked out of the room. However, I felt angry at Severus because he was mind-raping me and purposefully thought of the first time that Jake and I had sex in the closet. I purposefully brought that to the front of my mind and forced myself to see the way that we were groping each other, my back pressed against the wall as he thrust inside of me, moaning my name. "Enough," Severus said as he turned away from the sight, his face flushed and his eyes shutting tight against the images I'd just shown him. But he couldn't shut them out, because now they were inside his head and his as well.

"You wanted to see me fuck someone didn't you, well there you go, you got to see the first time Jake and I fucked," I snarled angrily at him, causing him to whirl around angrily and step close to me, pressing his body against mine and pressing my back to the wall. I could feel his erection poking me in my abdomen, and I gasped in surprise as I looked at him with my eyes widened in shock. One of his hands was pressed against the wall, high over head, while his left hand grasped onto my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes, which had darkened with lust, just like Sirius' and Jake's darkened when they were aroused.

"Contrary to your belief Delilah, I _am _a _man_. If you want to be treated as nothing more than an object of desire so your needs could be filled _I am _your husband," he whispered sadistically into my ear, causing me to shudder as his breath caressed my ear and his velvety tones and hisses, stroked me deep down in my core. He let go of my chin and let his hand wander down my breast, over my stomach, over my hip and down my leg before hooking behind my knee and wrapping it around his waist, causing his erection to prod against me and forcing me to gasp. "Is that what you want Delilah?" he asked huskily into my ear, licking the shell and causing me to shudder once more. I had to bite on my lower lip to contain the moan that was threatening to escape. I could still hear the sadism in his voice and I knew that it was not something I wanted, despite the way that my body desired his.

"I am not an object and I will not be handled as such," I said trying to push him off me. Severus let go of me and stepped away, his face to, my deep shock, its usual impenetrable mask of indifference. However, he seemed more pleased with this response than he probably would have been had we fucked. "Don't ever do that again Severus," I said as I looked deep into his eyes and glared. "If you ever break into my mind like that again, or treat me like an object I will make you pay dearly for it. I have been loyal to you and I deserve better," I said, turning away from him and marching out of the room. I hardly registered the fact that Remus and Tonks were standing there looking quite worried when I rushed by, down the stairs and disapparated, once more feeling tears in my eyes.

I wanted to get away from him, but I heard him pop not too far away from me as I hurriedly marched towards the school gates, tears continuing to sprout in my eyes as I begged for them to stop and go away. I didn't want him to see me in tears. As of yet he hasn't seen me cry, well, at least not outside of my memories, and I didn't want him to see them now. However, before I could get past the gates and break into a run towards the castle I felt his hand clamp down around my upper arm as he called my name and forced me to turn around.

"I don't want to talk to you, let go," I said trying to sound calm and keep the tears from rushing down my face as I stared down at the floor, lilac curtains covering my face from his view. I felt pained that he had treated me so despicably and I felt ashamed that not only had it moved me to tears, but that I had been unable to control my desires. Have I gotten that bad that I can't control them?

"I didn't mean to make you feel... used Delilah. I merely wanted to illustrate a point," Severus said as he stared down at me, placing his free hand under my chin and gently lifting it so that I would look into his eyes. A tear streaked down my face as my eyes clashed with his and I glared at him for having seen it. His gaze followed the track of my tear on down my cheek as he frowned deeply. I wrenched my arm and chin away from him and glared at him. I wanted to hit him and I don't really know what detained me. I knew it might help me feel a little better and get out some of my anger, but it wouldn't make matters any easier.

"Point well taken," I snapped as I downcast my gaze and sniffed as I felt my throat close up, causing my breath to come out as a whimper. I could have slapped myself then as my cheeks turned red with embarrassment. However, I soon felt his hand on my cheek, his fingers sliding beneath my ear and entangling themselves in my hair and hooking behind my head as his thumb gently brushed the moisture from my cheek. I could feel him pulling my head forward and soon felt my forehead leaning against what I assumed was his chest as his other arm slipped around my waist.

"Forgive me," he murmured so that I could barely hear him. However, I could feel his cheek pressed against the top of my head and I shivered as I reached up and grasped the fronts of his robes in my fist. I felt weakened as he held me in his grasp. I was angry at him and I wanted to pull away from him, but something felt right about having his arms wrapped around me. Despite how cold he could be in his demeanor, his body was warm and despite how firm it felt, it was comforting and I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

However, I suddenly realized the warmth that I felt in the pit of my stomach and the way that my heart was thundering in my chest and didn't understand why. Pushing him away, I felt stubbornness rise within in me and I felt angry with myself for my body's reactions and how weak I was becoming for just a little bit of human contact. "I need space," I said, pushing him off of me and turning around and walking away.

**TBC..**

**A/n:** Hope everyone enjoyed this and as always please REVIEW! And thanks to everyone that reviewed in the last chapter, you were all wonderful!


	15. Chapter 14: So Wrong

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 14: So Wrong**_

I found myself staring at Monica's full patronous, a beautiful lion, with a twinge of jealousy. I had tried several memories, but none seemed good enough for a full fledged patronous. I'd tried all the memories that I could and still all I could muster at best was a vague, large, blotchy form that was nothing. I was becoming increasingly upset and would have probably blown a gasket if I did not notice the Room of Requirements door open and shut, and saw Dobby walking over to Harry Potter.

Dobby is quite a bit nicer than Kreacher. I've seen him on more than one occasion in the room of Requirement, and while House Elves aren't particularly cute, despite it, Dobby is so very adorable. I've grown a soft- spot for Dobby because he seems so very sweet. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?" I jump as I'm startled out of by thoughts by Harry Potter yelling, looking a bit panicked. "RUN!" I freeze as everyone starts to run towards the door. Shit I chose the wrong time to space out!

"What the fuck are you doing you twit, Umbridge is coming!" Monica yells angrily as she runs back over to me and grabs onto my robes and starts to hauls me towards the door. Considering all the people scrambling for the doors, it's a bit hard to get through, but once we're out, we all start sprinting. Monica and I take off towards Ravenclaw, but its too far away for us to get there and not get caught.

"NO, come this way," I whisper urgently as I grasp onto Monica's robes and start sprinting down the staircase she was about to pass up. We hurriedly sprint down the stairs, panting for breath as we run down, hopping the last stairs, running town several floors. Just as we're about to round down towards the third floor, I see Filch coming up the stairs. "This way," I say as I tug Monica and run towards the hidden staircase which cuts down to the second floor. "Come on, you could hang out with me until everything should have died down," I sat as we emerged from the staircase, all the while looking out for everyone, but the halls are quiet as we descend down the stairs towards the dungeons.

"Someone had to have turned us in," Monica says angrily as I lead her through the dungeons. I not at this and try to think of who was and was not present in the Room of Requirement, but my mind is coming up blank. I was so... preoccupied with trying to create a patronous and becoming frustrated wit all my fruitless attempts that I didn't take notice of anything else. "It was Marietta Edgecomb," she says fiercely, not even noticing that we have stopped in front of the portrait into Severus' private quarters, to which I mutter the password distractedly before turning back to Monica.

"How do you know?" I ask as I pull her in behind me. It's a couple seconds before she responds after we have stepped into the living room. As I make my way over the couch, I notice that Monica is looking around curiously but after a moment an unimpressed look crosses her face. Her facial expression makes it blatantly obvious to me that she isn't at all surprised by Severus' private quarters and I suppose I understand why. I mean if you look at this room, there isn't anything personal about it and its gloomy and dark just like him. However, as Monica sits down next to me, she gives me a questioning look.

"Where's Snape anyways?" she asks. I merely shrug.

"He usually doesn't come in until long after curfew," I respond simply, though the truth is that Severus has been staying out for the past couple weeks in order to give me the space I had requested of him. I prefer it this way, because ever since our last Occlumency lesson, every time I'm around him I get knots in my stomach and I feel as though I can't breath and my heart beats so hard, I feel as though I'm going to have a heart attack. I don't like it and I don't understand why its happening. "Anyway, how do you know its Marietta?"

"Apart from the fact that she was absent from the meeting?" Monica says as she raises a brow at me. I roll my eyes at her, she knows that I"m not always the best at noticing things. "Well her mum works in the Ministry and she never wanted to join in the first place, she and Cho haven't been getting along and Marietta has always been very skittish, especially when it comes to breaking rules," Monica explains in a bored tone. "If I'd known the little tart would have the guts to rat us all out like that I would have threatened to cut our her tongue if she squealed."

I furrow my brows and look towards the fire. I think about Marietta who I hardly know at all. I'm not really angry with her as I guess I can kind of understand where she is coming from, but if anyone from the DA got cause because of her, I'll be mighty pissed. I mean... she ratted us all out so she wouldn't get in trouble? She could have just quite the damn DA, stood up to Cho as soon as she had gotten what she wanted, which was a date with Harry Potter. Really, this is a lot more Cho's fault! Why would she drag Marietta along? As though she didn't have any other friends or didn't know anyone else there!

"Think that the heat has died down?" Monica asks. I nod stupidly though I hardly even heard what she said. "Well I should get going then. Don't want Snape to get in and find me here, and I really am tired and want to know if Luna, Terry and the other Ravenclaw's got away," Monica says as she started to get up. I look up to her and raise a brow at her skeptically, thinking that she probably wants to get back to Josh. She spends all her time with him. We've hardly had enough time together to talk. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah," I merely say though I don't believe it as she heads towards the door and leaves. I sigh once alone and close my eyes, practicing some of my Occlumency meditations to clear my head of all thoughts and emotions and concentrate on my breathing. However, my brain is proving less co-operative than usual as it drifts to the memory of my last lesson with Severus. To everything that has happened lately, that I have been unable to share with anyone. I feel like everything is weighing me down.

Groaning, I pull my wand out from my pocket and concentrate on memory after memory, trying to cast a patronous, but I can't find one. I've gone through every memory who has ever made me feel happy, but it seems nothing is good enough. Not screwing Jake for the first time, or the first time we kissed, or the first time he told me he loved me, or the first time I realized I'd found a friend in Monica and even the first time I realized that I was magical! Nothing that I could think of made my patronous take a definitive form. Is something wrong with me?

I'm not sure how much time had elapsed since we all took off from the Room of Requirement, but when I look up and see Severus walk in. I know that its real late. I furrow my brow as he closes the door behind himself and walks over and plops down on the armchair with a heavy sight. Some is deifinitely wrong, but I don't ask him. Severus doesn't really like to be pushed, though ocassionally he may need to be prodded. But usually if he wants to share, something will push him over the edge.

After a moment of watching him sitting there, his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees and fingers massaging his temple while his eyes are closed, I begin to wonder if he even noticed I was in the room. "Professor Dumbledore has been forced to leave and I'm sure that by tomorrow Umbridge will be the new Headmistress of Hogwarts," he said heavily as my eyes widen in horror and disgust. My mouth hangs open and a strange weird noise escaped my throat as I try to find words to express my confusion and outrage. However, before I can, Severus looks up and the had look in his eyes is unmistakable. He then goes on to say what happened not long ago in Dumbledore's office, apparently having been told by McGonagall who was there. I sigh as I run my hands through my hair. How could Marietta do so much harm by just opening her big, fat, stupid mouth. I think that Hermioine did was not punishment enough for anyone who would have dared rat us out.

"Now it doesn't seem at all worth it... couldn't even fucking learn to conjure a fucking patronous," I grumble angrily as I kick the coffee table, its legs scraping noisily against the floor. This causes Shadow, who has been laying this whole time at the far end of the couch, to raise his head when he's startled awake. He then turns his gaze to look at me and hisses at me before he jumps off my lap and disappears. I sigh unhappily, gathering up my legs to myself. I know Severus is looking at me, his gaze is burning me, but it doesn't cause me to become at all flustered because I feel so fucking angry and miserable. We've mucked everything up. Things are only going to get much worse now that Dumbledore is gone and Umbridge is in charge.

"Show me," Severus said after a moment. I furrowed my brow and turned to look at him. It was a very strange request, but I sigh and think of the memory that has thus far yielded the best results. It's one were... Monica and I are first years and we've had our first disagreement. It was over something stupid, but I couldn't control my anger and I struck her, a punch right in the jaw, which started us fighting. Despite my experience in fighting, we come out pretty much the same and by the time that Flitwick was informed and separedt us, I was afraid that I'd just lost the only friend I'd made and tears came into my eyes. I apologized to Monica, but Monica just threw her arms around me and said 'hey, what's a couple of bumps and bruises between sisters?'

With this memory in mind, allowing it to fill me up, I say "_Expecto Patronum_". I'm not at all surprised by the way that the silvery wisps extend and make a vaporous and vague form, one that is quite large, but has no shape to it. It just looks like a silvery cloud and can't help the disappointment that runs through me. I frown as I stare at it, hating my life for the first time in years for being so lacking in the happiness department. Seeing other people's patronous and being unable to conjure one myself is more than disappointing. Its truly heart-breaking because it doesn't only mean that you failed and are weak, but that you've lead a miserable and pathetic existence.

"You're not trying, Delilah," Severus says as he gets up and walks over to me. I can hardly manage to glare at him before he is standing before me and hauling me to my feet by latching on unkindly to both of my arms. "Shake off all the melancholia, close your eyes and clear your mind," Severus says instructively as he goes around me to stand behind me, and places his hands on my shoulders, making me jump. I'm so confused by all his sudden movements that I'm all tense and jumpy, not to mention the fact that he hasn't touched me since the day of our last Occlumency Lesson.

Closing my eyes, I try to relax and clear my mind, but as I feel Severus kneeding my shoulder and neck muscles wit his thumbs, my heart begins to beat faster. A shiver of pleasure runs through me and I try to ignore it, but my muscles feel warm; its like small magnetic pulses are shocking through my insides, waking every nerve ending and forcing my blood to rush to my cheeks, toes, fingertips and just between my legs.

"Relax Delilah, allow a memory to fill you up," Severus says softly near my right ear, probably because he knows I'm trying to relax and doesn't wish to startle me. I don't think that he has any idea of what he is doing to me. I tell myself, as my blood begins to pool between my legs, that the physical reactions mean nothing more than the fact that I'm horny because I haven't had sex since about last April and I guess that in the two weeks that I requested space have done nothing. In fact, as my stomach begins to flip and feel all fluttery, I think its made it worse. Every inch of my skin desires his warm hands and the feel of his body. I want him to stand a bit closer, for his breath to brush against my ear and his velvety voice to tell me he wants me. "Say it," he murmurs, his voice a bit closer, but not close enough to make my knees weak.

"_Expecto Patronum_," I breath out, opening my eyes. I blink as I stare at a large, sleek bird that has its wings spread as it flies around before sitting down in front of me on the coffee table. "It's ... it's a Raven," I say as I stare at it. I feel rather than see Severus step out from behind me, as all my attention is focused on my patronous as Shadow starts to try and paw it. I furrow my brow as I stare at it, thinking back to February and the strange delusion I had and how Ravens seemed to follow me wherever I went.

"Indeed," Severus says. "I'll have to show you the many things you can do with your patronous, but not tonight. Good night, Delilah," Severus says as he turns away and walks into his room. I don't say anything to him as he closes the door behind himself.

Sitting down on the edge of the couch, my legs finally giving out beneath me, I stare at my patronous. Realization slowly dawns on me as I stare at the silver-Raven of light. Reaching out, I try to touch the patronous as I begin to feel sick with what I've realized. No, that's not really true, I knew it for some time now, but I didn't want to think about it. I was in denial about it, because I feared it. However tonight, the Raven, my reaction to Severus, the happiness stemming from it, makes it completely undeniable. I have, quite unfortunately for me, fallen in love with Severus Snape.

--

The days following my discovery I was very distracted. I even spent endless amount of hours roaming the corridors and weighing the significance of my discovery. The fact that I couldn't even talk to Monica about it seemed to make it all so much worse because it was all bottled inside me, festering and brooding. There seemed to be no bright side to me falling in love with the man I was married to and I felt like drowning myself in the Black Lake. I had wanted so much to fall in love with and it seemed so damn unfair that when I did it had to be with _him_ of all people. I had the worst fucking luck!

I was in love with a man who was only capable of loving one person, and that person was not me, and would never be me. I could never hope for Severus to love me even just a little or even be sexually attracted in me (that time in our last Occlumency lesson doesn't count anymore than Sirius wanting to have sex with me, its just an involuntary physical reaction like flinching when you see a punch coming). It didn't take a genius to realize I was in real fucking trouble. It only seemed logical, that this irrational feeling that suddenly decided to rear its ugly head in me, would surely be the death of me.

Suddenly, nothing was important. Nothing mattered anymore. I didn't care about what was going on in my classes, or that Umbridge was making a prison out of Hogwarts. All I cared about were the strange feelings I felt and how I felt they were suffocating me. I couldn't even be around Severus anymore without seeming catatonic while all my internal systems went haywire. My heart would beat so hard that I'm sure it was causing internal bruising, not to mention the fact that the rushing blood was making me deaf, it was rushing so loudly in my ears. Oh, and my poor jittery nerves.

Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all had given no thought whatsoever to Unrequited Love. Surely this is what I was feeling because Severus was never going to return my feelings and why? Because he would be forever stuck on _his_ Unrequited Love. However, no, I take that back. What I feel is NOT _Unrequited Love, _ even though my love shall never be reciprocated. But what I feel for him is real and I don't that that what he felt for Lily Potter was real.

All of the times he has spoken of her, he has made her out to be perfect. No one is perfect. He simply put her on a pedestal. He dreams so long of having her at his side that he idealized what a relationship with her would be like. I'm sure if he really had her at his side at one point, he would not be so devoted to her memory today and so closed off to any prospect of love as he is now. Why? Because had they been together, their relationship would have been subjected to the brutality of reality. It wouldn't have compared to his dreams.

Running my hands though my hair, I think about everything Severus and I have gone through since we were forced into this marriage. This marriage, has been more real than the perfect fantasy he has stuck in his stubborn head, or heart which seems more accurate to say, but he won't accept it or me. Why? Because I am not perfect, far from it in fact. I know that it is wrong of him, but how can I judge him or be angry at him for shunning our imperfect reality? He is a fool in Love and unfortunately, so am I; being angry at him for it would make me a hypocrite. It would be wrong of me, though I suppose I'm sufficiently wrong to love Severus in the first place.

Tasting something salty on my lips, I pause in the dark dungeon corridor I was walking through and touch my cheeks softly and blink at the moisture on my fingertips. My heart is hurting as much as my throat, and I can't breathe without fear of breaking down into sobs. This pain is unbearable and I don't want to deal with it right now. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this! It seems rather pointless to mull over the fact that I love him and that he won't love me because I'm so imperfect. Either way I'm still going to love him and be hurt. And doesn't really seem to matter how long I think about it or try to rationalize it, love is not logical and thinking about it certainly won't help.

Wiping away the tears that I'd shed on my robes, I pick up my pace and hurriedly make my way towards the kitchen. I want to stop thinking about all this crap because it isn't helping. However, my mind was refusing to turn off (the sign of a true Ravenclaw) and therefore I have to shut it off. Not something too difficult when you have learned to coerce the House Elves into giving you liquor.

I was nearly halfway through the bottle of Firewhisky (built up quite the tolerance for liquor while dating Jake) when I finally reached a blissful state of mind. My thoughts by now were far too fuzzy to inflict any psychological pain and my insides felt somewhat numb. However, I still was in a state of mind were I could walk back to Severus' private quarters with the bare minimum of zigzagging and seeing double. However, I was soon slumping on the couch, unaware of Severus sitting on the same couch, with no recollection of how I got into the rooms.

"Delilah are you drunk?" I heard him ask me. I threw off my school robes, feeling stifling hot for some reason and leaning forward, I grabbed his drink from his hand. My chest pressed against his shoulder for a moment before I pulled back with his glass in hand while he scowled at me. I probably would have asked why he was drinking but I was too drunk to really even realize it and what it meant.

"Not yet, but I'm getting there," I slurred slightly as I downed his drink. I could feel beads of liquor escape my mouth and roll down my chin and down my neck. The slim river of golden liquid slipped beneath my unbuttoned shirt and stopped at my collarbone. Had I been in a right state of mind, I would have realized that he wasn't quite sober either. Especially considering the nearly empty bottle of Firewhisky on the table and the slight bleariness in his eyes. Usually they would have been much more sharper, just as his tone when he was asking me if I was drunk or not. However, I guess I was a bit more drunk than I thought because this flew over my head.

"How were your lessons?" I said as I put the empty glass down. I reached over and picked up the bottle and started to drink from it as Severus rambled on; something about Potter looking into his Pensieve and seeing the memory of when he lost Lily. Only part of the story penetrated my drunken mind as I nodded, watching him very closely. My eyes were glued to his mouth, watching the way his lips moved to form syllables, while he somewhat slumped back, his eyes closed while his head was tilted towards the ceiling, exposing his unblemished neck.

I nod stupidly as he continues speaking, however all too suddenly, his voice has stopped vibrating through my being as I taste the intoxicating mouth that was previously forming words so enticingly. I have time to slip my tongue into the cavern of his mouth and taste his sweet liquor before his mind can figure out what is going on. However, it seemed hid mind was as befuddled as mine, unaware of anything but physical senses, as his hands closed around my waist and pulled me into his lap, where my bottom was greeted by his member which had begun to rise to full attention simply by the coaxing of his tongue by mine.

Heaven nor god could have ever created a sweeter ambrosia than two battling, intoxicated tongues combating for dominance. His hands grasped onto my waist as my hands rooted themselves in his hair, pressing his face forcefully to mine and causing our lips to burn at the intense contact. Yet, it is not enough, merely enough to ignite the fire in my veins, burning down like flames on tracks of kerosene down to my pleasure spot and forcing me to grind my hips on his arousal.

Severus gasped and yanked his head back for air, allowing me access to his rose-white skin. Kissing it gently, pressing my tongue to his artery and making my way to his ear, causing him to moan and grasp my hips tightly, pushing them down on his pelvis. I pay this little mind and try to ignore my throbbing clit as my tongue gently lapse up his earlobe, before tracing the shell of his ear and then abruptly lodging itself in its center.

"Dellilah," he moans as he thrusts his hips up. I smile devilishly into the crook of his neck as I made my way back down his neck with light, open-mouthed kisses, gently suckling here and there. However this seems to become too much for him as well as he suddenly sits forward, latching on tightly to my thighs and stands up. With alarming speed, just like his uprooting, My ands reach around his neck and my legs wrap around his torso. Closing my eyes with a small yelp, I clung to him tightly, allowing him free access to my neck as he begins to walk towards awaiting paradise.

Tumbling carelessly into bed as he renews his fevered kisses to my moaning mouth his hands trace down my legs, rolling down my knee high socks and removing them and my shoes. Not for a moment did his lips pause in their ministrations as his hands got on their own, teasingly tracing their way up my calves and pausing at the knee, as he broke away. Tearing his gaze away from mine as he panted, his gaze roamed over the plains of my small heaving mounds, over my flatter stomach, and at my gently protruding hip bones as he knelt between my legs, his left arm now supporting his weight.

Gazing intently down at me he brought his hands and nimbly removed my blouse, making quick work of my buttons. Leaning down and placing kisses on my collarbone, he begins to move his mouth south. My head falls back against the mattress and my chest arches up to his exploring lips, tracing with flower-petal-like touches my breast. He takes this opportunity to snake his hands beneath me and unlatches the green lace bra covering me.

Sitting back on his heels and bringing me up by the hand on my back, his mouth still bent towards my skin, softly breathing me in while putting his hands on my shoulders, he pushes down the shirt and bra. Trying to aide him I roll my shoulders, allowing them to fall away before tossing them hastily aside as my hands impatiently remove his robes from his body and impatiently ripping open the buttons of his shirt and yanking it off him. As we continued to kiss hungrily, my hands travelled down his lean chest, down his flat stomach, treading over his treasure trail and grasping onto his belt buckle and tugging at it impatiently before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants and pushing them and boxers off.

Severus gasped and pulled away as I crawled further onto the bed while pulling off my skirt and panties as he removed his shoes and socks. For a moment, Severus merely stood there and stared before crawling over on top of me and placing his knees between my parted legs. "Hurry up Severus," I panted impatiently as I wrapped my legs around his torso and pulled him closer to me, his sex brushing against mine.

The rest of the night passed in a blur of carnal pleasures. When I came to in the morning it was after being roughly shoved aside and rolling onto my back. I didn't want to open my eyes as I curled up on my other side, hugging the covers to myself and bringing them to my nose, were I inhaled a weak, lemony scent. My mind was still a bit fuzzy do to the previous' night heavy drinking, however, I immediately noticed that the covers felt too nice on my body and sitting up right I opened my eyes and clung the sheets to my body, which I had suddenly realized was completely nude.

Looking over at Severus, I could see that all the color had drained from his face. In fact, he looked a pale green. Immediately as I caught sight of him, all the memories of last night flashed through my eyes and I could feel my cheeks turning red. We had screwed no less than five times, the last two at my incessant... coaxing, in several different positions. God he must think I'm a trollop! And was he _that _drunk that he found me attractive last night and repulsive now.

Pushing these thoughts aside before I make myself cry, I looked down at my lap and tried not to think about anything. Usually I don't get hangovers, even when I drink as much as I did last night. However, I'm not completely fine today, but my aches and pains have nothing to do with what I drank last night, but rather with what I did. My legs feel very sore and my twat feels live I've rubbed the poor thing raw. Now that I'm sober and can think about it, Severus is much bigger in size than Jake. Like Severus himself, his shaft has got to be at least seven and a half inches long, while Jake had just been average. Not to mention Severus is slightly thicker. Not, OH-MY-GOD-THAT-THING-IS-GOING-TO-KILL-ME thick, but... just thicker.

Feeling bad that I have been thinking about this, I look over at Severus as he continues to stand there, clearly not yet having found any words to fill the silence. I'm assuming that I was draped over him when he awoke and he threw me off, threw on the robes that had been hastily discarded last night and ran across the room and got dressed before I felt like rousing from my slumber. You know, I don't even recall when we went to sleep. And what time is it now? Thank Merlin its the weekend.

I once more turn my head towards Severus when I hear a strangled noise come from his direction. "We were drunk. What happened last night must not- _will not..._ be repeated. It never happened Delilah," he says, slowly regaining his coldness, however, there is a strange look in his eyes. I can't help but stare at him a little dumbfound as my heart beats painfully, threatening to stop at any moment with each painful, throbbing, slow beat. It feels like the seconds are stretching out into an eternity as he watches me for a response. "Do you understand, Delilah?"

I nod, not knowing what else to do or say. What can I say? There isn't anything I can do or say that won't demonstrate what I feel for him. Its something I have barely come to terms with and the reality is that not for a moment, did the idea of revealing what I felt for him cross my mind. Watching his lips move, forming words that can't reach my deaf-to-the-world ears, I feel as though my mind is breaking down and I can do nothing but feel. As I watch him turn away and lock himself in the washroom, I feel the overwhelming feeling to sit there and cry.

However, instead I shake myself out of my stupor and like I hurricane throw on my clothes and run out of the room. I didn't know where I was running, but at the same time, I knew exactly who to, my heart was propelling me to run to. There was only one person that I could turn to at a moment like this, and even though she did not understand what I was going through at the moment, I knew that she would drop everything to be my shoulder to cry on in my time of need. There was never seemed a more dire need, then at this moment.

--

"What in bloody hell happened to you," Monica said, looking alarmed as she looked up at me from where she sat in the Ravenclaw common room. I know that I look like a bloody mess when I stop before her. First of all I couldn't see threw my eyes because they were so full of tears and my entire face felt moist from a mixture of tears and snot. Not pleasant but I couldn't really care as I gasped for breath. I didn't care about all the people staring at me like I was a wild animal while I sprinted down the the corridors and I much less cared that now the few people in the Ravenclaw common room were staring at me. I couldn't breathe as I continued to cry and sob and normally I would have been mortified of anyone seeing me like this, but at the moment I didn't give a damn.

I didn't have to respond as just as Josh, who was sitting with Monica, was turning around to look at me, she sprang to her feet and walked over to me, throwing an arm around my shoulders and allowing me to bury my head in it. She led me as I cried into her shoulder up the stairs and felt her tugging me along into the dorms. I didn't really notice when we stepped inside a room and she started to pull away and tugging my clothes off me.

"First you're gonna wash off that god awful stench of liquor and sex, and all the sorrow and then we will talk," she said. I couldn't see her because of my tears, but I could tell we were in the showers and she quickly drew up a warm shower and pushed me inside the stall and walked out of the room. I stood there for a few moments as she water washed over me as the tears continued to come. However, soon enough the water was washing them away, just as it was washing away any remnants of Severus. I didn't really want to wash him from my body, however, my muscles soon started to relax and some of the soreness our wild night of sex left started to ease.

I don't really know how long I was standing under the hot water, just focusing on the water and the way it felt. I had cried myself out of tears, or at least I felt that I could no longer produce anymore beneath the warm spray of water. When at long last I stepped out of the shower, I saw that Monica had taken away my clothes and had left out some, silky, flowy, black robes for me to borrow. I sighed as I threw these on, without caring about the fact that I didn't have knickers or a bra and walked into the dorms and walked over to where she sat on the edge of her bed.

Laying down on her bed face down, I burried my head in my arms as I heard her pull the curtains around the bed and cast muffliato, before laying down next to me and running her hands through my wet hair. "I'm guessing you got drunk and shagged Snape," she said gently. I merely nodded at this and burried my face deeper into my arms, feeling the shame overwhelm me as she sighed. "Merlin Delilah, I knew you were getting along, but I didn't actually think you were going to fall for him. When did you find out?"

"The night Umbridge found out about the DA," I responded, my voice sounding funny to me as I sniffed. "GOD Monica, what a mess. He told me we were going to pretend that it never happened," I said, my throat closing up as a fresh batch of tears welled up in my eyes. Shutting them tight I buried my face in my arms as Monica brushed her fingers through my hair and softly said shushed me, trying to comfort me.

"It isn't hopeless Del. Hon, he slept with you-"

"He was drunk too," I said as I looked at her, my face contorting in pain. She looked at me sadly, her brown eyes reflecting pain inside her as she brushed my hair from my eyes and kissed my forehead. She was laying on her side, next to me; her body was propped up by her elbow.

"Doesn't mean he didn't want you."

"Men will want anything that has a twat, Mon," I say, causing her to laugh and I feel a small smile slip onto my face to hear her.

"That's true to some extent, but I don't think you should be all miserable about it. I mean, Delilah I really do think that he must at least care for you and this is SNAPE we are talking about. He doesn't care about anyone, and for him to care about you at all must mean something," Monica said reasonably as she continued to pet me. "And who knows, maybe he can learn to love you."

I didn't say anything in response to that. I KNEW Severus would never love me, because I knew that the love of his life was Lily, and to hope that he could love me would only further injure me. However, I couldn't deny that perhaps, Severus did care about me a little. I mean, when I was in St. Mungos' he came to see me everyday without fail and he always stayed as long as he could and sometimes longer than he should. He also took very care of me when I was bed-ridden, or so he said as I really don't know as I had been passed out for the majority of the time. And even Dumbledore said he thought it was extraordinary that Severus had told me about Lily, though he hadn't used the word extraordinary.

Sighing, I rolled onto my back as best as I could without falling off the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "He won't return my feelings. I bet he's going to start avoiding me now," I said as I stared up at the ceiling.

"If you want him so much, fight for him Del. You know better to think that love will come easily. He's your husband and if he shagged you it must mean that he wanted something from you to, Delilah. If you don't want to reveal to him that you love him just yet, than worm yourself into his bed with a deal and see if it leads you to where you want to be from there. Who knows, maybe you'll worm yourself into his heart as well," Monica said as she stared at me with her chocolate eyes. I nodded as I stare at the ceiling.

"Can I sleep here for a while Mon?" I asked as I looked over at her. Her face broke out into a broad grin.

"Course, stupid. I'll even nap with you," she said. I merely smiled at her as I rolled my eyes and turned on my side. She curled up behind me and hugged me, like she would when we were first years, or whenever one of us was in turmoil. It didn't take very long for me to drift off into sleep, considering I felt very exhausted form the fact that I had slept very little. When I came to Monica was awake beside me and twiddling her thumbs.

"What time is it?" I asked groggily as I wiped the sleepiness from my eyes.

"Lunch time, want to get something to eat?" she asked. I merely nodded and together we made our way to the great hall were I would have devoured my food, if I wasn't still slightly bummed out about what had just happened with Severus. However, seeing as he wasn't in the Great Hall, I didn't worry about him seeing me like this. I merely ate my food while thinking pensively about what I should do or how to proposition Severus about us having a ... sexual relationship without giving away the fact that I was in love with him.

"Oy Delilah," I looked up and over to see George making his way over. I haven't seen too much of him since the last DA meeting. I've noticed that he and Fred, along with other people, have been taking their new responsibility of screwing with Umbridge's regime to heart. He's been rather busy creating chaos to the amusement of others. Of course, Umbridge had yet to be able to pin anything on them or anyone else for that matter. I mean what with all the other Professors turning their heads in the other direction and only having Filch and a bunch of snotty Slytherins on her side, she doesn't have much control.

"I'll see you later Del, I'm going to go find Josh. Kinda left him abruptly," Mon whispered to me. I merely nodded as she got up and left and waited for George to stop before me. However, he sat down next to me and started to eat while I watched him, wondering what this was all about.

When he finished eating, he turned to look at me with a small grin. "You were excellent at Potions right?" he asked as he stared at me. I raised a brow at this, wondering why he was asking, but I merely nodded in response. I was really good at Potions when I concentrated on what I was doing, despite my allergy to any kind of hide, dragon scales, dragon blood and... okay anything Dragon period.

"Do you think you can make this?" he asked as he placed a ripped piece of parchment on the table while he continued to eat dessert. I peered down at the list of ingredients and the instructions and raised my brow. Just by looking at the ingredients you can immediately tell that the potion is extremely volatile, don't do it exactly and you'll have a severe explosion. I can see why he is asking. While the twins are bright, they can't pull off making a potion of this caliber. I doubt anyone in the seventh year can.

"I don't know George, the level is not only highly difficult, but for me to handle these ingredients without Dragon-hide gloves would be murder, and in case you don't recall, I'm allergic to it and all its substitutes. What this potion for anyway. Maybe I can suggest an alternative," I said as I looked at him. He looked a bit uncomfortable, however, cast a quick look arounf before leaning into my ear and whispering something so hurried, that I didn't catch any of it. "What?!"

He leaned in once more and whispered more slowly. "Fred and I figure we're not long for Hogwarts and we've been planning our grandest bit of work. We are going to turn one of the corridors into a swamp and we figured that if we could get this potion and make enough of it we could occupy an area large enough to make it."

I looked down at the list and looked over at him and shook my head. "Something like that would be very noticeable. You're going to get caught. What about NEWTs?"

George merely grinned in response. "Not too important," however, he then looked down. "So do you think you can tell us how?"

I sighed, not really happy about this. After all I didn't want the twins to leave. Sure they both used to tease me, but that's just how they are. They never really did it to be mean, I just don't care too much for jokes. Never been that great at laughing at myself. "Well," I said as I looked at him. "I know a few different charms that will give you the same result. Come on, I'll show you," I said as I stood up and walked out of the Great Hall and walked with him towards the library. Once inside we pulled into the isles where I had once found a book of of charms, where I had found one that I assumed was a variation of the charm on the ceiling of the Great Hall. "Here," I said pulling out the book and going back to the index and flipping to page 28, and 62. "They are complex, but everything you'll need for a full swamp."

George grinned. "You're brilliant," he said as he hugged me. "Got to go find Fred," he said before turning around and walking away. "You're the Queen of Raveclaw, Del," he called out as he turned briefly around and waved before running out of the library while Pince yelled at him as he ran. I smiled at this and shook my head. However, I began to wonder what I was supposed to do now. Sighing unhappily, I picked up a random book and sat down at a table to read, not having anything else to do and not wanting to be anywhere Severus might be.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Hope that everyone enjoyed the chapter. As always, please remember to review! They encourage me :)


	16. Chapter 15: Do You Need Anybody

**Disclaimer:** The appearance of yet another Beatles Song, entitled "With A Little Help From My Friends."

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 15: Do You Need Anybody?**_

I avoided Severus for the rest of the day. However, when curfew came around I trudged into the room and was relieved to find that he was probably in his room, as the door was closed. Sitting down, I had expected it to be a long night, however, when Severus rushed out of his room and looked at me, I knew that he was off to a Death Eater meeting. Avoiding his gaze I merely stood up. "I know, I know, go to Grimmauld," I said when he was about to say something and sweeping past him towards the door.

We walked out and across the grounds in silence. Once we had gotten to the gates, I apparated to Grimmauld without another word to him. When I arrived at Grimmauld, I went straight up to one of the rooms, not really wanting to deal with anyone. I suppose its a good thing, cause when I headed down the stairs a little later, I found a couple of people leaving, including Dumbledore, and I guessed that there was a meeting. "Ah, Delilah, how nice to see you again," he said softly with a grim smile. I understood why he was grim about seeing me at Grimmauld, as that could only mean one thing, however, I was very happy to see him again. For some reason, not having him in the castle feels very strange.

"Its even nicer to see _you _again, sir," I replied in a whisper, with a broad smile. He merely smiled at me and patted me on the arm as he walked by to speak to someone. I quickly made my across the entrance hall and down into the kitchen. It was now mainly empty, but for Remus, Sirius, Tonks, Kingsley and two red-heads whom I assumed were the Weasley's, though I had never met them before. However, they seemed to know who I was as they only watched me with mild curiosity, but did not seem alarmed by my presence in Grimmauld.

"Wotcher Delilah," Tonks said with a grin as I walked over to where she stood. Sirius didn't seem to happy about something, and it seemed that Kingsley and Remus were trying to cheer him up. "Come and meet Molly and Arthur," Tonks said with a smile as she tugged my arm towards the two red-heads whom I had already guessed where George's parents. "Molly, Arthur, this is Delilah. Delilah, this is Molly and Arthur Weasley."

"Nice to meet you Delilah," Mrs. Weasley said as she shook hands with me, her eyes staring at my hair as she tried to smile at me warmly. Mr. Weasley merely smiled at me gently as he shook my hand.

"Its very nice to meet you. I'm friends with George," I said with a smile. "I'm in their year," I said as I looked at them. Molly frowned at this slightly.

"You're so young," she said as she shook her head. I felt my cheeks turn slightly pink to think about the fact that she was referring to the fact that I had been married off to Severus. She merely shook her head and then tried to smile more broadly. "Have you eaten dear? Our meeting ran late and I'm afraid that no one has had dinner," she said, motioning to everyone around.

I merely nodded in response and she turned away, excusing herself to start making food for the members of the Order who were staying behind. Before long we were all seated at the table. Despite the fact that I had already eaten, Mrs. Weasley's food smelled too delicious for me to pass up and so I joined everyone for their late supper. Everyone around the table seemed to be reminiscing about the past and talking about something or other and before I knew it, they had gotten to the subject about Lily and James.

"What was that song that she taught you that you were always singing with James?" Kingsley said as he looked down the table towards Sirius and Remus. I smiled as I watched the broad grins that spread over Remus and Sirius eyes as they exchanged glances and laughed. I was sitting across from them with Tonks, Mr. Weasley took one end of the table and Sirius sat on the other with Remus next to him. Others had joined us for supper, including the eldest Weasleys, Moody and one or two people whose names I didn't quite catch.

"_What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key. Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,"_ Sirius began singing. He had a surprisingly strong and nice singing voice. We all smiled as he started singing and I found that for some reason that song sounded familiar.

"_Get's high with a little help from his friends,"_ Remus put in causing Sirius to grin wider and everyone around the table to be thoroughly surprised by him. Remus chuckled slightly as he put it in, but he had a nice singing voice too. It was smoother than Sirius' which had a small rasp to it. Great for rock songs. However, we were all more shocked, considering how quiet Remus seems. However, I supposed he was their friend and in Gryffindor for a reason.

"_Oh I'm going to try with a little help from my friends," _Sirius sang again. By now everyone around the table was smiling in fondness and Tonks and I exchanged surprised glances as we laughed lightly. "_What do I do when my love is away?"_

_"Does it worry you to be alone?" _Remus put in.

_"How do I feel by the end of the day?" _Sirius grinned at Remus as he sang this part. We all watched in fascination as they traded off. Kingsley was pleased by this and I supposed that this was the way that Sirius would have sung it with James.

_"Are you sad because you're on your own?"_

_"No, I get by with a little help from my friends. Oohh, I get high with a little help from my friends. OOh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends,"_ Sirius sang. All the while the tune that their combined singing bringing a powerful memory in me. However, I still couldn't quite place my finger on it yet where I'd heard it before.

"_Do you need anybody_?" Remus sang softly.

"_I need somebody to love_," Sirius sang.

"_Can it be anybody_?"

"_I want somebody to love_," Sirius responded, still singing as he looked at me with the same grin. And it was than that it hit me where I had heard it. The big boy from the orphanage, the boy who's name I'd forgotten. He used to sing the song to me when I was little.

"_Would you believe in love at first sight_?" Remus sang as Kingsley joined in with them, to the great surprise and amusement of everyone at the table. His deep voice harmonized nicely with Remus, and added to the song and everyone's enjoyment of it.

"_Yes, I'm certain it happens all the time_," Sirius sang.

"_What do you see when you turn off the light?" _Remus and Kingsley both sang_. _The song by now getting quite infectious. The lyrics seemed to dust themselves off from some far off memory and come to the front of my mind, and I found myself mouthing them.

"_I can't tell you but I know its mine," _Sirius sang, catching me lip-singing and winking at me.

"_Oh I get by with a little help from my friends. Ooh, I get high with a little help from my friends. Ooh, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends," _Sirius, Kingsley and Remus all sang as we all continued to smile at the music and even sway with it was it got louder and more joyous. Though I could tell that Sirius wasn't going to be able to hit the next part and I guessed that when he sang it with James, he used to sing the part Remus is singing.

"_Do you need anybody_?" Remus and Kingsley sang with the additions of Sirius to add to the tone.

"_I need someone to love_," I sang loudly, unable to help myself and shutting my eyes tight because of the power of that particular note. When I opened my eyes, I could feel my cheeks burning, however, everyone was grinning at me happily as the boys finished belting out the song and Tonks nudged me.

"That was awesome Del," she said as she looked at me as the song came to and end and we all clapped and laughed. "I didn't know you could sing! That was great," she said as she nudged me and Sirius winked over at me. I smiled as I looked over at him and guessed that if Lily had taught them the song that she was well acquainted with the muggle band the Beatles. After all, I now recognized that it was theirs.

"Lily taught you the song?" I asked as I looked over at Sirius and Remus.

Remus merely nodded. "When we were seventh years. She used to laugh and clap as Sirius and James sang it for her. Usually when they'd had more than a few firewhiskies," Remus said as he looked over at Kingsley and smiled. "You still remembered it after all these years?" he asked as he looked at him. Kingsley merely chuckled.

"It was catchy," he said with a shrug. I smiled at this as they started to talk about the old days in the Order. They then started to talk about the old days until slowly everyone started to depart and soon all that was left was Kingsley, Sirius, Remus, Tonks and myself. I merely listened to them talk about the old days, while Tonks interjected curious questions here and there about the past. Sometimes I found my mind drifting away, wondering what time it was and whether I should be a worried or not that Severus had not turned up yet. I tried to ignore it, but it was somewhat hard to concentrate on what they were talking about.

"Wait, wait, wait. You all went to school with Snape too? What was he like?" Tonks asked suddenly, causing me to snap out of my reverie and tune into the conversation once more. I looked at her, today she had her hair a very hot-pink shade and cropped in a pixie cut. I suppose it went well with her impish face, though I did wonder what she really looked like underneath all the disguises. Also made me wonder why she changed her appearance so much. Was it just because she could, or did she not like what she looked like?

I looked over at Sirius and Remus. Remus looked a bit uncomfortable with the question, however, Sirius didn't seem disturbed by it. "Always been a greasy git. Only back then he was a thin, gangly oddball up to his ears in the Dark Arts," Sirius replied, contempt in his voice as he sneered and drank from his tea, though I had no doubt that he wished that it was something stronger. I felt something defensive tightening in my stomach, however I didn't say anything as I assumed it would give away my recent feelings for Severus.

"Kinda low to attack someone who can't defend themselves, ain't it, Sirius?" I asked, before I knew what the hell I was doing. I felt stupid after I'd said it and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't usually say just anything that popped into my mind like that, despite what it may seem like I didn't put my foot in my mouth often. However, Sirius merely looked over at me with a raised brow as everyone else turned to look at me curiously. I looked down at my tea cup and looked up at Sirius nonchalantly as I raised my brow at him.

"I was hardly attacking him Delilah, it was the plain and simple truth," he said as he looked at me. I blinked at him and shrugged. I suppose that is true and that I should have gotten so defensive about it for no reason. However, I knew what Sirius and James had treated Severus like when they were in school and I know that Remus never did anything to stop them, so I suppose that made me feel a bit sensitive about it. Doesn't seem right about them to talk bad about him. He has enough of a bad rep as it is, he doesn't need anyone's help to make it any worse. Severus made mistakes in life, he's only human and he's rectifying them. Why can't everyone just lay off of him?

Silence hung in the room for a few minutes after this, however, was soon broken when Remus cleared him throat and smiled mildly. "Well I think its getting late and I think I will retire for tonight," he said as he stood up and smiled. Kingsley stood up as well and stated that he had to go to work tomorrow. He was the only one who actually left, considering the rest of us where apparently going to be staying at Grimmauld.

When I got to my designated room and lay in bed, I finally found out what time was it and was very surprised that it was nearly one in the morning. Sighing as I lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling, I wondered what on earth was I doing? Did I want everyone to realize that I was in love with Severus? I felt like a complete idiot and knew that in the future I was going to have to be much more careful in hiding my feelings and acting as normal as was possible. I groaned as I rolled onto my side and thought about how horrible I was at that. I'd never before seen the point in pretending to be anything other than who I am.

I lay in bed for a few minutes, tossing and turning before I decided to get up and walk down to the kitchen as I was getting restless and thought maybe that I could get like a glass of water. However, I froze in the doorway of the kitchen when I saw the hunched figure that was sitting at the table as my heart started to thud painfully in my chest. "You should be asleep Delilah," he said, without even turning around to look at me, sounding thoroughly exhausted.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked from the doorway.

"Apart from common sense and the fact that you never sleep?" he sneered. It was a rhetorical question as he continued speaking shortly after. "I can smell you all the way over here," he said with a groan as he straightened up and looked over at his shoulder at me. I could tell by the groan that he was in pain.

"Are you all right, Severus?" I asked as I stepped into the room, the kitchen door flapping closed behind me was I stepped through and up to the table. I stood next to Severus as he once more held his head in his hands.

"Nothing a few muscle relaxants can't help," he muttered. I stared at him and before I really knew what I was doing I had stepped behind him and placed my hands on his back after rubbing them thoroughly together. "What are you doing," he hissed as he tried to jump out of my grasp. However, I held on firmly to his shoulders and forced him back down into his seat. Considering I'm so much smaller, I wouldn't have been able to do that if he was up to his full strengths and not in pain, but in his current condition, it wasn't too difficult.

"You don't need a muscle relaxant, you have me, so relax," I said as I concentrated on the heat in my palms and thought of the heat I wanted to radiate with them before running them down his back and then back up; I pressed the heal of my hand into his muscles, forcing any knots away and when I pulled my hands away I saw him straighten his back and look over his shoulder at me.

"What did you do?" he asked as he looked at me. I merely shrugged and sat on the table, crossing my arms over my chest as I looked down.

"Intent is very important when it comes to magic, and concentration important to wandless magic," I said as I held my forehead lightly and closed my eyes. I was getting the beginnings of a headache. It had been a very long day and I probably shouldn't have done any wandless magic in my exhausted state. I really supposed now that I should have just gone to sleep, rather instead of dealing with Severus now. However, I had no idea that he had already gotten back and neither did I know that he was going to be down here.

"Delilah," he said. I merely hummed in response, not bothering to open my eyes to look at him and not caring to, as I was trying to make my headache go away by not stressing myself by thinking about anything. "What I said to you this morning was very... ungracious and rude," he said, causing me to look at him as he had stood up and was not standing up before me, staring at me. I stared at him with widened eyes, surprised that he is bringing it up considering the fact that he said we were going to pretend it never even happened. "I really... we should have spoken of it then," he said and through the darkness his cheeks almost looked rosy.

"Its fine Severus. I... I know it didn't mean anything. I mean you're a man and you reminded me that physical reactions don't mean anything and ... we were drunk so neither of us knew what we were doing. There, really is nothing to talk about. We used each other, so there are no hard feelings," I said, though every word was painfully dragged out of me and I don't know how I made it sound so nonchalant. However, I wondered if it was just my imagination, or if Severus' eyes were sparkling with mild pain. I shook my head and looked down as I gripped the edges of the table and thought that it was just in my imagination and that if I didn't want to get hurt I shouldn't be allowing myself fanciful delusions.

"Indeed," he said, causing pain to rip through me to hear all those terrible things I just said be confirmed. Nothing more than physical, natural reactions. God, what are we, animals that only know how to abide by primal instincts because we have not developed the ability to think? "But there is more to you, Delilah, and I did not wish to use you," he said. I looked up at smiled at him lazily while my heart thudded frantically.

"Then how about we just call it mutual comfort," I replied. The corner of his mouth twitched as he nodded. "Severus," I said tentatively as I stared at him and bit down on my lip. I could feel my nervousness fluttering inside my stomach as I thought about what I was going to do. "Considering that we are already in this marriage, its monogamous, we know each other better than most couples and have already... done it once, well I was just thinking that ... we could continue to... comfort each other," I said slowly and hesitantly, blushing furiously at every word I said. Thank Merlin the kitchen is dark!

However, at the same time I can't see Severus' reaction that well. He seems a bit shocked by this proposition, though I'm only hazarding a guess at that because he froze and seems unable to respond. After a moment though, he seems to have recovered and strides closer with slow and deliberate steps. "And how would such a relationship work, Mrs. Snape?" he asked, his voice dropping to its usual silkiness as he nears.

My heart skips a beat as for the first time ever he calls me by his name, while shivers of pleasure run through me at his low baritone and the way his eyes are now sparkling at me. However, I smile and force myself into the role of a loving wife. "Well... we could sleep at last in the same bed as a married couple ought to and I can perform those duties a wife should perform when her husband has had a long day," I reply with a smile as I grasp onto the front of his robes and gently pull him between my parting legs.

He leaned over the table, resting his hands on either side of me and slightly behind me, causing me to have to lean back on my hands. "And what duties would that be?" he asked near my earlobe before whipping his tongue out to lick it. Wrapping my legs around his torso and bringing his pelvis into contact with mine, I smile at the feel of something hard pressing against the underside of my thigh.

"Can you not think of any way I might please my husband?" I asked, kissing his neck as I lifted myself slightly off the table to be able to grind against his pelvis. He moaned into my neck as he bit down on it before straightening up and pulling my robes open. He raised a brow as I looked down to see what he was looking at and felt myself blush as I remembered that I wasn't wearing any knickers or a bra. What, like I was going to share one of Monica's! We're close like sisters, but even sisters don't share knickers!

"This is most certainly a start, Delilah," he said as he ran a hand down my chest, over my flat belly and towards my wet folds. I moaned as his fingers flicked over my throbbing clit and I could feel his eyes watching my face intently as he continued the motion, while watching me intently. "Watching your pleasure is very arousing," he said, before slipping his long, index finger inside me, before pulling it out, much to my disappointment. However, as I looked up I watched him bring his finger to his mouth and suck my juices from it as he leered down at me, I felt my clit throb all the more painfully. "You taste excellent. I will have more."

With that said, he sunk onto his knees and parted my lips with expert fingers before running his tongue over the outside of my lips to my clit and back down causing me to spasm. If Severus was great with his fingers, his tongue was an otherworldly experience. He expertly used his lips to suck on my clit and thrust his tongue inside me, occasionally flicking against my long lost g-spot and causing me to moan and grasp onto his greasy head. When he added his fingers, I was completely lost and could no longer contain my orgasm. Not to say that Jake was horrible, but he couldn't always get me to orgasm. Severus on the other hand...

Standing up, he brought his lips in a crushing kiss to mine and thrust his tongue into my mouth, completely possessing me and forcing myself to taste my own orgasm. I am not exactly fond of the taste, however, at the moment I am too aroused to care as with one of my hands I reach between us and slip my hand beneath his robes, unbuckling his pants and unzipping them impatiently before tugging out his erection which was just bursting to be free.

Severus gasped and pulled away when he felt my fingers wrap around him and he pulled away, looking down into my eyes. "Are you ready for your husband, Mrs. Snape?" he asked with a small sneer as he looked down at me. I raised a brow at this as I parted my legs and guided him to my entrance.

"I think the real question is, do you think you can handle your wife's tight pussy?" I said with a smile. Before he could respond, I'd wrapped my legs around him and forced him to impale me with his rod in one powerful thrust, filling me up completely. I shut my eyes tightly, as I felt the delicious way he pushed against all my walls, forcing them to accommodate his size. When we'd both recovered from the first thrust, we looked up into each others eyes as he started to thrust in and out of me.

As a rule, the first time a man releases his load, he can't hold out for too long. Therefore, a few minutes later when Severus spills his seed inside me, I'm not too surprised by my lack of orgasm. However, that doesn't diminish my enjoyment any of every thrust. With every time he thrust inside me, a moan escaped my lips and when he picked up his speed and grunted his release, there was no greater pleasure than to know my tight walls milked him for all that he was worth.

Panting as he leaned over me, I smiled as he rested his forehead against my shoulder. "Are you spent for the night, Severus?" I asked after I have given him a few moments to recover. I could feel him smirk into my skin, before he pulled out of me and zipped up. He then straightened himself out and closed my robes, which we hadn't actually fully removed from my person in order to fuck.

"Mrs. Snape should already know that you are getting away with no less than three couplings a night," he said. I smiled at him as I crossed my legs.

"Three? Well I suppose I could cut you a break from my required FIVE if you make it worth my while," I said smugly and arrogantly as I crossed my arms over my chest. Severus merely sneered at this in response.

"I can more than accommodate your needs, however, it has been a long day," he said as he scooped me up. "However, I do believe I'd rather not be seen so intimately with my wife," he said as he carried me out of the room. So perhaps I can make my way to more than just his bed.

--

When I awoke the following morning, Severus' arms were tightly wrapped around me and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. Severus... I wouldn't call him a cuddler. He's more of the possessive kind of man who holds on to you tight when you fall asleep so that you can't actually get away. Which, I'm not mad at him for, nor really think that it makes me waking in his arms any less heart-warming. However, its the honest to god truth. And I think that most men who hug their woman when they sleep are pretty much the same and to think otherwise... well its naive.

Me... typically I'm not the cuddling type either. Well I mean after a night like last night, anyone would be so damn tired they'd knock out and sleep the whole night without stirring. However, had it been any other night, I wouldn't have been able to sleep so soundly with Severus. Considering I'm an insomniac and can't sleep throughout the night, laying in his arms awake for a few minutes would probably make me feel very restless, very quickly. After a while, I'd probably start to feel like I was suffocating in his arms. Which I suppose, presents a problem if we will be sleeping together; because while Severus is quite virile, I doubt that he can fuck me until we are both exhausted that I sleep through the night, every single night. I'm going to have to fix this, because waking up in his arms is really nice.

Sighing as I shift slightly, I hear him grunt and his arms tightening their hold around me. "Must you wake up so infernally early?" he groaned, his breath tickling the back of my neck and making me shiver. I smile as I turn around in his arms to face him with a small smile on my face as I look at his groggy face. I'm sure we both look a mess with our hair sticking out oddly, crust in our eyes and with horrible morning breath, however, I don't really care as I stare into his eyes, which are half-closed sleepily.

"I was thinking we could make use of your morning wood before everyone else in Grimmauld woke up," I replied with a smile as I brushed my leg across his woody as I wrapped it around his hip. Severus arched a brow over his closed eyes the corner of his mouth twitched into his trademark sneer.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm becoming pleased the ministry chose your for me, of all people," he said before rolling over so that he was on top and beginning to attack my neck with his lips. Severus apparently, _has _to at least sleep with his boxers on. He pulled them on last night before we fell asleep. I on the other hand, am already completely nude and ready. Which he soon discovers as his hand wanders between us. "You are certainly very interesting."

Several minutes after tossing and turning in bed, we were both up and getting dressed, Severus in a far better mood than I had seen him in other mornings. Running my hands through my hair as I slipped on my shoes, I smoothed out my hair and looked over at Severus, who had yet to make much progress with his as he pulled on his black boots. Crawling across the bed to where he sat, I knelt behind him and started to brush out his greasy locks with my fingers. I don't really mind so much that his hair is greasy, though it does make it a bit difficult to get it to cooperate. After a few minutes I get it to finally settle down so that he doesn't have either bed or sex hair.

"There, now you look a bit more presentable," I said as he straightened up and stood up. He turned around and raised a brow as he looked down at me.

"You never told me why you are not wearing undergarments," he said as his dark eyes washed over me. Butterflies rose in my stomach as he looked me over.

"Its not very hygienic to share knickers with your best mate," I replied as I looked up at him. He didn't say anything in response to this as he helped me rise from the bed and walked me towards the door.

"I will go find you in the kitchen so we can leave. Make sure no one see you exit the room," he instructed before turning around and walking over to the bed. I was surprised as I watched him start to make the bed manually, however, I didn't stay to watch as I opened the door and listened to the hall to make sure that no one was out there. Severus' room is on a floor were no one else stays, which I suppose is how everyone, including Severus, prefers it.

It didn't take me too long to sneak down to the kitchen, as there was no one there to see. As I walked into the kitchen, I wasn't surprised that Tonks was already up, though I was shocked to see the state of the kitchen. "Wotcher Del," she said distractedly as she tried to salvage what looked like the remnants of a few eggs.

"Tonks, what are you doing?" I asked as I looked around the mess she had made in the kitchen. There were a few broken dishes, open eggshells all over the counter with gooey stuff dripped on the counters, floor and stove.

"Trying to make breakfast," she replied with a crooked grin. I shook my head as I smiled in dismay and pulled out my wand, clearing up the floor and eggshells. You know, I'm the first to admit that I'm not always very graceful. However, Tonks takes the cake for the most clumsy, ungraceful woman on two legs that you have probably ever seen. It was like she never got her motor skills worked out well as a toddler.

"Here, I'll help," I said as I walked over and took the pan form her before she slipped and covered herself in burnt, scrambled eggs. At last she made them with butter instead of oil. If she'd have spilled hot oil on herself, we'd probably be taking her down to St. Mungos. "Tonks, did you ever learn _how_ to cook?" I asked, with a small smile at her as I threw out the burnt eggs. NO one was going to eat that anyway. I'm sure even Tonks realized that.

"Well... I used to see my mum do it, but I've never really had a desire to learn, and by the time I did, there was never any time," she said as she sat down on the counter and watched me as I started to crack the eggs over a bowl, and then scrambling them with a fork I found on the counter. I then poured them on the clean pan that had butter smeared on it. "Did your mum teach you how to cook?" she asked as I stirred the eggs in the pan as I pulled out another to fry some bacon in it. I focused on the task.

"No, I never knew my mother. I'm an orphan. But I've always been good at Potions and when I was living in the Leaky Cauldron last summer I bought a cook book and taught myself how to make some meals," I replied with a shrug as I cooked. I didn't need to look over at Tonks to know that this surprised her and that she was probably feeling pity for me as I cooked. Before the silence got awkward I chuckled and smiled over at her, seeing the sad look she was giving me with her aqua eyes. "After a while, the Leaky Cauldrons food gets a little sickening and on a Flourish and Blotts salary you can't go out and eat much. Though, I enjoyed working there and having a place to myself. Um, would you get out some plates?"

"Uh sure," she said hopping off the counter and getting a couple plates as the kitchen door opened and Severus walked in. "Good Morning Severus," she said brightly as she pulled out some plates from a cupboard, however, she tripped on her robes, fell forward and sent the plates flying across the room. Severus sneered as he pulled out his wand and froze the plates in mid-air while he let Tonks fall flat on her face, though she was mere inches away from him and he could have easily caught her arm and kept her on her feet. All of this which I could see as I stare over my shoulder and shook my head in disbelief at him as he smirked down at Tonks. "Staying for breakfast?" she asked before he could say anything snarky, as she bounced up to her feet and retrieved the plate from where they hovered.

"Not if Delilah cooked," he said, looking over at me as Tonks walked over and I started shoveling some food on the plates. I glared over at Severus.

"I'll have you know my food is not that bad," I said as I grabbed the plate and shoved it into his hands. "Try it," I said, pushing a fork into the eggs, before turning around and helping Tonks carry a couple of other plates to the table as Remus walked into the room, with a mild smile on his face as he sat down at the table.

"Now that is a great smell to wake up to," he said as Tonks placed a plate in front of him and her own plate next to him. "Umm, Sirius will be down in a minute, he just went to feed Buckbeak," he said as he looked over at me. I merely nodded and readied a plate for Sirius and walked over holding my own and sat down as Severus looked at me with a raised brow. I merely shrugged at him.

"We may as well stay and eat breakfast," I said as I looked at him. He sighed and gritted his teeth, however, he walked over and sat down next to me, opposite of Remus and Tonks. Neither one thought very much of this as they started to eat, Remus saying a mild good-morning to Severus between bites. A few minutes later, Sirius walked in, but neither he nor Severus said anything as they quietly ate breakfast. I guess that Tonks, Remus and I thought that this was strange, because we all gave them looks while they stared down at their plates and ate silently. However, as it was a nice change from the usual, we didn't say anything.

When breakfast was all through, Severus rose from his seat. "We should go," he said. I merely nodded and picked up our plates and quickly rinsed them in the sink. When I turned around, I found that he was staring at me, in a way that told me his patience was beginning to wear thin. "What, it isn't fair to leave a mess for someone else to clean up," I said as I looked at him.

"That's all right, Del, I'll take care of it. After all, least I can do since you salvaged breakfast," Tonks said brightly as she bounced to her feet, however, I think her foot snagged on the back of her robes and forced her back into her seat. I merely nodded at her.

"Tonks, you should stick to muggle jeans. You might trip less often," I suggested with a light smile at her. She merely nodded at this. "I'll see you all later," I said as I turned around and followed Severus up the stairs. He of course said nothing to them as we walked up and dispparated. I sighed at the thought of having to return to the castle, and wondered why we couldn't spend the Holidays away from the castle. However, I supposed that there was a reason that we were staying at the castle and considering I had NEWTs coming up, there wasn't a point in leaving the castle. I had A LOT of work to do, and apparently, Severus thought that I should get it done because as soon as we got to the castle he dragged me down to the dungeons and forced me to sit before my text books.

"Do your work. Your teachers have been complaining lately that you haven't been doing any of your work," Severus said as he walked over to his desk. I assumed that he was probably going to get grading done. However, as I sat down, I supposed that he did have a point. Over the past week, since my discovery of my feelings for him, I had let my studies go and stopped concentrating on lessons in class. More than once one of my Professors had called my name to get me to snap out of my thoughts.

Sighing heavily, I pulled my Transfiguration book in my lap as I sat on the couch crossed legged and started to read. If I was going to be studying all week, it was going to be a very long holiday.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Well hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review and if you ever wonder what I'm up to, or why I haven't updated or when I will be updating feel feel to check out my homepage. :)


	17. Chapter 16: Meet Eileen

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 16: Meeting Eileen**_

"Are you ready?" Severus says as he walked into the bathroom on the last Sunday of the Holidays, most of which I had spent studying. I didn't see much of Monica over the Holiday, or anyone else for that matter. However, it wasn't so bad as it allowed Severus and I to fall into a routine. Go to bed at ten, screw until we were tired, go to sleep, wake up in the morning, screw once before he jumped into the shower, and get to studying. The first two days it was a bit hard to stay asleep all night and I did get a bit restless, but I started to take a very mild sleeping potion to make me sleep through the night; waking up in Severus' arms is just that worth it, though, I did struggle with taking the potion. Almost choked twice because my throat would just close up with the fear of potions that I had, but I think I'm getting used to it. Stopped choking and breaking out into a cold sweat.

"Is it really necessary I go?" I ask as I turn to look at him. His face hardens as he looks at me. Its his mother's birthday today and I had agreed to accompany him. See, his mother was of course aware that her only son had to marry someone, and apparently she actually wanted to meet me. I wasn't very thrilled about the idea of meeting his mother, considering the fact that I imagined that she would be much like her son and probably not like me. However, I hadn't been able to say no to him. The curse of being in love.

"Delilah, you agreed to go," he said sternly as I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror. I had charmed my hair to its natural black, as I was wearing the robes that Monica had given me for my birthday. I'd even put on makeup like last time, to be more presentable than I would have been had I kept my usual hairstyle and everything. However, I didn't feel comfortable with myself at all.

"I know I did... but," I turned around and looked at him, wringing my hands together. He seemed to notice that I was nervous and walked over, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my forehead. Severus isn't one to show any affection outside of sex, so this thoroughly shocked me and somewhat abated the nervous knots in my stomach. Despite the fact that we had been sleeping together and were closer than before, I hadn't deluded myself with thinking that he loved me. However, it didn't stop the hope from welling up inside me and causing slight heart-ache.

"Delilah, she doesn't like anyone and most likely she will not like you. Don't take it personally," he said. You know, those words shouldn't exactly be soothing, in fact, they are the complete opposite of what he should have said. However, he was being completely honest and something inside me clicked. Pushing him off me, I waved my wand over my head, making the make-up and the hair charm disappear. "What are you doing?" he asked as he looked at me.

"You're right, she probably won't like me so she might as well meet _me_," I said as I walked away and started to remove the robe so that I was standing in nothing more than my knickers, bra and shoes. Kneeling down before my trunk, I pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans and pulled them on over myself and pulling a black t-shirt over my head. I pulled on my canvas sneakers and stood up, turning around to face Severus who was eyeing me with a raised brow. "I'm more comfortable like this."

Severus sighed heavily as he looked over me, however, he merely tossed a light black cloak over at me and tugged my arms towards the door and marched us out. It didn't take us too long to make it down towards the gate and not very many people seemed to notice us. Everyone was busy enjoying the last day of their holidays before we had to head back to classes tomorrow, so no one really paid us any attention. Besides, Severus was walking so far ahead of me that it didn't seem like we were together. Although it may have seemed like I was stalking him. Though, I didn't notice if anyone was watching me as I was trying to put on my cloak.

When we made it to the gates, Severus grabbed my arm and disapparated us to what I immediately noticed was a very clean living room. Casting a look around, I noticed that despite how neat and perfect everything was, it was very gloomy. The walls were all covered in dark wall paper that was a dark green color. The couches and matching armchairs were of worn black leather and the carpets on the floor were a deep brown in color, with a strange design.

"Mother," Severus called out. I paid him no mind. Across the room was a staircase that led to the upstairs part of the house, and there were two doors on each end of the room. One I assumed led to the kitchen and the other must have been the front door. Turning around, I found that we were standing before a large, dark fireplace. Over the mantle hung what seemed to be a large, muggle, family portrait.

Turning around, I focused my gaze on what seemed to be the only picture in the entire room. There was a very sour looking woman, standing on the left side of the portrait in a long black dress that almost seemed Victorian in style. She had a long, pale face and her mouth was very tight lipped. Heavy brows rested over her eyes and while she wasn't much to look at, she didn't look horrible. However, she did seem rather unhappy and sullen. Her lank hair tied in a severe looking bun that made McGonagall's look sloppy in comparison. My god her face must be stretched out painfully!

Standing next to her was a man that was tall, broad shouldered and looked rather intimidating in an all black, muggle suit. He had black hair and dark eyes, and a hooked nose protruded from his face as he stood beside his wife, glaring out from the depths of the portrait. Severus looked a lot like his father, however, his father seemed like he was probably somewhat shorter and his face wasn't shaped like Severus'. And his mouth seemed a bit fuller.

Between the two, thoroughly unhappy figures stood what I assumed was a five, or six year-old Severus. His eyes looked red rimmed, like he'd been crying before the picture had been taken, and his little left fist was rubbing his eye while the other clung to Eileen's hand. I frowned slightly as I looked at the little Severus, whose hair was shoulder-length and tied at the nape in a black, silk ribbon. He was donning a little muggle suit that also looked quite old and misplaced, the black slightly faded. It almost looked like it had been dug out of an old attic, though it didn't look bad. There was something almost charming to see Severus as a child in a suit from the eighteenth century. However, the picture was so miserable.

"You're late Severus," turning away from the picture, my eyes locked with the woman who was coming down the stairs who froze as her dark eyes clashed with mine. I straightened up as I looked at her and lifted my chin, hoping that she didn't have eyes like Severus that could see though anything and know that I was very nervous and uncomfortable under her gaze. Her pale face watched me impassively as her eyes raked over me. "She looks a little young to be your wife," she finally said coldly as she came down the stairs and walked over to us, giving Severus a brief hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Happy Birthday mother," Severus merely said, clearly not deeming her statement worthy of a response of any sort. I stared at her, noting that while she was much shorter than Severus, she was still much taller than me. Her hair, which was straight and limp, wasn't as dark as Severus' and wasn currently held back by a ponytail at the nape of her neck. The robes that she wore were very much like the muggle dress she wore in the picture, and made her seem very slim and long, like her pale, long-fingered hands, which were probably the most beautiful part of her.

"Eileen Prince," she said as she looked into my eyes and extended her hand to shake mine. I smiled slightly at her and reached out for her hand, which was smooth and soft, though her grip was unmerciful.

"Delilah," I merely said as I looked at her. She merely nodded and looked me over once more. I looked over at Severus and looked at him quizzically, wondering what the hell his mother was doing. However, Severus didn't say or move as he watched his mother intently.

"How old _are _you?" she asked, pulling her hand away and looking at me. I was slightly surprised by the blunt question and her frankness. However, as I looked over at Severus once more, I could see why he was the way that he was and suddenly he seemed to make a lot more sense than ever before.

"How old are _you?" _I asked rudely as I looked at her, getting tired of her tone when she spoke to me and the way that she kept looking at me, like I wasn't good enough for her son or something. She seemed taken aback by this and she looked over at Severus, who actually looked amused now. "Its an impertinent question, isn't it? You should know that women do not like to be asked their age. But if you must know I will be turning nineteen in September and while I may be _too young_ for your son, I am more than a capable match for him."

Eileen turned to look at me with a raised brow, her expression turning from shock to something that gave the impression that she was slightly impressed. "Well I can see that," she said as the corner of her mouth twitched in what looked like it could be a smile. She then turned her gaze over towards Severus. "I didn't expect to like her very much, however I can see that she more than can handle your temperament, Severus," she said as she looked at him. Severus raised a brow at this and looked over at me, before turning back to his mother.

"Glad that you approve," he said, mild sarcasm tinting his tone as he turned back to his mother. However, I then smiled as she rapped him sharply on the forehead with her wand, causing him to reach up where her thick wand made contact with his head. I smiled in amusement at this and when he scowled at me I merely laughed as his mother scolded him.

"Manners Severus. You may be thirty-six but I am still your mother," she reprimanded him harshly before turning to look at me. "I assume that you haven't eaten and you look like you could use something to eat," she said as her eyes once more raked over me. I raised a brow at this, thinking she really had some nerve to point out the fact that I was thin. Not like she was very filled in either. However, before I could say anything, she turned away and walked into through the door which she had just walked in through. Looking over my shoulder at Severus, he merely shrugged and marched ahead of me to where she disappeared through, leaving me to follow along.

The kitchen wasn't remarkable, just a kitchen like any other and I merely sat down with Severus at the small round table. It was made of dark wood and somewhat rickety, just like the chairs. They made me glad that I was so petite, because then I figured I didn't really have to worry about breaking them by merely sitting on it. Perhaps that is why Eileen is so thin. However, when she brought over three plates of food, I could _see_ why she was so thin. She was a terrible cook. Maybe that's why Severus is a Potions Master, he had to cook for himself if he wanted to survive.

However, I didn't say anything as she sat down with us, setting a wine on the table top. Severus immediately picked it up and served some in all our glasses. "So... tell me about yourself Delilah," she said as she looked at me. I turned around to look at her as I picked up my fork, poking the grey thing I assumed was supposed to be steak. I looked over at Severus, wondering what the hell she wanted to know, however, he wasn't going to be any help as he was already choking down the watery stuff I assumed as mashed potatoes.

"Well... there isn't much to me. I grew up my whole life at an orphanage and never met my parents or know anything about them. As soon as I turned seventeen I got a job at Flourish and Blotts and started to live atop the Leaky Cauldron. I then married Severus and that's it," I said with a shrug as I looked at her. She stared at me the entire time that I spoke, her eyes getting wider and wider as I spoke, though I don't know why. Maybe it was my tone. People seem to get taken aback when I speak of my past like I'm talking about the weather. But it really doesn't affect me.

"You work at Flourish and Blotts, that is worse than your occupation," Eileen said as she looked over at Severus with a look of distaste, before taking a deep swig of her glass. I was taken aback by this. However, Severus merely ignored it as he kept his head ducked down and continued to eat.

"NO I don't work at Flourish and Blotts, I'm still going to Hogwarts. And what do you mean that's worse than his occupation? Being a Professor at Hogwarts is an honor," I said as I looked at her like she was daft. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Severus looking at me with a raised brow, however, he didn't say anything. However, if she was looking with distaste at him before, she now looked thoroughly disgusted with the both of us, like we had sinned against nature.

"You are still a student at Hogwarts?" she asked me as she stared at me, her small nose flaring red. "You married one of your students?" she asked as she rounded on Severus who was now looking at her. "How could you marry one of your students? Don't you know how unethical that is Severus?"

"Not like I had a choice," he growled out as he grabbed his glass and drank from it heavily. I turned to look at him and felt a small pang at that, however, I shoved that aside as I looked at her.

"We both tried to get out of it, but there was no way out of it. There is a loophole in the law that stated that seeing as I was neither in his House, nor in his NEWTs class and as I was of age, I wasn't technically his student anymore," I explained to her as she rounded on me. This seemed to have abated her, but she still looked quite angry, and her nose was still flaring up as she attempted to regain her control.

"I see," she said as she daintily picked apart her steak with a fork and knife. Keeping her gaze down on what she was doing, she tilted her head slightly. "And what do you plan on doing when you leave Hogwarts Delilah?" she asked, trying to sound interested, though there was a tinge in her voice that seemed to denote her interest was selfish. What the hell did she care what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? It wasn't any of her business what I wanted to do with he rest of my life. It was mine to do whatever I wanted with it, and I was going to do whatever made me happy. Not whatever made me famous or rich, whatever made me happy.

"I haven't yet decided," I replied merely. Her gaze suddenly hardened as she looked at me.

"I hope you are not planning to live off of my son," she said as she looked at me. I looked at her incredulously and glared at her. However, I couldn't think of anything to say to that. However, it wasn't like she was going to give me the opportunity to, because she continued afterward. "Salary of Professor isn't much," she said, shooting at him a scathing look. I looked over at Severus and saw him not say anything and I realized that she must make him feel like he is a child all over again.

Feeling my heart pang for him as I turned my gaze back to her, I wondered what her problem was. However, then I realized that if she were a pure-blood, she must have been a Slytherin as well. Made me wonder why on earth she had married a muggle. However, as I stared at her, I could see that she looked quite young and therefore must have had Severus when she was young herself. I doubt that she ever got to do everything that she wanted, especially if she was bringing up Severus and had an abusive husband whom she was constantly at war with. However, she'd loved him, if she resented her son for his death.

But still, it seemed to make sense if she wanted to live through her son and wanted more for him than he had gotten out of life. Turning to look at Severus and knowing from his past, I think that being a Professor at Hogwarts wasn't what he would have chose either. However, wasn't it his ambition that had screwed him over? I never thought that ambition was a particularly attractive quality in a person. It may drive you to achieve your dreams, but is it really worth it if it causes you to step on people along the way, or makes you lose sight of what is really important, like the people in your life?

"Whatever I do I can assure you its going to be something that makes me happy, not something that makes me rich or famous," I said as I looked at her and looked over at Severus. "You may not be happy with what you do, but you have no reason to be ashamed of it, because its important to you," I said as I looked at him pointedly, causing him to look up. I guess in the presence of his mother, he forgets what he really is doing by teaching at Hogwarts. However, he merely nodded and finally held up his head. "I want to go," I told him, getting up. Turning back to Eileen, I narrowed my eyes at her. "Happy Birthday."

--

I thought that had been quite disastrous. The long walk up to the castle, we both remained silent and I noticed that Severus was rather stiff besides me. Thinking that perhaps I had been more than a little rude to the woman whom had given him life, I thought that perhaps I should apologize to Severus. He had to be quite ashamed of the way that I had treated his mother, well not shamed, angry, but ashamed of me. As soon as Severus and I made it into our private, I turned around to apologize, however, no words escaped my mouth as he clamped his over mine in quite the hungry kiss.

I had to wrap my arms around his neck in order to avoid my knees giving out beneath me. I was quite surprised when he bent his knees, hooked his hands behind my knees and hoisted me up off my feet. Instinctively, my legs wrapped around him and found that he was quite aroused as he walked us to the bedroom. "You are brilliant, Delilah," Severus said as we fell onto the bed and he finally pulled his lips from mine and breathed into my neck as he proceeded to kiss it.

I felt my cheeks begin to burn at his compliment as he made the rest of my skin burn with something quite different than modesty. "Severus," I gasped as he sunk his teeth into my neck and shoulder. My hips involuntarily buckled forward and I realized suddenly that my legs were still wrapped around his torso, as my pelvis met with his and we both groaned simultaneously.

We spent a large part of the day in bed, the sheets becoming a mess as much as our hair. Severus and I both had the tendency to grasp and pull on each others hair as we pleased one another. Our clothes had disappeared in a fashion far too tortuously slow for me as Severus took his time slowly pealing it off of us as he paid more attention than ever before to what he was doing to me. All his movements were very slow and I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes and the slight smirk on his face that he was torturing me on purpose. That he was deriving a great amount of pleasure the way that he was teasing me towards the brink but not giving me any satisfaction by allowing me to release.

His hands constantly teased my skin as he moved them closer to the specific area that I burned for him to touch, however, he neglected it. His lips pressed lightly across all my skin, as though he were afraid to bruise it and his breath tickled every inch of me, especially any area that he licked or nipped.

It was strange to me for it to take so long, however, I was deeply pleased when I saw Severus placing kisses on my stomach and look up at me. For a moment, there was a flash in his eyes that was unlike anything that I'd seen before, though I remembered that look from a small insignificant moment that seemed like it occurred ages ago. However, as he placed gentle kisses on my hip bones and proceeded to kiss my inner thigh, I felt myself arch towards him.

I felt like I could die when Severus placed a hand on my hip and held me down as he continued to lather my legs with affectionate kisses. "Severus, what are you doing to me," I moaned as I tried to arch off the bed as he kissed my knee. However, my hips didn't budge as he was holding me down quite effectively and I could tell by the way that his lips felt against my skin that he was pleased with the effect that he was having on me.

Despite the fact that he made me feel like I was loosing my mind, there was something deeply satisfying when he at long last started lick my lips, which were already wet enough that they didn't need the moisture of his tongue anymore. However, a fire more intense than any I'd ever felt immediately ignited inside me and I felt like even the sun itself did not burn with such intensity.

He had worked me up enough that it didn't take very long for my orgasm to wash over me and I felt like I was seeing stars as my eyes closed with the strength of the orgasm that seemed to knock my world out of its orbit. Opening my eyes as I looked over at him, I felt all my love well up in my chest as he crawled over me so that his body was situated over mine, is knees between my legs as he kissed my neck and rubbed the head of his member against my wet clit.

Turning away, I could feel tears building in my eyes because of the amount of love that I felt for the man. Running my fingers lightly over his skin, I turned my head to kiss the top os his head as he kissed my collar bone. Reaching between us, my hands started to trail down towards his cock, however, before I even reached his treasure trail, Severus caught my hand and held it over my head. Before long he had grabbed the other as well and brought it to join the other over my head, where he held them.

"Tut, tut, tut," Severus said, shaking his head as he sneered down at me. I smiled as I looked up at him, earning myself a soft and gentle kiss. Sometimes how gentle he could be really surprised me. Despite the fact that I could still taste myself on his lips and tongue, I didn't care as he slowly massaged his tongue over mine, so lightly that I couldn't help wriggling against him, trying to get closer to him. I was surprised when he started to slip inside me causing me gasp, however, it was lost inside his kiss.

Our fingers became interlaced over my head as he started to thrust slowly and tortuously in and out of me. My pounding heart seemed to clench every time he pulled out of me, pulling out so that hardly even the tip was still within me. However, when he pushed himself down to the hilt, an immensely full feeling seemed to spread through more than just my body. My soul almost felt was though it were complete and my heart swelled painfully within my chest. However, I felt like I was loosing my senses.

The entire room seemed to disappeared and all there was was Severus. His body rhythmically pressing against mine like waves pressings against a beach. The room seemed to pulse with our erratic beating hearts as we both climbed mountains of pleasure and before long I felt my body writhing for release which when it came once more brought tears to my eyes. Never before had I felt something so strong as as we curled up together, Severus holding me possessively, I started to realize that we had just made love and that it wasn't just sex.

My eyes started to close slowly, letting go of this revelation and reeling as I started to fall into a foggy slumber. However, before blissful darkness fell over my sleepiness I found a few last questions bouncing around in my head. _Had Severus just worshipped me? Had that been love in his eyes?_

**TBC...**

**A/N:** Well I hope that you all enjoyed the chapter. I'm turning 19 tomorrow so please leave a review! Their the best presents!


	18. Chapter 17: Unexpected Flight

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 17: Unexpected Filght**_

Its amazing how feeling so full could make you feel so empty. Even as I had watched the great departure of the Weasley Twins the first Monday of classes, I couldn't feel anything but that hole inside me. Once more, I felt that terrible emptiness inside me. I had thought that it had finally closed up or disappeared, however, apparently it was still there. Not that I really was going to believe that it would ever go away. I suppose it feeds on love and when you think you have it in your life, the hole is satiated. However, coming back to reality, it made its presence known.

The days following, Severus became very cold and distant with me and I could feel my heart breaking. I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to think, for even one second that he returned my feelings for him. I couldn't stand to be around him, and even when I was with Monica, whenever she mentioned his name I couldn't help myself and would burst into tears. I didn't understand what the hell was wrong with me. I was angry that I had become such a fucking emotional wreck.

I tried hard to concentrate on my classes, and seeing as I was still sleeping with Severus, I found myself feeling relieved that I was taking a sleeping potion to sleep. However, I had to start taking one that was a bit stronger, as I feared breaking into tears. I didn't understand why all of a sudden Severus pulled away every time we fucked, and he no longer held me while we slept. The feeling of being used started to swell so painfully inside me that I thought I would explode, and constantly bursting into tears.

I finally decided that it had all become a great big problem when I suddenly burst into tears in Transfiguration a week or so after the Weasley's great departure. "Are you all right, Delilah?" Professor McGonagall asked in concern as she looked at me. Everyone in the class turned and were staring at me, some with concern and most of the Slytherins snickering behind their hands. I brushed away the tears from my face, though considering how hot my cheeks were getting, they could have been vaporized off my face.

"Yes I'm fine," I said as I tired to smile at her, thinking that I had a real problem. She merely looked at me and nodded before walking away, snapping at everyone to get back to work. She didn't believe me and I could understand why. However, I felt quite annoyed with myself as I noted the way that she kept giving me concerned and sympathetic looks. Thinking that this could not go on like this I found myself spacing out for the remainder of Transfiguration, wondering what on earth I was going to do.

As soon as class let out I made my way down to the dungeons and took a few ingredients from Severus' private stores and cooked up a quick Upper Potion in one of the bathrooms and I took it in my tea every morning. The bursts of tears stopped happening and since I took so very little of the Potion, there wasn't much of a difference in my attitude. Though Monica started to suspect I was becoming Manic-depressive because she thought I was smiling too much, or had too much energy or something.

May slipped in and out very slowly to me. Although that was probably because in the beginning of the month, I was a great emotional mess. However, by the second week I was getting used to the Upper Potion and I could stand to be around Severus. The feeling started to grow within me though, that Severus was really just using me as a mode of releasing his stress though. Something that became more solid in my mind one specific evening when it was long past curfew and he had not returned.

I had gone out to search for him and found him sitting behind his desk in the Potions Classroom. "Are you all right Severus?" I asked as I walked over. He was sitting very rigidly and not moving that he almost resembled a clothed marble statue in he darkness of the classroom. He didn't even stir as I walked over. Kneeling before his chair and looking up at him, I took one of his hands and placed a light kiss on it, hoping that he would turn to look at me. However, only his eyes moved in my direction and shot me a cold look before turning back to look forward as he started to complain about his position at Hogwarts.

I hadn't ever thought about how hard it was for him. Seeing as the whole school had turned to mayhem and it just seemed like anarchy all over the place, I hadn't thought about how hard it had to be for him to pretend to be on Umbridge's side and try to help her. Not to mention the fact that one of the students from his house, one of the boys on the Quidditch team seemed to have some sort of accident and his parents weren't too pleased about it. I assumed that it was causing him undue stress, seeing as unlike the other teachers, Severus couldn't just pretend to look the other way when something went wrong or be purposefully unhelpful to Professor Umbridge because that would get back to the Death Eaters.

I listened to him, looking up at him in rapt attention as he spoke and I could hear him say the words that were caught between the lines. He was wondering whether or not this was all really worth it. He was tired and he wanted it all to be over already, he didn't want to go through life and it almost seemed like he wanted the war with Voldemort to come to its cusp, and I know he would prefer to die in the end of things. I knew that this is what he felt, even if he was too proud and strong to say it, and to know simply broke my heart into millions of pieces and it didn't matter how many doses of Upper Potion I took, it brought tears to my eyes.

Ducking my head, I placed kisses on Severus' hands. It was painful to think of a world where he wasn't in it. I knew that what he didn't was very dangerous and that I hadn't put very much thought into it before, but I knew that as a spy, that he could be discovered in any moment and be killed. I didn't want to lose him, though I knew that it was impossible to lose something that was never yours... maybe that's what made it all the more painful. To delude yourself to think that you are somehow entitled to claim something and then having to lose it.

Closing my eyes, I blinked away the tears that had sprung in my eyes and opened my eyes to see the hand that I was kissing. It was his left.

As my eyes travelled up his sleeve-clad forearm, I stared at where the Dark Mark would be. I had of course seen it before, we had fucked many times and I knew perfectly well what it was and how it looked like. However, I had never particularly paid attention to the blurry lining of the scull and serpent tattoo. In fact, I usually made a point to avoid looking at it, because I felt as though it was something disgusting, and it scarred a man he was so much more than his past gave him credit for.

Feeling angry at the Dark Mark and everything that it stood for, I let go of Severus hand and roughly unbuttoned his sleeve and pushed it back to reveal the hideous tattoo before he could do anything about it. Severus tried to wrench his hand away from me as he snarled, however, I had gotten a hold of his hands before he could and kissed the mark before he could do anything about it.

The action seemed to have startled Severus as he immediately froze as my lips rested on the soft skin of his forearm. I continued to lather kisses on it, as if some part of me hoped that the love from my kisses would erase it. Dumbledore believed love was the most powerful force in the world, than why couldn't it erase it and make it go away? I felt angry tears building up in my eyes as I felt hate towards the mark and towards love, which in the end, was really nothing more than a feeling that made people do stupid and dangerous things.

However, I felt Severus right hand running through my hair and when I looked up into his eyes, all the anger and hate that I felt seemed to melt away. His eyes had softened and were staring down at me in a way that made everything I was burn.

Blinking as I looked at him from where I knelt, I watched him as he slowly leaned forward and bent to place a kiss on my lips. My heart swelled once more at the softness of his lips, but it clenched when he pulled away. "You should go to bed, Delilah," Severus said as he stared down into my eyes and pulled back into his seat, returning to his rigid stance. But I shook my head stubbornly as I looked at him, refusing to leave him alone while he was feeling so miserable. "Leave Delilah!" he growled suddenly.

I shook my head as I placed it in his lap and wrapped my arms as best I could around his torso. I could feel tears in my eyes, wondering why every time I felt like I was getting closer to him he pushed me away. I thought that my falling in love with him was all his fault. I felt like he should have never shown me another side of him that no one else had seen and I thought it was unfair that he would suddenly pull away. He had brought me this close to him, how could he suddenly regret it and take it all away? I never asked to be close to him, I never asked for him to share his life story with me! I didn't ask to fall in love with him, I thought weakly as tears sprouted in my eyes once more.

"Delilah, I want to be alone," he said as he grabbed me by my hair and lifted my head to look at him. I saw a flash behind his eyes as he looked down at me, my head tossed back and gazing into his eyes as he held a fistful of my hair. Everyone knows that there is a sadist inside Severus Snape, and I could see a kind of dark lust well up behind his smoldering gaze as his eyes raked over me.

"I know what you want," I said, taking his hand and pulling it from my hair while the other parted his robes. I'm not proud of the scene that occurred next, but I suppose that the disgust at myself and what a whore love seemed to make of me only grew. Sucking Severus' cock in that classroom and then allowing him to bend me over his desk and take me from behind, is hardly the most shameful thing that I allowed him to do to me, because two weeks following that, we found ourselves in Grimmauld.

It was the last weekened of May, Gryffindor had its last match, and we found ourselves alone, practicing Occlumency at Grimmauld Place. "You did very well Delilah. This is your last lesson," Severus said as he looked down at me. I had become much better at Occlumency, because I wanted to hide the fact that I loved Severus from him and concentrated very hard on keeping that to myself. Severus could no longer penetrate my thoughts.

I smiled at him as I walked over and placed a kiss on his lips, surprising him. After the night in his office, I had to up the doses on the Sleeping Draught and the Upper Potion because I was too angry and sad about my love for Severus and how hopeless it was. I even started taking a Euphoria potion, that had the small side-effect of making you forget yourself. It meant that I wasn't aware of how shameful I had acted, while at the same time being unaware how shameful I would act. But it was blissful to for once not care about anything that I did. However, I always had the presence of mind to keep my secret and act more or less like myself.

"Delilah, what are you doing," Severus said as he pushed me away. I merely smiled as I looked up at him, however, I continued to attack his mouth with passionate kisses as my hands wound their way into his robes. It was the catalyst of the end, bringing it long before it was to come. I was loosing my mind, and I thought that Lupin walking in on us while Snape fucked me doggy style would made me snap out of it. However, in a way, I wonder if it had not happened...

Remus stood forzen in the doorway of what he had walked in on. I was on hands and knees on the floor, fully robed, but with my robes hitched up and bunched up at my hips. Severus was also fully robed, however, his were parted in the front and his cock was inside me, while his hands gripped me by my hips. I know that Lupin didn't see very much, however, he would have had to been stupid to not get the gist of what we were doing.

The entire situation would have been amusing to me had I not been completely mortified. Maybe if it were someone else, Remus' horror at the scene, Severus' anger and my embarrassment would have made me laugh. However, the situation was far from amusing from my position on the floor on hands and knees. Even the Euphoria Potion and the Upper Potion could not make me forget about the shame and horror of it all, and Severus wasn't about to allow me to forget it as he made it thoroughly obvious that it was all my fault and kicked me out of the room after that. He wouldn't let me sleep with him anymore.

I was at an all time low and I stopped taking the Euphoria Potion and changed the Upper to something much stronger. I even had to change the sleeping Potion that I was taking to Draught of the Living Death to be able to sleep through the night. But I could not forget my love for Severus or the shame that I felt.

I tried to bury myself in my studies as June arrived along with NEWTs for all the seventh years. But the truth was, I could care as much about NEWTs as the Wesley Twins. Therefore, even studying for my fast approaching NEWTs didn't help lift my depression. The Uppers only kept me from breaking down into tears all the time, however, they didn't quite lift the horrid feeling. At least it couldn't constantly.

I was up and I was down. However, since Monica was rarely around seeing as she spent much of her time lately with Josh, she was hardly aware of anything being wrong with me. I preferred things that way and I actually started to avoid her. I only really saw her during class times. And even then I pretended like I actually cared about NEWTs and was deeply engrossed in my studies. So when the actual examinations started and we started to take our tests I didn't look any different than any other seventh year on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I distractedly paced outside the Great Hall with all the fifth and seventh years that looked like they were as stressed as I was.

Those were very boring days as I remember. I did as best I could during my exams, and concentrated very hard on them. But I didn't care about what happened on them. It made no difference to me whether I passed them or failed them. Though for the most part, I knew despite all my turmoil, that I was doing well enough on them. Probably not as good as I would have when I did my OWLs, but probably well enough to pass with "Acceptable".

But even though I could control myself and appear perfectly fine around everyone, that wasn't going to last very long. Especially not when I found out about what happened to Hagrid and Professor McGonagall. "What?" I asked as I looked at Monica, saying it so loudly the following morning, causing all the seventh years about to enter for their theory of Charms exam to turn to look at me startled.

The doors of the Great Hall suddenly opened and everyone started to pour in for one of our last exams. We only had the practical part later in the night and we were at last through. "It happened last night. Professor Mcgonagall had to be taken to St. Mungos," Monica said as she tugged me into the hall. However, I merely stood frozen near the doors, unable to move.

"Is there a probem Miss Lovett?" Professor Fliwick asked as he bounced over to me to see why Monica and I had not moved to our seats.

Before I could respond I heard that annoying _hem,hem_. "Is there a problem here?" Professor Umbridge asked as she stepped over to us as I looked at her. There was a satisfied smile on her face that I wanted to swipe off. How could she be happy after what she and other members of the Minsitry of Magic had done to Professor McGonagall?

"How COULD YOU? Professor McGongall is five times the woman you are! What right did you have to do that to her?!" I shouted as I launched myself at her. The anger had been overwhelming and threatening to explode. Everyone turned around to see what was happening, however, all I could see was pink as I knocked Umbridge to the ground and tried to choke her with my bare hands.

I couldn't do any damage as I had wished, her neck was too fat for me to get my hands around it, besides they pulled me off her berfore I could do anything, though I could hear all the seventh years cheering. "Take her to my office!" she shrieked as she sat up and tried to fix her little bow in her head as I trashed against my captors, which were apparently Filch and some other Professor, one of the ones that had come in to administer the exams.

I think that as they both dragged me away, something inside me broke as my anger suddenly evaporated and left me as empty as anything. The hole inside me seem to expand within in my chest, almost as though it were taking a big breath, and with it, sucked up all my anger and energy so that I was empty. I didn't fight them at all as they dragged me up to the third floor, or threw me into Umbrigde office where Filch alone watched me until Umbridge joined us; the other Professor had of course gone back to the Great Hall to oversee the exam which I was missing.

However, I didn't care about that or anything else. I hardly even noticed that I was standing, being held by my arms by Filch. My mind was strangely blank and I was only aware of the pain that I was starting to feel in my chest. It was almost as though my brain was having trouble functioning and I had to introvert my attention and force myself to remember to breath and force my heart to beat because my brain didn't seem to remember the basic functions. As my attention was focused on there tasks, I didn't even notice the fact that Umbridge had at last walked in until I heard her voice speaking in a very shrilly, high-pitched way as she slammed the door shut behind her.

"I don't know what is to be done about you Delilah. You have crossed the line and I am afraid that a severe form of punishment would not be uncalled for in this situation," she said, seemingly trying to compose herlself as she fingered something on her desk. Turning my gaze slowly to her hand, my rain did not seem to register the fact that I was staring at the leather handle of a whip. The whip itself was wrapped around its handle, and it seemed that all along its length, there were pieces of metal all along its length with what looked like sharp spikes that would probably tear up skin quite painfully. "I think 30 lashes should suffice, turn her around Argus."

He immediately complied. I hardly at all noticed the fact that he not only turned me so that I was facing the door, but that he had placed my hands on the door and forced me to spread my legs so that I felt like a criminal once apprehended by law-enforcement officers. However, I hardly cared about any of this as my attention was still introverted, not really understanding the situation I was in. But the pain of the first lashing seemed to bring me back to reality as a scream ripped from my throat as the jagged metal cut through my robes.

My scream had hardly died out when the second and third lashing caused me to cry out more as the hits landed across my back in different places, cutting me up. By the fifth lashing, I thought that the back of my robes were probably very shredded and I could feel blood trickling down my back as I started to sob with the pain. I tried to turn around and attack her again, despite the pain, however, she had quickly pulled out her wand and forced me back to facing the door, not allowing me to turn.

By the tenth lashing, I could no longer scream from the pain, and my sobs did not quite drown out the sound of whip, cutting through the air and falling on my back. I could hear, eleven, twelve, thirteen, and fourteen all coming and it was almost as bad as the sound of the whip cracking and scraping off my skin.

Looking down at my feet through my tear-stained eyes I could see scraps of black cloth and tiny drops of blood on the floor between my legs as my knees trembled beneath my weight. I could feel my knees buckling under me as I cried out as the fifteenth lashing cut up my skin, and my arms could no longer hold me up against the door. My legs buckled beneath me and I held onto the door to keep myself up. "Tut, tut. That won't do Delilah," I heard Umbridge say as she paused in whipping me before I felt something force me onto my feet and back into my previous stance.

I could feel her magic holding me up, as if there were hooks piercing through my shoulder and holding me up by chains from the cieling. It was painfull and I felt like my shoulders were going to be ripped from the rest of my body was I tried to hold myself up to keep my dead body-weight from resting on the charm. However, it was hard to stand on my feet as she continued to lash my back and I continued to scream, my face now wet with sweat and tears as I felt my back starting to drip more and more with blood.

There was sweat starting to sprout on my back, and I could feel the salty substance pouring into my open wounds, causing them to burn and sting slightly. I felt more and more pain as the twenty-fifth whip hit my back, causing me to buckle forward once more. My screams had kept bouncing around the office and I wondered if anyone could hear my scream as I clutch onto the door, trying to keep myself up. However, my knees could hold me up any longer and pain ripped through my shoulder as I leaned heavily on whatever charm she was using to keep me up.

It took an eternity for the last five lashings, however, when the last one came I felt more broken than ever before, as though the silver had shredded far more than the back of my robes and the skin on my back. "I hope that you have learned your lesson Delilah," Umbridge voice said, cutting through my sobs as she released her spell on me and I crumpled to the floor on my knees. "Argus, remove her from my office," Umbridge said as she strode past me and threw open the door of her office and walked out into the hall.

I felt Filch's hands once more on my arms and hauling me onto my feet, causing me to whimper as tears continued to streak down my face. I could hardly lift my head to look at Filch, however, he didn't seem as satisfied as I thought he would as he led me out of the office and down the hallway. I had to heavily lean on him as we walked and my feet were more than dragging on the floor as he led me away, though I don't know where he was taking me to. "You brought this on yourself. Should have never attacked the Headmistress, you know," Filch growled out as he dragged me through the hall.

"I'd do it all over again if I could, at least my conscience would be clear," I said, my voice coming out like a strange croak as my throat was raw from screaming. Filch did not seem pleased by this and immediately let go of me and marched away, muttering to himself as I fell once more to the floor. I tried to hold myself on my arms, however, I could feel them trembling as I tried to hold myself up.

Instead, I fell and lay face first on the floor, wiping the moisture off myself as best as I could on my sleeve and gritting my teeth against the pain on my back. For a while, I lay on the floor in the hallway, trying to gather my strengths to get up and walk to the Hospital Wing. A few whimpers escaped from my throat as I lay there, but I could no longer cry and despite the pain in my back, the pain in my chest was still the more painful one.

Closing my eyes, I tried to clear my mind. I imagined that time was passing very slowly. I figured suddenly that no one could have heard my screams unless they were for some reason on the third floor. However, I imagined most people were in classes and the only class on the Third floor was Charms, and as the charms NEWTs was being held in the Great Hall and as Flitwick as there, there was no one in the charms classroom. The only one that could have possibly heard me was probably Madam Pomfrey, however the Hospital Wing seemed far enough away that she couldn't have heard me. How was I supposed to explain _this _to her. I couldn't heal this myself, I wouldn't be able to reach around my back to place the dittany there.

Thinking that I spent more than enough time on the floor, I shakily raised myself with my hands into a sitting position, sitting up with m legs tucked beneath me. Taking in a deep and shaking breath, I tried to mentally prepare myself for the long trek to the Hospital wing as I ignored the pain in my shoulders. However, before I was done, I suddenly heard footsteps behind me, which very quickly picked up their pace from the leisurely way they had previously been making their way down the hallway. I groaned at the thought of being seen like this.

"Delilah." I froze, staring at the ground as the velvety soft voice, laden with concern and shock penetrated my thoughts and pierced my heart. It felt like it had been a long time since I had last heard his voice, sounding anywhere near so human as it did now. More so, it had been quite some time since he last addressed me as it seemed that I displeased him so now that he could hardly stand to look at me, let alone speak to me. However, I couldn't say anything, much less turn to look up at him. "What happened to you?" he asked, and I could feel him kneel down before me, but I couldn't bare to look at him.

"What do you care?" I asked, my voice once more coming out in a croak as I turned away from him, using my hair as a barrier between us. I knew what he was doing, and I didn't want him to. I wanted him to stay away from me, I didn't want him to draw me in again just so he could push me away later on. I wanted this to be over with already, I didn't want to be drawn in once more. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I didn't want him to help or show me any kindness.

He didn't say anything in response to this, but I think I got my wish because I suddenly felt his hand clench painfully around my upper arm and haul me to my feet as I howled at the pain. I looked up at him and glared, however, I hardly saw the angry expression on his face before I felt him dragging me down to the nearest staircase, walking much faster than I could keep up with. However, I struggled to drag my feet along with his strides, as his hold on my arm was unmerciful. "What the fuck are you doing?! Where are you taking me? The fucking Hospital Wing was closer!" I croaked angrily as he dragged me down towards the dungeons.

Once more he ignored me and made for his private quarters before dragging me towards the washroom and sitting me atop the toilet before yanking aside my robes, pulling my arms from the sleeves. "Arhhhhhh," I screached as he roughly yanked my t-shirt overhead and dropped it on the floor. What ramained of the back of my white t-shirt had begun to stick to the drying blood on my back. Turning my gaze away from glaring at Severus, who was ignoring me, I looked at my discarded t-shirt. There was hardly a back to it anymore, and there were dark patches of red on what _was_ left.

I hardly noticed after that, that he removed my bra, or forced me onto my feet to remove my jeans and underwear as my gaze was caught on the shirt, and my ruined robes. It made me wonder what was left of my back.

Turning away from me, Severus turned to the bath and turned on the taps while I turned my attention to the mirror and stood with my back to it. Looking over my shoulder, I felt tears welling up to see my back. Strange as it is to say this, my back was probably my favorite feature on my body along with perhaps my wrists. My back was perfect. It was completely unblemished and smooth and I loved the way you could see my delicate shoulder bones rising like sharp, sleek hills over creamy skin, just like the little knots between them that indicated my spine when I bent forward.

But now... my back looked more horrid than a back covered in acne. There were what seemed like hundreds of scars all over my back. Some were small, some were long, some were crisscrossing, some were shallow, some were very deep, and all of them were bloody. There was hardly a single inch on my back, that was lily-white as it was supposed to be. There were drops of blood, rivers and streams of it really, leaking from all the open wounds and I wondered when dittany was through with these, just how many were not going to be erased. I wondered as I stared at what was left of my back, just how many scars were permanently going to mar my back.

"Get into the bath," I heard Severus snap at me, and from the corner of my eye I could see his reflection in the mirror, however, my gaze was still fixed on the goary remains of my back. I could see nothing more than the red there and as I continued to stare, I felt a single tear streak down my cheek.

"She ruined me," I whispered to my reflection as I crossed my arms over my bare chest and felt suddenly very ashamed of my body. Turning away I walked past Severus and dropped myself into the warm water, hardly hissing at the pain of the heat and soap of it cutting into the wounds and I buried myself beneath the foam and let the water all over me as I buried myself deeper into the water so that not only my shoulders, but my head as well were submerged beneath it.

I couldn't lay down in the tub, because the pain would have been unbearable on my back, so I had to lean back on my elbows and put pain on my shoulder. However, I ignored it as I held my breath under the water and had my eyes closed. I didn't really feel the need to breath for quite sometime as I felt the tears building behind my closed eyelids.

"What the hell are you doing?" I heard Severus say as he grabbed me under the arms and hauled me up into a sitting position, pulling my head out of the water. I wiped the water from my face and I glared at him as I breathed in through flared nostrils in my anger. What the fuck, did he think I was trying to drown myself?

"If I were going to kill myself I wouldn't do it when there is the chance of being rescued," I said, glaring at him as though I thought he were being very stupid. He seemed to realize this as well, however, he merely glared at me before getting up and walking out of the room. I turned away from him, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging them to myself as I stared at the several taps before me. Resting my chin on top of my arms, I ignored the pain in my back as I was starting to get used to the hot water and soap licking at my wounds. On every other part of my body, the water actually felt soothing.

"Are you going to tell me what happened," Severus finally said when he picked up a cloth and started to properly wash my wounds as gently as he could. I fidgeted, tyring not to pull away from him cleaning my wounds, but it was a bit hard to do considering the fact that it still hurt. I didn't know whether or not I really wanted to tell Severus what had happened. I didn't care for him to be angry at me, or explaining why I had lost my temper like that; for a while I merely stared at the glistening taps before me, wondering what I should say.

"I tackled Umbridge and tried to strangle her in the Great Hall, just before my charm NEWT because of what she did to Professor McGonagall and Hagrid," I replied, thinking that considering the fact that he was kneeling next to the tub and cleaning my wounds that I should give him some type of explanation. "She whipped me thirty times in her office as my punishment," I continued before he could say anything and stared at the taps, feeling angry that I had given Umbridge the satisfaction of hearing my screams. I should have clenched my mouth shut and not made a sound.

Severus didn't say anything as I expected him. However, if he had I probably would not have noticed as I didn't even notice the way that the water was now mainly tainted red. However, I wasn't long in this as he waved his wand and the water isntantly dissapeared and was replaced by clean, bubbly water. I didn't move from the way that I was seated, but I continued to feel Severus gently cleaning my back with a soft cloth. "Come on Delilah," Severus said as his hands suddenly dropped and he stood up, offering my his hand.

I stared at it for a moment, before taking it and using it to hoist myself to my feet where he placed the tips on his wand to my head. Immediately I felt a soft breeze run through my whole body and when I looked down at myself, the water in the tub was gone and I was completely dry, from head to toe.

Suddenly I was aware of how naked I was and pulled my hand out his, crossing my arms over my chest. He stared at me with a furrowed brow and I could see that while a part of him thought I was being silly, and that there was something that was troubling him. You know, even though someone may have seen you naked before and often seen you do many things you'd probably feel very embarrassed by, that doesn't mean that you will be very comfortable standing naked in front of them constantly.

He didn't say anything, though. He merely turned around and walked out of the room. I stared after him, wondering if he meant me to follow. Stepping gingerly out of the tub, I walked over to the bathroom door and saw Severus bending over my trunk, in one hand he already had a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and clean underwear. "Put this on and then lie on the bed on your stomach," he said, tossing my jeans and panties at me and placing the t-shirt and bra at the foot of the bed before walking away.

I quickly did what he asked, trying not to fall over and feeling slight trickles going down my back. I supposed that while some of the wounds were done bleeding, some of the deeper ones were not. However, I didn't think of this long as I complied with what Severus said. I had just lay on the bed when Severus walked back into the room, carrying a vial of what I assumed as dittany along with some bandages and washcloths.

For a few minutes, he worked in silence as I burried my face in his pillow, watching him as he concentrated on his task. Ocassionaly I gasped as I felt Severus cleaning a wound, applying dittany or at the feeling of one of the wounds closing, however, other than that the silence in the room was prevalent. It was mostly uncofrotable. "Aren't you going to yell at me?" I suddenly said angrily when I couldn't take the silence anymore.

"You were already punished Delilah, I hope that taught you your lesson," Severus merely said as he continued on with his work, not bothering to look away from it. I couldn't believe him when he said that and felt indignity welling up in my chest. However, I couldn't move until he was finished.

"You think that I deserved this?!" I asked indignantly from the pillow.

"Delilah, you need to learn that you can't wear your heart on your sleeve like some foolish Gryffindor. You have to think before you speak and act. Stop letting your emotions rule you," Severus said. It was plain by his tone that he was not at all pleased with the fact that I had been whipped, however, it was clear by what he said that he thought that in a way it was necessary; even if it was a lesson that Umbridge had not been intending to deliver. "When you meet the Dark Lord, you need to learn to control yourself. This is hardly worse than what he could do to you."

I turned away from him and burried my face in the pillow at this. I hadn't paid any thought to the Dark Lord recently as I was so wrapped up in trying to keep myself together. I inhaled sharply, taking in his scent of lemons from his pillow and tired to keep the tears at bay as it all sunk in once more. I was in love with him, and that alone made meeting the Dark Lord and maybe dying for him worth it, especially as being alive now hardly seemed worth it. However, it didn't seem like I was going to be meeting the Dark Lord anytime soon considering the fact that he seemed very preoccupied with something else while evading Ministry detection.

This of course meant that I would still have to live with Severus and be in love with him while trying to keep that truth from him. This of course seemed all the worse at the thought that soon I would be finishing my Hogwarts training and possibly spending more time with Severus over the summer before he had to return to Hogwarts for another year to teach. I didn't know which was more painful, the idea of having to spend so much time with him, or knowing that soon after, I wouldn't get to see him at all. Either way, the situation I was in sucked and I didn't know if I could live with it.

After a few moments thought, I knew that I couldn't go on like this. Every time Severus let me close to him, he suddenly pulled away. I didn't think that I could go on like this for another two years, especially not when he would spend so much of his time away from me as it was. It seemed to make more sense, before things got any worse, for me to just get away while I still could. Loving Severus and him never loving me back because of Lily, it was going to kill me one day.

"Severus..." I said turning around to look at him once more. I couldn't tell him that I was leaving, that I had made up my mind. However, I felt like I should say something as I turned to look into his black eyes. "You can't always control your temper either, and that was hardly a life and death situation," I said softly, averting my gaze when I could think of nothing else to say. I heard him breath in sharply, as though I had insulted him and he pulled his hands away from me.

"I'm done, get dressed," here merely said as he stood up and strode out of the room. I sat up as I watched him go, thinking that this was the last time I was going to see him as he closed I heard the living room door close. Picking up the t-shirt and bra, I hurriedly put them on, slightly wincing in pain as I quickly went around the room, picking up all my things and packing them all in my school trunk as Shadow followed me around. I ignored him as much as possible as I gathered all my books and discarded clothing before snapping my fingers.

"Do you need something Miss?" Twixy asked as she appeared as I kneeled before my trunk and fixed things around.

"I need all my dirty laundry right now Twixy, go," I said as I turned to look at her big lilac eyes impatiently. She nodded as she furrowed her brows and popped away. She appeared not long later with my dirty clothes all neatly folded and floating over her head. I quickly grabbed it all and stuffed it away.

"What is miss doing?" Twixy asked as I at last closed the trunk and shrunk it with my wand before placing several feather light charms on it and shrinking it and stuffing it in my pocket.

"Ask no questions Twixy and speak to no one of this, you understand?" I said suddenly as I looked at her. She nodded fearfully as she looked at my pocket and looked up at me. She started to wring her hands together and look at me very nervously. She was staring to make me feel anxious and I had to get out of there fast. "Go back to work Twixy," I said. She nodded fervently as tears sprouted in her great big eyes, however, she merely popped away as Shadow brushed against my leg.

I felt tears bulding up in my eyes when I looked down at Shadow. I was getting all jittery and I knew it was because I hadn't taken the Upper potion. Getting up I rushed out of the room and kneeled before the couch before scraping up the vial from beneath and taking a big swig. Immediately I felt like sunshine was shining out of my ass as I jumped up and looked at Shadow. "I'm sorry but I can't take care of you," I said as I walked out of the room and rushed up the stairs, my wand clenched in my hand.

Just as I came out at the top of the stairs, my classmates came out of the Great Hall from their Charms exam. "Hey, what happened, you missed the whole test!" Monica said as she walked over me. I felt very ansty and impatient as she stood before me. I wanted to get out of there and I didn't feel like being held up. However, I tried to keep myself from fidgeting and moving around to much as I watched everyone disappearing and going their own ways, examining their test questions. "What did she do to you," she said, looking at me in concern as I looked around the emptying hall and watched the fifth years approaching for their History of Magics test.

"Nothing. I have to go Mon. I can't stay here any more," I said as I turned to look at her and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

"What do you mean? Did she expel you? She can't do that!" Monica started ranting

"Monica, shut the fuck up!" I said suddenly as I turned to look at her impatiently. "She didn't expel me. I have to go," I said as I gave her a hug before turning around and running out of the Great Hall.

"But where are you going?" I heard Monica call out as I ran out of the Great Hall down the front steps and across the lawns. I pushed several seventh years along the way out of my path as I ran towards the gates. I hadn't put very much thought on my departure or even where I was going to go, however, as soon as I was out beyond the gates, I clutched my wand close to me and apparated to the first place that jumped into my head.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** So I hope that you all enjoyed the chapter and please review!


	19. Chapter 18: Snape's Intermission

**A/n: **So clearly the story is moving into like its second part. This is really an in-between the two parts, told in third person but focusing on Snape. Next chapter will probably be back to first person from Delilah's POV and will be moving into the second part of this story.

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 18: Snape's Intermission**_

Severus sat on the edge of his bed, holding the frame that Delilah had given him and staring at it unseeingly. In the mayhem of Potter and Co. disappearing, and the battle in the Department of Mystery while he tried to keep control of the castle, it hadn't been easy to discover that Delilah was gone. In fact, had he noticed that she wasn't in their private quarters, he probably would have thought that she was with Monica Roberts.

Fingering his name at the bottom of the frame, Severus thought back to when he had discovered that she was gone. It had been late in the evening and he came into the room, still awaiting to hear _something_ from the Order, and feeling sick about the fact that he had to stay put. However, upon entering the his Private Quarters, he thought that it was very strange that Shadow was scratching at the door and tried to make a run past him as he entered the room. He had barely caught it when he turned and looked around, noticing that Delilah's books where nowhere in sight.

Thinking it was highly strange that she had picked up after herself, he wandered into the bedroom, wondering if she was there. His gaze immediately caught sight of what the room was lacking, which was her large school trunk at the foot of the bed. "Twixy!" he had called out, feeling a sinking feeling in his stomach at the eeriness of how empty the rooms now were.

"Yes, sir," Tiwxy said when she appeared with a crack, positively shaking, her large floppy ears trembling as she bowed down very low. When she straightened up, she kept her large eyes fixed on the ground as she fidgeted with her hands.

"Where are Delilah's things?" Severus remembered asking, trying to keep his voice from quavering. Perhaps she was merely upset with him and moved in with Monica. He couldn't imagine that she would have gone with Potter and his friends to the Ministry, though in a way he would have preferred that than the alternative...

"With Miss Delilah, sir," Twixy replied, her large lilac eyes watering as she continued staring down on the floor, shaking all the more as she knew what was coming.

"And where is that, Twixy?" Severus asked, he had been starting to lose his patience with the elf. He wanted to know where Delilah was and she wasn't being helpful and he didn't understand why. Or at least, he hadn't at first. It then started to dawn on him that perhaps Delilah had requested for her not to say anything. "Very well Twixy you may go," Severus said. The elf nodded its big head, tears streaking down her cheeks as she left with another crack.

He had started settling into denial, thinking it impossible for her to have left. He couldn't think of a reason why she would and he didn't understand it. Seeking answers he had left to find Professor Flitwick, who didn't know where she was and together they went to question Monica.

"I'm sorry Professors, I don't know where she is. I saw her coming up from the dungeons when the Charm exam finished and she was very... fidgety and she kept saying that she just had to go and then she took off running without telling me anything," Monica told them as they stood at the foot of Ravenclaw tower, her eyes puffy and red like she's been crying. "I've sent her owl after owl asking her where she is, but she hasn't responded... I don't think she will."

Severus had then returned to his private quarters, understanding that it meant that Delilah was gone. She had left before Potter had even started his History of Magic exam, that meant that the slim chance she was at the Ministry of Magic had evaporated. For hours, he sat there on the bed, staring at the same framed photo, the only indication that she had ever been in his life, and for some reason he was shocked that she was gone. More so, he was shocked by the fact that her absence hurt him and that he had not at all expected it.

Putting the framed drawing that she had given him on his bedside table and stood up and strode out of his private quarters. He was tired of waiting for news that weren't coming, he was sick of his melancholy over Delilah's disappearance and he couldn't stand to remaining shut up in his rooms much longer. As he made his way up the stairs, he realized that dawn would soon be breaking across the horizon and wondered just how many hours he had spent sitting, just staring at the gift that Delilah had given him.

"Dumbledore wants to speak to you once he's through with Potter," Moody growled at Severus as they came across each other in the Entrance hall. Severus was slightly surprised to see him standing there with Lupin, who looked rather pale and sick himself.

"What happened?" Severus asked monotonously as he stared at them. Moody quickly explained what happened, causing Severus shock at what happened to Sirius. He couldn't say he was very sad about the fact that he was dead, however, as much as he hated the man he couldn't honestly say that he desired his death. Severus merely nodded when Moody finished recounting him the story as the sun started to peek through the windows and light the hall in a pale golden light.

"Must see Tonks in St. Mungo's now," Moody growled before limping away with Lupin.

Standing grounded to the spot, Severus turned his gaze to the staircase and wondered when Dumbledore was going to be through with Potter. However, now that he knew what had occurred, he found his mind much more free to think and he wondered where Delilah had gone. It wasn't like she had anywhere to go and he didn't think that she would return to the Leaky Cauldron and go back to working at Flourish and Blott's, at least, not if she didn't want to be found.

Wishing that he could stop thinking about Delilah, Severus made his way towards Dumbledore's office. Just as he emerged at the top of the stairs he watched Potter from behind as he walked away and wondered how it was that he felt about his godfather's death. However, there wasn't any pleasure in the thought as he made his way to the Gargoyle, muttered the password. Knocking at the door when he reached the top of the spiral staircase, he patiently waited for Dumbledore to ask him in and emerged in what he once had known to be Dumbledore's office.

Looking around at the wreckage with a furrowed brow, he made his way over to Dumbledore's desk, where he was seated, looking very tired and weary. "I take it that you have been informed about the Battle at the Department of Mysteries," Dumbledore said, his voice sounding somewhat horse as he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

Severus sat across from Professor Dumbledore. "Yes," he replied curtly. "I imagine Potter redecorated your office."

"I remain convinced he had a every right to attack me had he so wished, however, he did not," Dumbledore replied heavily as he looked over at his spy, who seemed ever more reserved and closed off than what was usual as he sat stiffly across from him. "Cornelius will be advising the wizarding world of the return of Voldemort, and I imagine that you will be called to Voldemort's side and he will not be very happy when you return, but he will give new orders and it is imparative the Order is aware of them," Dumbledore said in a weary voice of his.

Severus merely nodded though he was hardly paying attention, he was very aware of all of this when he was thinking of his explanation for his absence from the fight at the Department of Mysteries. He'd had a lot of time to think already and he imagined that he would have to explain his absence from the Department of Mysteries to the Dark Lord. However, at the moment he didn't care about any of it as he had already thought about it previously. Instead, his mind was still wandering to the girl with lilac hair. "What is on your mind Severus?"

Looking up, Severus stared at Dumbledore and wondered how best to put it without revealing anything or that would indicate that he was taking it personally. Straightening up in his chair, he looked at Dumbledore with a bit of defiance, thinking about his reaction. "Lovett's run away," he said bluntly, trying to sound indifferent.

Dumbledore's eyebrows rose high and a uniquely shocked expression erased the weary look from his face as his blue eyes glistened. While he had much on his mind lately, he was aware of the situation that Delilah and Severus where in. Since the day that he had approached Delilah after her stay in St. Mungo's, he had thought that she was in love with Severus and therefore would never abandon him. It was merely a guess that she was in love with him, one that he deduced by the dejected way that she mentioned the Potion's Master's love for Lily Potter, however, his guesses were usually correct.

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore asked as he looked over at Severus, whom he thought this abandonment must've stung deeply. Dumbledore had the impression that Severus and Delilah had gotten quite close, and part of him knew that Delilah was Severus' first real friend since Lily Evans. He imagined also that Severus' feelings towards her had to run deeper than he was willing to admit, even to himself, and he knew that being abandoned by the second woman that he had allowed himself to love, was probably a very harsh blow to him.

Severus narrowed his eyes on the Headmaster. "Of course," he replied coldly. "She has taken everything that is hers but her stupid cat and Roberts is sure she has gone and is unlikely to return. Neither was she told where Delilah was going, though knowing the stupid girl she wasn't aware of it herself when she decided to leave," Severus said angrily as the bubble of anger welled up inside him. How could Delilah leave him! After all that he had ever told her, despite all the kindness and consideration that he tried to show her and this was the way that she repaid him?!

"I am very sorry Severus, it must sting, but I am sure Delilah had her reasons," Dumbledore said, causing Severus' attention to snap over towards him.

"Sting? On the contrary she has made my existence more bearable with her departure," Severus said coldly. However, Dumbledore was now giving him a very skeptical look that made Severus' stomach squirm. He wanted Dumbledore to leave it alone, to stop where he was. Severus had been running from this for quite sometime now and he wasn't going to face it now that she was gone.

"Severus, it is not a betrayal to Lily if you love another-"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT LILY," Severus suddenly roared as he got to his feet. "DELILAH CAN'T COMPARE TO HER!"

"Perhaps that is what Delilah was running from," Dumbledore said gently, causing the anger that Severus felt to abate as confusion started to settle on him. "You do Delilah quite an injustice Severus. You can never compare Delilah and Lily because they are two completely different people, but they are both extraordinary in their own way. Delilah made her way into your heart, despite the fact that you had it locked away tighter than ever before... but I imagine it was hard for someone of only eighteen years of age to try and compete with a ghost; it would be difficult for anyone."

Severus didn't say anything to this but merely glared at Dumbledore, who felt like he was pissing off everyone today. He made a note not to see anyone else before someone murdered him. "Delilah couldn't care if I was in love with someone else. She didn't-" however, Severus cut himself off as he thought about Delilah's strange behavior in the weeks leading up to her departure, thinking about the fact that she had melted down her rings, the fact that she would actually sleep in his arms and craved his touch. "She couldn't-" Severus said, feeling confused as he looked down at the floor and thinking about the way she had kissed his Dark Mark as though she could erase it. "It's impossible," he said, looking up at Dumbledore's sparkling blue eyes.

"I believe that may have been the way that she perceived it," Dumbledore said with an enigmatic smile. He knew that Severus meant that it was impossible for Delilah to find something to love in him, however, that wasn't relevant. Severus had to know that no matter what, you can't tell your heart who it was allowed to love and who was unsuitable.

Severus turned away from Dumbledore. "If that is all Headmaster?"

Dumbledore looked at Severus with a look of surprise on his face. "Do you not want to find her?" Dumbledore asked as Severus walked away and towards the door and pausing with his hand on the door.

"If distance affords her some kind of peace I would not have it any other way," Severus said as he stared at the door.

"You know as well as I do that in these cases, that not even the distance of another world will afford you peace," Dumbledore said pointedly while shaking his head. Severus clenched the door knob and looked down at the floor, before casting a glance to where Dumbledore sat behind his desk. He didn't know what he could say to that.

"Than she will not have to bare the pain of when my time comes," Severus said. "She is young, she will love someone else," Severus added coolly as he looked up and walked out of the room, closing the door behind himself with a snap.

--

If Severus had to be honest with himself, he knew that he had started falling for Delilah since she had moved out of their private quarters in January, because even then her departure stung because he took it personally. He had missed her company, even if they rarely said anything to each other, even though the fact that she was messy drove him nuts. He didn't know what it was just about her presence, but to just have her there with him... he didn't feel so alone when she was around.

Dumbledore was right, in her own way Delilah was extraordinary. It many ways he didn't understand her at all, but he did know that even though she drove him nuts with her stubbornness, he knew that she wasn't as proud as someone else he knew. She didn't sit on a high horse. She was aware of all her imperfections and she owned up to them and wasn't ashamed. It was something that allowed her to accept and forgive other's imperfections, and assumed that this was how she had come to love him.

There were very rare moments where she let her guard down and he could see some weakness in her, however, he found those some of the most tender moments of his acquaintance with her. She was confident, yet at the same time, he knew that she was self-conscious, and he was unsure how she pulled off the fine balance between these two contradictions, but she did.

Severus found that he couldn't even fault her for running away. Delilah was sometimes crippled by her fears, but when it mattered and her brain caught up with her, she was as logical as anyone could expect from a human. He knew that in her own time, perhaps she would one day be ready to face up to her past and look into her parents history, perhaps she would even come to terms for what she felt for him.

But at the moment, Severus didn't want to think of these things. Laying back and staring up at the ceiling, he lay a hand over where his heart was beating. It had been quite a strange year, and Delilah had somehow made it better than it would have been had she never been thrust into his life. He wondered as he stared at the ceiling how life could be so unfair and felt pity for Delilah.

If he was to believe that she was really in love with him and she left because she couldn't stand the fact that he was in love with someone else and felt that she had no hope in him loving her, he felt pain for her. It was impossible to deny that there was a part of him that did love her and he knew that that, in and of itself, meant so much. However, he felt that Delilah deserved so much more than the love that he could offer her. She deserved for someone to love her, the way that he loved Lily, and that was not a way that he could love her. The fact of the matter was, Lily was the one that he would forever love. She was the first one in his heart and she would always be _the _love of his life.

Rolling onto his side, Severus closed his eyes. If he could have it any other way, he would desire that he could love Delilah like that. He desired that he could stop loving Lily and could love Delilah more fully so that he could live a happy life with the woman that was his wife. However, life was cruel and unfair. It gave him one woman that he loved with all his heart, but she could not love him. Than life thrust into his life yet another wonderful woman, this one who loved _him _with all _her _heart, but he could not love her with all of his.

And yet, he still felt sick with love and desire for Delilah. He would have at least liked to have been able to say goodbye to her. He would have liked to see her lilac locks of straight hair before he walked out of the room and left her alone. He would have liked to smell her lavender skin, look into her black puppy eyes, worship her body as he did on the day of Eileen's birthday and he wished that he had not pushed her away as he had after he made love to her. While he had once regretted making love to her, because he felt that it revealed a truth that he was not ready to face himself much less show her, he now regretted that he'd pulled away from her like that and then proceeded to use her.

Feeling down on himself, Severus opened his eyes and felt a tear slip down his cheek. He was very sick of his existence. Once more, he desired that it had ended the same day that Lily's had, because he felt that a part of him had died when she did. At least had he died then, Delilah wouldn't have fallen for him and caused herself pain and he would not have awoken to her love, and caused himself more heartache. Perhaps if he had thought it was possible that he could ever love anyone else again, he would have run away from Delilah long before she'd run from him. That would have nicely solved everything.

Sighing, Severus rolled onto his stomach and wished he could sleep as he had to return to Spinner's End and old ghosts in the morning. However, as he stared at the empty space beside him, he draped his arm around the emptiness, thinking back to how nice it had been to sleep with his arm wrapped around Delilah's small form. He'd never wanted to acknowledge it, but he felt warmth spread through him every time he awoke in the morning with Delilah pressed against him. Sometimes he couldn't help but smile at the nape of her neck as he smelled the delicious scent of lavenders that covered her milky skin.

Closing his eyes, Severus' last thoughts were of short lilac locks and a smile he would never see again.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Sorry about long wait. Remember to review!!


	20. Chapter 19: The Prophecy

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 19: The Prophecy**_

I don't quite know what I was expecting as I made my way through the dark hallways. I only knew that he was here, somewhere, and that I needed his help. Shivering down to my bones, I walked down into the dungeons, and as soon as I was down there, I wished I wasn't. Making the long trek from Hogsmead, to the gates of Hogwarts, across the snow covered grounds, and up to the castle, caused me to become drenched in snow. I kept losing my footing as I walked and falling in the snow. The small, long sleeved black shirt I had on as well as my black jeans were soaked through. My hair, which was wet and covered in frost, was clinging icily to my face and neck and the dungeons were just as cold as it was outside.

In six months, I had forgotten how cold the dungeons usually were. But I suppose in the last six months of my life, I have tried to forget a lot and it only made sense that I would have forgotten how cold the dungeons were. Coming to a stop before the portrait that used to be Severus' private quarters, I slid down along the wall beside it and wondered how long I would have to wait before Severus came along.

I was afraid of how he was going to react to me. I don't think that he will be too happy to see me. Either he will be pissed that I came back, or he will be pissed that I left in the first place. Whichever way this goes, it doesn't really matter because I don't think anyone else can save me from the pit of hell I have fallen in but him. I don't really know what makes me think that he is the only one that can save me (maybe the fact I have no one in this life), or that he will even be willing to, but I know he isn't a cold and heartless bastard. I know that he will help me. Its only that hope that keeps me going.

You can't believe how royally I have fucked up my life in the last six months. In only half a year, I had completely ruined my life. When I left Hogwarts, I moved into an abandoned building in a muggle neighborhood and started to work in a muggle book shop. Readjusting to the muggle world was quite a bit of an challenge, but I managed just fine.

For the first month or two, life was fine. I still had to take potions to help me get though the days without Severus, and I started to take a few more that were helping me to forget him. I managed to make a decent living from the bookstore, at least enough to eat and shit. But... I don't even quite recall how the fuck it happened. Probably just that I was so lonely that I started hanging with the wrong kind of wizarding crowd from a local wizarding bar nearby, where I tried to drown all my worries in.

I of course was aware how the wizarding world and the muggle world were going to shit now that Voldemort wasn't keeping a low profile. The fact that I knew that Sirius was dead, that I was away from all the people I loved, and that Monica kept trying to make contact with me, wanted me to drown in my loneliness because I couldn't go back. That's how I met _them_.

We were all getting drunk at the same bar and we started talking. It was me, these two guys and this one girl that reminded me of Tonks because her hair was streaked like the rainbow. Anyway, we all went to rainbow-head's flat, where they proceeded to drink potions. Some of which I knew where the equivalents of coke, meth and E. I stayed away from those, but in the ambiance and mood, I couldn't help and got curious.

Over the following months, they were my crowd. Iggy (a muggle-born with a pierced nose), Baker (the other boy who had a tatoo on his neck of an open wound) and Star (rainbow-head) became my crowd. Slowly, I was falling into a cycle that they were all in. I moved in with Star as she was having trouble affording food, and we all partied every fucking night.

By September, I was let go from the muggle book store because I wasn't showing up very consistently, or at all really. I soon found that I was addicted because I didn't care, I forgot everything and everyone. Except, without meaning to Monica kept reminding me of it all. She seemed desperate to reach me and I just couldn't stand it. I didn't want to be reminded of what I couldn't have! I was blissful forgetting that there was a world outside of Iggy, Baker, Star and potions. We were a happy family (honestly, just because their addicts didn't make them bad people).

I don't really know how we were making it through. I mean none of us had jobs and yet... we hardly seemed to be in the need of food or money to pay for drinks or potions. It was a rock star life. Or so I thought. Eventually in these kinds of things, the bottom drops out and you hit the asphalt, cratering it and falling down to the bedrock that supports the earth; in other words, you hit rock bottom. For me, it happened when I picked up the Daily Prophet and read in the Obituary's about Monica's death. I will never forget that day.

It was late in the afternoon on the first of November. I was sitting at the bar where I had first met Iggy, Baker and Star. I was waiting for them to show up when I picked up the discarded paper from the table to skim the obituary's. I froze and felt like cold ice was running through my veins as I stared at the name Monica Roberts at the very top of the Obituary's. Immediately, the potion-stupor that I was in lifted and I was sober for the first time in weeks and while skimming the statement of how her young life had come to a tragic end, I felt such a shame welling up in me that I knew no amount of potion consumption could make me forget; the pain that came along with it was not going to go away either, thought that did not mean I wasn't going to try.

In short, the obituary hardly said anything about who Monica was. It mentioned the fact that she was a pure-blood, it lied that she was the greatest daughter any parents could ask for, it stated that she was in Ravenclaw and a brilliant student. Of her life after Hogwarts, it merely mentioned that she was pursuing a view of the world before she settled down. However, from what Monica wrote to me in some of her letters, she was happily doing the work she had always enjoyed, beautifying other women as much as herself.

However, of her death, the obituary was mum. Merely stated that she was interned at St. Mungos and that she died there. With great tears welling in my eyes, I ripped out of the room just as the gang was strolling in and apparated to St. Mungo's. I told the Medi-witch that I was asking for information that I was Monica's sister and that I had been in America and had just found out about her death.

The medi-witch didn't quite believe me, but I think that she felt pity for me as I was a fucking mess. By then, I had sold many of my personal possessions to feed my addiction. I really had only the clothes on my back, the same ones I am wearing now and I had to take very good care of them. More care than I gave to my own person. Something she probably noticed considering all the bumps, bruises and healing wounds that covered my body. You see, being an potion addict, like being an addict of anything else, gets you strung out and looking quite messed up. Makes you do a lot of dumb shit, and get into a lot of accidents, and not to mention fights. Its a hard-knock life and you don't even realize it cause you're so fucked up.

Anyway, the medi-witch said that Monica was interned with many broken bones, significantly deep cuts and she basically looked like she was attacked by a band of Death Eaters. She even mentioned the fact that she had believed that was the case, until it was discovered in the autopsy that Monica had many healed scars on her body and previously healed bones that indicated domestic abuse of the worst kind.

It didn't make any sense to me until I went home and I read through many letters that Monica had sent me. Many of them were quite frantic, the writing sloppier than I remembered her writing being, and some of her letters even had spatters of what looked like tears or blood. She never said anything about abuse, but she mentioned how she desperately needed me, that she missed me and she needed to see me. She did though, mention that she was living with someone she loved, Josh Tilden who she had never left. She even mentioned once that she loved him so much that it was like an addiction.

I didn't realize at the time that she was trying to reach out to me for help. However, it became obvious to me that she could not leave him of her own accord. She had needed me to help her out of the toxic relation, and I wasn't there for her; I failed her. I began to wonder how I could have been such a shitty friend. I wondered how I became so selfish and wrapped up in my own pain that I had ignored my one and only friend; that I had ignored someone who I had always thought as my only family. I who regarded friendship so fucking highly and I had failed! I felt so ashamed of this for several days I binged with Star on her couch, trying to numb the pain.

When I came to a week later, I had no recollection of what had occurred in the week after Monica's death, but the pain was there fresh as ever. What was more fucked up, I was in Azkaban. It was then that I realized that I really needed help. Apparently I had gotten into a random fight with someone and I was thrown into a cell at Azkaban for hospitalizing them. I was to stay there a fortnight (seeing as I wasn't in all my sense when I committed the crime nor during my trial), in which I started to detoxify.

I went into withdrawal. I refused to eat, I was constantly retching, I would suddenly get the shakes and started sweating sheets of ice and I couldn't sleep for days. It was a hell, a kind of pain worse than the whipping Umbridge had once upon a time given me. I kept curling into myself and screaming in the darkness in a way that frightened the guards of Azkaban. Since the Dementors had left, they had not heard anyone yelling like this in quite sometime and it alarmed them as well as the other inmates who would all begin to scream and shout with me. It was like being in an insane asylum.

However, while curled up in the slab of stone that was meant to be a bed, while staring at the bars of my cell and looking at the dark corridor, I found that everything I was running from had finally caught up to me. I cried every night until I was dehydrated. I almost went into shock one day and was taken into St. Mungo's where I realized that my life was at an all time low. I didn't know who I was anymore and I didn't understand how I could fall so low in the course of half-a-year. I realized that once I was released from Azkaban that I needed to look for help, but there was only one person that I could think to turn to.

So here I am, not even a day after being released from Azkaban, freezing in this hallway, waiting for Severus. When I was released from Azkaban, they told me that my wand would be returned to me when I was getting help from someone for my addiction, those were the terms of my punishment. They told me that they would transport me wherever I needed to go by Portkey. I asked them to make one for Hogwarts. They didn't want to do that obviously because of the students and they thought I was a dangerous to them, but when I explained to them that my husband was a professor there, they at least compromised with me and sent me to Hogsmead. Not that they believed that to be true, as they think most addicts are liars, and for the most part that is true. It just comes with the lifestyle.

I was scared of what he would say to him and wanted to chicken out, however, I couldn't. The thought of going back to that life and ending up once more at St. Mungo's petrified me and I knew that I had to come straight to Hogwarts, or else I would fall into temptation. No, it was best to come straight here and talk to Severus, as much as I dreaded the thought of it and as much as it pained me. I ended up killing myself anyway, so what did it matter if I was near Severus or far away? Either way, everything in my life would always go wrong.

Shivering at the cold, I clamped my mouth closed to keep my teeth from chattering. If I remained here much longer, I was going to become hypothermic. However, before I could think about the possibility of that, I heard soft footsteps echoing down the hallway and instinctively stood up and hid in the nearest shadows. I don't know why I was hiding, but I did and watched silently as the tall dark figure approached.

My heart stopped when I saw Severus stride towards the portrait of his private quarters. I watched him, my heart clenching as tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't believe how good it was to see him, despite all my dread of our encounter. "Severus," I whispered into the cold air, the heat of my breath floating before me in the cold darkness. His head immediately snapped over to the shadows where I hid myself and precisely where I was standing, though I doubt he could see anything more than my outlining. However, I could tell by the way he deeply furrowed his brow over his eyes that he had some idea of who was addressing him.

"Delilah?" he asked into the darkness, causing the painting before him to spring open. I furrowed my brows at this, but I ignored it as I nervously walked forward, afraid of how he was going to react to _actually _seeing me as apposed to just hearing me. He could have just closed his eyes and wanted to tell himself that this was all just a bad dream. I know that I wanted to. I kept wanting to wake up to last summer, before I was ever married to Snape, to when Mon-mon was still alive.

Closing my eyes at this painful thought, I stepped into the light from the nearest torch and looked down at my feet. I heard him gasp and slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him. He blinked several times and shook his head, as though I were some kind of gruesome trick that was being played on his mind. "You're not hallucinating, I'm really here," I said in a low voice, trying to keep it from cracking with the emotional turmoil that was my current life.

"_What happened to you?"_ he asked as he stared at me, his face twisting in what looked like anger, worry, shock and perhaps mild disgust. I looked away. I could imagine I look a right mess right now. I mean, I've lost a lot of weight because of my addiction. My skin must be whiter than the snow and considering I'd fallen so much in it, I'm wet, making my hair look stringy; which, coincidentally, my hair is currently longer than ever before as it nearly reaches half way down my back is actually about half black, and the bottom half is lilac as I never washed out the solution, nor continued to dye my hair. The tips are mainly uneven and I've got split ends all over the place. All in all, I'm not a pretty picture. Not that I ever was, mind you.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I hugged myself and scratched my upper arms. "Remember that Prophecy you doubted so much... yeah well it came true," I said, trying to smile and sound ironic. However, my voice cracked at the end and I could feel the tears choking me as I looked up at him. "I'm sorry for coming back Severus but I really need help and there is no one else that I can turn to," I said as tears rushed down my cheeks. He seemed to reel a bit at this, but merely continued to survey me like he was mildly disgusted by me and wondering whether or not I was really there, asking for his help like he was insulted by this. "Please Severus," I said as I strode forward, tears continuing to streak down my cheek. "I don't have anyone else to turn to..."

"You are going to catch your death out here," Severus said as he rubbed my wet sleeves. He grabbed me and pulled me inside, walking me to his rooms. I felt a rush of gratitude towards him, even though he hadn't said whether or not he was really going to help me. "Take off your clothes," he said when I was in his room and walking away from me to his wardrobe. I wasn't really surprised by the fact that his rooms were exactly as I had last seen them. I had a feeling that Severus was very much set in his ways and wasn't going to change. "What are you waiting for? Take everything off and put this on. I'll wait for you in the living room, I'll have Twixy bring you something," he snapped coldly as he thrust one of his very warm robes at me along with a long sleeved shirt and some of his boxers and walking out of the room without really looking at me.

I felt a little stung by this but didn't say anything as I stripped inside the room and put on the warm clothes he'd given me. Of course, everything was huge on me, and when I walked out of the room I had to hold the bottom of the robes up and roll the sleeves of the shirt and robes several times to be able to walk and stuff, but I was considerably warmer. It was a nice change to how I was living lately.

Sitting down on the end of the couch, I watched Severus as he started pacing. However, before our silence became awkward, Twixy popped up with a tray of assorted warm foods and hot chocolate. "Eat," Severus commanded as Twixy set the tray before me and looked at me with her great lilac eyes, tears brimming in them as she stared at me with what had to be a smile. There was no disgust or anything of the sort in her gaze as she stared at me, she just seemed happy that it was really me. Though I don't know what that exactly means because I haven't seen the real me in a long time. This death-like thing on the couch, sure isn't me.

"Hey Twixy," I said as I reached out for a piece of buttered bread. However, before I could take a bite the elf jumped at me, her little arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

"Twixy is so happy Misses is back where she belongs. Misses must never leave master Snape again," she squealed as she held me.

"That's enough Twixy," Severus snarled at her, causing her to jump off me, bow very low to Severus and dissaparate. However, she was still smiling when she left. I couldn't help but smile as I started to eat like a monster. "Glad at least something about you hasn't changed," Severus said, eying me with the same disgusted look he always used to gave me when he saw me eat. The truth is that I haven't eaten with this kind of gusto since I left him.

"Yeah," I said as I continued to eat. At least for now, all this warm food is easy to swallow. I haven't eaten in days. Although, I imagine that won't be the case for long. I am going through detox and its not going to be an easy road. I imagine soon I will be not wanting to eat again. Though, hopefully Severus is going to help me. He hasn't actually said whether he is or not.

"Delilah, what are you doing here?" Severus said when I was finished eating. He had sat down in his armchair and stared at me the entire time I ate like he couldn't believe that I was back here. I guess that like me, he thought that when I left I was gone for good. I think that if I weren't in such a shitty place, I would have felt offended and just left already, however, I couldn't afford to do that right now. I needed him like never before and I knew I was being selfish coming back here, but... there was really nowhere else for me to go. Only further down.

I looked down at my hands as I sat on the edge of the couch, leaning forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "I told you Severus, I need your help to detoxify," I said in a small voice as I looked down at my hands in shame. I didn't like being in this position, but I know that it is no one's fault but my own.

"I know but... it was your choice to leave! How could you- fuck up your life like this?" Severus asked angrily as I stood up. I looked up at him, startled by the fact that he had just cursed. I don't think I'd ever heard him curse before and even he seemed to realize this. Running a hand through his hair, he turned away from me.

"I didn't realize I had fallen so low," I said softly, shaking my head as tears sprouted in my eyes. "The addiction started so innocently," I muttered as I stared at my hands, thinking back to when my addiction had really started, back when I was still living with Severus. Though I hadn't realized that until recently. However, it wasn't something I wanted to talk to about with Severus. It... brought to light something I had tried so hard to hide from him.

"Where did you go?" Severus asked. Looking up at him, I could see that he was looking at me and there was a strange tone in his voice, just like there was a strange look in his eyes. I stared at him and wondered if he meant that day that I left, or just in general. However, as I looked down at my hands, I figured that he must mean from the beginning and up to the most recent moment.

"When I left I really didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do. I decided very suddenly that I was leaving, when you were patching me up. I packed very quickly and I just took off," I explained thinking about what happened. I couldn't talk about Mon just now, so I decided it was best to skip the bit where I had run into her. "I apparated to the first place that popped into my head, Grimmauld just because it was in London should go to sleep," he said as he looked at me and saw me surpressing a yawn. I was dead tired. I hadn't slept for days as I was thinking about coming here, and the cold trek through the snow, then eating and the warmth of the living room and his clothes were all making me sleepy. Not to mention the fact that I was riding an emotional roller-coaster and hadn't been able to take a potion in two weeks. "We will discuss this further in the morning," Severus said as he ran a hand through his hair. I merely nodded at this as I stared at him. I couldn't argue with him at all.

"Where should I sleep?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Have you grown an aversion to my bed?" he asked snarkily as he looked at me. I smiled at this. I really missed his attitude. Most people probably wouldn't, but... I did. I missed him and his attitude as what made him who he was. One of the many things that made him who he was, really.

"You were the one with the aversion to having me in it. I seem to remember that you kicked me out of it before," I pointed out as I looked at him with a sad glint in my eyes. It was painful to remember those days that I had tried so hard to forget by drowning myself in potions. He gave me a strange look at this, making me wonder if I should have even reminded him of those days. I couldn't stand the way that he was looking at me as I didn't understand what he meant by it, so I looked back down into my hands.

Severus was silent for a moment, and I could feel his eyes burning the top of my head as I kept my gaze averted. "Well I believe I just invited you back into it, probably shouldn't kicked you out of it in the first place," Severus said, causing my head to snap up and look up at him, my heart pounding inside of me. "However, if you would prefer to sleep out here-"

"NO!" I said before I could stop myself. He turned to look at me and raised a brow, his face always that impenetrable mask. I looked down at my hands. "You can't trust me to be alone, you're a _Potions Master_, I know you have Potions all over the place," I said as I looked around shamefully.

"Most addicts wouldn't have brought that up," he said stiffly. I turned to look at him.

"Well I really do wish to... I'd like to be who I was just six months ago," I said, averting my gaze again.

"Delilah the potions haven't change who you are," Severus said gently as he extended his hand to me, causing me to look up at him. I took his hand and he helped me to my feet. "They just made you forget what was important."

I nodded in response to this, though I thought in some ways he was wrong. However, I didn't say anything as I followed him to the room and watched him remove his clothing until he was in nothing but his boxers. I followed suit until I was in nothing more than the boxers he had given me, along with the shirt.

Crawling into bed together was slightly strange. However, as my head hit the lemon scented pillow, I didn't care about anything. I felt a smile spreading on my face as I blissfully closed my eyes, and warmth sped into my heart and expanded, like sunshine inside my body when Severus wrapped his arm around my torso and pulled me close to him. "I have missed you Delilah," he whispered in the darkness, his breath tickling the back of my neck. I didn't know if it was just a dream, if I had already fallen asleep at that point, but I know that I hadn't been happy in a very long time until that moment. It gave me such a natural high that for the moment, I didn't think I would ever need a potion again.

**TBC...**


	21. Chapter 20: Toxic System

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 20: Toxic System**_

When I awoke the following morning, Severus had set up for Twixy to bring us both breakfast in bed. I thought that this was slightly strange as Severus had never done this before, however, he pointed out that it was Christmas, (a great surprise to me as I was so lost I didn't even know what day it was). "Severus, where is Shadow?" I asked as I looked over at Severus when we finished breakfast and Twixy had apparated to take everything away. I had noticed the strange absence of Shadow and wondered if Severus had given it away or something when I left.

"He died. He wouldn't eat when you left," Severus replied gently, seemingly uncomfortable. I turned away and felt a twinge of pain in my heart.

"Oh," I said, trying to push away the pain and guilt that I felt over Shadow's death, knowing that it was my fault. I could feel Severus staring at me, and I felt slightly uncomfortable beneath his gaze. "So what's been going on since I left," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. I was mildly curious about what had changed since I had one, but at the moment I was really just asking to get my mind off of Shadow's death, which like Monica's, seemed like I could have prevented. Severus seemed unsure about what he wanted to tell me, however, what he did tell me seemed shocking enough.

"What do you mean you are the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?" I asked startled as I turned to look at him with my brows deeply furrowed. He grimaced at what he clearly thought was me overreacting. "No on ever lasts longer than a year! The job is jinxed. What's going to happen at the end of the year to you?" I asked as I got up and started to pace. My stomach was churning what I had just eaten.

I didn't think I was overreacting considering everything that had happened to all of my Defense Against the Dark Arts professors. I mean Umbridge got fucked up by centaurs from what I heard; Moody wasn't Moody but an impostor Death Eater everyone thought had died; Lupin was outed for being a werewolf and quit; Lockheart lost his mind; Quirrel died; Carrington had a nervous break-down and Benson went back to the States, something about his wife threatening to divorce him.

What was going to happen to Severus now that he was the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor? I could feel a cold sweat starting to light cover my body. "Oh god... I need something," I moaned as I started to feel my body shake.

Leaping off the bed Severus quickly walked over to my side and wrapped his arms around me. "Take a deep breath, practice your Occlumency, mind-clearing exercises," he said softly, soothing voice as he ran his hands over my back. Doing as I was told I took a deep breath, taking hi his body's warmth and heavy scent of lemons. Closing my eyes, I tried to push away the horrible scenarios of what could go wrong this year, and started to think of nothing but Severus' stead heart-beat in my ear as I leaned my head into his chest.

"Okay, I'm good," I said as he pulled away and stared down into my eyes with his deep penetrating gaze. "Don't do that!" I said angrily, pointing my finger up at him. He gave me an alarmed look for how I had quickly gone from calm to furious. "I know what you are doing... and... I just don't want you inside my head at this point. If you want to know something, just ask. I'll answer truthfully when I'm ready," I said, trying to retain m calm, running my hand through my still bed-tangled, ratty hair.

"All right Delilah... well I think we should go see Professor Dumbledore. As you pointed out last night, there are Potions all over the place and the castle isn't the best place for you seeing as I can't watch you all the time as you would need, I have classes to teach and duties to perform," Severus said as he stepped away. I looked up and furrowed my brows, wondering what exactly was his point. "Take a shower, change and then we will go see Professor Dumbledore."

I blinked as I stared at him, once more feeling insulted in so many ways. He was treating me as though I were a toddler that needed to be watched every second of every day and could not be trusted. I know that I am a burden at this point and I do need to be watched, but did he have to be so tactless about it? "I don't have anything to wear," I said through gritted teeth as I tried to ignore the anger that kept will up inside me as he looked at me. However, as he continued to give me that look that told me he thought i was being daft, I felt myself getting angry all over again. NOW WHAT?

"You can just transfigure something of mine, Delilah," he said as he stared at me. I felt my cheeks turning red at this. Its not that I had forgotten that they had taken my wand away and that I could have used magic if I had it. However, considering the fact I had always been much more fascinated by wandless magic, and considering the fact that in the past year my spell casting had dwindled due to not only my addiction but also by spending so much time in the muggle world, I had kind of forgotten about my wand. Looking up at Severus, I felt all my anger evaporating as I felt embarrassment swelling up within me.

"Um, no... I can't. The Ministry has momentarily confiscated my wand. It was part of my sentencing. They will return it to someone who will take responsibility for me," I said as I downcast my gaze. "I was wondering if we could go and get it actually," I said as I looked up and found him staring at me with his brows deeply furrowed. He looked like he was trying to put it together and was displeased with his conclusion. His lips were pressed into such a hard line that they had disappeared and he looked lip-less. "At Azkaban, I mean," I ended pitifully as I held on my left arm with my right hand and scratched it as I waited for his reaction.

"Do you mean to tell me that you were incarcerated?" Severus asked through clenched teeth. I nodded, casting a brief glance at him, on to see him covering his eyes with one hand, his hair slightly pushed out of his face, the vein in his temple pulsating. It was never a good sign when that particular vein made its presence known. "Delilah, I can't go to Azkaban, it could blow my cover or worse, make the Dark Lord aware of you. What were you doing in Azkaban?" he finished loudly. I could he'd been trying to maintain his cool, but he had simply lost it in the end. I had to at least give him credit for trying, though.

"I don't know, it had been during a week-long binge. I got the idea during the first week there that I'd hospitalized someone, but as I didn't kill them as was neither the right state of mind when I committed the crime or during the trial to properly defend myself, it was really a slap on the wrist what they gave me," I replied, turning away from him and running a hand through my hair. I couldn't remember any of the evens, but my heart still panged to think of their catalyst.

I couldn't stop the tears from building in my eyes. Monica may not have alway been the greatest of friends, but she was my kindred spirit. In so many ways we were alike and in so many ways I wished I could be just like her. She was my only family and in some ways I felt that it was my fault that she had died, and the pain stung all the more in my chest. Monica was too young to die, especially at the hands of someone she was sickly in love with. It just... I didn't understand how she could have mistaken such abuse for love. I didn't understand why she stayed when she was so strong. She didn't need me; she's never needed me; I was just someone she deemed worthy of sharing her time with. I just didn't understand!

"Delilah-"

"Please DON'T," I said, choking on tears as they trailed down my cheek. I could hear from his tome that he was going to give me a lecture, But I couldn't stand to hear it. All of my insides were aching and I felt like my throat was clogging up, making it hard to breath.

"Delilah?" Severus asked, his voice softer as he took a step closer to me I wasn't ready to tell him or deal with this at the moment, so I made my way towards the washroom, muttering that I was fine. I closed the door and locked it before Severus could say anything else. Turning away from the door, I ran the shower, trying to ignore the pain I felt. However, as I finished stepping and stood beneath the warm spray of water, I couldn't help the tears that started to rush from my eyes.

I just didn't understand. It was driving me insane. Why didn't Mon ever leave him? Why did she stay? If she knew she needed to get out of that relationship, then why couldn't she leave him? My mind flashed back through our entire history together and it simply did not make sense. Monica was so much stronger than I. She didn't fall in love, she didn't let herself become attached. What was different about Josh Tilden?

Falling on my knees, I sobbed to go through all the years that I shared with Monica. She used to tear into the twins when we were first years for making fun of me. I could see her laughing as we skated on the frozen lake. I remembered how after Jake and I broke up, how she groomed and took care of me. But most painful of all to remember was the morning that she took care of me, after I had realized that I was in love with Severus. It seemed to me that while she may not have always been there, she was always there when I needed her most. Had I only done the same...

I don't know how long I sat there nude, sobbing and wet, but it seemed like an eternity in pain and torment before my tears dried up and my body stopped shaking with my mildly suppressed sobs. It was all too much and too painful to bare. I didn't want to feel this pain anymore. I didn't understand why life had to be so unfair and hard. I couldn't stop wondering what on earth I had done that was so wrong to have deserved all of this. I was abandoned, married off to a man who would never love me, lost my only friend, and I was an addict. The universe clearly hated me.

Wiping off my face, I got to my feet. Very quickly I finished my shower and stepped out. I hated thinking like that. I hated feeling sorry for myself because it made me feel so pathetic and selfish. After all, I was the only person who got consistently fucked over by life. Life seemed to do that to everybody, so why would I expect it to be any different for me? I was nothing special. I was really just your average teenager and no better than anyone else.

Sighing as I stood before the mirror, I stared at myself as I ran my fingers through my hair and straighted out the knots. I didn't look too pale at the moment. I think the two meals started to add a healthier looking color to my face. As for my hair, its all nice and straightened, though still two different colors and rampant with split ends, but no big deal. However, I still needed to gain that weight that I'd lost. I mean... I was thin to begin with. Now imagine me about ten to fifteen pounds lighter. It may not seem like all that much, but when a tiny person looses it, we practically seem to disappear when we turn sideways.

Groaning at my reflection, I turned away from it and cracked the bathroom door open. "I still need something to wear," I said as I peeked out at Severus. He was sitting at the foot of his bed, facing the bathroom door with his gaze fixed on his hands. There was a very strange and contemplative look on his face before he covered it with his emotionless mask when I spoke. Looking up, Severus said nothing as he walked to the door and handed me the small bundle of black robes he was holding. "Thank you," I said as I took the robes and disappeared back into the bathroom to change. I reemerged a few seconds later, hoping to quickly forget about the fact that I was completely nude beneath the black set of robes he'd transfigured for me. "I'm ready."

Severus surveyed me with his eyes. It was strange, but the usual cold expression in his eyes was gone. "Would you like me to dry your hair?" he asked as he stood up and looked back into my eyes. I merely shrugged, nor really caring. Apparently Severus did, because he waved his wand at my head and I immediately felt my hair stop dripping down my back. I muttered a quick thanks as I grabbed a strand of hair and stared at the split ends before following him out into the living room and then the hall.

The hallways were mainly empty as we made our ways towards Dumbledore's office; I guess it was because it was about ten o'clock on Christmas day. I Imagined anyone in the castle is probably just getting up and opening all their presents. I really hate Christmas. Just serves as I remind that I am truly alone in the world and that every one else is so much happier than me. Not that I'm bitter about it or anything, but it really sucks. I mean, did anyone really have those post-card Christmases?

"Delilah," Severus said, shaking me out of my reverie with his words. I shook my head for a moment before I realized that we were standing before Professor Dumbledore's office door. I had complete spaced out. I hadn't even realized we had stopped before the gargoyle or that Severus had said the password. As It was we were standing at the top of the spiral staircase, staring at the door that led to Dumbeldore's office. "Are you ready?" Severus asked as he stared at me. I merely nodded as he than turned to knock on the door.

We heard a faint "come in", so Severus walked into the room while I hid behind him (not something hard to do considering how short and thin I am, besides, Severus is just that much bigger than me). However, I couldn't help but cast a curious glance around. While I had been here before and nothing much about the office seemed to have changed, it had been over a year since I had last seen it. Now, it seemed like a whole lifetime ago. So much seemed to have changed since then and yet... the office seemed to not have changed at all. Almost as though it were timeless and would never change, despite the way the world was changing outside. Time did not seem to touch Dumbledore's office. This was a refuge, a haven, safe from time's ravagement.

"Merry Christmas Severus, what brings you by?" Dumbledore said pleasantly as we walked up to his desk. The question he had been asking seemed to fade as his twinkling blue eyes fell on me as I stepped slightly out of Severus' shadow. For a moment, the room was silent as Dumbledore looked me over before looking at Severus and back at me. His expression was arrested between great surprise and mild delight, which I didn't understand. Why would he be happy to see me? "Delilah, how nice to see you again. You have changed quite a bit."

I found that I could say nothing to this as I looked away. If only he knew... but I supposed that he was about to find out anyway, just quite how low I had fallen. I was ashamed of it. I didn't even know why, considering the fact that had never been particularly close to Dumbledore. However, he'd the greatest wizard in the world and a very kind and generous person; the idea of him finding out about what a wretch I was made me fell sick. So I decided not to even look up from my feet and started to space out as Severus' started talking.

An eternity seemed to be passing me by as I waited, and yet Dumbledore's office showed no sign that time was passing. My legs became wobbly beneath me as I continued to stand there, but I ignored it. Just like I ignored the way I could feel drops of sweat appearing on my forehead and how I was starting to feel cold. I knew what was happening, I was getting jittery for a fix, but I tried to ignore it. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on my breathing; taking deep and slow breaths, I tried to calm my panicking heart which was sending my body into a melt-down. I needed to keep it together before I freaked out, not something I wanted to do.

"Well it seems that it is for the best that Delilah is in a place where someone could look after her. Perhaps Molly will..." Professor Dumbledore was saying, but he stopped taking when I sharply looked up into his eyes, which locked on mine. I furrowed my brow as I looked between Severus and Dumbledore, wondering how they had come up with this was the best possible solution. It made me angry. I realized that I was a problem, but it felt like they wanted to pawn me off on anyone else, and I didn't want everyone to know of my shame! It made me wished I hadn't even come here in the first place. "Delilah, it will only be for a short amount of time. Just until Severus and Twixy can make Spinner's End a more comfortable and safe place for you to stay."

This seemed just as insulting. Apparently I had to move into a place that was baby-proofed for me. I was a prisoner to be treated like an infant because apparently I was incompetent. "So what, I'm going to be isolated from the world?" I asked testily as I looked up at them, gritting my teeth and balling my hands into first. My stomach was churning with the anger that I felt, just as I could feel my body begin to shake as well.

"Delilah, you came here for help and that is what we are trying to do for you, but you should know better than anyone how difficult times are," Severus snapped angrily at me. I turned and looked at him, glaring.

"Sorry for being an inconvenience. You don't have to worry about me. I don't need your help. You know my life wasn't so bad," I said, turning around. However, before I could walk away I felt Severus grab my arm. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled angrily as I pushed him off of me, and walked towards the office door. However, the door knob wouldn't let me open the door. "Let me out," I said, turning to glare at Dumbledore, something I'd never done before in my life.

"Where are you going to go Delilah?" Dumbledore asked gently as Severus glared at me for pushing him. His face was brick-red and the tell-tale vein in him temple was pulsating once more.

"Far away from him. I don't know why I ever thought he would help. He's a fucking asshole to everyone. Its not our fault precious Lily Potter didn't love you," I said angrily. I know I was being a bitch and hated myself for saying that, but I didn't care at the moment. I wanted to get away. However, Severus obviously snapped at that and before Dumbledore could do anything he had pinned me by the neck against the door and was starting to choke me as he barked at me something or other. This didn't seem to go over too well with Professor Dumbledore. However, I think both Severus and I were angry beyond reach.

"Let go of me," I choked out as I pried his fingers from my neck. His grip loosened some. "Get off me, I fucking hate you," I yelled when I could and pushed him with all my mouth. I think the last bit of my statement startled him because it was far too easy to get him off me. Panting to catch my breath as I rubbed my aching neck, I looked over at Dumbledore. "Let me out!"

"I can't do that Delilah," Dumbledore said gravely.

"Let me out, I'd rather die than spend one more second with him," I said angrily, pointing a finger at Severus, who I couldn't even look at. However, he seemed oddly quet and still now.

"Delilah, if I left you out, there is a high possibility that your life will end shortly. I can't let that happen," Dumbledore said softly.

"Don't you get it! I don't give a fuck anymore! I'm so tired of this all! I'm tired of fighting with the whole world and not having anyone at my side! Just let me go! No one wants me, whats the damn problem?" I yelled angrily as tears sprouted again in my eyes and sweat started to sprout all over my body. I could feel the heat of my body rising and I just wanted it to burn me alive. WHEN WAS IT GOING TO END? "I'm just a problem to everyone, so let me just go back to my life, slip away and die. Its better than living this pain all alone. And if it will make you feel better, just pretend I never came back, but let me go!" I finished, feeling terribly lightheaded as tears fell from my eyes and I swayed shakily on my feet. "Please."

But received no answer but darkness closing in upon me. When I came to, the skies were dark beyond the windows. Casting a brief look around the dark room and considering the bed I was laying on, I groaned pitifully as I realized that I was in the Hospital Wing. My groan, though, seemed to have stirred a shadow nearby as from the corned of my eyes I saw something dark shift. Turning my gaze towards the darkness, I caught sight of a dark shadow shifting around, but I knew well enough who it was, and I felt a pang of guilt. "What am I doing here?"

"You worked yourself up too much and exhausted yourself," Severus replied, his tone monotonous and indifferent. "Madam Pomfrey ran some tests and considering the fact you've not had a potion in a fortnight, she says that the toxicity levels in you are astounding. She is very surprised that you were not killed by the amount of substances in your system before."

"Severus... I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it," I said, looking over at him ignoring what he'd just said. He was about to say something, however, my apology sounded contrite and insincere to me so I went on before he could interrupt. "I know that it means nothing to you, but you have to know that I would have never said something like that, especially not with the intention of being hurtful. Its... just, like some horrible disease and I'm not myself, I don't know where I am beneath this all. I don't know where the disease ends and where I begin," I said, frowning as I sat up.

"You don't have to explain yourself Delilah, I know," Severus said, though he couldn't seem to look at me when he said it.

"I..." I wanted to say that I didn't mean to hurt him, but at the time that hadn't been true. At the time I hadn't cared that I was going to hurt him. "I don't want to hurt you," I said, turning to look up at him. I felt a bit more like myself right now then usually, and I knew that I didn't want to cause Severus any pain. "But I have a feeling that if I stay, that won't be the last time I hurt you. So its probably best that I go," I said, standing up.

"You're not leaving Delilah, Twixy is already cleaning my home so that you can live there," I looked over at Severus with a furrowed brow, however, he didn't seem able to look at me still. "The entire place, except my lab should be potion free in the morning, and the lab will be warded off," Severus said, all the while still not look over at me. "We will spend tonight in the castle."

"But Severus-"

However, he started walking away. "Believe it or not Delilah, we care about your life. You deserve so much better than an addicts' life," Severus said as I followed along behind him. I smiled slightly at the fact that he cared, or rather that they cared. It made me fell all the worse for being so worthless. I wasn't worth all the trouble and I knew it. However, I didn't say anything as we made our way through the halls, both lost in our own thoughts.

Before long we were standing outside his private quarters. We both paused outside the door and as I looked over at Severus, I wondered why he was taking so long. "Uh... Severus, are you all right?" I asked as I looked at him, wondering if it were just my imagination of it his cheeks were turning a slight shade of pink.

"Yes," he replied, his mouth barely moving. Decidedly he turned away from me and tired not to look at me as he stared at the Portrait. "Delilah," he murmured, his cheeks becoming more flushed as the portrait swung open. Blinking as I watched him, I couldn't help the happy warmth in the pit of my stomach as I stared at him. While blushing was not quite becoming on Severus and while he was far from cute, the fact that he was blushing made him quite endearing to me. However, as I continued to stare at him, I found myself wondering why he had used my name for a password. Though, it was quite obvious that he was embarrassed by it. He wasn't last night, but there had been a lot going on at the time for either of us to have attention the the password.

"My name is your password?"

"Obviously," Severus replied through his tightly closed lips as he swept into the rooms. I furrowed my brow as I followed him quickly, the portrait swinging shut behind me. I didn't quite understand why he would use my name as his password. I had always figured that Severus would be happy that I was gone. I couldn't imagine why he would really be angry about the fact that I had left; and even if for some reason he was angry that I left, it made sense that he would not want to think of me. Therefore his password being my name made no sense at all.

"But why?" I asked as I followed him into his room. Severus didn't say anything for a while, and busied himself with removing his robes and neatly putting them away. The entire time he refused to look at me. "Severus?"

"I told you last night. I missed you," he said curtly, still not capable of looking at me. You would think he were the one that had something to be ashamed of, not me.

"You missed me?" I asked, my confusion still evident in my tone and only increasing. I didn't get it, but I could feel the butterflies in my stomach rising as hope, which I had thought to have been long dead, rose inside my chest. "But... I thought you, hated me or something."

"I didn't hate you, Delilah," Severus said, at least turning around and frowning deeply. I could tell once more by the look he was giving me that he thought I was being a bloody idiot. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it and closed it again. Turning away from me, he continued to change. "I thought we'd developed a friendship," Severus said softly as he removed his shirt. I blinked as I stared at him, thinking about how at some point I could almost have thought of him as a friend and I felt amazed that he'd felt the same way at one point. "But I can't say I can really blame you for leaving."

I blinked at this statement as something suddenly clicked in my head and I felt as though a bucket of ice cold water had just been poured over my head. Furrowing my brow deeply, I stared at him as my heart started to pound erratically in my chest. "You never did ask me why I left," I said, staring at him intently. I spotted the exact moment his shoulders suddenly tensed and he stopped moving. "You know, don't you? But how could you?" I asked, turning to him with accusing eyes.

"Professor Dumbledore pointed it out to me when you left," he responded as he turned around to look at me. I turned my face slightly away, so that he could see neither me nor I could see him as our gazes were obstructed by my hair. My eyes clouded over and I lost myself in my thoughts.

I felt like such an idiot now that he knew. I had tried so hard to hide it all and I left because I didn't want him to know. But he found out when I left anyway, so all of this shit I have gone through was for nothing! To top it off, he knew and must think that I was such an arse for falling in love with him when I knew that he could never love another woman other than Lily. "I didn't always love you, you know," I said defensively, turning to glare at him. "I mean, if it were up to me I wouldn't have ever... but you just had to be a descent enough person and visit me everyday while I was in St. Mungo's."

Severus stared at me looking slightly surprised. "Thats when-"

"Yeah but I was in denial," I said, turning around and feeling like I wanted the world to open up and earth me whole, but it was already out there. At least this way, we could be more honest with each other and I didn't have to constantly worry about watching myself around him. "I didn't realize it until the night I conjured the Patronous."

"You were in love when we first had..." Severus trailed off as his gaze wandered away from me and glazed over. I felt myself blushing terribly to think about what he was referring to.

"I told you I wouldn't sleep with someone unless I loved them!" I said angrily as I looked at him, flushing terribly at the thought. Severus turned to to look at me and smirked slightly.

"You also said that you were human and had needs," Severus pointed out. I glared at him for this.

"I am, and yet so far I've only ever slept with two men and I loved both of them," I said angrily as I turned away and crossed my arms over my chest.

"You haven't slept with anyone in the past six months?" Severus asked, sounding impressed and skeptical. I turned around and looked at him.

"NO I haven't. The three people that I spent all of my time with, while they were like me... they wouldn't do that while we were fucked up and I was ALWAYS with them when things got bad so its safe to say that I haven't slept with anyone, " I explained, understanding why he might not believe me; not because he thought that I was lying but because as so much time was blacked out do to the Potions, how could we really know? But I was absolutely certain of it. "Can we go to sleep now?" I asked grouchily, still annoyed about the fact that he knew and that we were talking about it.

Severus didn't say anything, merely nodded as we crawled into bed for some shut-eye. Despite the fact that I had just slept several hours in the hospital wing, I really did feel strangely tired. However, for several minutes, despite feeling dead tired I couldn't sleep and wondered why that was. Wrapping the sheets tightly around me, I noticed what was missing and looked over my shoulder to see Severus laying on his back rather stiffly, and staring up at the ceiling.

Sighing in exasperation I reached out for his arm and roughly pulled him towards me, forcing him to wrap his arm around me. "I DON'T want you to walk on eggshells just because you know," I said as I settled to sleep. I could feel him laying stiffly behind me, his arms tense, however, he nodded in response and relaxed slightly. "Good night Severus," I muttered as I closed my eyes and the world disappeared.

--

Spinner's End. What could be said about Spinners End? It wasn't really much different the flat that I shared with Star, except that there was more furniture and books than Star's place had. Also, it had beds with frames, whereas at Star's I slept on the couch while she slept on a mattress on the floor. Not to mention Spinner's end had four floods if you counted the basement, attic and ground floor.

Though, the attic was tiny and I had no access to the basement as the lab was down there and therefore warded against me. The stairs that led to the lab were just off the kitchen, where there was also a back door into a small garden. Other than that, on the ground floor was the living room. On the first floor there was a small hall that led to the washroom, a guest room and the master bedroom, which had a washroom of its own. So all in all, despite the gloom, I thought it was great.

The first day at Spinner's End, Severus and I went shopping to a local food market. It was great because I got to see Severus in muggle clothes since the neighborhood was muggle, but it was quite cold out and a bit of a bitch to carry that junk in the snow. But luckily it was all right since Severus shrunk a lot of the stuff. Putting everything away wasn't so bad, he just unshrunk everything and I put it away in its proper place.

The next few days we spent a lot of time shopping for clothes for me. Severus wanted to go to some shique muggle store nearby, but I had seen a thrift shop and insisted on getting my clothes there. The ripped jeans and semi-weathered band T's were more to my style. Besides, I felt guilty that Severus had spent so much money on buying me socks and underwear, which we both found highly uncomfortable, despite having slept together in the past.

"We are going to have to get you proper robes," Severus said a few days before New Years as I put away the clothes that Twixy had just washed. Considering the fact that Spinner's End did not have a washer and dryer and seeing as I had no wand, we had relied on Twixy to wash all my "new" clothes.

"Why?" I asked as I stowed away my clothes in the empty drawers Severus had cleared out for me. I didn't really need more than about two or three drawers, but Severus had insisted. He said that he had a wardrobe and closet for his clothes anyway. "I mean you live in a muggle neighborhood anyway, I don't really need them," I said as I caught the disapproving look that he was giving me. Severus didn't seem to be too fond of wearing muggle clothes.

"Delilah, you are part of the wizarding world. When you get your wand back, you will need to dress properly," Severus replied. Lately we hadn't discussed me getting my wand back much. Apparently, Voldemort still wasn't aware of our marriage and if Severus were to claim responsibility for me in order to get my wand back, it might call attention to us. Dumbledore suggested that someone from the Order go with me, but I didn't want anyone else to know about it. So for the moment my wand was stuck in wand limbo, until Dumbledore was free for us to go. If I wasn't used to not using my wand so much, living like a muggle would have really sucked.

"Well that won't be for a while. I mean even if we do go get my wand, you or Dumbledore are just going to confiscate it until I am better and..." I ended in a shrug as i finished folding the last of my clothes and closed the drawer, avoiding Severus' gaze. We didn't know how long that would be or if it would happen, I didn't think it necessary to mention that and depress us both. While for the past couple of days I didn't get the urge to have my fix, we weren't fooling ourselves by thinking that I was cured. The truth is that we were both fearing the end of the Holidays and Severus would have to return to the castle and leave me here alone.

"You will be well again Delilah," Severus reassured me from where he stood. I nodded in response, not sure as to whether or not I could believe that as the end of the holidays loomed over me like some menacing cloud. The next couple days we settles into a routine that would be disrupted when the Holidays came to an end. I tried not to think of that and tried to focus on the positive, like the fact that I was eating three square meals a day and not looking like quite the skeleton. I was starting to as least look a bit more like myself and my relationship with Severus seemed to be blossoming into a real friendship. Without the sexual physical contact, things seemed simply, and while I felt like I needed it sometimes, I knew that at this point in my life I was probably not mentally ready for it. Though I suppose it did frustrate me, but I also ignored this as much as I could.

New Years passed and went without any incident, and after that time escaped like water through my hands. Before I knew it I was saying goodbye to Severus who had to return to the castle. He promised that he would come home as often as he could, but over the next couple days it seemed that he was only really able to get away from the castle a couple nights a week. It frustrated me because I didn't understand why he could spend almost every night for several hours in St. Mungo's with me, but now he could hardly escape more than twice a week.

I felt like a bored and caged animal most of the time that I was in Spinner's End. The first couple days I spent inside, walking around the living room, reading for hours at a time, eating snacks at several intervals. However, eventually I had to get out. At first I went out into the garden, but there wasn't much to see. Nothing but a brick wall and snow covered dirt that was probably infertile and terrible.

Taking to wandering around, trying to ignore the way I was steadily becoming more and more jittery and how food was completely unsatisfactory, I wandered into a small store. Severus had left me with a bit of muggle money and as I walked out, I found myself holding a small carton of fags that I had purchased. I don't know what had compelled me to buy them, but I remember Baker used to smoke them, he said they took the edge off.

I sat out in the furthest curve from Spinner's end and opened the box. My hands were shaking, not from the cold but my toxic needs, and as I pulled the butt to my lips and lit it with the zippo that had caught my attention; it was a pretty simple one with a scull with fire-red jewels in its eye-sockets.

The first drag made me cough and sputter and I looked at the cancer stick wondering how the hell this worked. However, after a couple puffs I got the hang of it and stopped coughing. By the time I finished the cigarette, I felt strangely relieved and despite the cold, I found that as the nicotine infiltrated my system, I hardly noticed it. I could just focus on the smoke that I blew out after every puff and watch the little cloud float before me in the cold. When I was through, I made my way inside and hid the pack a the bottom of my underwear drawer, thinking that Severus would probably highly disapprove. The zippo, I placed in my pocket, thinking that it wasn't that big of a deal to keep on me.

For the next couple days, whenever my nerves got to the point that I couldn't take it, I went out and smoked a fag. It wasn't so bad and Severus didn't seem to notice a change. However, it wasn't really like there were many opportunities for him to notice. Time seemed to lurch very slowly and I spent a lot of time reading and writing in one of the many notebooks that Severus had gotten me when I asked for them. Time passed slowly but weeks seemed to pass with me settling into a routine.

I would still eat my three meals a day with many snacks in between. Occasionally I'd have to go out and buy some groceries. But for the most part my days were spent reading and taking notes. Severus would come home about twice during the week, however, we hardly did anything that varied from the routine. I could tell that this situation was going to get old fast for me. Especially as Severus was oddly quiet when he was around. We seemed to be getting trapped in a system that was toxic, and it wasn't just me.

**TBC...**


	22. Chapter 21: Lonely Hearts Club

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 21: Lonely Hearts Club**_

Dumbledore at last had a small window of free time in late January, unfortunately it didn't coincide with any free time that Severus had. It meant that while Dumbledore could pick me up, he didn't have time to drop me back off. He was going to do something or other at the ministry afterwards. Fortunately Mr. Weasley works in the Ministry and he said that he didn't mind taking me home with him after Dumbledore's and my business was done there. It meant that I was going to the Burrow with Mr. Weasley after we picked up my wand, and that I would have to wait there until Severus was free to come and get me. Potentially I could be stuck at the Burrow for a few days.

Making our way through Azkaban was not too extremely uncomfortable due to the fact that the Dementors were no longer there. Not that they were when I was incarcerated. But I don't think that it would have made a difference whether they were there or not, either way I was suffering as I had been going through the first pains of withdrawal.

"May I help you?" We were standing in an office on the first floor. It wasn't really an office so much as a room divided by a long and tall counter. There were chairs directly opposite where a person waiting may sit, however, there was no one in the entire room but for the person that stood across from us. He was a guard, wearing the typical uniform of an Azkaban guard, with a small hat on his head and he was trifling through some paperwork, not paying attention to who he was talking to.

It was hard for me to see over the counter top, and I really couldn't see much of the man on the other side of it but his shoulders, neck and head. Beyond him, there was a wall and to the left a small doorway that led into a long hall. In a way, this place reminded me of Olivander's shop, except this was much more organized and clean. "Yes, I will check and be right back," he said as he turned to leave, causing me to snap out of my thoughts and watch him leave through the doorway.

Turning to look at Dumbledore, slightly confused about what just happened I found that he was staring at me with a smile. "How have you been, Delilah?" he asked as he stared at me. I blinked as I stared at him. I found it odd to be with Dumbledore alone. I really couldn't remember the last time that I had been alone with him and had spoken to him.

"All right... you?" I said with a nonchalant shrug as I looked up at him. Dumbledore merely smiled.

"As well as to be expected for an old man," he replied, his eyes twinkling. I smiled a bit uncertainly at this. Joke or not, that is not exactly a comforting thought to hear from the man whom all your hopes for a brighter future rest on. However, before we could say anything else the man was coming back holding a very thick book in his hands.

"Lovett, Delilah, you said?" he asked, staring at the book with a frown. "Well I'm sorry but there is only a Lovett, Emmett," the man said as he looked over at us, his gray eyes apologizing as he shrugged at us. However, I was no longer paying attention to whatever came afterwards. It was strange, but hearing my father's name and being reminded that he was at Azkaban made my entire body freeze and my eyes widen in shock. I mean I already knew my father was in Azkaban, but I don't know why it struck me so. Perhaps because I hadn't really thought of the fact that I ended up in the same place as him. I suppose it was because realizing this opened up a whole new world of new possibilities.

Snapping out of my thoughts, I realized suddenly as Dumbledore placed his hand on my shoulder that I was expected to say something. "I'm sorry, what?" I said as I looked up into his eyes. They were twinkling strangely as they stared down at me, like something he hadn't expected but was delightedly surprised by had just happened.

"I said perhaps it is under your legal name," he said as I stared up at him. I blinked, the idea not processing. For a moment, I didn't understand what he was talking about as my legal name was Delilah Emma Lovett. However, after a moment I realized that when I married Severus, my legal name was no longer Lovett. I was in fact, and had been for over a year though I never used it, legally named Delilah Emma Snape.

"Oh, right," I said, turning to look at the man that was now staring at me like a was a ditz. I glared at him for a moment. "It's probably under Snape, Delilah," I replied as I stared at him. He merely nodded before turning his gaze to look down at the book and I found myself wondering whether I was the only Snape in that book. I think Severus once told me that he had never been incarcerated, however, I wasn't really sure at the moment.

I was caught up in these thoughts for a few moments that I wasn't paying attention to what was going on. I should have considering that this was my wand that we were talking about and no other wand would ever feel the same as _MY_ wand. But I was instead thinking about my father. I had always thought that my father was just some loser that hated muggles and that was the reason that he ended up in Azkaban for using an Unforgiveable Curse. However, Severus had done all those things as well, and he wasn't a bad man.

Running a hand through my hair, I wondered how I had never given my father the benefit of the doubt. I wondered why I had never bothered to find out directly from him what had happened. Wasn't it unfair to judge the man that I never even met? However, it was painful to think that perhaps he was more than just a scumbag. I didn't want to hope for something better. I wasn't sure that I could stand the disappointment, though, it made me feel rather selfish.

"Well that's all in order," the man said as he took the papers that Dumbledore had signed and handed over my wand. I shook my head of my thoughts and watched as Dumbledore smiled and thanked the man before pocketing my wand. I didn't mind, considering the fact that I knew that I wasn't going to be getting my wand back. However, I wasn't thinking about this as I stared at Dunbledores elaborately patterned robes.

"Are you all right Delilah?" he asked, concern tinting his voice.

"I love your robes, they're my favorite color," I responded dumbly, not actually thinking about what I was saying but instead thinking about the fact that my father was somewhere inside the building we were standing in. I realized then as I stared at the lilac robes with yellow swirls that Dumbledore was wearing that I didn't even really know what my father looked like. All I knew was that I had to look like him considering the fact that there was never any reference made about me looking like my mother. "Professor Dumbledore... would it be all right if I see... I think I would like to see my father."

"Of course," Dumbledore smiled lightly at me. I merely nodded and followed behind him, absorbed in my own thoughts as he maneuvered us through the proper channels to my father's cell. I was too aware of my increased heart-rate and aching lungs as I tried to breathe while I walked. My mind was going haywire, running a million questions and I could feel fear starting to take a grip on me. However, I was tired of being lost. I was tired of not knowing where exactly I came from. Maybe if I at least saw him, my world would start to make some sense!

I only started to be able to see the world when we were walking down a long corridor with cells only along one side. Staring into these cells, you could immediately tell that the people inside them had been here for a very long time. They looked worse than Sirius. They were truly sucked out, their bodies almost looking hollow and the look in their eyes almost looked empty, devoid of all human emotions except pain. Even with the Dementors gone from Azakaban for quite sometime, they hardly seemed like they were getting back humanity in them.

Pressing my lips together and licking them, I wondered whether I could stand to see the man that had fathered me looking like this. Whatever he may or may not be, despite being uncertain of it at this moment, I didn't think that people deserved this. It was awful and inhuman and I couldn't believe that our government had allowed it for so long and would have continued to allow it had the Dementors not joined forces with Voldemort.

"Here we are," Dumbledore said as he suddenly stopped in front of a cell I was about to pass up. I stopped and turned slightly, looking through my hair as if trying to brace myself for a horrific sight. Sitting in the very corner of the cell, was a figure, leaning against the wall and curled around his knees. There was long, shaggy black masses of hair that were hard to distinguish whether they were facial hair or his hair.

Turning around slowly and taking very small steps closer to the bars, I stared at the man inside, unable to tell whether he was asleep or dead. However, after a moment, I could see that his body was moving in a somewhat uneven fashion as he breathed. The hands that lay curled around each other were large and long fingered and while he was a thin man, I could see that he had once been an impressive build. His long limbs made it seem like he was as tall or perhaps slightly taller than Severus. He had very broad shoulders, however, he almost looked like a skeleton, with nothing but skin stretched across his bones. My heart ached just to look at his deteriorated form.

Clearing my throat as I stared at him, unsure what I was supposed to say or what to call him, I watched him as he slowly stirred. Lifting his great mane, tortured black eyes stared out from beneath dark brows. His eyes, were astoundingly like mine from shape to the exact color. My heart stopped; suddenly he was real. No longer was he just some abstract idea in my mind that I could push away, ignore or abhor. He was a man, stuck in a horrible place and I wondered if he even deserved it. Sirius hadn't deserved to be here.

Slowly he leaned forward and crawled to the bars, where he rose on his knees and clung to them as he stared up at me. I flinched as he came near, however, when I looked into his face, I couldn't help but realize that beneath all the hair, he was me. We had the same nose, same skin tone, same eyes and mouth and even our cheekbones were positioned exactly the same. The only real difference was that his nose looked as though it was broken at some point, it was crooked like Dumbledore's and his face was broader than mine.

Looking back at him, I realized that he was as fascinated by studying me as I was by studying him. He smiled up at me, and despite the years of pain in his eyes, there was a loving sincerity there that made me think that he was not the evil man I had always imagined. There was no malice in his somewhat manic expression. There was only a crazy kind of joy, almost as though he was unsure this were real but happy anyway.

"Delilah," he whispered, my name falling from his lips like some thanks for salvation.

"How do you know who I am?" I asked, blinking in confusion.

"You are my whole world," he replied gently as he smiled up at me. Furrowing my brow at this, I realized that on his left hand, the one clinging to the bar, there was a purple-heart. Tattoed into his skin, between the metacarpals of his thumb and index finger, there was a purple heart, with the name Delilah scribbled across it.

I didn't understand. Blinking as I stared at him I wondered what he was seeing and thinking to make him smile like he wasn't even aware that he had spent the past nineteen years in Azkaban. "I..." but I couldn't think of anything to say to him. Running my hands thought my hair, I wondered what the hell this meant. Did he really know who I was? Or was there another Delilah in his life? Was that my mother's name? Was that who he was thinking about? Because he couldn't possibly know that I was his daughter and the name in the purple heart, that couldn't be me. He didn't know me. How could I be his whole world?

"My life meant nothing until you came along, Delilah," he said as he stared up at me. I blinked as I stared down at him and backed away, holding a hand to my heart. He was staring up at me, with all the adoration I used to see in the eyes of fathers when they stared at their children. The look, it was like they were seeing the first and only beauty in the entire world. It was a pure kind of love for a perfection that only they could see, and was all the more precious because it was so fragile.

I was the only thing he could see. I seemed to encompass his sight so that he wasn't even aware of the bars between us, of the cell that surrounded him, or the fact that we weren't even alone. He didn't even realize that he was in the presence of the most powerful wizard of our age. It was like compared to me, Dumbledore was of no interest and it was an odd sensation.

"How could you use an unforgivable?" I asked frowning in confusion. How could a man so full of love do such an atrocity?

"I never particularly cared for rules," he responded as he looked down at the floor and sagged slightly so that he was sitting back on his heels. However, his long arms were still able to grasp onto the bars. "But your mother was going to dispose of you and I couldn't let her do that. So I kept her under the Imperius curse. Of course giving birth brought her out of it and I hardly had enough time to name you before she had me arrested. But I would do it again, your life was more important than mine."

I could feel the tears building up as I finally realized the truth to my situation. "So she just didn't want me?" I asked as I stared down at him. He looked up at me and frowned, realizing now that this might be hurtful. However, it was clear that he didn't want that and that his filtering system had gone long ago accounting for his bluntness.

"I'm sorry Delilah, but she was a heartless woman. She didn't care about anyone else's needs but her own," he responded remorsefully as he looked away in shame. I blinked the tears away, thinking that it wasn't because she was a drug addict that she was deemed unfit to be a mother, but simply because she didn't know how to live for anyone else but herself. My heart panged at the idea that I had lived with a fear towards potions because I had always believed her to be an addict.

But that was just a lie. A lie that I told myself to try to make it through the days. I didn't want to think about the fact that I had been unwanted. I didn't want to wonder what was wrong with me that I was abandoned. I excused her behavior and had made my father appear the villain. However, the truth didn't seem any better. In fact, it seemed worse. Because he didn't deserve to be here. He used an Unforgiveable to save a life. I suppose he really had no right to take away her choice, but did he really deserve to he incarcerated for the rest of his days?

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have to get going," I heard Dumbledore say very gently. I merely nodded as I wiped away the tear from my eye.

"Please come and see me again." I merely nodded, unable to speak as I turned away and allowed Dumbeldore to lead me away. I couldn't see him, or anything else. I didn't want to. I just wanted darkness, so that I could think of nothing and see nothing. My heart hurt, and I felt more alone than ever before.

--

When I arrived at the Burrow, only Mrs. Weasley was present. It was good because it gave me sometime to compose myself and push away all the thoughts that were going through my mind. It was slightly difficult considering the fact that Fleur Delacour, whom I never liked, was apparently getting married to Bill and was quite grating on my nerves speaking about her wedding. She rather settled down when Bill at last joined us. However, I was actually surprisingly pleased when I saw Fred and George walk in through the door. I thought nothing could have raised my spirits after such a trying day, but the identical red-heads

"I don't know which of you is George," I said as I hugged both of them.

"Delilah?" one asked in shocked confusion as he froze in my grasp before they both pushed me away. I guessed that the one with the small smile on his confused face was George and the one that was staring at me with a raised brow as though I was bonkers was actually Fred. "What... you look so different! What are you doing here?" he asked in a rush as he grabbed me by the arms and grinned at me.

I blushed lightly, unsure what I was supposed to say. "'She's staying here for a couple days until Professor Snape can pick her up," Mrs. Weasley replied for me, causing George to turn to his mother as she started to put plates of food on the table.

"Snape? Why is Snape picking you up?" he asked as he suddenly turned to look at me, his smile fading as he turned to look at me.

"He's my husband," I replied with a grimace as I looked at him. Fred suddenly choked on what I guessed was his own saliva because he hadn't been eating anything as far as I knew. Wishing to avoid the incredulous look on George's face as he dropped his arms from mine, I gave Fred an annoyed like as I hit him hard on the back so that he could get over it.

"What do you mean he's your husband?" they asked as they both stared up at me as I looked around. Mrs. Weasley, Fleur and Bill were all setting the table and placing the food on it.

"What do you think I mean. I mean that we are married," I said, starting to become annoyed. I thought that this part of my life was over with.

"Since when?" they asked once more at the exact same time. That was starting to get annoying. Did they always have to finish each other's sentences or say the same thing at the same time?

"We were married the summer before our seventh year. The ministry matched us," I replied.

"You fell prey to the marriage-law? You're older than we are?" George asked.

"Will you two leave her alone and sit down and eat," Mrs. Weasley suddenly said, causing all of us to jump slightly and sit at the table for dinner. Despite it, the twins still kept asking me questions; they ranged from innocent like asking me when my birthday was, to down-right inappropriate by asking me whether Severus and I slept together. Well most of the disturbing questions came from Fred as George seemed rather sick by the idea that I was married to Severus.

When dinner was over, Mrs. Weasley showed me the room that I could stay in. I guessed that it was Ron's as Fleur seemed to be staying in Ginny's. It made me wonder why the hell Fleur wasn't staying at her own place. Honestly, if both she and Bill were working at Gringotts, why didn't they have their own place together rather than staying in his family home where surely they couldn't get up to doing anything.

However, I wasn't thinking much about the dynamics of the Weasley Household that night as I tossed and turned in bed. Instead, I was thinking about my father. It seemed awful that he was sleeping this night in a cell and I wondered at the fact that he had not yet died of loneliness. I didn't honestly understand how he could have survived for so long in Azkaban. I assumed that he had a strong fighting spirit though I didn't know what he was fighting for. I didn't know what could be so worth that.

The following morning the twins invited me to go along with them to their joke shop, but I declined. I thought it was best to stay away from Diagon Alley because of my addiction. However, being inside the house wasn't any easier. Mrs. Weasley had many house-hold potions as well, but I had so much to think about that I was capable of controlling my impulses. I spent most of the day helping Mrs. Weasley cook.

In the afternoon we got a surprise visit from Tonks and it seems that since I've been gone, I'm not the only one that went through a drastic change. I didn't recognize her at all when I saw her and I suppose with Tonks being a metamorphmagus that would usually be the case, but you can usually spot her out because of her bright hair. However, when I walked into the kitchen, I didn't even realize that there was someone else in the room other than Mrs. Weasley. If she hadn't exclaimed her surprise to see me, I probably wouldn't have ever seen her. She looks so plain that she was practically invisible.

And her appearance wasn't the only thing that changed about her. She seemed rather depressed and when she tried to smile it seemed rather forced. She lacked energy and... she freaked me out. I didn't want to be around her. I didn't understand what had happened to her to make her seem so different, but I didn't have to wonder long when later that evening, Remus was over. He asked Mrs. Weasley how she was, and immediately it was apparent that Tonks really loved Remus. I could only imagine what was wrong with her, and that was that Remus must have rejected her.

However, Remus seemed sad too and I didn't think that had anything to do with the death of his mate, or the lot of his life. It seemed rather that he was burning with longing for Tonks too, but he was simply being stubborn. Or maybe he had commitment issues because of the whole him being a werewolf. But things seemed to make more sense when I talked to him after dinner, behind the shed. He had stepped out, and I needed to get out for some air when I caught him behind the shed.

He whirled around at my approach, and my mouth opened in surprise as I saw a fag hanging from his lips. "Ah, Delilah, you startled me," he said once he pulled the unlit fag from his lips. He started to blush lightly and I guessed it was because this was the first time in the entire evening that we were alone together. Actually, he'd kind of made it a point the entire evening not to look at me and I could guess why that was considering the last time we had seen each other.

"Since when do you smoke?" I asked, wanting to take our minds off what we both knew he was remembering. He smiled guiltily as he stared at me. Due to what I've heard he's been doing underground lately, he understandably looks quite a bit shabbier than ever before.

"It helps take the edge off," he replied, pointing with his index and middle finger, fag in-between, toward the darkened sky. Turning my gaze to the sky, I noticed the moon was looking quite chubby tonight before I gazed back over at Remus.

"Ah... I see," I said as we looked at each other. "Need a light?" I asked as I pulled out my zippo, hoping to make him feel less guilty about what was thought of in the wizarding world as an unacceptable, dirty habit. He gave me a queer look for a moment before placing the fag once more between his glistening pink lips and placed the tip by the light. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes in delight as the nicotine infiltrated his system and soothed his nerves. The look on his face was blissful.

"I take it you smoke too, Delilah?" he asked pulling the fag from between his lips and exhaling the smoke up towards the moon, his eyes still closed. I merely nodded as he turned his weary look to me. "Its a bad habit," he said with a grimace, however, he wasn't lecturing me as he extended the fag between his longs fingers to me.

"I know, but there are worse," I replied looking away from him as I brought the fag to my lips and looked around. I could feel his gaze staring at me intently, however, he didn't say anything as he merely sat on the floor. Sitting along beside him, I leaned against the shack and we sat side by side in silence for a moment.

"Does Severus know you smoke?" Remus asked when I passed the cigarette back to him.

"No, and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell him I did. He wouldn't approve," I said as I leaned my head back against the shack wall.

"How... are you two... as a couple?" Remus suddenly asked, tentatively. I turned and looked at Remus with a furrowed brow, wondering why he was asking. "It's just, I imagine that with him being twice your age... I imagine it must be a lot like he's more your father than your husband," he said as he turned away, blushing.

"Well I wouldn't really know, I never had a father. But being with Severus isn't like being with anyone else. He's a very difficult man," I said with a shrug, not really sure why I was talking about this with Remus. It wasn't like I talked to anyone about my relationship with Severus. "No offense Remus, but you can't compare whatever you have with Tonks to what I have with Severus. Honestly, your situation is already a lot simpler than mine and if you weren't stubborn things would be extremely simple for both you and Tonks.

"You know, she's old enough to decide what she wants and say whatever you want, but she can't help that she loves you. Asking her to forget you and move on and find someone younger... thats like asking an Emperor Penguin to pick another mate when his has been put in a zoo, its not going to happen. You can't help who you love," I finished with a sigh as my shoulders sagged. Bringing up my knees, I leaned my elbows against them and ran my hands through my hair.

Remus was watching me again, I could feel his gaze on me and I didn't know if he was offended, but he was quiet for a few moments. "Perhaps you're right," Remus said with a sigh. However, I didn't bother to turn and look at him. I already knew that I was right and I didn't need his validation. "Is Severus really all that difficult?" he suddenly asked, causing me to turn and look at him as he dropped the cigarette butt on the floor and stepped on it.

"Well I can deal with his temper and attitude, but that's not the problem," I said as I ran my hands through my hair. "I guess we all love people who are beyond our reach," I said with a shrug of my shoulders as I looked over at Remus who furrowed his brow. It was odd but it felt to me like I was mainly surrounded by people who loved people who either didn't love them back or were to stubborn to admit how they felt. Either way, seemed like there were a fair share of lonely people.

"Well, Delilah, it seems to me that you and Tonks deserve more," Remus said as he looked at his hands.

"Well Remus, from what I have seen of you, I'd say that you deserve to be happy and if Tonks would make you happy, I see no reason why you shouldn't be together," I said as I looked down at my hands. "And as for Severus... he deserves to be happy too. He's a good man. I wish I could be his happiness." However, we were both startled when we heard someone clear their throat. Looking up, we both stared at Severus as he just came around the shack and turned to stare down at us. Immediately he narrowed his eyes at us and crossed his arms over his chest.

He didn't look happy, but Severus is never happy, especially not these days. He seems a lot more tense than he'd ever seemed last year. "Good evening, Severus," Remus said mildly as he got to his feet. "Well Delilah, it was nice talking to you," Remus said as he extended his hand to me and help me get to my feet. I nodded numbly as he nodded and started to talk away as Severus stepped closer to me.

"Did you hear what we were talking about?" I asked once Remus went around the shack. Severus didn't say anything as he stepped closer to me. However, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"You are extraordinary Delilah, you make me happy enough considering the circumstances," he said flatly as he held me. I smiled weakly as I leaned my head on his shoulder. The thought wasn't that comforting, but I knew that he was trying and that was enough to lift my spirits lightly as his hug melted my insides with his warmth.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **As always, REVIEW! Gives me more motivation to keep going cause otherwise its like, is anyone reading this anymore? AND Happy Halloween!


	23. Chapter 22: All My Love, Cerberus

**A/n: **Okay so I have decided that here on in, the story is going to contain Delilah's first person perspective and Severus' in third person because as Delilah is confined to Spinner's End, that wouldn't make for too exciting of a story. I will mark the change in perspective by just putting Severus' name before it. Although, whenever he and Delilah are together it will still be told from her, first person POV.

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 22: All My Love, Cerberus**_

Sometimes reality seemed hard to grasp. I really would have never imagined that at the age of seventeen I would be forced to marry one of my Professors, Severus least of all. It was hard for me now to reconcile the man I knew and loved, to the portrait of the sour, inhuman Potions Master who used to hit the side of my head when I misbehaved. To me, he wasn't the same person I thought I knew from my first year. Yet he was still sour and angry, but I could also see now that there was a deeply wounded man beneath it all.

Life definitely had many surprises. Not the least of which were pleasing. However, there were definitely cause for adjustments. Finding out my father was the far better person of my parents was definitely an adjustment to my entire belief system. However, in the end it made sense.

Back when my father was incarcerated where the days Voldemort was rising to power. Like Sirius, many people were incarcerated without being given trials. If my father committed an Unforgiveable Curse, especially the Imperius Curse, it only made sense that the ministry would immediately lock him away under the assumption that he was in league with Voldemort. It was quite unfair, however, our ministry has never been very just, something I've always believed in. Hence, why my incorrect beliefs on my father should have been realized long ago.

It was all I thought about at the Burrow and it was the conclusion that I came up with in the end. However, I still don't understand my father. Why would he risk going to Azkaban for a child that he didn't even know? How could he love a being that hasn't even been born? I didn't understand that, just like I didn't understand or believe in love at first sight. It just seemed absurd to love someone that you didn't know, and it just simply was not how my brain worked. I didn't love Severus until I really got to know him. It was simply something I couldn't understand and that dominated a large portion of my thoughts as I lay in bed that night. It made me restless, something that didn't go unnoticed.

"Delilah, would you just go to sleep?" Severus at last sighed in exasperation when I kept wriggling around as much as I could under his arm. I sighed in turn. If I could, I would have gone to sleep already! However, I didn't feel like antagonizing Severus this late at night, especially when he had class in the morning. Actually, I was surprised that he was spending the night. I figured that he was simply too tired to apparate back to school though.

"I can't sleep," I complained as I turned in his arm, causing him to sigh once more.

"Obviously," he muttered as he pulled away slightly. However, he kept his hand resting on my hip and I could feel his gaze staring down at me through the darkness. "Dumbledore told me you went to visit your father." Of course he did. I really should have known that Dumbledore would say something, after all, its kind of a big deal. I haven't seen my father my entire life and I never expressed caring very much for him.

"I just don't get it," I said with a sigh that contained all my exasperation. I wasn't really used to not understanding something and considering how vital it was in regards to me, I was even more frustrated. "I don't understand why he would throw his whole life away for someone that he not only knew nothing about, but who wasn't even born yet," I said fervently as I clutched to the front of Severus' shirt.

"Because he loved you, more than anything else," Severus replied as though that were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But I don't understand how you can love someone that much without knowing them. Without so much as never even looking at them," I said exasperatedly as tears flooded my eyes. It was so frustrating not to understand and that no one could explain it to me! Why couldn't I grasp this concept? I felt like I had to have some mental block or that something was wrong with me if Severus could understand it, but I couldn't. What was wrong with me as a human? What part of human experience had tragically been missed out on to cause this kind of alien confusion towards unreasonable love?

Severus didn't respond, but I could tell by his breathing that he was still awake. He simply didn't have an answer and was at a loss for words. However, after a moment he moved his hand away from my hip and gently caressed my face. "You'll understand one day," Severus replied. However that was not the answer I wanted to hear and I _humphed_ my dissatisfaction. "Perhaps it would help to first understand your father."

"Yes I can see that happening with him in Azkaban and me being wandless, " I quipped sarcastically, rolling my eyes because in the darkness he could not see the childish gesture. "Honestly I'm almost as incarcerated as he is," I finished bitterly before Severus could say anything. However, at this he did breath in deeply and trying to look up into his face, I wondered whether I was being a bitch to him. Fortunately for me though, tonight Severus was showing an incredible amount of patience.

"Would you care to hear what Dumbledore reminisced of him as a student?" Severus asked as he lowered his head so that I could feel his breath on the borders of the top of my forehead where it met with my hairline. I merely nodded my head in the darkness as I curled closer to Severus. Considering his thumb was still on my cheek, his fingers curled behind the back of my head, I knew he could feel me nod my head. "He is of pure-blood descent, and was in Slytherin. Dumbledore said he was actually a lot like you in the sense that he couldn't really care for homework. He also described him as a trouble-maker, like Sirius, whose pranks at times went a little too far and gained the attentions of the ministry, but never something terribly serious. Dumbledore said he was quite surprised when your father was incarcerated at age twenty-three for use of the Imperious curse, he believed that despite being unruly there wasn't really a malevolent spirit in him."

"Did you know him in school?" I asked suddenly, looking up slightly though I couldn't make out his features in the darkness very well. I had done the math and if my dad had me when he was twenty-three that meant that he was now forty-two or forty-three. That meant that he was about six or seven years older than Severus. It meant that they must've been in school together, if only for about a year or two.

"When I was starting my first year he was in his seventh, so not very well. Of course stories circulated about him in the common room, the last of the Lovetts. His parents passed away before he came to Hogwarts, but he'd been well provided for and brought up on his own, only looked in on by a paid employee," Severus replied. "He had no family and all _friendships_ in Slytherin teach one that one is only necessary as a means to an end. I imagine his deep attachment to you was caused by the fact that you would have been the only pure relationship that he could have in this world," Severus stated dryly and almost bitterly.

I felt sad to hear about my father, and though I still didn't quite understand him or his love, I could understand being so lonely and desperate for company that you'd cling to anything even if it wasn't real. Sighing, feeling a little more at peace, I snuggled closer to Severus and buried my face in his chest as he wrapped his arm further around me and ran his fingers through my long, straight hair. "Thank you Severus," I whispered as I closed my eyes. "I'm really glad you're here tonight," I said, now stifling a yawn before the world went black.

**Severus**

The look on her face when he left stayed with him for days. Her expressive black eyes begged him to stay and spoke of her deep loneliness despite the small smile on her face. She kissed him on the cheek, as she knelt on the edge of the bed and briefly looped her thin arms around his neck. When she pulled away, he merely patted her black head, before running his fingers down the locks of straight, black hair, down to the lilac tips. He promised to return as soon as he was free, but he hadn't really intended to.

Days had somehow turned into a week and he had not pulled himself away from Hogwarts. While he was busy, he wasn't so busy that he could not see Delilah. However, he didn't think he could abide by it, not when knowing what was in store for him when Draco at last made his move. Somehow, he didn't think that Draco could kill Dumbledore and knowing that ultimately would fall to his shoulders, he knew he would have to leave Delilah. Severus doubted he'd be able to, considering how much he had really missed her.

When she had turned up on Christmas Eve, not even her ghastly appearance or his impending doom could quell the small amount of joy he felt deep down in his core to see her. Buried beneath the shock, horror, anger and pain that he felt, he had felt happy; happier than he'd ever thought that he could be again. Somehow, her mere reappearance, however deteriorated it was, had given him the last joy of his life.

However, the guilt and stress of having her in his life again began to set in slowly just as she was becoming the Delilah he had loved, returning to her previous weight and color. Somehow, he felt that the transformation would be complete when she at last chopped off the remnants of her lilac past and fully assumed who she really was. Severus couldn't stand the idea of becoming another set-back in her growth. He could only imagine what the great betrayal and his imminent departure would do to her. But he supposed that it was necessary. His future was going to be uncertain until the end, and in the end she would still have to deal with his absence. He knew he wasn't meant to make it.

Yet despite it all, knowing that it was for the best, he couldn't shake off the guilt of leaving her alone for so long. It wasn't fair of him. He basically took away her freedom, and though it was for her own good, in a way he was already abandoning her.

Groaning as he made his way down Diagon Alley, he wondered why she had to return. Well he knew why. However, things needn't have turned out the way that they did. He had a feeling that fate was ultimately geared against them. He didn't see the point of putting Delilah through such unnecessary suffering. There was simply no need for her to have ended up involved in the mess that was his life. She deserved to be happy. And he didn't want to complicate her existence.

"Wotcher Severus," Severus stopped and gritted his teeth ad the sound of Tonks' depressed monotone. Slowly turning on his heel to stare down at the witch with short-mousy brown hair and dull brown eyes that were not chocolate nor honey in color. "Tell me Severus, what did you do to Delilah to make her leave for six months and then turn up looking significantly unlike herself," Tonks asked as she glared up at him. He wondered if that meant that she was still angry at the Patronous comment he had made on the first of September.

Of course, he didn't actually care if she was. Therefore he merely glared back down at her and merely walked away. However, she merely pursued him. "What Severus, don't like having your personal life thrown in your face?" Tonks asked as she followed behind him, walking very quickly to catch up to his long strides. Severus merely grit his teeth and continued to make his way to the Menagerie. However as he stepped inside Tonks furrowed her brow, wondering what the hell they were doing in there. "Snape, what the hell are you doing in here?" she asked as she followed him into the shop.

Severus didn't say anything as he merely walked up to the desk and exchanged quick words with the clerk, who immediately nodded and went into the back storeroom while Tonks persistently asked what they were doing there. "If you must know, I'm buying Delilah a dog," Severus finally growled at Tonks, causing a look of surprise to cross her face.

"For Valentines day?" Tonks asked as she stared up at the dark Potions Master. Severus merely nodded. Valentines Day was only a week away, though, he had been unable to get away from Hogwarts to get to the Menagerie so he had ordered everything the dog would possibly need and simply come to pick them up. As for the dog, he was looking for the perfect dog and had yet to be able to find one. Unfortunately the Menagerie didn't sell dogs. "That's so... sweet," she said in a kind of pained and tortured confusion Severus would have taken delight in had it not implied that he was doing something thoughtful for someone. However, be couldn't be bothered by that, Delilah needed something around so that she wouldn't always be alone and she had always wanted a dog according to Sinistra.

"Merlin there must be something wrong with me if Delilah can soften you up when I can't even soften Remus when he's already a bloody pillow," Tonks muttered in frustration as she ran a hand over her face. Severus looked down at Tonks and instead of smirking, he grimaced. It made him wonder if this was the way that Delilah was breaking down when she realized that she loved him and that he didn't love her that way. Somehow lately she didn't seem as down about that as she used to, thought he didn't know if it was because of the other problems that she had, or if she had simply come to be at peace with it. Whatever it was, he suddenly felt pity for Tonks as she reminded him of Delilah.

"You really are a bloody mess Tonks," Severus said as he suddenly turned around and looked at her. Tonks sagged, her shoulders drooping.

"I know!" she exclaimed unhappily before suddenly launching herself onto Severus, her arms wrapping around his waist and clinging to him tightly. Severus threw up his arms and leaned away the moment that he saw what was happening, however, couldn't stop the small girl from hugging him. Nor could he now dislodge her as she had locked her arms tightly around him, though he very much wanted to as she was soaking the front of his robes with her tears.

"Tonks, what in the bloody hell-" however, before he could finish what he was saying the store clerk came back into the room with a bag of all the things he had ordered. Severus grit his teeth as the young clerk looked at Tonks and Severus as though they really ought to do this kind of thing in some place more private. Though Severus perhaps would have had the very same, dispassionate and apathetic thoughts if he were witnessing this unseemly display rather than being involved in it. However, he merely glared at the clerk as he snatched his bag from the counter and tried to maneuver towards the door while Tonks clung to him all the way out the door. "Tonks you are being ridiculous," he said as they reached the door and he awkwardly shimmied them out the door.

Sighing as this did not seem to work, he very hesitantly and grudgingly pet her head. "Tonks... I- what can I say to get you off me?" Severus said, flushing despite the cold as scarce few people that walked by stared at them as though they were the oddest thing that they had ever seen. Severus sighed once more as he looked down at the top of her mousy brown head.

"Do you... love Delilah?" Tonks asked between her sobs. Severus gritted his teeth. He didn't think that he had to patience for this and he didn't see how this was any of her business. If he was unwilling to say it to Delilah, he certainly wasn't going to say it to her.

"No."

"But she loves you, right?" Tonks asked sobbingly. She didn't wait for an answer because she already knew it. "That's why she left, because she was in pain and why when she came back, she wasn't the same," she continued to sniffle as she clung onto him tighter. "How can she deal with it?"

Severus furrowed his brow as he stared at the top of Tonks' head as he realized that he had no answer for that. He hadn't ever really thought about it, but now that she brought it up, he had to wonder at it. There had been a point that she had probably been as bad as Tonks, perhaps worse because she became self-destructive by trying to drown away her pain. However, she was slowly getting better. Severus wondered if it was simply because in some way unknown to him, she had hit rock bottom, and it put her life in perspective. Or perhaps she had simply attained peace that he knew of her plight and didn't have to guard all her actions. However, he still didn't understand how she could stand loving him as much she did, without him reciprocating that.

"Perhaps you should ask her," Severus replied as he absentmindedly ran his hands through Tonks hair. Its texture wasn't as soft as Delilah's, however, he was hardly thinking about that. Instead, he was wondering at how wonderful Delilah was. He didn't know anyone else had ever dealt with all the things she put up with growing up, being married to a man that she didn't love, falling in love with him with no chance of him loving her and then dealing with substance abuse. How did she cope with her life and maintain the attitude that she had? How did she still manage to be pleasant to be around? How did she pull that off when she had as much as a foul temper and attitude as anyone.

However, she had changed in many ways. Yes, she was growing. She had already dropped the habit of cursing, she didn't seem as impulsive as she had once been and she didn't seem to share as much as she used to. Before he never had to prompt her to tell him things, now it had changed. That slightly bothered him, however, he couldn't fault it as he had asked it of her so many times in the past. Though he supposed part of his frustration was that even if he wanted to, he could no longer penetrate her mind. He didn't know if she was consciously putting her Occlumency lessons into practice when he was around or if it was unconscious, but her eyes were guarded against him. They'd become as much as a impenetrable fortress as his.

He almost longed for the days when she was unruly and uncontrollable. She had never been terribly difficult, and if they were in a better world, he could forgive her unruliness. Unfortunately, the world that they lived in required that she become someone far more discreet, and in a way it had snuffed out all her brilliant color.

Placing his lips on the top of Tonk's head, without really realizing that it was Tonks, he placed a kiss on the top of her head and wrapped his free arm around her. Tonks had by now, managed to calm down and was enjoying someone's warmth, she didn't even realize that it was coming from the least likeliest of people. It didn't matter at the moment, as she calmed her breathing in basked in someone's warmth and comfort and more to the point in a man's arms. After all, it was far closer to what it would feel like to hug Remus than any of her dreams.

Severus nor Tonks were of aware of what happened next, as it made no sense to either of their befuddled minds. They'd both been pulling away, and Tonks had turned up to apologize and thank Severus, when someone walking by shoved Severus forward causing his lips to fall on Tonks'. Both their eyes widened simultaneously and they stared at each other in horror as the young man who had been hurriedly walking by turned to apologize. However, before they could gather their senses enough to pull away, they heard a familiar voice exclaim, "Bloody hell, Delilah's going to paint you both black and blue!"

Pulling apart from each other so fast Tonks fell on her arse, they both turned to look at the Weasley boy that had been walking by. Severus grit his teeth and was about to snatch up the twin, however, he was a moment too late as the twin had realized what was going to happen and jumped away from his reach like a sprite. "Oy, no worries, I'd only say something if it were you that she'd beat black and blue," the red-head said with a grin as he looked at Severus, before turning to Tonks and skipping away. "I don't want you to get hurt Tonks so I won't breathe a word, but get it together!"

Severus ran his free hand through his hair. It had been a complete accident, caused by the damned Weasley boy! However, he knew that such a distinction would make no matter to Delilah. Though, he supposed that he really had no reason to tell her. "I'm so sorry, Severus," Tonks said as she got to her feet without his help, knowing better than to expect any from him.

"Indeed," Severus merely said as he reached into his robes to grab his wand, before glaring down at her. "You're a bloody Auror Tonks, snap out of it," he growled before popping away.

--

Lately I was spending a lot of time cleaning, trying to spruce up Spinner's End, though there wasn't much that could be done. Once you've gone through thirty large books and filled about four notebooks with information, you get a bit weary of reading. Not that I'm complaining as I've learned a lot about the Dark Arts, though its all really just theory as I do not have my wand. Not that I would practice the Dark Arts, but I can see why Severus is so fascinated by them. They are interesting in a morbid and twisted kind of way.

However, I was tired of it and on this most hateful of all Holidays, I was in the attic "straightening up". Now the attic is a claustrophobic-person's nightmare. It isn't tall enough to stand up in, at least not by someone as tall as Severus. There were boxes all over the room, covered in about a million layers of dust. However, hours of dusting the previous day while opening the small, sole window in the attic, made the hair in the room more breathable. Today, I'd spent the whole day straightening up the columns of boxes, some of which were very heavy.

I had a desire to open them, though, not out of curiosity to see their content. Mostly, I just wanted to see what could be thrown out. However, as these were not my things, I didn't bother to open them. They had to be up here for a reason. I mean, Severus didn't seem like the type to keep things for their sentimental value. I assumed therefore, that these were things he had necessity of, though he never actually came up here. But considering the previous condition of the attic, I could imagine why. Who would want to come into a tiny room they could hardly stand up in or breath in?

Wiping my brow with my shirt's long sleeve, I stood up deciding that it was time for a shower. Unfortunately my stomach had other ideas as it rumbled angrily. I therefore sped through a quick shower, merely threw on a thin robe over myself afterwards and made my way down the stairs to make myself something quick to eat. I was hardly finished serving myself and gobbling it all down when I heard something very strange. Putting my plate down on the counter as I furrowed my brow I very silently made my way to the kitchen's threshold, wondering if I'd finally cracked and was hearing things.

Standing in the doorway with my brows furrowed, I cocked my ear putting all my concentration in my sense of hearing. However, that didn't mean I would tell for sure that I wasn't tripping because I heard the small noise again. It was a very odd sound that I couldn't quite place, but it was definitely inside the house, or inside my head, I wasn't sure yet. However, I didn't think that I could snap in one day. Unless I had snapped days ago and simply hadn't realized it because I was crazy.

Caught up in my thoughts of whether I was sane or not, I momentarily forgot about the noise and was startled suddenly when I felt something brush up against my legs. Nearly jumping out of my skin, I stared down at a small black thing on four legs. Looking more closely, I realized that it was actually a small puppy with a bright blue collar around his neck and a lilac bow on the top of its head. I was very confused by its illogical apparition and I thought that I really must've lost it. Perhaps that's why I was smiling manically.

"Hey you," I said excitedly as I picked up the small pup and scratched him behind his ears. Deep brown eyes stared at me as a little pink tongue darted out from his mouth to lick my hand. It was so small and cute! However, as I scratched his chin, I could see a little bronze, diamond-shaped license with the name Cerberus engraved on one side while on the flip-side was Delilah Snape with my contact information. "Cerberus!" I said, looking up at last realizing that Severus was in the room and that it was a gift from him, and therefore I hadn't lost my mind. "Thank you SO MUCH!" I said excitedly, while I hugged him for dear life with my free right arm while trying not to crush little Cerberus between us.

"I apologize for not coming any sooner, but now you will have someone to keep you company," I heard Severus say, along with the rumble in his chest as my ear was pressed up against it. I could feel his hand, running through my hair. The manic grin would not go away; the babbling pup and Severus' warmth simply caused a euphoria that refused to vanish. I felt resplendently happy, even the thought that Severus would not stay for long could not dampen my spirits at this moment. "Come," Severus said as he gently removed me from his person.

Nodding I obediently followed Severus upstairs, staring all the while at the perfect creature I carried. His coat was very glossy, shiny and was perfectly black. I could tell by all the slim features and thin tail, that it was a greyhound pup. By its size I surmised that he was something along 6 weeks old, and it seemed that he was already perfectly content in my arms as he continued to lick my hand. For a moment, staring at his small size and perfectly black coat, he reminded me of Shadow and I felt a sharp pang of melancholy that stayed with me, even after seeing all the things Severus had gotten for Cerberus' care (leash, feeding bowls, chew toys, dog shampoo, food, treats and a book on dog care and training).

"Severus... what did you do with Shadow?" I asked softly as I sat on the bed, dispensing Cerberus gently on the bed while fingering the leash. I could feel Severus' gaze watching me, however, my eyes were glued on the leash while Cerberus cautiously explored the bed, sniffing the many items and licking a few. But I wasn't really watching any of this. I was only aware of it on some other level. My mind was more preoccupied with Shadow, who I'd abandoned, but I didn't for a moment think that he'd be so miserable without me. It wasn't really Shadow's loneliness that killed him, because he had Severus; it was me, my absence that killed him. I was the reason Shadow was dead and he may have only been a cat, but he'd never done anything wrong.

"I buried him, at Hogwarts," Severus replied stiffly, probably wondering how giving me a gift had gone so awry. I had never mentioned Shadow before, at least not since I'd asked what happened to him, and he hadn't either, however, the puppy was bound to bring this up. I merely nodded in response to this before looking up at him with the teeniest of sad smiles lighting up my miserable features.

"Do you think.... you could take me to see him... if you are ever free?" I asked as I looked up at him. He nodded stiffly as he looked at me with a small grimace. Cerberus touched his little nose to my hand and I smiled gently at him. I wouldn't do the same to him that I had done to Shadow. "Thank you Severus, for everything," I suddenly said with a smile to him.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Well thank you for reviewing last time. I'm really glad people are actually enjoying this story. Once more please review and tell me what you think about this chapter!


	24. Chapter 23: Old Friends

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 23: Old Friends**_

February and the first week or so of March went by fairly quickly. Although I wasn't doing anything other than training Cerberus. It took me sometime to get him to pee and poop outside, so I was cleaning up plenty of messes inside the house, but it was worth it to have Cerberus around. I took about two hours a day to train him, and the rest of the day all we really did was play. He really brightened up my days and I sort of forgot that anything else existed but Cerberus.

By the beginning of March, he was already trained to use the washroom outside. I also taught him how to sit, lay down, shake hands. However, getting him to heel or stay was rather hard. They were taking me a bit of time, but I was satisfied that he knew when to bark and was rather protective of me when I took him out on walks. He was still rather small at about ten weeks, but that didn't matter, he had a great heart and I loved the little bugger more than anything. Well, there wasn't much else to compete with as there was only Severus.

Anyway, I was walking down the street, these days I'd taken to wandering far beyond Spinner's End, when I felt the odd feeling that someone was following me. The feeling stuck with me for several blocks until I at last turned around in the middle of the street. "Oy stop bloody following me or-" however, I stopped speaking as I noted who was standing on the end of the street. "George?" I asked, staring at the redhead who walked over to me with his hands deep inside his jacket pockets.

"Hey Delilah," he said morosely as he stopped.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in confusion as I stared up at him. It didn't make any sense to me at all. However, I could immediately tell that something was bothering him. He kept staring at the ground, while he tried to smile.

"I needed to talk to you about something so I asked my mum were Snape lives... I took the Knight Bus and was just outside your place when you came out and I've been following you since then," he replied as he looked up at me while rocking back and forth on his heels. What was he so nervous about? It was really odd as the twins were so shameless. There was nothing that they were ever nervous about and this was very strange of him.

"So... you've been following me rather instead of just making me aware that you are here?" I asked confused as I stared at him. "Why didn't you just call out my name or something?" I asked. He merely shrugged as he looked down at the dog beside me.

"Is that your dog?" he asked.

"Yes his name is Cerberus. But I'm sure you didn't come bare to talk about my dog. Whats bugging you?" I asked as I stared at him. I was sort of getting annoyed with him now as he was starting to scare me. Was something that terribly wrong? Was Severus all right? Had something happened to him or someone else in the order?

"Well you see... I was talking to Fred today and he told me that he saw something strange back in February," he said. "Look Del.... I really think of you as a friend and I don't know what exactly happened but I think you should know. But... don't freak out and get all violent like you did when you dated Jake, okay? Just... stay calm," he said, looking up at me a bit worried as he raised his hands. I blinked as I stared at him, wondering what the bloody hell he was talking about. "See... Fred was leaving the shop pretty late, he was in a rush because he had a hot date or something when he bumped into someone. He didn't exactly realized what was happening until he turned around and saw Snape and Tonks snogging."

I blinked a few moments as I stared at George, my brain not really processing what he said. The idea of Severus kissing anyone was hard to imagine and _I_ had actually _kissed_ Severus in the past. Besides, I couldn't believe that Tonks would do that, considering the fact that she was clearly so madly in love with Remus. It just made no sense that they would be together. However, despite all this, my stomach was churning and I was grasping onto Cerberus' leash very tightly. I could feel my nails digging into my palms as I clenched my fist tightly while grinding my teeth.

Somehow the image, as hard as it was to imagine, of Severus and Tonks kissing was stuck in my head. I couldn't make it go away and I could feel the old kind of rage that used to consume me when I was dating Jake. "I need to go home," I said as I started running suddenly, trying to work out the anger some way because I couldn't track Tonks down with no magic and beat her down like I wanted to. So instead, I ran home as fast as I could, while Cerberus ran along beside me, enjoying the exercise.

Soon as I got home I paced around furiously, banging my fist against the walls and doors until my fists were purple. I was frustrated to no end that I couldn't do anything! Do you have any idea how maddening it is not to be able to do anything at all? I couldn't contact Tonks, or Severus or anyone! I couldn't go anywhere! There was absolutely nothing that I could do to get away from this fucking shitty situation!

It was completely incomprehensible to me how Severus could fucking kiss anyone at all! And what the hell was Tonks thinking? She knew that he was married to me. So what if she knew that he didn't love me. Wasn't anything at all sacred to people? By law she had committed adultery. Didn't she have any fucking respect? And what about me? I thought that she liked me as a friend or something. How could she want to hurt me like this? And... she had to know! I mean why else would I come back?

Then there was George, why did he tell me? I didn't need to know if I couldn't do anything about it or if he didn't have the whole story. What fucking use was it?

Before I really knew what I was doing, I was brushing away the tears from my eyes and striding out the front door, banging it shut behind me. I was down the street, at a pay phone punching in numbers that I couldn't believe that I remembered and somehow hoped were still in working order. "Oy?" someone asked on the other end.

"Iggy!" I asked in surprised that he actually still lived in the same place and could still afford his phone.

"Ecky thump! Del, love, is that you?" Iggy said and I could hear shouts on the other end of the phone from Star and Baker. "I thought you was dead."

"Iggy, do you still have a car?" I asked. Iggy was a muggle born and I had a feeling that he came from rich parents who didn't know what the fuck he was into because he had to be well provided for by them because he didn't have a job. Not unless you counted sitting in the subway with an amp singing songs from the Sex-pistols.

"Yes love," he replied.

"I need you to pick me up. PAY close attention Iggy," I said as I proceeded to give him directions and repeatedly fucking told him not to get distracted along the way or I would track him down and kill him. He could be a bit forgetful and I accounted that to the fact that he was an addict.

"All right, all right, keep your knickers on. I'll come and get you in a few. But yous got a lot explainin' to do," he said, imitating Ricky Ricardo from that muggle show before hanging up the phone. I was waiting there for a little over an hour before I saw his small, old black car pulling up.

"DELILAH!" Star yelled as she hung out the window. I smiled slightly, neither Star, Iggy nor Baker were worse for wear since I had last seen them. While the three of them were still very thin, they seemed to have a bit more color in them then I remembered. And Stars hair, while it had once been cropped short and every color of the rainbow, now reached just past her shoulders and was all bright blue, matching her eyes.

"Oy, what have you all been up to?" I asked as I jumped into the back seat with Baker, who was actually asleep in the back seat. Baker wasn't his real name, just his last name. I don't know what his first name was. Just as I wasn't sure what Star's real name was as I refused to believe that her real name was Star. As for Iggy, I knew for sure that wasn't his first name as he'd simply taken it from some muggle rock star. However, it fit him well.

"Well since you left we've been cutting down on stuff, we thought it'd finally killed you," Star said as she turned around in the back seat. "Baker found a new addiction in Tattoos. See," Star said as she leaned over and pushed up Baker's brown shirt to reveal a very inked stomach. There wasn't an inch of white there. His entire stomach was one big dragon tattoo and I was amazed that he could withstand that much pain. "See his Mohawk? He says he's going to shave it all off as soon as he saved enough money for a tattoo he wants on his scull," Star said, pointing to Baker's head.

"What about you Star?" I asked as I looked at her.

"I got a job," she said with a shrug.

"Yeah... she's working at a book store like you used to Dels," Iggy said as he looked behind him. I noted that he now had a silver spike coming out of his chin and curling around it. He also had both of his brows pierced, when before it only used to be his nose. I merely nodded at this. "I started to concentrate more on my music. I'm going to start up a band. Though so far I've only got a vocalist who can play the guitar," he said with a shrug.

"I'm guessing your taking after the Sex Pistols style?" I asked, noticing his really tight black pants, the fact that he had no shirt, and had a leather jacket on. He merely nodded in response, messing up his short, messy black hair with his long fingered hand. He had a tendency to wear big rings on his fingers. He rather reminded me a lot of Sid Vicious.

"What about you Dels, you're the one we are dying to hear about. What happened to you?" Star asked as she turned around and faced me from the front seat. I merely shrugged, having already forgotten why I had left home. My stomach was starting to hurt as I wondered what the hell I was doing. However, it seemed clear to me that they were probably not as addicted as they had once been. I assumed that they were probably trying to get clean like me.

"I was incarcerated. Had to go back to my husband, he's been cleaning me up, but he's hardly ever around anymore," I said with a shrug as, causing Stars eyes to widen.

"Merlin's Balls, Del! You're bloody married?" Star asked as she stared at me with wide eyes. I merely nodded as I stared at her. Star, Baker and Iggy were all about two or three years older than me. I knew that because they weren't in the same school year as me, but I knew that they had all gone to Hogwarts. I just didn't remember them because they were older then me. I didn't tend to remember kids that were older than me

"Marriage law," I said with a shrug.

"Ah. Yeah they got us too. That's how I met Iggy and Baker, I was matched with Iggy. And we don't know what happened to Baker's wife... I think she left him," Star said with a shrug. My mouth dropped open at this. SHE AND IGGY WERE MARRIED ALL THIS TIME AND I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!

"You two are married and you never thought to tell me you stupid cunt?" I asked as I stared at her. She merely shrugged.

"We forgot till we started getting sobered up," Star replied with a shrug as we continued to zoom towards their place back in London. As we went, we started talking about a bunch of crap that we didn't used to talk about because we were far too baked to think well. We were halfway to Iggy's place by the time Baker finally woke up and realized what was going on. He told me that he was actually searching for his wife, which consumed most of his time.

When we were back at Iggy's place, I noticed how much cleaner his place was and realized that Star was now living with the guys. Apparently she and Iggy were actually trying to make their relationship work and for the most part, they seemed happy. We were all hanging out in the living room while Iggy showed me how much better he was getting at playing at the guitar.

"Wow Iggy, you almost play decently now," I said with a broad grin while he flipped me the bird. However, there was a sudden knock on the door. Putting his guitar down and walking to the door, he peeked through the peep hole before turning back to us.

"Its my friend Louis," he said, pronouncing it in a very French kind of way. "Umm... he's a squib and he's a bit sensitive about magic Del-"

"In case you haven't noticed, I don't have a wand so..." I said, a little annoyed. What did he think that I was going to be a jerk and flaunt my magic around some stranger anyway?

"Right," he said as he stared at me. He then turned around and opened the door to let the guy in. "Oy, Louis!" he said as they did a weird handshake thing and he waved him inside. I stared at the new guy for a moment, wondering why he seemed somewhat familiar. He looked like he was probably Severus' age, maybe a couple years younger. Actually, he reminded me a lot of Severus, only much thinner, but the same height. The fact that he was much thinner like Iggy, made him seem like he was closer to our age than to Severus.

He reminded me of Severus because he had the same, somewhat greasy, pitch black hair that reached his shoulders. He was also very thin and had the same dark eyes. However, he dressed like a muggle. He was wearing tight black jeans like Iggy and had sneakers like mine. He was tall and thin and had a small goatee. The guy didn't say anything as he stepped in, but he froze when he saw me. "Ah, that's our good friend Del back from the dead," Iggy said, pointing towards me.

I suddenly felt very aware of the clothing that I was wearing as the guy stared intensely at me. Blushing lightly I looked down at myself as I stood up. Of course I was only wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt with a light black sweater. I was wearing a lilac colored scarf that matched the beret that I was wearing and the bottom half of my hair. "Hey, its nice to meet you," I said as I shook his hand. He merely nodded as he continued to stare at me intensely. He was staring to creep me out.

"Del?" he asked as he continued to shake my hand long past the time he should have let go.

"Short for Delilah. People call me it because its the first three letters of my first name and also happen to be my initials," I responded as a sudden grin broke out onto his face. It creeped me out. Not that it was a creepy smile, because he was actually quite cute in that starving-artist kind of way. However, if someone you don't know and have just barely met starts smiling at you insanely you do tend to get a bit freaked out.

"Princess Delilah," he said excitedly as he wrapped his arms around me, picked me off the floor and spun around. I was bewildered by a moment by this. However, it triggered an old memory and I realized that this was the boy from the orphanage. The one that used to give me piggy back rides and take care of me.

"King Louis," I whispered as I hugged him back for dear life. I guess its a bit odd, but I guess meeting someone from your early childhood, someone you haven't seen in years causes you regress to those moments, so that you are as happy to see them as you were when you really knew them. In that moment, I felt safe the way I had when I had no one else in the world, when I was far more vulnerable and really needed someone.

"Wow you.... you look so different and the same all at once," he said as he pulled away and stared down at me. I smiled as I stared at him.

"I know, you do too. I mean... wow," I said as I placed a hand on my forehead. "I can't believe that... you're here. Its so strange. I mean.... I was only four when you left and it was just.... I hardly remember or know you. But I remember that I was so devastated when I realized that you were gone."

"Yes... I can imagine," he said with a grimace. I smiled as I looked away and realized that Iggy, Star and Baker were all staring at us.

"That is the most I've ever heard you speak man," Iggy said as he stared open-mouthed at Louis. Louis merely looked over them and shrugged. Before long Louis and I were hanging out alone in the living room as Star and Iggy went off to his room (they were living together _and _sleeping together) while Baker went off to sleep (he's always sleeping).

"You know I can't believe I never realized you were a witch. But maybe that was why I was so pulled to you the moment that you arrived, all wrapped up in a bundle. You were one of the youngest kids I'd ever seen arrive, straight from the womb and all," he said as we sat on the couch while he fiddled with Iggy's acoustic guitar. I was sitting on the other end of the couch, sitting Indian style and facing him.

I nodded as I stared at him, my brows furrowing. I suppose when I got there he was about thirteen years old. He must've been lonely if he gravitated towards a baby for company. "So... how long were you in the orphanage for when I arrived?" I asked delicately. He smiled a little bitterly before turning to look at the guitar in his very long and thin arms.

"Well you see... I came from a pure-blood family and as I heard Iggy tell you through the door, I'm a squib. My parents weren't too happy about that and made it very obvious so I ran away when I was twelve. I was found in the streets and placed in the orphanage because I told everyone that I didn't know my parents. My name was then changed to Louis Smith," he explained as he started to strum on the guitar what I assumed was just a warm up as it didn't sound like anything to me. "After I left the orphanage I worked shitty jobs to pay the rent at a little hovel and learned to play the guitar and eventually I started making money by playing music for a bar."

"I see."

"What about you? What happened to little Princess Del when King Louis left?" he asked, grinning as he looked up at me. I leaned back against the couch and crossed my arms over the chest. I sighed as I rolled my eyes.

"Where to start? Let's see I was adopted about four times before I decided that I didn't want to deal with the rejection anymore. I started Hogwarts the year I was turning twelve because my birthday not making the September 1st deadline. When I was a sixth year the marriage law was passed and the summer after my sixth year I was forced to marry someone I didn't really know and I'm still married to the prick," I said, angrily remembering the thing with Tonks. "And I just recently found out that my mother was a cruel bitch that didn't want me and that my father, while being a bit of a rule breaker, really wanted me but has been absent all my life and in Azkaban because he did something very illegal to save my life."

"Wow... I think your life sucked more than mine did," Louis said with a grimace. "So... how did you meet Iggy and his crowd? I mean, they are quite a bit older than you so you wouldn't have met at Hogwarts."

"After my seventh year I left my husband and I started working at a muggle bookstore. I mean being a kid from an orphan you learn to be pretty independent and not to rely on others. So it wasn't hard for me to get up on my own and I met Star and the guys at a bar. We started talking and before I knew it I was with them almost all the time," I said with a shrug. He looked over at me, over the guitar, his big, expressive black eyes looking at me sadly.

"Did you-" I didn't let him finish as I knew what he wanted to ask due to his hesitance.

"Yes.... that's why I went back to my husband. He's the only person I had to turn to. He's helped keep me clean for the past- my God its only been like three months! God time is passing so slowly," I said as I ran my hands through my hair.

"I'm sorry Delilah. I really would have liked for you to have a better chance at life," Louis said sadly as he looked down at the guitar he was holding. "I really wanted you to be adopted by some nice family. You were still a sweet kid when I left, but I know what its like there. You grow a little rougher," he said with a smile as he looked up at me. "But from what I can see you're still great." I smiled sadly as I looked down at my hands. I didn't see anything particularly great about me. Severus didn't want me, no one else had wanted me when I was a child, not even my own mother. There was _nothing_ special about me. "So... your husband doesn't like beat you or anything, does he?"

"What?" I asked suddenly, completely stunned. "NO, of course not. Its just... its complicated. It's... his nature to be a jerk. He's... sarcastic and mean and... that's just the way that he is. But, he's really brilliant and brave and strong. When he loves something, he's completely devoted to it, but... he doesn't love me. I mean he thinks of me as a friend, but he's never really around."

Louis nodded, though the look on his face said he didn't seem very sure of what I was saying. "Do you love him?" he asked as he looked at me. I smiled a bit grimly at this question, wondering what I should say. I didn't really talk to anyone about it. I mean... I had talked to Remus about it, but that was only that one time. However, there was something about Louis, maybe the fact that I knew him when I was a little girl, that made me completely trust him.

"Yeah," I replied merely.

"Does he love someone else?"

"Someone who passed away years ago, but yes, I'm sure he loves her as much as ever, if not more so," I said, and I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. It was hard to love someone so much, but for them to love someone else. For the most part, over the past three months it was fairly easy because I didn't have to dissimulate that I didn't love him, but, it still hurt that he didn't love me.

"I'm sorry Delilah, that must be very hard. I don't think that's something you should have to deal with at only nineteen," he said as he started to play a song on the guitar. I smiled as I looked at him, surprised that he remembered how old I was.

"I don't think thats anything anyone should have to deal with, even if they are thirty-two, like you," I said as I stared over at him. He chuckled lightly at this and nodded, saying it was very true. There was something about him that slightly reminded me of Severus. I didn't know if it was just his looks, or perhaps there was something in the way that he carried himself, but he seemed like what Severus could have been like had he not had a hooked nose, and had his heart had not been torn apart by his parents and Lily Potter.

--

"I should probably be going home, I left my poor pup alone and he must miss me," I said as I stood up from the couch hours later. Star and Iggy had rejoined us, but Baker was still knocked out. I don't know what it is about that guy that could sleep for so long.

"Oy love, do I got to take you home?" Iggy asked from slouching on the couch like he was exhausted. I looked at him incredulously.

"Of course," I replied. However, Louis stood up and quietly offered to drop me off. I agreed to it and also had to promise to come and see them often. Before long we were on the trek home, which was a bit of a ways.

Mostly, Louis and I talked about music on the way home. He suggested a few bands that I should listen to, though I doubted I would. I'd never really listened to music before. I guess I'd only ever listened to music when someone else was. It was something Louis thought was a shame as to him music was his life. Mine used to belong to inventing spells, but since Severus entered my life, my priorities sort of changed. Even if I wanted to now, I wasn't able to go back to inventing until I got my wand back. I simply didn't have the energy to use wandless magic.

I had him drop me off a block away, because I wasn't sure how many people knew were Severs and I lived. When I walked in, I was startled to see Severus sitting on the couch. For a moment I could see a look of relief on his face before it was quickly flushed away by anger. "Do you have any idea how- where have you been?" Severus thundered, causing Cerberus, who had come running to greet me, to yelp in fear as I bent down and picked him up. Standing up straight, I stood near the doorway and stared at the way the vein in his temple was pulsing.

"I just went to see some friends," I replied, a bit confused by his anger and for the moment completely forgetting that I was upset and angry with him. He seemed a bit confused by this as he gritted his teeth and rubbed his temples.

"What friends? I was only aware of Roberts," he said as he rubbed his temples. I felt like all the blood in my veins had suddenly turned into ice while my eyes burned. I stared at him, stunned by the fact that he would mention her and angry that he had done it in such a careless manner. It stung bitterly and I wanted to weep. However, I was saved by a sudden overwhelming anger, ferociously multiplied by the wound I had received earlier. My pride expanded inside me and I took a deep breath to let it all go.

"For your information, I made friends after Hogwarts, and just like you can do whatever the hell you like, go around kissing whoever the fuck you like, I can do the same," I yelled angrily as I glared at him. A stunned look came over his face. "Yeah, thats right, I know you snogged Tonks. Did you think that I wasn't going to find out? So what, I have to honor our fucking vows but you can do whatever the hell you feel like? Well you can go to hell for all I fucking care Severus. I'm sick of this shit. Give me my wand!"

"What?" he asked.

"I said I want my fucking wand. I don't even know why the fuck I came back. I don't need you! I can do whatever I want on my own. Its not like your even fucking here!" I continued angrily as I put Cerberus on the floor as Severus stood up.

"And where do you plan on going?" he asked in that dangerously low voice of his as he approached. I think he wanted me to back down, but I planted my feet firmly on the floor.

"You don't have to worry about that, Severus, it isn't the first time that I have gone out into the world homeless and found myself somewhere to stay. I don't fucking need you. I don't know what the fuck made me think that I did," I said as I glared up at him, our faces only inches apart as I stood on my tiptoes to get in his face. "Now give me my wand back. I don't care if I never see you again!"

Severus blinked as he stared at me, and there was something strange burning in his gaze, but I didn't care. I was never afraid of him and I wasn't going to be now. Panting as I stared up at him, winded from shouting, I waited for him to make a move. I don't really know what I was expecting though, and I had no idea what I was going to do next, but it didn't matter. I was running on pure adrenaline. I wanted to hit him, as so many other times in the past, but something kept my hands, clenched to the side.

"First of all, I'm not giving you your wand back, you still need help Delilah, your eyes look demonic," he said calmly, through gritted teeth. I felt all the anger and adrenaline flush out of my system as I thought about what he said. I could remember the hungry, scary look in Stars eyes when she really needed a fix and I wondered at the fact that I could look that horrid. "Second of all, I did not _snog_ Tonks. We ran into each other in Diagon Alley when I was getting you your Valentine's Day Present when the Weasley boy pushed me into her. It was an accident," he said as he started to advance forward, causing me to stumble back into one of the many bookcases that lined the wall. "Why you would think I would want anyone else is beyond me."

"Well you clearly don't want me," I mumbled, frowning as I stared up into his dark eyes as he leaned over me. I flinched slightly as he raised his hand, however, he lowered it gently and pet the side of my face, entangling his fingers in my hair. A small bitter smile twisted the corner of his mouth as he stared down into my eyes.

"I want you more than I should, Delilah," he said, before pulling away and turning around, running his hands through his greasy black hair. I stared at the moment, feeling that there was something huge that I was missing. I felt that he was saying more than he said, and was keeping something from me. Something that was probably huge. "You're holding me at a distance. Your eyes are always guarded, shutting me out."

"I thought you weren't going to use Legilimency against me anymore," I said, my voice trembling with anger that I was staring to feel again as I furrowed my brows and stared at his back. He turned around as I pushed myself off the bookcase and took a step closer to him. I stopped as his eyes fell on me, and raked over me as though he were trying to sum me up. It was very odd, like he didn't know who I was, which was odd because he already knew me.

"I don't need to use Legilimency to be able to see when someone is employing Occlumency to shut me out," he said dryly as he stared at me. I blinked in confusion.

"But I'm not-"

"You are not conscious of doing it, but you are. Your lessons served you well," Severus said dryly, as though he now wished he hadn't taught me Occlumency. I stared at him, wondering what I should say. I didn't know what he was talking about, I wasn't hiding anything from him. What could I possibly be hiding from him, when he already knew that I loved him and that I was an addict? There wasn't anything more.

"I... I'm not hiding anything from you Severus," I said as I stared at him.

"Oh aren't you? I'm imagining things?" he barked out, causing me to jump. I felt tears gathering in my eyes as I realized what I hadn't told him. What I didn't have the courage to tell anybody about and I could feel the tears building in my eyes as my legs gave out from beneath me. Placing the palm down on the floorboard, I felt the grief and anger build inside of me, but I didn't want it. I felt the floor, waver and grumble beneath me, spreading like ripples from my fingertips as shadows washed overhead like clouds passing before the sun.

I felt him step over to me and kneel. "Delilah, what's wrong?" he asked. I looked up at him and my bottom lip quivered.

"Monica... she needed my help but I was so... I couldn't see it! She's dead because I wasn't there for her!" I cried out as the tears started to spill over. Severus was startled by this, and I wondered at the fact that he didn't know. Turning away from him I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them, rocking back and forth as I started to cry. "It's all my fault! I might as well have killed her myself," I said, mumbling it as I had buried my face in my arms.

"Delilah... I didn't know," Severus said softly.

"She couldn't leave the abusive dick she was with, she needed me to save her," I cried as I continued to hug my knees and rock.

"Delilah, it wasn't your fault," Severus said as he held continued to hold me, but he couldn't and wouldn't change my mind. But I suppose it helped to get it off my chest.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Don't worry about her friends, they aren't going to be much in the story, I only thought that they needed some further introduction. This is so that the end can tie in better. So Please Review!


	25. Chapter 24: Blurry

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 24: Blurry**_

**Severus**

Time seemed to be passing incredibly fast to Severus now that Dumbledore had told him that Potter was supposed to die; a lamb for the slaughter as it were. It was not something that pleased him as he had spent the greater part of the last decade doing everything in his power to protect the wretched boy that he so detested. However, now, he wondered if his life had been at all worth it. When had he ever lived for himself?

March and April had dissolved into nothing and May had finally arrived. While for the most part he spent his time at Hogwarts, he found that it wasn't anymore of a relief to be around Delilah. He was finding it increasingly hard to keep the truth from her. She was very bright and he knew that she could sense that something was amiss, however, true to herself she hadn't asked him about it. He supposed that she trusted him to say whatever it was if it were important.

Running a hand over his face as he paused in his grading, he once more wanted to bang his head on the desk for the millionth time. He should have let her go. That night, when she had discovered what had happened with Tonks and she threatened to leave, he should have let her go. However, he had allowed his yearning for her company get the better of him. He had kept her around, only so that he could neglect her and later on abandon her. He didn't know what he was bloody doing anymore! Everything had gotten so complicated, so muddled!

And despite it all... his life was hanging in the balance. He needed to live long enough to tell Potter at the right moment that he had to commit the ultimate sacrifice. He had to kill Dumbledore for Draco and live long enough to tell Potter that he had to give up his life... if it were not for those reasons, he wouldn't care for the Unbreakable Vow. He would break it without a moments thought and happily welcome death. He wasn't scared of what was in store. However, that couldn't happen anytime soon and he had other pressing matters.

He would be leaving Delilah and he wasn't yet sure whether she would be fine without him. Dumbledore's protection would be gone, and she would be left alone in a world that was very much different than the world she had known only two years ago. She was not yet fit enough to be able to survive on her own in these troubled times, and he was unsure whether he would be able to return her wand to her in good conscious. However, without it, she would be left defenseless in a world that was at war.

However, he had to deduce that she was doing better. She spent several days out of the week with her old friends, and showed no signs of a relapse. He knew that these were the same friends that she had when she was addicted to Potions and the fact that in their company she hadn't fallen back on old ways was a definite sign of recovery or at least strong will-power. And he couldn't begrudge her the company of old friends, seeing as now more than ever, he found it very dangerous to leave the castle. It was something that he bitterly detested as time with Delilah was short, and he couldn't even spend it with her.

Running his hands through his hair, he wondered for the millionth time why he should not simply explain it to her. However, like a million other times he told himself that it was best this way. The order would certainly come looking for her if he "killed" Dumbledore and the less she knew, the better that it was for everyone else. Besides, he would be gone anyway, at least this way she could detest him for the rest of her days and she could move on, find someone else more deserving of her love than he was. The thought that she would find someone plagued him, but he knew better than to be selfish.

He was getting a headache. Rubbing his temples, he decided that it was for the best to stop for the evening. Getting up from his desk, he walked out of the office and locked it, before putting up the many wards. He at least took comfort in the fact that Draco was miserable, which meant that for the moment there wasn't anything that could be done. Taking the stairs to the entrance hall, he decided that he could spend tonight with Delilah, he hadn't seen her weeks.

--

It was May! I was very much excited that May had come at last as it meant that the weather was going to become warmer. Not that I minded the cold very much, but... the warmth meant that I had more time to spend outside. Which of course I did. I was spending a lot of time with the guys and they LOVED Cerberus.

However, something didn't seem right. I was too... happy. Something had to be wrong. And I knew that something was wrong. I could sense it whenever Severus was around. There was something BIG happening, something that I wasn't aware of. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew that it was there. Something that he wasn't telling me, but I always shoved it off. It was really all that important, he would tell me right? I mean, he's never really kept anything huge from me. Besides, he knew he could trust me and tell me things. So I trusted him not to keep it from me if it were important and merely shrugged it off.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing that was bothering me. I had a dream of my father a few days ago and I felt terrible that I had been unable to go and see him and that he was unjustly incarcerated. I wanted him to be free, but I was powerless to do anything about it. It put a bit of a damper on my spirits, despite the shining sun and all the greenery. I suppose it was the reason that I was so preoccupied this evening as I lay in bed, staring off into space. I didn't even hear Severus when he came in until he asked if I was all right.

"OH. Hey," I said as I merely smiled at him. I didn't bother to sit up or anything, I didn't feel like I had the energy to. However, he stood in the doorway and stared at me in a worried kind of way. Ever since I had told him that Monica had passed away, he was a bit gentler now. It was very odd and I didn't really like it. It somewhat annoyed me actually and made me rather suspicious. I wanted him to just be... him. I was comfortable with that. I knew that. Severus being... NICE, that was foreign. "I didn't hear you."

"Clearly," Severus said as he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, facing away from me.

"Severus, I know that there isn't any way for me to visit my father but... do you think that there is anyway that we could get him out?" I asked tentatively as I sat up and knelt behind him, placing my hands on his shoulder.

"Perhaps... but right now that would seem impossible. Scrimgeour is a practical man, but at the moment he wouldn't let anyone out of Azkaban," Severus replied grimly as he looked down. I could tell by his posture that he was exhausted and started to rub his shoulders unconsciously as I thought about what he had said. It made sense, but it wasn't something that was very good. It meant that if I wanted to get my father out, Voldemort would have to be indefinitely out of the picture. At the moment, that doesn't seem like its going to happen anytime soon.

"Is it true what they say?" I suddenly asked, causing Severus to look over his shoulder at me questioningly. My hands stopped for a moment as I looked into his eyes. "That Harry Potter is the 'Chosen One'," I asked as I stared at him. Severus seemed a bit surprised that I actually knew what was going on. However, I remembered things I'd read in the Prophet in the past and I wasn't so out of it that I hadn't ever realized what the Order was doing. In my opinion, it didn't seem that important. Perhaps it may have been when it was first predicted, but what good would it do now?

"Dumbledore believes it," Severus replied, his tone implying that he didn't believe that Harry Potter would be able to defeat the Dark Lord. I merely nodded in response to this. It was a bit bleak, to think that a sixteen year old boy could possibly defeat the Dark Lord. However, Harry Potter had done amazing things in the past. Maybe he was only a mediocre sixteen year old, but luck was definitely on his side. Besides, he had countless of people behind him, people who supported him and with friends like that, he could probably do anything.

Massaging Severus very tense shoulders, I could see that he thought we were fighting a losing battle. "You have to have faith Severus," I said as I pressed my palms deep into the knots on his shoulders as I leaned forward. "Everything will work out," I promised as I placed a kiss on his cheek, causing him to turn around and look at me. There was something in his eyes, like a lost little boy looking for reassurance as he stared at me and I felt my heart melt inside of me. "OH, Severus, you'll see. Things will work out," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him.

I could feel Severus nod stiffly as he returned the hug, hugging me so tightly like he was afraid I would vanish from his arms if he didn't hold on tightly. It was odd, and in a way it scared me. Life at Spinners End, despite its gloom, felt far too sunny. It was hard to worry about the troubles of the wizarding world, when mine was more centered around the muggle world, which was hardly suffering what the wizarding world was. And spending all my days with friends, just having fun, it was hard to think about Voldemort, or the fact that Severus was putting his life on the line every day. My life, in many ways, was simply too surreal. Severus kept me grounded.

Pulling away, Severus stared into my eyes and ran his hands over my hair. Leaning forward, he placed a tentative kiss on my lips that slightly confused me, but I returned gently. Somehow, it snowballed as he deepened the kiss. All thoughts flew out of my head as I melted into his passionate kiss and allowed him to gently push me back into the bed as he hovered over my body and continued to kiss me, his hands wandering in a feather-light touch over my body as though he was afraid to touch. However, my moans made him press on.

For the first time what felt like a long time, I felt my libido return to me and I was on fire. I wanted him like crazy in that instance and I returned his kiss feverishly as I started to work on removing his robes, shirt and pants. Severus seemed to be in much the same frenzy and quickly removed my shirt and pushed my jeans and panties off at the same time, without breaking much contact with my mouth. We were out of our clothes in seconds, though it seemed like an eternity.

His body pressed against every inch of mine, his hands caressing everything that they came into contact with and the only moments pause was when he ran his hands over my back. Pulling away, he frowned slightly as he looked down at me, and I could feel my cheeks burn in embarrassment. "She really did ruin me," I said as I shifted beneath him, turning slightly so that he could see all the scars on my back, all white lines, marring my skin. The deeper ones seemed to have ridges, which was probably what he felt. Star counted them once for me, the grand total was something close to fifty-two scars.

Turning around, I could see the look of concern in his face as he looked down at me sympathetically. However, that didn't take away the shame I suddenly felt about my body as a whole and I had to look away from his gaze. "Delilah," he said as he reached a hand to my chin and kissed my forehead. He then tilted my head so that I looked up at him and he looked deep into my eyes. "You're beautiful," he merely said, before leaning in and placing a slow and gentle kiss on my lips.

It all seemed to come out of nowhere, this sudden affection and passion, but for the second time, Severus and I made love. However, he was gone before the morning came, and he left my wand on the bedside table. It was odd, and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about it. I was confused that he had left me my wand, and I wondered if that meant that he thought that I was ready. However, the fact that he had gone without so much as saying a word the entire night, or the following morning, made me feel wounded.

May began to pass, so slowly that it felt like every tick of the second hand made my heart wrench. The days became weeks, and I did not see or hear a word from Severus. I worried, but there was nothing that I could do. My wand back or not, there was simply no way I was going to apparate anywhere, much less Hogwarts. I was safer in the muggle world. Besides, it wasn't like I was going to be able to get into Hogwarts should I have chosen to go after Severus. I mean, how would I? Since the return of Voldemort, security has tightened like a million times. There was no way that I would be able to get in.

But it didn't matter. I owled Severus with Star's owl, she had gotten one recently due to her desire to own a pet now that she had met Cerberus, but I had not received a reply. I was so angry, that it was happening all over again, Severus pushing me away, that I felt like punching everything. Which of course, I did, resulting in some very bruised fists again. Unfortunately, this time they didn't go by unnoticed by Louis.

"What happened to your fists?" he asked in concern when he picked me up. I looked down at them and stared at the pretty deep-purple that they were.

"Anger management," I replied with a shrug. I didn't really want to talk about it. However, I could feel his eyes staring at me, and I got annoyed that he wasn't driving off. "UGH! It's just so frustrating. Are all guys like that?" I asked, suddenly rounding on him and startling him. "I mean... every time I think that I'm getting closer to him -my husband I mean- he pulls away! I HATE it. He should just leave me the fuck alone all the time, not decide one moment that he wants me and the next fucking abandon me just to do this shit all over again! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of loving him with everything that I am while he doesn't because I came at the wrong fucking time! Why can't he just move on? People do it all the time! If he would have just done that, maybe he could love me.

"I don't deserve this Louis, I know I don't! I'm not the greatest person in the world, but I deserve better than _this_," I said angrily as tears welled in my eyes and my voice cracked. Ducking my head, I could feel all the pain. I fucking hated men! Jake, Severus, Sirius, Remus, all of them! Women are just another fucking notch on their belt while we... we love. We hurt and we strive for them, and they can just dump us in any moment, without remorse or without a care in the world. They are cowardly pussies! I want one of them to step in a woman's shoes, and see what it is to love someone and stay there and stick with it despite the pain. Running off is so much simpler than sticking around, we do it every fucking day while they take the easy route and just leave. REAL FUCKING BIG OF THEM. "I hate men Louis, I'm going Les."

Louis merely chuckled in response as he started to drive. "Oh come on Del, you can't group all men together. Yes for the most part we are immature and some are a bit cowardly and find it easier to run away from their feelings than to see them possibly get hurt, but we're not all bad. Besides... I don't think you are attracted to women," he said as he looked over at me.

I had to concede to that. While I thought that women were the more attractive gender, they didn't actually sexually arouse me. "Well... I wish I were. Things would be so much simpler if I were lesbian. Women I understand and we take a lot of shit and know how to love," I said as I slouched down in my seat and put up my feet on the dashboard. By now, Louis didn't care how I treated his car as I had often sat in this same position and he never said anything.

"Why don't you just leave him again if he makes you so unhappy?" Louis asked with a shrug of his very thin shoulders.

"No point leaving someone who's already left you," I replied with a shrug and an unhappy sigh as I pulled out my wand from my pockets. I think that's what he'd meant with leaving the wand. After nearly a month with no contact with Severus, I think that I was beginning to get the picture. Leaning against the cars windowpane I stared at the passing scenery sadly. "I'm exhausted of this roller coaster, Louis. I don't want jack shit from men"

"Oh Del, that's what you say now, but you'll take him back. Watch when he comes back, and he will, you're going to forgive him like all good women do. Your gender simply doesn't have the heart to punish those you love. That's what's so wonderful about women," he said with a grin over at me. I wasn't amused and merely turned away from him again.

I felt tears build in my eyes, knowing that he was probably right. If Severus returned to me, which I wasn't as sure of as Louis, I knew I would take him back. It pained me to know that I would, that I wasn't heartless enough to just walk away. "Louis, I wish you were wrong. I could save myself a shit load of pain," I said as I leaned against the window. "And pain... that I just can't deal with. I've already tried to self-destruct enough to know that by now."

"Del.... everything will be all right, you'll see," he said, reaching out with one hand to take mine in his. I looked over at him and smiled, though it hurt, to remember that I'd said those words to Severus, in the same reassuring way. However, faith or no, there was no guarantee that anything would turn out all right.

**Severus**

Severus didn't care if there was an afterlife. He didn't care if hell existed and if that was his next destination, for he couldn't imagine a greater hell than his life. As for heaven, he had no need of it, he'd already found it, wrapped up in Delilah's arms and legs, all of his senses entangled in her essence.

Her soft skin seemed to meet with his on every sensory receptor on his body. Her body's warmth washed over him like warm waves. Her skin and touch, was light as the rays of the sun or a zephyr caressing his body.

The taste of her delectable skin, her mouth and her lips were sweeter than the juices from any fruit and perfectly ripe. And more than anything, he enjoyed the salty taste of perspiration on her body as she worked up in a frenzy to his rhythms.

Her moans, her gasps and her whimpers were a proverbial symphony of dreams beating out Mozart, Beethoven and Monteverdi in beauty. And when she moaned his name, tears were brought to his eyes the way no singer could ever achieve.

There was no greater perfection to be seen than Delilah's face when twisted in the throes of passion, all her inhibitions gone. She was at her most vulnerable, glowing in a light all her own. Her beautiful body melted into his, trying desperately to become one.

And if heaven had a scent, it would smell of lavender fields.

To him, it didn't matter that her back had been marked by over fifty scars. It didn't matter that her chest was small, or that her legs weren't long. It didn't matter to him that she was considerably thin and petite. She was perfect, even if he refused to ever acknowledge it before. She was a heaven that he was unworthy of.

Severus had no need of choirs of angels or Elysian fields and he could not imagine a greater delight than all those fine pleasures Delilah could elicit with a simple flick of her tongue or breezy caress. It stung... to know that things had changed, in no more than twenty-four hours. He knew the Order would go looking for him, he knew that they would go to her. She would find out that he had "betrayed" them and he wondered... would she believe it? Would she really think that he had betrayed them as all evidence seemed to point to? Or did her love extend more faith in him than he reasonably deserved.

However, he supposed that it didn't matter. But once more... he found himself wishing he'd been able to see her... one last time.

--

Okay, the shit has hit the fan.

It was all over the wizarding world that Hogwarts had been attacked and that Dumbledore was dead not more than twenty-four hours later. The hope of the wizarding world, was gone. However, somehow, being how I am, things were much worse from my position because I had yet to hear any news about Severus. I was very worried that something had happened to him when Hogwarts had been attacked, or that his true allegiance had become evident.

However, days before the funeral of Professor Dumbledore, who happens to turn up at Spinner's End but Professor Minerva McGonagall. "Professor, what are you doing here?" I asked startled from the doorway as I grabbed Cerberus by the collar and dragged him into the kitchen.

Of course, she wasn't alone though I didn't understand why she felt the need to arrive with both Remus and Tonks, who I preferred to ignore as she ducked her head in what I imagined had to be shame. Though, the fact that her hair was pink once more made me guess that Remus had finally accepted her.

When I cam back into the room, no one spoke. For a moment, Professor McGonagall eyed me carefully from her red-rimmed eyes. "May we come in?" she asked as she stared at me.

"Of course," I replied as I stepped aside and let them walk in, closing the door behind them.

"I assume you have heard about Professor Dumbledore's-" she stopped for a moment, the words choking her. However, after clearing her throat she turned around and stared at me with her deep green eyes. They glistened sadly as she stared at me, though her face remained emotionless and hard. "Passing."

"Yes... it's devastating. I don't know what we are going to do without him," I replied, tears sprouting in my eyes. Everything just seemed so hopeless and it seemed impossible that the whole world seemed to change in just the matter of a few days. But... who would have imagined that Dumbledore would ever perish? He was the most powerful wizard of the world. I'd always thought that he'd be around as long as time.

"Have you seen Snape" Professor McGonegall suddenly asked, causing my stomach to churn as my heart started to pound in my chest. I blinked in confusion as I stared at her.

"I haven't seen Severus since the beginning of May, but why are you asking me? Isn't he at Hogwarts?" I asked, beginning to panic. The three of them stared at me, their eyes suddenly filling with pity was they stared at me, Tonks and Remus more than McGonagall. "What's going on....why are you asking _me_ about Severus. You should know!"

"Delilah... Harry saw Severus perform the killing curse on Dumbledore. Severus took off with Draco and the rest of the Death Eaters the night that they attacked Hogwarts," Remus stated gently as he approached me as I shook my head and tears built in my eyes.

"No... Severus wouldn't do that. He was on _our _side," I said as I fervently shook my head and looked up at them. It didn't make any sense! "Maybe Harry didn't see what he thought he saw. Severus wouldn't betray us... he just wouldn't do that!"

"Delilah... Harry is sure, he was there. Dumbledore is dead and Severus took off with the Death Eaters," Tonks said gently as she stepped closer to me. "I know what you must feel... he betrayed us all."

I don't know what caused me to do it, but I snapped. Before I really knew what was happening, my fist was already swinging through the air, hitting Tonks in the face and knocking her to the floor. "You don't know what I FEEL! You don't know anything about me, and you don't know anything about Severus. Severus wouldn't betray us. I don't care what you or anyone says, but he didn't betray us. You're just not seeing it!" I yelled angrily as tears poured down my cheeks and Remus and Minerva roughly dragged me away from where I was standing over Tonks, yelling at her.

"Delilah... calm down," Professor McGonagall said very sternly as she took a hold of both my arms and shook me while Remus went over to help Tonks get to her feet. But I couldn't take it anymore. It was all just too much. I wanted to believe, that Severus really wouldn't betray us, because I knew why he had switched to the light side. However, everything they said was true and I couldn't see why he would kill Dumbledore.

Running my hands over my face I shook as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Leave me alone," I said while pulling away from her. "This is the last place that Severus is going to come. He left me a month ago, do you really think that he is going to come back here?" I asked angrily before walking to the door. "So no offense, but get the fuck out and leave me alone."

They all looked stunned by how rude I was as I wiped the tears away, but I didn't give a fuck. I wasn't a means to an end. I refused to be. So I watched them dead in the eye as they walked out and slammed the door behind them. The blur seemed to take over it all suddenly, a hazy fog covering every memory, everything Severus had ever said to make me believe in him. I no longer knew if anything was real, or if he was simply that good of a pretender. However, I didn't put it past him. Severus was a great man, whether that greatness was towards good or evil, it was now impossible to tell. Perhaps his so called love for Lily Potter was really just a ruse to make us believe he had really switched sides. Maybe Severus wasn't what I thought he was.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** It's been a long while since I last updated. Sorry about that. Anyway as always PLEASE REVIEW! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**  
**


	26. Chapter 25: Another Year

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 25: Another Year**_

I moved back into London, though the muggle part, far removed from the Ministry, St. Mungo's and Diagon Alley. I didn't want to be part of the wizarding world anymore. I tried to visit my father, but it was really impossible, everything considered. Scrimgeour had so tightened his hold, that visiting anyone locked up became impossible and unless you wanted to fall suspect of Death Eater activity, you were much better off avoiding Azkaban and people believed who were seen as "suspects" of being followers of Voldemort.

Once more I really only dealt with muggles and started working in a club. Well really it was more like a bar with a stage where various muggle bands came to play. No one famous. It was really more like an underground scene and for the month of June, July and August, I didn't make friends with any of my co-workers or regulars.

I was working the bar and while I was nice for the customers (living off tips here) and tried to get along with my co-workers, I kept everyone at a distance. I never allowed the conversation to turn to me. After a time, they learned not to ask about me. I suppose my existence really seemed rather depressing, but I lived a nocturnal life that allowed me to remove myself from the world. Cerberus kept me warm enough during the days.

I wasn't depressed, so much as I was numb. I didn't feel anything anymore. I didn't feel pain, but I didn't feel joy either. Really, I went through life rather like I wasn't living it but just... like I was seeing it on a movie screen. I didn't really feel like a part of it. I suppose I was just disassociated. It was like, without Severus, this just really wasn't living.

I didn't know anything about his life these days. Until of course the news reached me that he was made Headmaster of Hogwarts and that two Death Eaters were appointed as Professors. The news would have made absolutely no sense, if Scrimgeour had not been murdered and the ministry had not fallen under Voldemorts control. But I didn't feel anything. I was relieved to know that he was alive. I wasn't angry to see that he was replacing the man that he had murdered. I just... there was nothing to feel, not even confusion.

After everything, I hadn't given much thought as to whether I believed in Severus or not. I think a greater part of me believed in him, despite all the evidence that pointed against him, but I was in denial about it. It was so much simpler to go on through life, thinking that everything we had was just an illusion. It was easier to tell myself that Severus had betrayed us, that he didn't care about me and that he was just pretending. Because thinking that perhaps he was who I knew he was, and knowing he was somewhere out there, living without me... that was just too painful to deal with.

Unfortunately though, no matter how hard you try, you can't escape your past. It was late in August when it happened. I was bar tending when she walked in through the door. Grimacing, I stared at Professor McGonagall, wondering what the hell she was doing here, which she looked very out of place at, even if she was wearing a muggle suit. "I thought I told you people to leave me the hell alone," I said as I grimaced and continued to clean the bar.

She looked around rather scandalized before turning to look at me. Really, McGonagall did not belong in a bar of drunk punks head-banging to whatever Sex-Pistol's-wanna-be on the stage. "Yes, well, we need you," she simply said. I stared at her incredulously.

"And you think that I am going to help?" I asked coldly as I stared at her. "How did you even find me?" I asked suddenly in confusion. I had left absolutely no trail for anyone to find me. The fact that she had was amazing to me.

"Do you really think that we ever lost track of you?" she asked as she turned around and looked at me. I narrowed my eyes at her. OH, so they were spying on me the whole time. Probably thought that Severus would turn up or that I was keeping contact with him. "I need you to impersonate a student this coming year. I want as much protection for my students as I can afford. I know that you are not part of the Order, but you are the only one that can impersonate a student."

"Isn't that what Tonks would be useful for?" I asked as I moved away from her and started to serve a couple that had walked up to the bar.

"Yes, however, seeing as she and Remus are having a child, I would rather not endanger her child's life," McGonagall replied through tight lips. I sucked on my teeth at this bit of information. So everyone else could have the life they fucking wanted but me eh? Tonks snogs my husband, and she gets to keep the bloody werewolf she always wanted. How fucking great!

"Well I'm very happy for them, but there is no way in hell I'm helping. I wouldn't be much help and don't you think Severus would recognize me?" I said as I turned away from her and filled a glass with ice and whisky and slid it down the bar at the person's outstretched hand as the horrid screech of the guitar blared through the speakers. This fucking band was terrible.

"I'm sure he will be the only one to recognize you, Delilah. And if he does, we know that he will not out you. If that ever was his intention, he would have already turned you into the service of he-who-must-not-be-named," McGonagall said, saying the last bit through clenched teeth. Every since Voldemort's name has been tabooed, it has been an annoyance to those of us who were used to calling him by name. I could tell that Professor McGonagall rather resented it. However, I didn't care about this, but was instead thinking about what she had just said and I knew it to be very true and wondered why I hadn't ever thought about it before. Why hadn't Severus turned me into Voldemorts service? "Traitor though he may be, some part of him must have cared enough for you to not want to entangle you with that depraved being."

"Be that as it may Professor, how do you plan on enrolling me into the school and what good would that do?" I asked as I turned away from her. However, I could feel a desire to at least be near Severus stirring inside me. It was a dangerous feeling that I would rather not deal with.

"We would change your name and place you in the seventh year class. As Deputy Headmistress it will not be too difficult and you would hardly be the first home-schooled student to join Hogwarts years after the fact, and it shall be increasingly simple as it is law that ALL children of magical lineage are now required to attend Hogwarts," Professor McGonagall replied as she stared at me. I pondered this and new it to be true.

"So then the story to be spun is that I am Emma Lovett and I am starting my seventh year at Hogwarts after being home-schooled for six years?" I asked as I stared at her. She merely nodded in response while I sighed. "And what House shall I be in?" I asked as I stared at her.

"Your own," she replied as she stared at me with a raised brow.

"Do you not think that people from my own house would recognize me?" I asked as I stared at her.

"Delilah, you never associated with anyone in your House except Miss Roberts, Merlin rest her. I doubt anyone else would recognize you, especially as your hair used to be completely lilac. I'm sure if you cut off the lilac remnants, no one would recognize you. Hair color makes a great difference," Professor McGonagall said smoothly as she looked at me.

I sighed as I stared at her. "Severus will know what you are doing."

"But by then it will be too late and he will not risk exposing you."

"Yet you are going to leave me to deal with him, is that it?" I asked as I stared at her. "I will not spy on him for you, he will suspect that I am there for far more than just the protection of your students, which I'm not sure how I will accomplish any such thing."

"I do not need you to spy on him, Delilah. As for protecting our students, I'm sure that you will know how to deal with it," she said as she started to smile at me. I think she was starting to realize that she already had me. I sighed as I ran my hand over my face.

"Fine, but if I am putting my life on the line I want two things in return," I said as I stared up at her. After a moment, she nodded in response. "First I want someone to take my dog in. Its not like I can take him to Hogwarts," I said as I stared at her seriously. She blinked for a moment and nodded. "Second... I want you to promise that you will help me get my father out of Azkaban, when the Dark Lord has fallen."

"You have faith that he will fall?" she asked grimly.

"It's always darkest before dawn," I replied with confidence. She smiled at me and nodded in response.

"All right," she said, handing me two slips of paper. I stared at it a moment and wondered what they were. Staring down at it, I realized that it was a Hogwarts Express ticket and a list of school supplies that I would need. Looking up, wondering if she knew that I was going to accept, I glared to see that she was already gone. Sighing, I groaned at the thought of returning to a Hogwarts run by Death Eaters. Hell, I didn't want to go to Hogwarts anymore when it was fucking run by Dumbledore.

The following couple days were of course spent getting all the crap that I would need for my second seventh year including new school robes. I was now going to be taking Transfiguration, Charms, Defense, and Muggle Studies. It had all been decided for me, though I did not know why. However, that didn't really matter as I packed away all my things and made my way to the Hogwarts Express, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. Tonks had picked up Cerberus the day before and promised to take very good care of him, though I couldn't help glaring at her. I resented her, for everything she now had, I resented her for having a far easier obstacle.

No one seemed to recognize me, as I cut my hair so that it was shoulder length once more, though it was all my natural hair color as all the lilac had been cut off. Nor did anyone care that they didn't recognize me. Though I suppose that was understandable. Many people were a bit anxious about what awaited them at Hogwarts, aware that it wasn't the same place many of them already knew. However, I was trying not to think about that or about Severus. So instead, I focused on the tiniest bit or unimportance, like how it felt odd to be going to Hogwarts at nearly twenty years of age. Very soon, I would be turning twenty, and I was starting a school year with a bunch of seventeen-year-olds. Kids who were fifth years when _I_ was in my seventh year. I suppose me looking much younger than I actually am really turned out to be useful.

Sitting in the compartment, I pulled my bag into my lap and pulled the notebooks that I had started to fill with information when I "lived" with Severus. I hadn't really flipped through them before. However, I wondered if there was anything useful there. Before long, I was heading towards Hogwarts, joined in the compartment by a few first-years. However, I kept to myself while they talked about what House they would be in. Most of them seemed to be leaning towards Slytherin, though I wondered if that was because it would give them some kind of protection.

Before I knew what was happening, I was mounting the carriage and making my way up to the castle. Looking up, I could see the castle looming ever closer and felt my heart clench at the familiar sight. It was so odd, but it felt like my fifth year all over again. Like when all the Dementors had been around, making the air cold and the sight of Hogwarts something rather somber instead of cheerful as it had been all previous years. The fact that it brought back so many memories of Monica, vivacious ones where she was so full of life it was like I could almost touch her, made it all that much harder. Not that it needed to be any harder. I mean I was finally going to see Severus for the first time in four months and it was not going to be the happy occasion I wished for. I didn't know what to expect.

Stepping down from the carriage, I approached the castle slowly and marched into the Great Hall. Immediately upon entering along with the large flow of students, my eyes were glued to the High Table. But he wasn't there. All the other teachers were there, silent and somber while staring straight forward. They were completely uneasy and as my eyes roved down the table, I could see the enormous reasons why. There was a pair of hideous fat-arses sitting on the right and left of the Headmaster's chair. One I supposed was female because I'd read of Alecto Carrow being the Muggle Studies teacher, though from this distance it was hard to tell which was which.

Joining the sea of Ravenclaws, I sat down halfway down the table as the rest of the students entered. There was a subdued murmur amongst the students as everyone took their seats and I noticed that it very much seemed to reflect the dynamic of the high table. It was odd, but it seemed like Hogwarts had died with Professor Dumbledore as well. Looking around, I paid no mind to as everyone at last settled down and awaited for the start of term.

When Severus finally entered the room, silence followed and my eyes were glued to his form. My hear thundered in my chest as I stared at him, a part of me happy that at least in appearance he was just as I remembered him. He stood straight and tall, holding his head high and ignoring the way vicious whispered seemed to follow him, ignoring as well the many dirty looks that he was receiving from many of the Professors. But he didn't betray a single sign that he noticed this as he took his seat at the high table.

Before long, McGonagall came striding through the door, leading very frightened first years. They were far more frightened than any class that had ever came before them, but that wasn't surprising. Hogwarts was no longer the friendly place that many had come to know and love before. I didn't pay enough attention to know where many people were housed, but it seemed that this year, Slytherin had a record number of students placed there, and Gryffindor had a record low of three. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw seemed to get as many was ever before.

Once everyone were seated, Severus stood and spoke in that low, velvety tone of his that carried throughout the Great Hall. Every syllable penetrated each and every students conscious, and he had complete command of all of us. His speech wasn't very different from any that Professor Dumbledore would have given, though at the end the warning against breaking school rules and the harsh punishments in-store for rule-breakers seemed to sink deep into everyone's head as everyone's eyes went to the "Professors" sitting on each side of Severus.

After his short speech, Severus clapped his hands and the feast appeared before our eyes, however, almost everyone ate it in silence. It was worse than a prison in here, the only sounds a few whispers and the constant clatter of eating utensils. No one really had an appetite, however, we ate because we had to. It was like we could all feel how much we were going to need our strengths, like we were all aware of what awaited us the following morning after we received our schedules. We were just trying to weather the storm.

When the feast was over, Severus once more stood up and told us all it was time for bed. Immediately everyone stood up, while his eyes roved the hall. As I stood up, his eyes roamed across the sea of students, across the universe and clashed with mine. For that moment, that instance, the whole world stood still. There was no air in the room to breathe and all the oxygen escaped from my lungs as a gasp passed my lips. I had not expected him to recognize me so immediately. The look on his face, in his eyes, stunned me.

A tortured and burning expression lit his eyes as his face became morose as he looked at me. He seemed shocked, saddened and at the same time happy. However, it was very brief. The noise penetrated the haze and I blinked as I stared at him, not knowing whether I should smile or glare. Instead, I turned away and followed the long stream of students that were existing the Great Hall. It was going to be an other long year.

**Severus**

To Severus, the lack of lilac hair was not a hindrance in recognizing Delilah. Her face was now so familiar to him, burned into every memory and reviewed in every waking moment, that he knew it was her the millisecond her eyes looked into his. Then, all was still in the world as he wondered at her apparition. It seemed impossible that she was there yet he was sure he had not lost his mind, and it saddened him that she was trapped in this hell, but it was a joy to see at least _one _friendly face.

However, reality set in once more and she turned away from him. To him, it was a sign that she had come into her own. It stung, to know that her strength had superseded feelings of love that she had for him, but he felt proud of her. Though her feelings for him may have changed, perhaps he had caused her too much harm to change that, he was glad that she had found strength in herself. While she had always been independent, there was a more wholeness to it now.

Severus snapped out of his thoughts as Minerva passed before him with the teeniest of smiles on her face. Grabbing gently onto her arm to halt her progress, he leaned closely to her. "Whatever you as doing, it isn't going to work," he hissed at her knowing that it was Minerva's fault that Delilah was here. However, Minerva merely gave him an innocent look that she was not aware of what he was talking about.

Releasing her, Severus immediately retreated to his office. Really he resented calling it his office. For as long as he had lived if had always been Dumbledore's office and it would always be. Remaining in a room where Dumbledore's memory, not to mention his portrait, would forever remind him of his "great betrayal". Though he didn't care what the world thought. All he cared for was what Delilah thought and at this point, it seemed clear that she didn't have anymore faith him as anyone else.

Ignoring the portrait that hung overhead, he picked up the scroll of parchment were every student currently at Hogwarts was listed. His eyes soon feel on the name Lovett, Emma and he wondered how he had not seen it before. There she was, as clear as she had stood when in the Great Hall. Running his hands over his face as he dropped the long scroll on his desk, he heaved a heavy sigh. He didn't care as the scroll rolled off one side of the table and fell to the floor. He was too preoccupied to care about anything. Delilah, no matter how many times he endeavored to remove her fro m his life kept appearing in it.

However, it was evident what he could and could not do. He could not send her away, nor expose her for what she was. However, he did not need to ever be around her. As Headmaster, it would only be too easy to not have to deal with her just as there was no need to deal with any other students. Besides, like it or not, he had a school to run and would for the most part be busy. He supposed that at least now he had the comfort of knowing where she was and how she was doing. Undoubtedly though, she would be getting into a lot of trouble, and he wasn't sure how to safeguard her from the Carrows.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Sorry for the long wait and for any mistakes that escaped me. Honestly I just wanted to post this and didn't go over it thoroughly. Anyway, please review.


	27. Chapter 26: Hogwarts Sweet Hogwarts

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 26: Hogwarts Sweet Hogwarts**_

I had both Carrows Monday morning and Thursday morning, something I realized when Flitwick was handing out schedules. He paused a moment and stared at me in mild confusion, perhaps slightly recognizing me, though not fully. I was probably ringing bells in his head, but he probably couldn't think of why. After a moment, he seemed to shrug it off as he handed me my schedule and walked away.

"Hey, we are talking all the same classes," the girl sitting next to me said while leaning over me and looking at my schedule. I blinked as I stared into her bright blue eyes, annoyed by her intrusiveness. "My name is Lisa Turpin, what's yours? I don't think that I have ever seen you here before," she said as she grabbed my hand and started to shake it very enthusiastically. I blinked at her, wondering if there was something wrong with her as I looked at her straight blond hair that reached down to nearly her waist.

"De... eh Emma Lovett. I've been home-schooled," I replied, a bit annoyed and flustered as I looked away from the pretty but dim girl that was sitting next to me. I still wasn't used to using my middle name, however, I was trying. She nodded knowingly and started chattering about something, but I wasn't paying attention, instead I was wrapped up in my schedule which was rather simplistic considering I was only taking four classes. On Tuesday morning I had double Transfiguration and on Wednesday morning I had double charms. I found it hilarious that I had every afternoon off.

For the first day of classes, I was so annoyed that once more I forced myself to dissociate from the entire situation. After dissociating from my feelings all summer, it was rather simple. Tuesday and Wednesday were not much different from my seventh year classes, even their warnings about what to expect from other professors was more or less the same. However, Thursday was a bit of a disaster thanks to Lisa.

You see, throughout the week, she was sticking to me like gum to hair. I guess that she was simply glad that someone would talk to her because she was such a ditz. Somehow she didn't seem to understand the annoyed tones in my voice whenever I did speak to her. However, she had made it a point to sit next to me in every class, and every time we were in the common room or our dorm. She was really a pain in my arse. She was so clingy and honestly she was not very bright. I had to wonder how she had ever made it to Ravenclaw. Also, the girl had no clue as to how to respect a person's personal space. She was always leaning over me to look at what I was working on or what I was reading and if she got excited about something, which happened to be a surprising amount despite Hogwarts' overall gloom, she would hug me. Really it was like being in the constant company of a child.

For the most part, though, going through life as though you're not part of it, made it simple to ignore her. The problem really came on Thursday when I was sitting in "Defense". I of course wasn't really paying full attention, though on some conscious level I was. When Amycus Carrow began to yell in my general direction, I turned to Lisa and saw a look of terror on her face. Before I really knew what was happening, I had shoved Lisa off her chair causing Amycus Carrow's Cruciatus Curse to fly through the space she had previously been occupying. "If you must make an example out of someone in our class, pick someone who is disruptive rather instead of someone who simply does not know the answer, Carrow," I said coldly as I glared at him. Several people gasped, but I didn't give a damn about what Carrow would do to me.

"Professor Carrow," he corrected me angrily as he glared at me. I raised a brow as I stared at him, my eyes focusing completely on him as he turned red with rage.

"I don't see a Professor," I said coldly, causing several people to snicker. If it was possible, Carrow turned redder and lifted his wand. However, before he was able to, I had already pulled out my wand and had him flipped onto his back. Standing up, I slowly walked forward to where he lay, trying to get up. It was actually rather comical, like when a turtle is flipped onto its shell and is trying to get up. "You and your sister aren't real Professors. You are a shame to Hogwarts," I said as I stood over him with my wand drawn.

When he at last sat up, he was so red that I was unsure whether he was breathing anymore. He was nearly purple. "Get out of my class! You will not be allowed back into this class until you have a signed note from Headmaster Snape," he yelled. I rolled my eyes as I backed away, not trusting the fat turd not to curse me while my back was turned. Once I picked up my things and left the classroom, I strode through the hallways to see McGonagall. She was actually sitting in her office.

"Well I've been kicked out of Defense class indefinitely, I told you I would not be any help," I said as I sat down across from her and slouched in my seat after picking up a biscuit. Settling comfortably into my seat, I took a bite. She looked up from the grading that she was doing and stared at me coldly, clearly nonplussed.

"What do you mean you've been kicked out _indefinitely_?" she asked as she stared at me.

"Well he said I wasn't to return to his class until I had gotten a signed note from Severus that I was punished and that I had to remain in his class," I replied as I stuffed the rest of the ginger newt into my mouth. She stared at me incredulously as I chewed my mouthful.

"Then what are you waiting for?" I nearly choked on what I was chewing and forcefully swallowed what was in my mouth. I had no intention of getting closer to Severus. I figured that for the most part, I could deal with seeing him in the Great Hall, but other than that I had no real desire to be any nearer. Mostly it was only because I was so confused and getting near to Severus again... it was like jumping into a mess I had managed to escape from all over again. "You will go this instance and in the future, you will not be kicked out of class, do you understand? His password is_ Raven, _go... NOW."

I jumped out of the chair and walked out of the room while groaning. I made my way as slowly as possible, trying to figure out in the few minutes time it would take me to walk from McGonagall's office do Dumbledore's what I felt. It was something that I had ignored all summer, but now it seemed dire to figure out before I saw him. However, as I stood in front of the Gargoyle and told it the password, I found myself thinking about his password. Could it have anything to do with...

I didn't get to finish the thought as I was suddenly standing in front of the door and I could hear his voice say enter. Pushing the door open, I stepped inside, my eyes immediately falling on his figure as it sat, hunched over on something at his desk. He looked up briefly to see who was stepping inside before setting his quill down and sitting back. "I was wondering when you would be sent to me. I'm impressed you lasted this long," he said calmly and almost silently as I stepped inside and the door closed behind me.

It was odd, to see him sitting behind Dumbledore's desk. However, I didn't seem to notice anything, but Severus. His face was emotionless, the mask it always was and he was staring at me in a calculating way, but I could see a bit of pain and hope in his eyes, oddly mixed there as he waited for me to say or do something. Approaching his desk slowly, I felt as though my feet were made of lead. All I could do was stare at him as my heart thundered against my rib cage while my head filled with screams as I wondered what I was supposed to do or say.

"Are you planning to speak to me at all?" he asked as I stepped hesitantly before his desk and merely continued to stare at him. He was the same, not at all changed. How could he be anything but what I had come to know him as? Did I believe that he was cold enough to con us all? It was hard to think about it. It was so much easier to believe that he was true to Voldemort and had conned us all, because that seemed to make _my _life easier. Yet, I couldn't believe it no matter how many times I told myself that it _had_ to be true. Even though everything told me that it had to be true, I couldn't believe it. "Delilah, please say something," he said, his eyes looking at me with a tortured expression and suddenly, I had launched across his desk, crawling across the surface rapidly and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I missed you and I know you're still on our side, no matter what anyone says or what you did," I said as tears built in my eyes as he sighed in relief that I wasn't attacking him. He wrapped his arms around me, and once I felt his warmth I knew that I was right, that I knew this man better than anyone else still alive. No matter what had happened, there was an explanation for it, even if no one could see it. However, as I pulled away and looked into the amazed expression on his face, I felt slightly angry. "How could you not tell me what was going on?" I asked him angrily as I pinched his arm.

Severus frowned as he grunted and rubbed his arm, suddenly glaring at me. "What did you want me to say?" he asked through gritted teeth as I knelt on his desk before him and looked down on him.

"Oh... I dunno.... something like I am going to kill Dumbledore but its for the greater good," I said as I as I continued to glare down at him. "Do you have any idea what I've had to live through the past few months, with the whole world telling me that my husband was a murdering double-crosser?" I asked as I punched him in the arm. "Tell me what happened!"

He leaned away from me and glared as he crossed his arms over his chest and his eyes hardened. "Am I supposed to trust you? I know Minerva put you here-"

"I already told her that I would not spy on you, I made that blatantly obvious before I even came here," I said as I sat back. He looked at me skeptically and I wasn't at a loss as to why he didn't believe me. "Severus, I trust that you are the man that I know, trust me that I will never betray you," I said as I looked into his eyes, and I could feel all my defenses drop. He nodded and slowly explained what had happened. When he was finished I furrowed my brows and thought back to whether or not I had ever even noticed Dumbledore's hand. Maybe I made a point not to notice, afraid of what it meant. "Well you definitely have your work cut out for you, don't you?" I asked as I sat back on my heels, still sitting atop of his desk.

"Yes, and your presence here does not make it any easier," he said as he glared up at me as though this were _my_ fault. I could see how I would make this harder for him, as it meant that he had to be indifferent to me as well in order to keep me safe. However, I hoped that I could help him in some way, though nothing came immediately to mind.

Snapping out of my thoughts I turned to Severus and wondered at the fact that he was staring up into my eyes. "What?" I asked as I blushed lightly at the intensity that he was studying me with. For a moment, Severus didn't say anything and merely continued to stare at he shook his head. There was a look of amazement and sorrow in his eyes, though I wasn't sure if that was true. Sometimes he looked at me as though he was unsure that I was real. "I wish I knew what goes on in your head sometimes," I said with a small frown on my face as he continued to stare up at me.

"You want to know what I was thinking?" he asked as he stood up before me, the legs of his chair scraping on the floor. I merely nodded. A smirk appeared on his face as his eyes darkened as he stared down at me. "I was thinking that you are amazing," Severus as he caressed my cheek causing me to blush once more. He smirked once more as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my lips, his hands looping around my waist and pulling me up against his body.

My heart started to pound as I lost myself in his kiss, afraid of what was going to come but powerless to stop it. I allowed Severus to pick me up off the desk and sit me back on the edge. I let him push my skirt up lightly as he continued to kiss me passionately. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but I knew that he was simply going to pull me in before shoving me away and for a moment I was angry at Louis for pointing out the fact that I would forgive him and let him do it all over again. However, the thought was quickly shoved aside as my heart stopped when he pulled away from my mouth, only to beat all the more rapidly as he kissed and nipped at my neck. "Severus..." I started to say, but ended up hissing and losing my train of thought as he suddenly licked the shell of my ear as he unbuttoned my robes and opened them.

"I believe you're here for punishment Miss Lovett," Severus growled into my neck, causing me to shiver. However, as I opened my eyes and caught a glance of Dumbledore's portrait, his azure eyes turned to look at the ceiling of his portrait as though he was unaware of what we were doing, I blushed and pushed Severus away. He furrowed his brow as he stared down at me, worried that he had upset me as I turned my black eyes on him and pulled my robes closed.

"I can't do this here," I said as I looked around at all the portraits of past Headmasters and Headmistresses that hung on the walls. I know that they are only portraits and not the real person, and even though most of them were pretending not to be paying attention, I knew that they were. It made me wonder how many of them actually had sex in this office. Pushing this thought aside, I turned my attention back to Severus who was staring at me with a slight smirk on his face. However, he didn't say anything as he merely scooped me up and carried me up the stairs which apparently lead to the Headmaster's private quarters. I'd always guessed that that was where they led, but I was never sure.

I didn't pay much attention as Severus carried me across the common room towards his bedroom, as I was too fascinated that he could carry me such a long way. However, when he deposited me on the bed, I was fascinated by the bedroom. In the center of the room was a large fourposter with blue velvet draped that had sparkles that shined like miniature stars. The bedspread was of course black and soft. The sheets were black silk, as were the pillowcase.

In the corner of the room, there was a very ornate wardrobe that seemed to be made of ivory, though that had to be impossible. On either side of the bed, there were nightstands that matched the ornate wardrobe. The room was far grander than any I had seen at Hogwats and from what I could see of the adjoining bathroom, the Prefects bath could not even compare. However, anything else I could have possibly noticed about the room was lost upon me as I suddenly was overtaken by Severus' hunger. The fact that this was the first time we were together in a long time, seemed the make the following hours even more magical than any other in my entire life.

"Delilah," Severus said as I was curled into his side, my head resting on his shoulder as we lay beneath the sheets and his cover. I turned me head and looked up at Severus questioningly, though he was staring up at the ceiling. One of his arms was wrapped around my waist, while the other was running the length of my arm, one of his fingers caressing my skin. "I want you to understand that as I know you are planning to rebel at every possible turn, that I will treat you as I will treat all other rule breakers, at least in public," Severus said monotonously.

I nodded my head in understanding, knowing that he could feel it against his shoulder and know what I mean. "And I will loath you, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you," I whispered as I ran my fingers across his bare chest. I could feel his bodies warmth, but the words we had just exchanged, our mutual understanding that we must pretend to hate each other... it made me feel cold inside.

Placing a kiss on the top of my head, Severus turned on his side, causing me to adjust my position. "I think we should get up," Severus said as he raised himself up on one elbow. I groaned as I turned onto my back. I didn't know how many hours we had spent in his bed, but I knew that after we made love the first time, I lost count of how many times we had fucked. All I knew, was that my legs felt incredibly sore and I wasn't even sure if I would be able to walk, which I stated to him. Chuckling, a rich and sultry sound that made me shiver in pleasure despite my soreness he once more kissed the top of my head. "Well I believe I was supposed to punish you Miss Lovett."

"Oh Sev, if you must refer to me by surname, can't it be Mrs. Snape in private?" I asked as I looked at him. He seemed a bit taken aback for a moment, though he nodded his assent in a dumbfounded way. I smiled as I placed a chaste kiss on his lips and slowly picked myself out of bed and started to get dressed. "So will you be writing the note to Carrow for me?" I asked when I had at last managed to put on my robes. Severus was already fully dressed and had made the bed by the time I had managed to finish dressing. I was moving at a sloth-like pace due to the soreness between my legs and I was sure that my ass was red as an apple and would not allow me to sit properly.

"I will talk to him at dinner," Severus said as he motioned that we should go. I nodded and together we left his office, though I told him to go ahead of me. He agreed and it wasn't long before he disappeared from sight as I was walking so slowly that it almost appeared as though I were limping. It was a bit painful to climb down the stairs and I had to sit very slowly and tenderly when I had at last reached the table. Grimacing, I managed to take my seat next to Lisa who immediately hugged me and started thanking me for what I did for her, though it appeared that it didn't matter, as she winced as much as I did when she hugged me. I guess that Carrow got her anyway, once I was gone.

"What did Snape do to you? You're moving as though he beat you," she said as she looked at me. I winced and shrugged as I turned away from her and tried to eat. I looked around the hall and could see that many Gryffindors looked as though they were injured, namely Neville Longbottom and his lot. Turning away, I looked up at the High Table were Severus was speaking to both Carrow's who were smirking and glancing at me malicious. I glared at them and was about to flip them the bird when someone suddenly plopped in the seat opposite of me.

Turning around once more, I stared and was astounded to see Luna Lovegood sitting across form me. She was staring at me, her eyes more sharper than I ever recalled them looking. She was scrutinizing me, her gaze slowly taking in my features, her eyes watching mine, following the length of my nose, pondering over my lips and chin. It seemed odd that oblivious Luna would be the one that would spot me out. "My name is Emma, I've been home-schooled," I said as I extended my hand for her to reach by giving her a meaningful look for her not to say anything. Luna merely nodded in response.

"We could use you," she said, nodding her head at me. I smiled lightly at this as she turned away from me and turned her attention back to her food. I sighed as I turned my attention to my food. Okay so this isn't the Hogwarts we all know and love, but its been coming to this for a long time and its always darkest before dawn. Hogwarts will be what it once was, in the end and it was one of the many things that was worth fighting for.

_**TBC...**_

**A/n: **So I don't think that the wait was very long this time, hoewver, as the next chapter isn't quite finished I'm not sure when I will update again. Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought about the chapter.


	28. Chapter 27: The Sacrificial Lamb

**Author's Note:** So I know that the wait has been eternal. Sorry about that, there is just a lot going on in my life these days and I'm just trying to make it from one day to the next. Anyway, I have finally bridged the gap between chapters and I will post the following chapters whenever I am able to. Unfortunately my internet isn't very reliable. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always please give me feedback. Just any of your thoughts will be helpful because I'm hitting another writers block,

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 27: The Sacrificial Lamb**_

September soon disappeared into nothing. My birthday had been a very uneventful and boring affair, though Severus did give me a very pretty sleeping gown made of silk. However, I suppose it was very nice that he remembered considering that I hadn't remembered that it was my birthday at all. I felt old when he reminded me and I couldn't help wondering what I was doing there, at Hogwarts again. Twenty years old and pretending to be a seventh year? That seemed pitiful, because it meant that I was three years older than most of the kids and that sadly enough I actually looked their age. However, I didn't pay anything much mind.

After all I became very focused on my objective at Hogwarts when I realized that most of the first through third years were having a hard time even walking. For the most part, the Slytherins seemed completely unscathed and Gryffindor had the biggest casualties. However, Luna and the rest of the kids that were part of the D. A. seemed to get it much worse than the rest. It was awful to see everyone looking so beat up, but it was encouraging that the D. A. took it in stride and continued to rebel despite it all.

My main point of concern where the young ones, most of which seemed to be crumbling beneath it all. "Her name's Billy," Luna said as she and I sat in the common room. As we talked, a small first year crumble into one of the chairs, her legs giving out beneath her. I frowned as I looked out the window to see that it was late and that she must have had detention. It must have been torture for her to get up the stairs to the tower.

"I wish that I could do something for the little ones who can't really defend themselves," I said as I watched the girl with short, curly brown hair as she quickly fell asleep in the chair before she knew what was happening. Turning around, I could see Luna was staring at me with her brows furrowed. "What?" I asked as I stared at her. Over the past couple weeks we had come to an understanding that she wouldn't say anything to anybody about who I really am nor mention it in public and that I would help the DA with anything they needed. Clandestinely of course as I didn't want any of them to recognize me and I had a feeling that Ginny Weasley might catch onto me as well.

"A Transference spell could save them from the pain," Luna suggested as she stared up at the ceiling. I turned my eyes and stared at her. It was a good idea, but there were many flaws.

"We would need someone to transfer it _to_ and I don't think the older students will want to take on someone else's pain and it will be dangerous for one person alone to take all that pain. Besides, as big of idiots at the Carrows are, they would notice that the students wouldn't be writhing in pain or screaming from the cruciatus. We would need to compound it with a glamour or something," I said, now beginning to talk to myself more than to her. The wheels in my head started to turn and suddenly I wondered what had happened to all of my notebooks. They would really come in handy about now. "I'll be back, don't wait up," I said as I suddenly stood up.

"Curfew will be soon, don't get caught," Luna said before getting up and leaving. I rolled my eyes as I made my way to the entrance and made my way down the stairs before sneaking through the hallways. I'd done this a millions times and it seemed a little silly for a girl that was about four years younger than me to tell me to be careful. It didn't take very long to sneak down the gargoyle statue and to make my way upstairs. I didn't go in but put my ear next to the door to make sure that no one was there before opening it and walking in.

As soon as I walked in, Severus looked up from his desk and glared at me as though he knew it had been me. I rolled my eyes as I strode over to his desk and stood opposite of him. "Hey Severus, do you have any of my notebooks, you know the ones that I used to write in?" I asked as I stared at him. I knew that all of my original one's were long gone. However, I didn't stop hoping that the ones that he had gotten me were around somewhere. Although, I was pretty sure that he couldn't have very many, because I still had a few. I know that I'd forgotten one or two in Spinner's End though, because I left them lying around and couldn't collect them all in the end.

Severus stared at me with a raised brow, which I understood considering that it was a rather strange questions considering everything. However, after a moment he merely stood up and walked up the stairs. Furrowing my brow, I followed behind him as he walked up and walked past the sitting room and to his bedroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I watched curiously as he headed to the great, ornate wardrobe and opened the door before opening a secret compartment. He pulled something out before turning around and handing it to me.

Furrowing my brow, I stared at what he was handing me. It looked like a stack of notebooks, wrapped in a silver shroud and tied with a green ribbon made of silk. Taking what he was handing me, I slowly undid the bow and unwrapped the notebooks. There were more than I thought there should be and when I looked at the one at the very top, I looked up in astonishment. "But.... I lost these when I left along with everything," I said as I stared into his eyes.

"I found them in an shop that sold... innocuous items in the months after your disappearance. The shop reminded me of you and... I found them there," Severus said with a shrug of his shoulders, though there was something in his tone that said that it wasn't something that he simply shoved off as he tried to. Looking down at the notebooks in my hand, I held them close to me. Even I couldn't remember everything that was inside their pages and as I opened to a random page, I nearly laughed at the caricature I had done of Severus when I was a first year. Looking up at Severus, I smiled as I showed him the caricature and saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

"Quite the likeness," he said sarcastically as I turned it around and looked at it adoringly.

"You were always fascinating, at least to me you were," I said softly as I stared at the picture that I had drawn of him. It was a caricature so of course I had exaggerated the nose and made it larger, and his mouth I'd shrunk so that it was barely visible. However, I couldn't help but adore the scowling face, shrouded in the shadows of his hair. Looking up, I smiled at him broadly and blushed lightly to see that he was staring at me very intently. "Why didn't you tell me that you had them sooner?" I asked as I stared at him.

Severus turned away, as though he were too embarrassed about the answer to respond. It reminded me of the day that he didn't want to say his password aloud, because he didn't want to admit that he'd missed me. Looking down at them, I flipped through the pages and noticed that when I got stuck when I was working on a spell or other, I would draw, mostly in the margins and mostly flowers. I frowned at the sight of so many stargazer lilies. I had forgotten that at one point they were my favorite flowers. The only times I took to draw on full sheets was when I was drawing a person and in those early years, the majority were rough sketches of Severus. "I forgot that I had them," he said with a shrug.

I stared at him for a moment, but didn't say anything to him. I didn't believe him, but there was no point arguing about it. "Well thank you Severus, for keeping them safe for so long," I said as I stood up and wrapped them up again. It got a bit annoying that he never had the courage to say what he really felt. Was it simply that he thought of it was a betrayal of his heart? I tried not to think of this as I prepared myself to go.

"Delilah... stay," Severus said as I moved towards the door and he touched my shoulder for a moment. I stopped and slowly turned around to look at him, smiling despite the small injury I felt. I shook my head, I didn't think that I could stay now. I was afraid the injury would turn into bitterness and anger and I didn't want to get into that. "Delilah, stay with me tonight," he said as he looked into my eyes. I blinked as I stared up at him and found my heart clench as I stared up into his eyes. I couldn't say no to him so I merely nodded. He smiled slightly at me as he took the notebooks from my arms and placed them on the nightstand.

Turning around I walked back to the bed and sat on its edge and grabbed the post next to me, leaning my head against it. Why was I so weak when it came to Severus? I didn't bother to think of the answer to that as I removed my head from the post and removed my shoes, before standing up and taking off my school robes. I crawled onto the bed as Severus turned around and removed his own robes. Laying back in bed, I watched with a smile he began to remove his clothes while my heart beat faster. "Are you going to sleep in your clothes?" he asked as he stared at me while removing his shirt and proceeding to sit on the edge of the bed to remove his shoes.

"I don't have anything to sleep in here," I responded as I started to unbutton my sweater while leaning up to remove it, I kept the sleeping gown he'd given me in Ravenclaw as I never really spent the night with Severus. Severus looked over his shoulder at me and sneered as he watched me remove my school tie.

"Yes, but you will sleep far more comfortably without your clothing," he replied as he stood up to remove his pants. I smiled to see the contrast of his black boxers against his pale legs. However, the black hairs that covered them were far more sharp in contrast and I smiled as I started to unbutton my shirt.

"But without any clothing, I'm sure that the Headmaster will wish to get up to some mischief," I said with a smile as I removed my shirt. Severus turned around and raised a brow as he stared at me before kneeling on the edge of the bed and reaching out to remove my socks. I merely smiled as I started to unbutton and unzip my skirt, but he swatted my hands away.

"Leave the skirt on, for now," he said as he crawled over my body and placed a kiss on my lips, one of his hands reaching underneath my skirt to begin to tug on my panties. I sighed in contentment as I leaned back against the pillows and played another game with Severus, which in the end will still leave me injured. That didn't matter though, not at the moment and I couldn't ever regret the moments that we spent together as one, even when it was over and I felt incomplete.

XX

For the following several days I became obsessed trying to find a way to protect everyone from the cruciatus curse. Every time I would look at the young ones, hurt and crying, I pushed harder to find a solution. When I at last came across an ancient spell that transferred and internalized all the pain of one being called a host, it became all too simple. However, I was a bit worried about it... I mean the person tortured would appear as though they were being tortured, but how were they going to react to that? Surely they wouldn't bring it to someone's notice.

The other problem was the host part. Who would willingly put themselves in that position? But of course, this was the best idea I had and October as already a week in, I was impatient to start doing something for them now. After classes I hurriedly made my way to see Professor McGonagall to tell her my idea. Of course she immediately was against the whole thing, stating that there had to be another way. However, she changed her mind very reluctantly several days later, when one of the second years had to be transferred to St. Mungos because Alecto had placed him under the cruciatus too long.

"All right... but only for the first through third years, the older students seem to be dealing with it quite admirably," Professor McGonagall said as she sat down behind her desk. "How are you going to do it?" she asked as she ran a hand over her face. These days she looked like she had aged much more and she was always tired, at least in private. I understood, most of the Professors at Hogwarts looked rather run-down if you looked at them close enough. It wasn't easy to work at Hogwarts, just as it wasn't easy to be a student here these days.

"That's simple enough, the long scroll with every students name on it.... I'll put a ward for the students that are going to be under the spell's protection," I replied as I stared at her. "But I should do it now. Severus won't be in his office," I said as I got up from sitting across from her and making my way towards the Headmaster's office. I knew the way very well by now and it didn't take me long to get there undetected. Once I poked my head inside his office and saw that he was indeed gone I set about my work.

It didn't take long to find the scroll. I'd caught a glimpses of it before, though I hadn't really cared much for it at the time. Once I spotted it, I quickly pulled it onto the desk and performed the somewhat complex spell. Most of the portraits were pretending to slumber, but I knew that Dumbledore's portrait was watching me. I could feel his azure eyes staring down at me with interest, but I did my best to ignore him. I didn't know how long Severus would be gone for and I didn't want to have to explain to him what I was doing. I knew that he would object, so I had no time to fuck around.

I had just finished setting up the last ward and was about to put away my wand when suddenly the office door and Severus stepped inside. Looking up like a deer caught in the headlights from behind his desk, I stared at him as he froze in the doorway. He was staring at me with his deeply penetrating eyes and they were roaming down to see what I was holding in my hands. His brow seemed to furrow as he noticed that I had my wand out, though he didn't seem to notice the scroll.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a low and deliberately slow voice. His eyes were now looking up at me, narrowed in suspicion and staring at me as though he thought I were spying on him. In all likelihood that was exactly what he was thinking. I'm not sure if he ever really got rid of the suspicion that perhaps I was spying on him for the Order. Though, he had no reason to doubt that. Until perhaps this moment.

My mouth was dry and for a moment, I didn't know what to do or say. Then all of a sudden, we both were in a rush of movement. In one fluid and very fast movement, Severus had closed the the door behind himself as was rushing at me while I rushed to conceal the scroll of student names. Though, It wasn't until he was standing behind me, trying to pry it from my hands as I was turned away from him that I realized how stupid and futile this all was.

"All right, all right, STOP!" I said as I huddled over the parchment, Severus' long and sleek form draped around me as he tried to get to what I was concealing. "I will tell you, just let go!" I said. We were both panting for breath due to the small struggle that we had been having, and it really was stupid. It was done already and there was really nothing that he could do to reverse it.

For a few seconds we both stopped and regained our breathing before pulling apart and turning to face each other. Turning around so that I was facing him, I handed him the scroll of students who were currently enrolled in Hogwarts. I watched him carefully as he it grabbed and looked down at it. He furrowed his brow, probably confused as to why I would sneak into his office for _that _while I tried to think of a way to tell him what I was doing that would make him least angry. Of course, I could think of nothing as he looked up at me questioningly. "Why do you want this?"

I looked up into his eyes, his brows were furrowed over them in confusion while he continued to watch me suspiciously. I knew that he was trying to get past my barriers, but that wasn't going to happen. Not that it mattered because I wasn't going to lie to him anyway. "McGonagall wanted me here to give the students more protection. I've felt pretty useless lately, I can't do anything for anyone, but I've found a way to protect some of the students, at least the first through third years and I needed the scroll to be able to perform the spell to protect them."

"What spell?" Severus asked, his tone of voice soft as he studied the scroll very thoroughly. I inwardly cursed, knowing that he was already onto me. Severus is honestly far too intelligent for his own good! Nothing gets past him! Except of course where his prejudices were concerned, they clouded his judgment. He doesn't really see the world as clearly as he seems to think that he does.

"Oh you know.... just a spell... compilation of this and that," I replied nonchalantly, shrugging my thin shoulders for effect and pretending to find something else on his desk more interesting. Severus gave me a very sharp look suddenly and I couldn't help but feel like I was a first year all over again. It doesn't help that he's still so much taller than me. "The spell I created.... its going to transfer the effects of the cruuciatus from every first through third year to a host, while glamoring the students under torture."

"A host?" Severus whispered. I turned away from him, not wanting to see the expression on his face. He dropped the scroll on the desk and grabbed my arms roughly and forced me to look at him. His face was livid, of course he knew who the host was. "You? _Just_ you? Do you have any idea what this can do to you? Do you have any idea the consequences that this will have?" he yelled in my face as he shook me violently by the arms. I grimaced at the pain and tried to pull away from him, but Severus really had a hold like steel clamps that don't know how to let go of something once they have grasped onto it.

"I know! But I need to do something!" I said as I stared at him. "Let go! It's done and there is nothing you or anyone can do about it. The spell can't be reversed!" I said as I stared up into his eyes and continued to try and pull away from him. His hold however was unmerciful and not letting up. He was glaring down at me and baring his teeth, his greasy hair framing his sallow face.

"I can send you away!" he bellowed, causing several of the Headmasters and Headmistresses jump in their _slumber._

"No you can't! They'll look for me, you know they will! It's the law that I have to be here, they know I exist!" I hissed up at him, while still trying to wriggle out of his grasp. He was really injuring my arms and I thought it likely that he would bruise them.

"You can elude them."

"I won't, I'll let them come for me if you send me away!" I said fiercely as I stopped struggling to get away from him and stared into his eyes with as much intensity as he was glaring down at me. He seemed to freeze suddenly, and for a moment there was silence and stillness inside the room. Time seemed to stop and slumber, while we tried to stare each other down, seeing who was going to win this battle.

But time suddenly went on. I suddenly had the strangest feeling that I was losing control of my body, it froze in Severus's arms of it's own accord and I could not move a centimeter of it, even if I wanted to. I couldn't even bat a lash and my mouth was clamped shut and I could barely see Severus standing not a but a few centimeters from my face. And then suddenly it washed over me. Waves upon waves of what felt like the cruciatus curse performed by someone that was too weak to do it properly. I felt as though my entire body was trying to convulse, I felt as though I wanted to scream, but my body was powerless to do anything. It was immobile, all functions suspended like my brain couldn't receive any motor signals, as though it were severed from the spine.

It was agonizing, and seemed to distort time and then it was gone as fast as it came. My body trembled for a moment and I felt as though I was going to crumble into Severus arms. My senses all seemed to work suddenly and I could hear Severus's voice full of concern ringing loudly in my ears as he clutched onto my body and shook me gently, as though he were now afraid that he might break me.

"Delilah... Delilah! Say something," he said as I shook my head, trying to control my body as I stumbled into the Headmasters chair. I raised my hand to silence him and looked down wondering if that was what it was going to feel like, and how often I would feel it. However, not a minute passed when I got my answer. The same effect suddenly washed over me and I could feel it again. My body going beyond my control, tensing up to keep me from shouting and convulsing at the pain, imprisoning me with it and making me lose any ability to express the pain that was desperately calling for some kind of release.

And then it was gone again. Closing my eyes and taking deep breaths, I ignored Severus who hadn't failed to notice the second wave. He was now kneeling down next to me, checking me and making a silent fuss about me. "Stop it!" I said irritatedly, surprised that I could manage to sound quite so normal. "It gets diluted because it has to travel to get to me. I'm fine. I can take this a couple times a day," I said as I sat back. My muscles were tensing up a little, but I figured that was nothing that a couple of muscles relaxants couldn't take care of.

Sitting back and closing my eyes, I took in a few deep breaths and tried to clear my head. "Delilah, diluted or not... this is very dangerous. You don't know what prolonged exposure to this will do to you and the risk of losing your mind is-" Severus started to say sternly, but I was getting very angry. I felt like I was being treated like a child, being told what to do. I wasn't a child and I didn't take orders from anyone! He wasn't my father and as far I was concerned, I never had any parental figures that I needed to taker orders from. Especially not now at the age of twenty!

"Severus, leave me the hell alone1 I know what I'm doing. You're not the only one that gets to play the hero," I said irritatedly as I suddenly turned and looked at him angrily. "Stop pretending that you give a damn about me. You're risking your life for the love of your life... let me do this! You like to put others down, you liked telling Sirius that he was worthless because he didn't do anything for the Order when you damn well knew that he wanted to! You put him down and he's dead! I won't let you do that to me! I won't let you take away any sense of purpose from my life! I mean nothing to you anyway, so just let me be!" I said angrily, not really aware that I was actually yelling before suddenly standing up and striding around the desk.

I didn't get far before I suddenly felt him grab me by the arm and pull me around to the other side of the desk. He kicked a cupboard open before shoving my head by the back of my neck roughly down into a stone basin. For a moment, my eyes widened in horror and I was wondering if I pushed Severus so far that he was now going to drown me. However, it wasn't water that my head was sinking beneath, and before long all I knew was that I was plummeting down into what looked like an office in the ministry of magic.

Furrowing my brow as I landed upright on my feet, I looked around myself and was startled to see that I was standing on the left of ... myself. But... it wasn't me. Stepping closer to the odd apparition, I stared at the figure with my face, which was framed on either side with lilac strands of hair, curled at the tips. On the top of my head there was a silver circlet with little diamonds, from the back of which hung a wispy veil that reached down to the small of my back, falling like snow, the fabric airy as clouds. The vacant expression on my face made me feel like I was staring at a mannequin of myself, one that had light amounts of makeup that made me look... pretty.

"Delilah.. snap out of it," my head froze as at the sound of that voice. My heart pained worse than anything that I had felt inside Severus' office at the sound alone and then... there she was. Brown curls framing her youthful face, her brown eyes staring at me in concern as it hovered over my left, bare shoulder. And suddenly I realized where I was. What this was. Looking over at myself, the sleek, white, over the shoulder white wedding gown that Monica had dressed me in; seeing her standing faithfully on my right and just behind me... this was the day I was forced to marry Severus. The day that to me didn't even exist in my conscious as a blur.

Turning to my left, I suddenly realized that Severus was standing on my other side, clad in his usual all black robes. However, I was startled to see that he was staring at me. Well not me... I imagine that this was some type of memory and that I wasn't really here, but he was staring at the me he was about to marry. There was an odd sort of wonder in his eyes as he snuck glances towards me. He seemed struck by something... stunned.

"Will the bride sign?" I looked forward to see the desk that we were all facing, behind which stood a ministry official. On the desk there was a parchment laid out, on either side of which there were two very large, white feathered quills sitting in very decorative, silver inkwells.

"Go," I turned to see Monica shove me towards the inkwell and I watched myself walk up like a zombie and sign my name without looking. There was a completely blank expression on my face as I turned around and walked back to where I had previously been standing. Turning to look at Severus... there seemed to be an oddly sad expression on his face as he watched me take my place beside him, but this disappeared quickly as he moved to sign his own name to the marriage license. After which Monica and Dumbledore signed as well and the matter was over and I was back in Severus office.

"Why did you show me that?" I asked in complete confusion as I turned to look at him, not caring about how I had seen that memory, I was allowed to be there or not at all even noticing the basin that I had apparently just come out of. All there was, was Severus and the confusion about the memory. Why did he show me the day that we married? What did it mean?

"Don't EVER tell me that I don't care," he said through gritted teeth which he bared at me as he bent his face close mine. He then kicked me out of his office.... and that was the end of that, though I didn't understand. NOT AT ALL!

**TBC...**


	29. Chapter 28: The Lull

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 28:The Lull**_

Severus and I didn't talk to each other for several weeks. He was angry with me I suppose, and I was honestly happy with having space. I needed as much time as I could to adjust to the changes. The pain came several times during the day, but for the most part it was bearable. Muscles relaxants helped me sleep at night, but I was being very careful about the doses that I was taking. I even asked McGonagall to keep a look out on me on that front, you know what with my past with potions.

As for the students under the spells protection, they weren't talking about it, though I was sure that they were wondering what was going on. However, I think that they were too afraid to mention it, even to each other, let alone to any of the teachers. I think that they were just relieved that the pain was gone and were afraid that if they told anyone about it, that they pain would come back. So they were all keeping quiet about it. It was a relief to me as it meant that there wouldn't be any complications. So the fear that lingered all over Hogwarts like some disease was finally working in my favor.

So October crept on, and I started to get used to the pain. I could sit through class and no one seemed to notice. But then again, these days people kept a lot to themselves and their private little groups. Lisa was the only person that really paid me any attention other than Luna, and though Luna knew what was going on, Lisa on the other hand was completely oblivious to it. Luna didn't tell anyone in the DA about it though, just as she wasn't telling them about me. We had an understanding, though nothing was every really said. I supposed sometimes words are simply superfluous.

On Halloween, I avoided the Great Hall. I'd seen it earlier and it was immediately noticeable that it was simply going to be one of those gloomy days. I didn't see the point in pretending that this was the way things were supposed to be. Besides, I wanted to avoid Lisa, and Luna and more than anything I wanted to avoid Severus. After all, I wasn't stupid. I knew the significance that this day had for him, just as I knew what it meant for Harry, wherever it was that he was. Today was the anniversary of the Potters death, and the fact that the hope of the wizarding world was missing, it was simply too much to bear.

Beyond classes and the torture, I returned early to Ravenclaw and went to lay in bed. Since it was early, the dorm was empty and I had the room to myself. I stared up at the ceiling and allowed my melancholia to take over me. My thoughts of course were turning to Severus, who I imagined was off on his own, pining over a dead woman with red hair and brilliant green eyes. My heart clenched at the thought. I was very poor competition with Lily Potter, dead or not.

Running my hands over my face as I lay back in bed, my thoughts instead turned to the memory that Severus had forced me to see. I had no real recollection of that day, I blocked it out. I couldn't even remember Monica dressing me, and I had forgotten just how lovely she looked. I only remembered packing my things afterwards and spending the night with Monica. I could trust her to hold my hand through the whole ordeal.

My heart clenched painfully as I remembered her pretty face and rough manners. She was more to me than just a friend. She was so much more than just another rough-mannered girl that didn't really fit in, though she was a popular with the boys. She was more than just a House mate, more than a dorm mate. She was my sister. She was the only family I had. The only person that really mattered in my life those early years at Hogwarts and she stuck with me through everything. I trusted her to pick up the pieces and now.... she was gone. Not even a shadow that I could allow myself to think of because it was too painful.

Curling up on my side, I hugged the pillow to myself and was relieved when I suddenly felt my body freeze up and felt the pain roll over me. It numbed the pain and grief that I felt over Monica and afforded me some peace. There was no point in wallowing in the pain in the past, and no point trying to see to the future. All there was, was here and now and I couldn't allow myself to sink into a pit. I needed to do my part for this war, however small it was, however insignificant it may appear. I wasn't going to let McGonagall down. I was more than just an abandoned orphaned. I had so much more to offer the world.

As the pain died down however, I was once more thinking on Severus. I wanted to save him to with all my heart. It was something that I didn't want to acknowledge myself, but in the wake of all my desires and hopes for the future, there he was. I wanted to save him. I wanted there to be a future for Severus, maybe one for us. I wanted him to see that there was more to life than this war, more love to give and receive, more beauty. I wanted him to see that there was more. That he didn't just have to have Lily, that he had space enough in his heart to love more than one person in a lifetime.

But ... I knew all along that I couldn't save him. That I couldn't allow myself to ever dream of saving him. Severus didn't want saving. Severus wanted to do his part and be done with it. I suppose that was the biggest difference between us. I wanted to do my part, but I knew that there was more to life than simply that. That there was always something more. That life had infinite possibilities and missions.

Shaking my head, I rolled over once more so that I was laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. "Why am I even thinking about this?" I muttered aloud to myself as I slapped my palm to my forehead. Sitting up, I decided to employ myself on something more useful and started to do some homework though it honestly didn't matter. I sat in bed for a couple of hours, pouring over books and occasionally tensing up with the waves of pain. But this was my life these days and I was more or less getting used to it already. Luckily I've always been a highly adaptable creature.

_**Severus**_

His dark eyes roamed the Great Hall, but he didn't find who he was looking for. He was still angry with her. He didn't understand how she could dare tell him that he didn't care about her. Was that really what she thought? However, despite all the anger that he felt towards her over the past several weeks, he was still worried for her safety. She seemed to be coping, but that didn't stop him from worrying. The Carrows had already sent another pair of students to St. Mungo's.... all older students. However, it still worried him as he wondered just how often the younger students were tortured, and just how much of it Delilah was receiving.

Turning away from the sea of students in a bored way, Severus turned his attention to his food while pretending to be listening to the Carrows and the superior attitude with which the spoke condescendingly to their other Professors. Severus couldn't help but feel the strain today more than ever. The perilous teetering that he had to perform between his facades was especially trying today. He just wanted to escape from it all the way that Delilah apparently had.

Staring up at the gloomy Jack-o-lanterns overhead, Severus could guess why Delilah was choosing today of all days to especially stay out of his sight. However, he didn't feel grateful for it. Actually, he almost wished that he did see her raven-head amongst her fellow housemates. It would dull the longing that he felt for Lily. He knew it. He also knew, that it would cure his longing for Delilah. Despite his anger towards her, he missed her. She was the only person who ever offered him a smile, a sincere and loving, radiant smile that made him think that it contained all the beauty in the world in it.

Running a hand over his hair, he turned away from these thoughts. "All right Headmaster?" Alecto asked, watching him with a smile on her face. Severus merely nodded in response as he continued to simulate some kind of normalcy as the feast continued. November would soon be starting. He had of course allowed the Quidditch season to go on, thought of course he had placed many more restrictions on making the team. However, it was all that he could do to keep it around and so that Hogwarts didn't seem like a complete prison and so that the students had some kind of distraction. He supposed that the teachers could use one as well. Though, perhaps it was more of a strain to keep the season going.

However, to Severus it didn't really matter, just as the hourglasses (most of which were empty except Slytherin's) didn't matter either. There would be no awarding of the house cup or Quidditch cup. Severus somehow couldn't think that there was that much of a future for Howarts. Potter was gone and the only upside to that was the knowledge that the Death Eaters hadn't caught him yet. However, that was a very small comfort. Severus felt that he was losing his mind not knowing the whereabouts of the stupid boy and whether or not he was making any progress.

He'd tried to question Dumbledore about Potter's mission, but he never found out anything. All he had to do was wait until the moment where he had to give the stupid boy the sword. He had it worked out... but the wait was unbearable. Not knowing was driving him insane. And he still had the last mission. Telling Potter that he had to go to his death willingly... and that didn't come until the end which was nowhere in sight.

When the feast was over, Severus stood up and started to patrol the hallways, not wishing to be in the presence of Dumbledore's portrait and be reminded of all those terrible memories. Pacing through the darkened halls of the school, Severus docked points from every student wandering about while his thoughts turned to his dreams which were disturbing him of late as well. There were not the usual torturing dreams that were simply distorted memories of his past as a Death Eater. Those had vanished and they were replaced by bizarre fogs that were incomprehensible to him yet all the same.

Delilah. An orphanage. The Dark Lord.

Repeated motifs that he didn't understand.

He saw the small, thin child that Delilah had been in the Orphanage, always being led away from him. _He_ was holding her hand and pulling her away from him, taking her away. Only he was younger. He was his teenage self, the handsome young man that had killed Moaning Myrtle. He was the youthful Tom Riddle that he had once seen in one of Dumbledore's memories when the Chamber of Secrets had been opened.

Severus didn't understand it. He was aware that he feared that the Dark Lord would one day find out of the existence of Delilah and her true identity. He feared that the Deark Lord would find out that Emma Lovett wasn't real, that even Delilah Emma Lovett was no more. He feared that he would know the truth, that Delilah was really Delilah Emma Snape and that all hell would break lose. More than his life would be at stake.

Yet he didn't understand why Delilah was a child led by a teen-aged Vodemort. He supposed that was simply his unconscious and dreams. He told himself that he shouldn't think about it. In fact he never really thought much about dreams, he told himself that he shouldn't now. However, he couldn't shake off the eerie feeling that there was some connection that was missing.

Shaking his head of these thoughts, Severus was suddenly startled to find himself staring at his own reflection in a darkened window. For a moment, he stared at the face he knew so well. The hooked nose, the thin lips, his greasy hair. It was still black, which wasn't surprising considering he was still a young wizard. However, he felt as though his outer-ware did not match his weary soul. He felt as though he should look as old as Lupin or older. Severus wasn't sure how he managed to keep from aging considering all the things that he had to shoulder. Was he really that used to living a double life?

XX

"Emma!"

"Hmmm?" I asked groggily as I felt someone shaking me awake. It took a few seconds for my eyes to flutter open and realize that a blonds head was hovering over mine and that there was pressure on the side of my head. Sitting up quickly as I was startled, I found that Luna was kneeling on my bed and had been the one that had shaken me awake. Looking around the room, I found that several girls were sitting around in the room, talking to each other, which explained to me why Luna had called me Emma.

"Come on, we need your help," she whispered as she dragged me out of bed and out of the dorm. I groggily followed behind her, stumbling as she dragged me down the stairs and out of Ravenclaw. Once we were far enough away from everyone, she quickly rushed to tell me something in her sing-songy voice. "Neville and Ginny want to knick the sword of Gryffindor. We need you to keep Snape away. Neville said he's been patrolling the halls. We are going to sneak there now. Keep him away."

Her instructions were fast as we rushed through the halls, and when we reached the second floor, she pointed in the opposite direction, motioning that I should go that way before she took off in the other direction. I was still a little stunned and unsure of what I was supposed to be doing, but didn't question it. I merely wandered down the hall she had pointed to, guessing that Severus had been spotted back this way, but I was unsure how I was supposed to find him or what I was supposed to do to keep him away long enough so that they could steel the sword.

As I wandered down the hall though, I understood why the rush. Severus was making his way towards his office through the darkened halls, lit very dimly by the torches and time was running out for them. Making my way down the hall towards him, I noticed that he seemed a bit distracted. "Headmaster," I said in nonchalant greeting, not knowing what else to do to catch his attention as he was about to pass me up. I thought saying anything else might seem very suspicious, as though I were purposefully trying to get his attention, so I pretended as though it were a mere coincidence that I ran into him and that I had no plans in talking to him.

"What are you doing out past curfew?" he suddenly said as he turned and stared at me. I stopped and turned, and when I noticed his eyes widened, I realized that he hadn't even known that it was me who had addressed him. "Miss Lovett?" he asked as he looked around the hall to make sure that we were alone, while he seemed to struggle with something within himself for a moment.

I stared at him for a moment with a furrowed brow. Was the date honestly affecting him this much? What was he doing, trying to blow his cover? I glared up at him, wondering why he seemed like he was throwing it all away for the sake of a memory, one that he was supposed to be fighting for? "Course its me. I think the Carrows are starting to rot your mind," I said as I glared up at him, causing him to suddenly narrow his eyes on me. Before I knew what was going on, he had grabbed my by the arm and was dragging me down the hall in the directions of the Gargoyle.

"I've told you about that impertinence," he said angrily as he grabbed me by the arm. Realizing what he was going to do, I pulled out of his grasp and stepped away from him. Turning around, he stared at me with a furrowed gaze as I glared at him. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do. What could I do to get him away from the bend that led to the gargoyle. I was sure not enough time had elapsed to give Luna, Ginny and Neville enough time to get the sword and get away.

"I'm not going anywhere with you. Anything you have to say you can say it right here," I said angrily as I stared at him while he stared at me in bewilderment.

"Just who do you think you are you impertinent-" he was saying as he approached me. However, a large crash around the bend made him turn around and rush away. My eyes widening I followed afterwards while the voice of Ginny mildly scolding Neville drifted down the hall. I closed my eyes as I stood, watching Severus swoop down at the fallen lot just outside the Gargoyle while Severus pulled out his wand.

There was nothing for it. They were caught and there was nothing that I could do about it. Turning around, I walked away wondering if there was anything that I could do. I didn't understand the significance of stealing the sword, but I didn't care. If they wanted to steal it, there had to be a reason and maybe I could sneak it for them. However, all there was to it for the moment was wait for Luna to come into the common room. I was waiting up for a long time, but by the time that she came in I immediately sat up.

"What happened?" I asked after explaining why I hadn't been able to stop Severus. Luna merely related that Neville had tripped when they were exiting on the stairs, and that as punishment Severus had assigned them detention in the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid. When I suggested that I could steal the sword for them, Luna explained that Severus was having it sent to Gringotts, so that it didn't matter. "Why did you want the sword for anyway?" I asked in confusion as I stared at her.

"Ginny says that Dumbledore left it in his will for Harry," Luna responded as we sat in the darkened and empty common room. I nodded at this, though still I didn't see the importance of it. "We don't know why it matters, but if its supposed to be Harry's, than it shouldn't be at the school. But it doesn't matter now," Luna said with a sigh of resignation before getting up from her seat and going to bed without another word. I merely nodded at this in response, but didn't say anything. If it was supposed to be Harry's and Severus was on our side... why was he going to send it to Gringotts? Why didn't he just let him have the sword?

Turning away from the empty space that Luna left, I found myself staring at Rowena's statue and the diadem on her head and I understood. The lost diadem, every Ravenclaw knew about it and craved it for their own. But it had been lost for centuries, surely the only the most worthy person of it would find it. Thinking back to my fourth year when the chamber of secrets had been opened, I thought about the rumor of the Gryffindors sword being pulled from the sorting hat by Harry. He'd needed it, and he'd been worthy of it. Maybe the sword simply couldn't just be passed down. Dumbledore must've known that and by extension Severus as well.

Shaking my head and running my hands over my head, I told myself not to wonder about it. I was getting a headache and this was beyond me. I had my specific mission and I had to focus on that, or else I would lose my mind. Harry knew what he was doing... I had to have faith in that and that everything would turn out all right. There was nothing more to it.

Standing up, I made my way up to my dorm and quickly fell asleep. It had been a long, weary and disappointing day and I was glad that it was finally over. I wasn't looking forward to tomorrow, or the following couple days, or weeks, or months. But for the moment it was just enough to look forward to a long night of sleep, with no dreams to disturb my slumber. There was nothing but blissful blackness.

XX

November crept in its steady pace. Severus was busy trying to quell all the rebellions, I was busy trying to make my life normal. I soon found that being at Hogwarts for my second seventh year was a lot like my first. Severus had a lot of the same rules as Umbridge had put up. The only real difference was that instead of Monica, I was stuck with Lisa Turpin, who live I've said, isn't really all there. I found it very vexing and trying to be in her constant company, especially on Hogsmead weekends, but there was no joy in going there anyway. Just as the Quidditch season was really of no interest. Though it was a distraction to many of the younger students who actually bothered to venture out into the cold to see them.

The weeks were slowly passing and Severus and I were still not really on speaking terms. He attempted to talk to me after the night that Luna and the other two tried to steal the sword, but there really was nothing that we could talk about. I knew that he was still angry at me for what I was doing and I knew that a part of him was worried about my health, but there was more anger. It didn't allow him to really try and get on speaking terms with me and if he wasn't going to make the effort, I didn't see the point in trying either. I had a mission, and Severus wasn't part of that. He couldn't be and I needed to get used to living without him.

Unfortunately, that didn't stop me from thinking about him. Especially in the cold of the dorm. It made me shiver, despite the covers and the sleeping gown that he had given me to sleep in was even a worse reminder that I missed having him in my life. It wasn't long before I found myself wandering around in the late hours, searching something that I couldn't allow myself to find, and therefore didn't really allow myself to seek. So I simply wandered the halls, careful to stick to the shadows and avoid the detection of any Professors.

For weeks I kept at this, not really sure what was the point of it. I knew that I was searching for trouble, but I didn't care about it. I felt alone, and somehow I was hoping that wandering about I might be able to shake it off. Maybe I could stop thinking of Monica, or missing Louis and Star and Iggy's company. More than anything, I hoped that by wandering around in the darkness I could forget that somewhere else in the castle was the person that I most wanted to see.

Tonight, there was something different in the air while I was wandering around though. Not menacing, but the air just didn't feel as still as it usually did. As I wandered through the hall, I felt like I was being followed and I felt very paranoid. Looking around myself in the darkness as I made my way through the hallway, I shivered at a cold chill. I was only wearing the sleeping gown that Severus had given me, made of flimsy fabric with one of my school cloaks over it.

Shaking my head and telling myself that I was only being paranoid, I kept walking when suddenly, I felt something drop over my head. Shivering from head to foot, I looked overhead just in time to see Peeves flying off, laughing. "Peeves you son of a bitch, you're not getting away with this," I whispered under my breath was I took off running after him, despite shivering down to my bones with the water that Peeves had just dropped on top of my head.

However, as I turned the corner, I found myself bumping into a tall and dark figure. Stepping back, I looked up in horror hoping that I was not running into one of the Carrow's and found myself relieved to be staring at the familiar hooked nose of Severus. "Lovett? Why are you all wet?" he asked softly as he looked around the hall to make sure that we were alone. I didn't have a chance to respond before he had pulled out his wand and was drying me off.

"I can't sleep, I was just wandering around," I responded with a shrug of my shoulders while avoiding his gaze. Severus didn't say anything to this and for a moment we just stood in the darkness. What was there to say? What could we say? Was there really anything that we should say?

"This isn't the first time, and you're lucky you haven't been caught before," Severus said coldly as he glared down at me. I rolled my eyes at this, despite my best efforts not to do something so childish. It was just hard not to though when he was playing the part of the scolding Professor. I merely nodded and prepared myself to walk away when I felt his hand grabbing onto my arm. Turning to look at him as we stood almost side by side, with him looking down on me and only being able to see the profile of his face.

"What do you want from me?" I asked as unemotionally as I looked up at him.

"You know what I want," Severus said as he stared down at me, his voice as emotionless as mine.

I shook my head at this. "You know I won't leave and that I'm not going to stop what I'm doing," I replied. We were at a stalemate. He didn't let go of my hand, and neither one of us moved, nor was looking at each other. Instead, we were staring forward, staring in opposite directions. It seemed fitting considering the fact that we were both heading in different direction, even though we were on the same side, essentially fighting for the same thing.

"Then I need to at least know that you are fine," he suddenly whispered in the darkness so that it was nearly inaudible. I almost missed it too, but something caught it. Turning slightly, I was confused as I stared up at him. How did he want me to make that anymore clear to him. He had eyes to see, he could see me in the halls, he could see that I was fine. However, something in his eyes told me that he needed something more, and I didn't say anything.

Instead, I followed him blindly through the dark. I knew were we were going, knew where he was leading me too, and none of it mattered. My brain wasn't working and it was as though I were simply drifting through a dream. It almost reminded me of those old movies, with the gothic vampires. Dracula leading an entrance victim to his deathbed. But maybe not so macabre.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **I edited this a couple times. I'm sorry if there is anything that slipped my attention or if something doesn't fit in. Sometimes inconsistencies in plot slip in somehow, especially when you write two seperate parts of the story at the same time and then bridge the gap between chapters. Anyway this chapter was a bit of a transition, but I hope that you still enjoyed the insights to what is going on with the characters. Please review!


	30. Chapter 29: The Great Escape

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 29: The Great Escape**_

The darkness seemed eternal and silent. The quiet sentinel of time. Walking quietly, my bare feet did not make a sound on the old floorboards as I walked towards the single light in the room, caused by a hole in the roof from which light snow flakes were falling. There was something on the floor, illuminated by an eerie blue light. Whatever it was though it seemed as thought it were eating up the light, enfolding it into further darkness so that even the snowflakes that glittered on it seemed to disappear.

Walking forward, I couldn't shake off the feeling of foreboding as I approached the shadow on the floor. I held my wand in my hand tightly as I walked, my fingernails cutting into my hands and causing blood to drip from them. I could feel sweat on my brows and as I came to a stop a mere foot or so away from it, and I could see that it was a cloak, a fallen figure curled onto its side. My breathing seemed to take off from me as I knelt on the floor and stared at the man that lay there, hardly able to stop my heart from racing as I stared at him. I didn't know where all the fear was from, what if it was just another fallen Death Eater?

Reaching out my hand I turned him over and felt my heart stop.

Jumping as I was startled awake from the odd dream, I placed my face in my hands trying not to think of what I had seen. I just wanted to forget it. Pulling my hands away from my face as I furrowed my brows, I could see dark drops of blood where my nails had dug into my palms and I felt my heart start to race once more as I recalled the last bit of the dream.

It was a garish face with blank eyes that stared back at me. Half of it was covered in dried blood that he had lain in, his own, while the other half was gray in its pallor. There was a deep and nasty gash in his pale neck. However, his staring eyes saw nothing and I could feel as though my life were being sucked into those dark tunnels. That was what was most frightening, staring into eyes that I knew so well, that penetrated my soul and find that they were absolutely empty. That they could no longer see anything.

Wiping the tears that were in my eyes with my dry fingertips, I tried to steady my heart. I shook my head of the sight of Severus, laying dead in a pool of his own blood. "It was just a dream, Delilah," I whispered to myself in the darkness as I looked over to the empty space beside me and felt my heart clench.I told myself that he was probably just up because he couldn't sleep, but I couldn't overcome the terror of my nightmare, the fear of losing him. We were only just getting back to normal, I couldn't stand the thought of losing him.

Standing up, I made my way through the darkness of the Headmaster's chamber and walked out of the room, past the living room and peeked down into his office. My heart seemed to sigh in relief as I spotted him, sitting at his desk. However, it clenched painfully once more at the sight of a his Patronous, a silver doe. It wasn't hard to figure out why his was a doe. If Harry was so like his father, than his father had Stag Patronous, and if Lily loved James, hers had to be a doe and therefore Severus' was a doe as well.

Leaning on the railing, I stared down at him for a moment, just sitting on his desk on which the doe lay looking elegant and beautiful while Severus tried to pet it. There was a hole inside Severus and it bled for Lily Evans. I knew that well enough, but it wasn't as though this were my fault. I hadn't asked for Severus and I certainly didn't want to fall in love with him. Pulling away from the railing, I wiped my hands off on my silver camisole. I didn't care that it was made of silk, I didn't care that there was blood on my hands, I didn't care that it had been a gift from Severus. Clearly it meant nothing to him, why should it mean anything to me?

Leaning on the railing once more as I continued to watch him, I wondered how he could not at all sense me. My heart hurt at the thought and as I thought of everything that Severus had ever given me. On my last birthday he had given me clothes and commented on how I couldn't seem to keep pets. The comment had caused me some injury because I loved Shadow and Cerberus, they were my only real companions and I wondered how he could dare say that. Its not like I had given them up by choice. Had I thought that Shadow would have died anyway, I would have taken him with me. As for Cerberus, I couldn't well bring him to Hogwarts.

I sighed as I stared at him. I was too exhausted to think about all of this right now. Lately I was always too exhausted. Ever since I been spending nights with Severus, I've stopped taking the muscle relaxants, because his presence has been enough that I haven't needed them. But sneaking around in the mornings and everything makes me feel so tired lately. Tonight it seemed that sleep wasn't going to come back to me, not after that dream. I'd known it was a dream all along because of the unreal sense of it, but the fear of losing Severus had been real. More real than I cared to acknowledge and I couldn't shake the gruesome sight of him away.

"Why can't you sleep?" I finally asked, causing the doe patronous to suddenly disappear and for Severus to turn around and stare up at me. He looked exhausted too, that was probably the reason that he wasn't giving me his death glare for interrupting a private moment with the ghost of Christmas past. Severus merely sighed as he stood up and walked over to the stairs and started to walk up them.

"Why are you up, Delilah?" he asked as he came to a stop before me.

"I woke up and you weren't there," I replied with a shrug as I stared up into his eyes. I wasn't going to tell him about the dream, it would just make me seem silly. "You didn't answer my question, Severus." Severus didn't say anything as he walked past me and into his private rooms. I sighed unhappily as I followed him into the sitting room and past it to his room. I'd spent the rest of November and what was now December mostly sleeping in his rooms, making him feel sure that I was fine and this now wasn't boding well. It just seemed we were getting back to some normalcy. Yet, I couldn't keep myself from pressing on, though I knew nothing good would come of it. "Severus, why won't you talk to me about it? I already know you love Lily, I know that it hurts you that she has past away, but... maybe if you talk about her you won't feel so alone," I said as I stared at him.

"Delilah, I don't want to talk about Lily, with anyone and especially not you," Severus said softly as he removed his robes, boots and lay in bed. I stared at him and stood near the foot of the bed. Sometimes I really did hate Severus and I didn't know whether I loved him more than I hated him or if I hated him more than I loved him. But the dream, the patronous... it was all working against me.

"Why? Because I love you?" I asked as I stared at him. He looked over at me for a moment before looking away and sitting down on the edge of the bed with his back to me. I clenched my teeth and bent down to pick up my cloak from the floor. "Well you don't have to worry about that Severus, because sometimes I hate you more than I love you," I said coldly as I slipped on my shoes and walked out of the room. I could hear him calling out my name as I rushed down the stairs and threw on my cloak. I sighed as I crossed his office and threw open the door just as he started to descend the stairs. Slamming the door closed behind me, I quickly made my way down the spiral staircase and past the Gargoyle.

Severus wasn't going to follow me beyond the Headmaster's office, so I quietly made my way to Ravenclaw, sneaking in in late as I had down a million times in the past. The following several days passed quickly enough. It was pretty much the same, crippling pain at all hours of the day, causing me to knock out and sleep very deeply into the night until I was awoken in the morning by more crippling pain. Sadly this was some welcome relief as it kept me from thinking too much about Severus and thats why I didn't go back to taking the muscle relaxants. I needed the pain to distract me from what I felt for Severus.

I caught Severus staring at me several times with a real injured expression in his eyes, but I didn't care. He was making no effort to talk to me and I was too busy trying not to be driven mad by the constant pain my body was being placed through to care about his sorry ass expression. It didn't mean anything. He was simply the great actor, wasn't he? I wasn't Voldemort, I wouldn't be made a fool of by Severus. I wasn't dead, I still had my fighting spirit and it was about time that it kicked in. I didn't want to have anything more to do with him.

Unfortunately, fate is a bitch and it wouldn't have that. I signed up to leave the castle at the behest of McGonagall who said I needed a break to gather my strengths. As the spell didn't work while I was away from the castle, I would get a break from all the torture that the Carrow's inflicted on the student body. Besides, everyone who was tortured was going home for the holidays, it wasn't like anyone wanted to willingly stay at Hogwarts anymore. The place was a living hell.

Anyway, the reason that this was the problem was because as soon as Severus caught sight of the list of students going home, he swooped down on me like the big old bat that he was. "Look, I don't know why you hate me right now, I don't know what I did, but I am past the point of caring. What are you doing going home? Don't you know that the moment that you set foot off the train at King's Cross that you will be hunted down by Death Eaters? Don't you think that the Carrow's have you reported to the Dark Lord as a public enemy?" Severus snapped as he yanked me into an empty classroom and cast a Imperturbable on the door.

I rolled my eyes at this, feeling that it was a bit over dramatic. "Frankly my dear I don't give a shit," I said as I stared up into his eyes. He had snatched me from a hall as I was making my way to lunch and at the moment, I didn't really care for anything. "As I see it sooner or later I'm bound to have to face the Death Eaters because I have the worst luck, I mean I'm married to you aren't I? At least its better to face them in a crowded station where they will be hunting down other students as well, don't think I don't know that there are others. You are just trying to keep me at the castle and I'm not staying here! I need a break from-"

I stopped in my tirade as I clenched my teeth and fists while shutting my eyes for a moment. My body froze up to keep me from convulsing at the pain and it was like my mouth had been wired shut to keep me from screaming. It wasn't a pleasant feeling for your body to be beyond your mind's control, but it was nothing compared to feeling a somewhat diluted crucio. The pain was somewhat dulled but no less painful, especially when it was more than one person getting it at a time. At least with it being diluted it meant that I couldn't lose my mind, however, it meant that I had to withstand the pain longer.

Severus frowned as he watched helplessly unable to do anything for me. However, when the pain stopped and I was able to regain all my motor functions I opened my jaw as wide as I could and tried to shake off the pain in my limbs, to keep them from becoming jelly. "Don't ask me if I'm okay," I said, it got annoying when anyone asked me that. OF COURSE I WASN'T OK, but I mean what was I going to do about it? I signed up for it and didn't want to complain. It had been all _my_ brilliant idea. "I need a break from this, Severus."

"Delilah, you don't seem to understand," Severus said, shaking his head as he stared down at his feet, while running his fingers over his face in exasperation.

"Severus, no offense but most Death Eaters look like they are idiots. _He_ is really not being picky with who he chooses to be his followers and I doubt he will send his best Death Eaters after a bunch of kids, he's going to underestimate us and send a bunch of bafoons," I said as I stared at him. He didn't seem to have anything to say to this, so I merely turned around and walked out of the room. I didn't have time to be arguing with him and I already knew that I had to work on an escape plan for Saturday. I had a suspicion that I would come under fire by a warning McGonagall had given me and to have Severus prove my suspicion was all I needed.

XX

I wasn't listening to Lisa as she prattled on about something. I had already changed out of my robes and was wearing skinny black jeans, my sneakers and a light sweater that was close to my body. I didn't want to wear anything that was easy to grasp onto and had put a charm on my hair so that it was blonde and I had placed it in a very tight bun, held with charms so that it wouldn't come lose. Pulling out my wand I shrunk my trunk and put a feather light charm on it and stored it in a pocket as best I could. "Emma, what are you doing?" Lisa asked when she finally noticed.

"I just need to take off quickly when I get to the station," I said with a shrug as I stared at her. "Your parents are picking you up, right?" I asked as I stared at her. She merely nodded in response as I noted that we were probably going to arrive in about ten minutes. I pulled out the little vials made of crystal and charmed them onto a wide leather bracelet on my wrist. They were hidden beneath my sweater's sleeve, but it was all too easy to push up the sleeve if I needed to access them. The charm would be released easily enough if I needed to pull off a vial.

My heart started to beat fast as we started to pull into the stations were there were anxious awaiting parents waiting to pick up their kids. I stared at the crowd that we past as best as I could, trying to spot out the Death Eaters, but it was a little difficult. "Have a nice break and be careful," I said to Lisa as we came to a stop at the station. She merely nodded in response as I made my way through the crowds of students as we stepped towards the exits.

I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest as I stepped onto the platform and started to make my way through the crowd of waiting parents. I looked around as I made my way towards the barrier, taking notice of everyone around me and clenching my wand in my sleeve. I was nearly to the barrier when I heard someone say my middle name. Turning around, I spotted Lisa pointing to me and cursed the day I met someone as simple minded as her, why was she always getting me into trouble. Turning around, I was about to make a sprint towards the barrier when a tall man came to stand suddenly before me, grinning evilly.

I didn't give him a chance to react before throwing a vile at him, causing it to shatter against him. I didn't wait to see if the Potion had done what it was meant to, but I suppose it did because I'd suddenly jumped over him and started running through the crowds towards the barrier. I felt someone try and grasp onto my elbow and stop me, but I didn't stop running as I turned and poked him in the eye with my wand as I continued to sprint for my exit.

Before long I was passing through the barrier, and had another vial ready in my hand as I came out on the other side. Another big man wrapped his arms around me, but I had raised a hand so that it was free and brought the vial in it crashing down on his head before taking off again, pulling out two more vials. This wasn't over yet and sooner or later they were bound to try and corner me or outnumber me.

I had just exited the station when I was suddenly surrounded by three men, forcing me to stop running. I stared around at them as they tried to crowd me in. I couldn't wait very long to do something as sooner or later one was bound to come up behind me, so I threw a vial at the man on each side of me before running up to the other one and giving him a fist to the chin. He fell like a ton of bricks, but I didn't care for doing anything more to him as I took off running down the street to the nearest alley where I pulled out a wand.

However, before I could apparate, I felt something hit me in the back, causing me to fall forward. Turning onto my back I quickly pulled out my wand and cast a quick spell, causing the one who was approaching me to lose her wand. "Emma is it? Who trained you?" I was surprised to see that it was a woman, who was continuing to approach me, as I stood up quickly.

"I wouldn't try to reach for that wand," I said as I held my wand and pointed it at her. I guessed that this had to be Bellatrix Lestrange as she was the only witch that I knew of that was a Death Eater, Alecto Carrow didn't count as she was more whale than anything else. Not to mention that the woman before me looked somewhat deranged and I recognized her from the photographs that the Daily Prophet had printed out of her nearly two years ago now.

"Or you'll do what?" she asked as she approached her wand. I took a step forward and stepped on her wand, stopping her progress. "Oh I see, you want me to believe that you are not like the other kids that we are picking up," she said as she suddenly cackled maniacally. I turned around to make sure that no one was coming up behind me and noticed that I had my back on a dead end. Well at least I knew that no one was getting in that way.

"And I'm guessing you're not an idiot like the rest of your comrades who have all failed, so my suggestion is that you turn around and walk away," I said as I stared at her. She stopped laughing immediately and glared at me with her dark eyes. I could suddenly see a bit of a resemblance between her and her cousin. "You lost your wand, so I suggest you leave before you lose something else. You're defenseless already anyway."

"Oh I see, you think that you are the only one that prepared for a showdown and plays dirty," she said with a smirk.

"You know you really starting to piss me off," I yelled as I stared at her. Things had been so much simpler before she had showed up and now I was paranoid to see what she had up her sleeve. Hopefully it wasn't an Ace or else I would be screwed. She merely laughed at this as she turned to stare at me.

"You know I kind of like you, maybe you just don't like the Carrow's, who I agree with you are complete idiots not worthy of the Dark Lord. However, I'm sure that the Dark Lord could make good use of you if you would join us," she said as she took a step forward so that we stood only the length of my arm and a wand apart. Her chest was practically at the tip of my wand. She had nothing if she was trying to make me join forces with them, either that or she was trying to distract me.

"I told you not to move," I said coldly as I stared at her, thinking about what the Carrow's said about an unforgivable. All you have to do is want it. "CRUCIO!" I yelled, thinking about all my hate and anger at everyone and everything and what the world had become. Bellatrix crumpled to the ground and started to writhe and shriek in pain. I continued to point my wand at her, hating her for the pain that she had caused Neville, hating her, wanting her to suffer and actually feeling joy at it.

"Hey, she's down there," I looked up and stopped torturing Bellatrix as I heard someone shout that.

"Nice to meet you," I said with a smile at her before running to the end of the alley, spinning on my heel and apparating away from the entire scene. I soon found myself standing in Stars place. "Thank FREAKING GOD!" I said as I sat down on the couch and tried to soothe my racing heart as it tried to pump adrenaline out of my system.

"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing on my couch," I heard someone cry out. Turning around, I merely smiled at Star.

"Sorry, just a charm," I said as I removed the charm from my hair and released it as I tried to catch my breath. Star shrieked in happiness before bouncing over to me and sitting down with me. "God you have no idea how good it is to see you," I said as I hugged her tightly as the rest of the guys came into the room. Boy was its good to be away from hell to at least come up for some fresh air.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **I can't remember when I last updated, I think it was about ten days ago or so. Anyway, I edited this a couple days ago and I'm too lazy to edit it right now one last time, so I apologize for any errors that escaped my notice. Hope that you enjoyed this chapter and please tell me what you think. Reviews are much appreciated, specially since I'm stuck on chapter 33, though I have started chapter 34 and even though chapters 30-32 are completed, the story can't go on if I am stuck. So please tell me what you think.


	31. Chapter 30: My pensieve Prince

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 30: My Pensieve Prince of Childhood**_

I sighed as I made my way through the crowd of drunks towards the bar where Louis was sitting. "I swear this is the most miserable Christmas Eve ever," I complained as I came to stand next to him. His band was playing at the bar tonight, and his band included Iggy. Of course, after the bands first set Iggy had gotten lost somewhere with Star. Louis merely looked up at me with a small smile; by now I already knew at what drunken stage he was in, even if I had never seen him drink before. He was in that stage were he was drunk, but had retained enough motor skills to still function.

"Well Princess, this has been a better Christmas than I've had in a long time," he said as he downed a drink. I rolled my eyes at this, not knowing whether now that he called me Princess he meant it mockingly. If he did I didn't like it one bit and considering that Death Eaters had tried to kidnap me from Kings Cross and considering the fact that for the first time in three years I didn't have Severus to spend Christmas with, I felt miserable. Not to mention the fact that that stupid dream kept recurring and it was always the same.

Shaking my head of this, I wondered for a moment if Severus had found out what had transpired the day that I went home for Christmas break and I really wasn't sure if I was supposed to return. I hadn't yet sent a patronous to McGonagall because I was afraid that someone else might see it and think that it was suspicious that McGongall was getting a patronous from someone. However, I really needed to get into contact with them. I wasn't really sure if I could get back without getting caught.

"Well I'm glad that you're having fun. I'm going to go back to Stars' place," I said miserably as I turned away. The festivities were quite bleak anyway and all the confusion in my mind... it was giving me a headache when combined with the raw power of the punk scene that Iggy, Star and Louis loved so much.

"Wait, wait, wait, stay a while, have a drink. NO point being miserable _and_ sober," Louis said as he tried to hand me a glass with ice and clear liquid. Staring at the glass, I shook my head. I'd already had a couple drinks and I could already tell that I was starting to reach my tolerance level. Any more drinks and I might do something very stupid. "Come on Dels, stay at least until the second set," Louis said as he continued to stretch the glass towards me.

"The second set isn't starting up until after midnight, and even then it won't start unless Iggy gets his ass back here," I complained. I was tired and I really just wanted to go home. I was miserable and there was no chance in the world that I would see Severus at the moment, because he didn't know where to find me even if he bothered to look, which after telling him I hated him and not saying goodbye before leaving, well he probably wouldn't want to.

"Come on Dels, its the least that you could do after taking off on us last spring," Louis said as he stared at me with pain-filled eyes. I sighed as I took the glass he was offering me and sat down with him. I felt a little bit guilty about that now. After Severus had abandoned me, in an attempt to get away from everything that I was and everything that reminded me of him, I'd even abandoned my friends all over again. For some reason, Louis seemed to have taken it the hardest. I guessed it was because to him, I ware more than just a friend. It was like we were family, always had been.

"Well I suppose now you know how I felt when you left the orphanage," I said after downing the drink. Even though I couldn't really remember the early events of my childhood, I knew that his departure had forever impacted my life. It happened at a time when I had no one but him, and I was just a babe. Perhaps I couldn't remember him, but in a way his abandonment had forever stayed with me and always would. It shaped who I was and the decisions that I made.

"Delilah, that was different. I was only eighteen, what did you want me to do? Kidnap you? I had no other choice but to leave you and... I wanted something better for you then the life I was going to have," Louis said, putting down his beer mug angrily as his face flushed. My mind suddenly flashed to the expression that Severus would have on his face when he was angry or frustrated with me when I caught sight of him. However, I didn't understand why Louis had suddenly reminded me of him. Other than the pale skin, dark eyes and same hairstyle, there wasn't much else that Severus and Louis had in common. I merely shrugged off the odd flashback and chalked it off as my longing for Severus. Everything was simply reminding me of him because I was unsure of what the future was going to hold for us.

"I'm not angry at you for it, I understand, but don't act like it didn't impact my life! Because of you I learned that I had no one in this world but myself. Sometimes I forget that, but I always come back to it," I said in mild frustration as I asked for another drink and drowned that too. I was starting to feel sorry for myself, I could tell by the thoughts that were suddenly running through my head. You know, the' _why me?' _kind of stuff. Honestly though, what did the universe have against me? Why did so much shit happen to me? Why was the world and everyone in it taking a huge dump on me? Why wasn't this shit equally dealt out amongst the masses?

"Yeah right, that's why you cling that hubby of yours that doesn't love you?" Louis asked as he laughed. I stared at him incredulously as I choked on my next drink. I turned and stared at him in shock and fury. How could he say that to me?! "If you really think that there is no one else in this world that you could depend on other than yourself, why are you with the guy? Why do you _need_ him?" Louis asked bitterly as he stared at the rack of bottles across from him as he downed another beer.

I felt as though he had punched me. However, you know me, rather than curl and go fetal I was furious and rearing for a fight. "You don't know anything about my fucking married life Louis, so shut the fuck up! I stay with him for my own reasons and lord forbid I think its nice to actually have some company to get through the day! And anyway, its none of your fucking business!" I yelled angrily as I shoved him off his chair. He spilled his beer on the white t-shirt that he was wearing as he fell on his ass. However, he immediately sprang to his feet and got in my face. If the bar wasn't full of drunks, everyone would have been watching us, but at the moment no one gave a shit. We could of started murdering each other right there and no one would have batted lash.

"You made it my business when you came crying to me all those times about your fucking asshole of a husband. I wanted better for you, but if your too stupid to do anything about it yourself, then what the fuck do you want from me?" he said in a dangerously low voice that made me shiver by the way that it reminded me of Severus. However, I shook this and the tears that were welling inside my eyes off as I stared up into his face and glared at him.

"First of all, I never came crying to you. Second of all, I don't want anything from you. I don't need shit from you. What the fuck could I want with a broke, squib that plays in a fifth-rate band that is never going to make it anywhere?" I asked angrily before turning away from him, my hair whipping him in the face as I started to walk away. However, before I could take another step, he'd grabbed me by the arm and spun me around before pulling me into him. I thought for one wild moment that he was going to hit me, but I was surprised by the look of pain in his eyes. I suppose I went a little too far with the squib remark.

"Delilah I don't care what you think about me, I don't care that I don't know what exactly is going on in your marriage, but why can't you see that it is going to be the death of you?" he asked passionately as he stared down into my eyes with a loving expression in his eyes, almost akin to the one my father had given me. "Delilah, I know you don't need anyone, that you just want to need someone, that you just want something normal, that you just want to give someone your love. But why _him_? I don't care who he is Delilah, but you deserve better. You deserve someone to love you to the extent that you love him."

"News flash, Louis, no one loves me," I said as I yanked my arms roughly from him. Turning away once more, I tried to get away from him but found his hand holding onto mine.

"Delilah, please don't go."

"No Louis, to hell with you and everybody," I said as I tried to pull away my hand from his.

"_Baby its cold outside_." I stopped in my tracks, furrowing my brow at what he said. It wasn't so much what he said, so much as the way he said it. He really didn't say it so much as he sang it, and the fact of the matter was, Louis had a nice voice. In a way, it brought me back, to a place that I couldn't remember for the life of me, but I knew that it was there. There was something about those words, something about the way that he sang them, something that was already there simply not retrievable. It was, just the knowledge of a lost memory that couldn't be restored.

"I got to go away," I replied slowly, furrowing my brow, not knowing where this was coming from as I slowly turned to look at him in confusion. He smiled at me suddenly, confusing me all the more. His eyes were sparking like there was real magic there.

"_Baby it's cold outside."_

I shook my head. "I don't remember this."

"_I'll hold your hands their cold as ice_," he sang, stepping to me and taking my hands in his.

"My mother will start to worry," I sang, wondering where this melody and these words were coming from. However, the statement reminded me of something, the first realization that mothers existed somewhere else in the world, and that they were wonderful. That they were supposed to be there, that they were a part of us that was integral and for me and Louis it was missing.

"_Beautiful what's your worry," _he sang sweetly as he stared deeply into my eyes as my heart started pounding like mad. I shook my head and turned away. "_Whats the use of hurting my pride?"_ he sang and I knew that he skipped several verses as he came after me, but I didn't understand why.

"_I really can't stay_," I sang more loudly and clearly now as I turned and furrowed my brows as I stared at him.

"_Baby don't hold out," _he sang with a smile as he pulled me into him,and there was something infectious about it._ "Baby it's cold outside,"_we both sang out clearly to each other as he pulled me closer into his arms and I smiled back up at him. His eyes had by now softened, the warmest black holes that you could have ever seen and there was placid look on his face the likes of which I had never seen before. It was like everything had melted away.

"_I really must go,"_I sang, my voice sounding clearly and somewhat nice to my own ears. I supposed I thought that was odd that I sounded all right to myself as I usually don't think very much of my voice. However, by the smile on his face I could tell that he was pleased and happy, though I didn't know by exactly what.

"_Baby it's cold outside."_

"_The answer is no."_

"_Baby it's cold outside."_

"_Your welcome has been ("You're lucky that you dropped in" _he sang in the pause_) ... So nice and warm,"_ I finished as I looked up at him and shook my head, not understanding what was going on, but it was nice. It was odd, but it felt like perhaps I wasn't so alone in the world. There was this whole part of me, that only Louis knew. He was the pensive that held my entire childhood.

"_Look out the window at that snow," _he sang more softly as he drew me closer to him, leaning his head down and staring directly into my eyes.

"_My sister will be suspicious," _I gasped as I stared up at him. The look in his eyes, was oddly familiar and in my muddled mind, I saw a lot of Severus in him. I didn't know what it was about Louis and Severus, but my head seemed to make one into the other and I was having a hard time telling why. I blamed it on the sudden dizziness as I stared up into his eyes, his face mere inches from mine.

"Gosh your lips look delicious," he murmured so softly that I almost didn't hear him as he leaned down and placed a small kiss on my lips. I felt my heart thunder painfully inside me as my head swooned, but I couldn't stop myself. I was responding, or rather my mouth was as though it had a mind of its own. My lips molded against his as he took me into his arms, wrapping them tightly around me as though he were afraid that the moment would be lost, afraid that I would pull away. However, for the life of me I couldn't pull away from the tender kiss that he was giving me. I couldn't help but enjoy the warmth of his mouth, or the way his tongue gently teased and coaxed mine as one of his hands entangled itself gently into my hair and pulled me close. For a moment, it felt that there wasn't a force in the world that could pry us apart.

Until I saw Severus' face in my mind's eye, the way his eyes sometimes softened when he looked at me or when we made love. Putting my hand between Louis and myself, I gently pushed him away from me and started to shake my head. "No, no, no," I panted as I shook my dizzy head. "We can't do this," I mumbled as I tried to regain control of my breathing. "I love my husband."

"You love me too," Louis said as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I opened my eyes slowly and continued to shake my head as I tried to pull out of the hug that he was holding me in. However, he didn't seem like he was going to let me go. "Don't deny it Delilah, I felt it in your kiss. You love me too, and if I have a chance to take you from the bastard that hurts you so much I'm going to do whatever it takes, and I'm already half-way there," he said as he stared down at me, all the while I was trying to get out of his grasp, shaking my head the entire time.

"No Louis... I can't love you, I hardly know you. I don't even know your real name," I said as I shook my head. I almost managed to slip out of his grasp, but he reeled me back in, placing a kiss on my flaring cheeks and forehead. It was hard to escape from someone who was taller than you and whose arms had a far-reaching scope.

"My legal name doesn't matter, I'm the Louis that you know," he said as he continued to kiss my face gently.

"Our histories make us who we are and I don't know yours so I don't know you," I said, still trying to pull away.

"Damien Prince," he said as he kissed the top of my head. I froze immediately, no longer struggling to get out his grasp as I looked up at him with wide eyes. Suddenly I felt sober, and I could tell that he felt something change, for he suddenly stopped kissing me and looked down into my eyes. However, his arms still refused to release me. He asked me what was wrong as he stared down at me worriedly.

"Prince? Are you related to an Eileen Prince?" I asked as I furrowed my brows as I looked to him.

"Yes, she was my cousin, though I never met her; she was much older than me. I think she had a boy a few years older than me," he said as he looked down into my eyes. I felt like my whole world was crashing around me as I shook my head. I couldn't believe it! "How did you know my cousin? Are you all right Delilah, you look as though you are going to faint."

Shoving him off me I shook my head. How the fuck was this happening? "Oh my god, what have I done?" I said as I buried my face in my hands.

"Delilah, what's going on? What's wrong? What does it matter that I'm related to Eileen Prince?" he asked as he stared at me with a very worried expression on his face.

"It matters because Eileen Prince is my mother-in-law!" I snapped at him as I started to pace, running my hands through my hair. "I just made out with my husbands, second-cousin or whatever!" I said as I continued to pace.

"You married her son?" he asked incredulously. "He's older than me!"

"Marriage law remember!" I snapped as I looked over at him and glared before resuming my pacing.

"Well I don't rightly care that you're married to him, I never met him and clearly that family didn't want me. I love you Delilah, more than he ever will, stay here with me," he said softly as he grabbed my hand. However, I merely tugged it away and shook my head.

"I have to go," I said as I turned and took off running before he could grab my hand again. However, as I burst through the door and turned to apparate, he grasped onto me, causing us to splinch. "Ouch, what the fuck did you do that for?" I asked as I glared at him, while trying to ignore the fact that the side of my body that he wasn't holding onto was gone. However, the pain was a little hard to ignore.

"I'm not losing you again," he gasped. Looking down at him, I could feel tears building in my eyes to see that he was missing his legs from the knee caps down.

"So you're going to kill us both?" I screamed hysterically at him as I pulled out my wand and tried to concentrate on sending a Patronous to the only person that I could think of that could possibly be of any help at the moment. Not long after the silver raven had taken off did someone pop into view, but it wasn't who the Patronous was intended for. Instead of Tonks showing up, Remus showed up, which I supposed I would have preferred anyway. However, I passed out from the pain before I said anything. The last thing I saw was Remus rushing up to me. I came to wake up a few hours later in St. Mungos.

"Glad that you are awake," Remus and Louis said simultaneously when I came to in a hospital bed. Before I looked around the room, I was making sure all my limbs were attached properly. Sighing in relief, I turned and looked over at Remus who was standing at the foot of my bed with a smile on his face while Louis, laying in the bed next to mine, grinned over at me. Turning around and looking at Louis I glared.

"If I weren't put back together, I would kill you for fucking being so stupid," I snarled at him before turning to look at Remus. "Mind if I ask why you came instead of the wifey?"

"Nymphadora is pregnant, I didn't feel comfortable sending her after you," he replied mildly. His face flushed and I suppose it was the situation as a whole; my bad temper, the hospital beds, the stranger in the room and what not.

Thinking that perhaps I should introduce them if they hadn't already been introduced I waved a finger from one to the other. "Oh Remus Lupin, Louis Smith and vice versa," I said, but I didn't give them a chance to speak to one another before I found myself speaking. "How is Cerberus?" I asked as I stared up at Remus' amber eyes.

"Very good. He's keeping Nymphadora good company," Remus said with an assuring smile as he looked down at me. I merely nodded at this as I looked down at my hands. My heart ached as I missed my baby terribly, not to mention this had to be the shittiest Christmas ever. I ended up in St. Mungo's for Merlin's sake! Sighing, I looked up and was startled when I caught a pair of dark eyes, staring from the doorway.

"SEVERUS!" I said excitedly, feeling everything inside of me just bursting as he strode slowly into the room, surveying the other occupants, which at the moment were Remus, Louis and countless of other victims in other beds. However, seeing as Louis and my beds were closer together, and a curtain had been drawn up on one side of each of our beds, blocking out most of the other ends of the ward, it seemed like it was really only just us four.

Severus stepped over slowly, his eyes on Remus and Remus' eyes never leaving him. "What is the werewolf doing here?" Severus asked rudely, turning his eyes slowly to look over at me. Biting on my lower lip, I wondered if this was going to turn out badly. However at the moment I couldn't care about anything. I was just so happy to see Severus! I was so afraid that I might never be able to see him again, at least not until the war was over and so much could happen between now and then. Suddenly it was like nothing had happened between us.

"Severus, please don't start anything. I sent for him when I splinched, that's all," I said as they continued to glare at each other. "Please Sevy, Remus, its Christmas Eve ... could we just forget the war for just a few moments and be at peace, at least just for here and now?" I pleaded as I looked over at them. Remus and Severus both nodded grudgingly, but this gave Severus the chance to walk over to my bedside and be able to sit down, without worry that Remus might attack him when his back was turned.

"Why did you splinch, you never splinch," Severus said as he turned to look at me, his eyes raking over my face as though to make sure that I was perfectly fine as his fingers ran along my arm to make sure that it was all there.

"Ask the dumb-ass on _that_ bed," I replied, motioning to Louis on the other bed. Severus turned away from me and glared at the man on the other bed, though he didn't seem to recognize him, so I suppose they had never met. Turning around, I found that Louis was studying Severus very carefully and that his eyes looked somewhat pained. However, he remained silent as he watched us, just as Remus was observing everything very closely and silently.

"What could have possessed you to grab her when she was apparating, _boy_," Severus said coldly as he glared over at Louis, clearly mistaking Louis for someone my age (not a bad mistake to make considering Louis didn't look his 32 or so years of age, not that Severus looked his like 37, but he did look older). I blushed as I realized that I didn't want Severus and Louis to hate each other, after all they were family. Not allowing Louis to speak I quickly turned to Severus. Why couldn't we maintain any peace?

"Severus, it doesn't matter, I'm fine now. How did you know I was here anyway?" I asked, grabbing his face and turning his attention back to me. However, Severus cast a suspicious glance over at Louis. "Severus, don't worry Louis won't breathe a word to anybody about what you say. Just focus," I said as I turned to him and smiled. Severus looked at me questioningly for a second, before I merely nodded at him. Sighing, Severus cast an Imputurbabble around the space around us. I was unsure whether that included Remus and Louis, but I didn't care.

"I was worried about you when you left, I told you I didn't want you to leave Hogwart's protection, I was afraid you would end up here," he said coldly, speaking lowly as he gave me a glare before continuing. "One of the Carrow's complained about you having managed to escape, though he didn't say how. Dilys saw you arrive here and informed me immediately," Severus replied as he stared at me.

"Lucky she was here then," I said as I looked at him, knowing he meant the Portrait of the Headmistress back at Hogwarts.

"I stationed her here, in case you turned up. Part of me hoped she wouldn't bring a report of you," he said as he stroked my hair and stared deep into my eyes. I felt my heart's pace quicken as I stared into his eyes and sighed. So he wasn't mad at me either, thank Merlin.

"McGonagall would like you to return to Hogwarts," Remus said suddenly, making me glare over at him for ruining the moment. Severus turned around and growled at Remus.

"Have you any idea what they have been doing to her, what she's letting them do to her? She's not going to go back to the school," Severus growled angrily as he got into Remus face before turning to me. "You have managed to remain undetected by Death Eaters, I don't know how you do it Delilah, but that's how things are going to stay. I won't let you go back to be tortured, you might not be able to make it back," Severus said as he stared at me.

"I'm going back Severus, whether you want me to or not. I'm useless out here," I said as I stared into his eyes.

"Delilah, please-" he was saying as he strode over and sat on the bed once more, grabbing my hands in his. I shook my head simply as I pulled my hands away from his and looked down at the sheets between my legs as I sat up fully. I never wanted to be told what to do, and even though I knew Severus was doing this for my own good, I couldn't let him do it. I didn't care what happened to me, my story couldn't possibly have a happy ending, but if I could do some good, then wouldn't my life not have been in vain?

"Severus... my life has been so long; full of hardships and pains most people don't have to ever live through," I said as I looked up into his eyes, my own eyes burning. "In the twenty years of my life I have experienced my fair share of pain and it has seemed so pointless and finally... I'm doing something with it that is really helping people. I don't care about the crippling pain that I was in, I can deal with it; I don't care if I die, anything is better than living this pointless existence where there is no happy end in sight anyway."

Severus furrowed his brows as he looked at me, his mouth becoming a deep frown, the lines around it enhanced. "Delilah, I want you have a happy ending and I don't want you to have any more pain. I want you to live a long and full life," Severus said as he stared deeply into my eyes.

"You can't change my mind Severus, no more than I can change your heart," I said as I stared at him meaningfully. Severus opened his mouth as though he were about to say something, but he quickly shut it. Gritting his teeth together, Severus stood up.

"Damned willful child, do what you want just like you always do," Severus said angrily as he strode out of the room and left. I felt tears well up in my eyes to see him part and felt myself sinking into my pillows as they clouded with tears. My nose tingled unpleasantly and I felt my throat close up. Turning away from both Louis and Remus eyes, which I knew were probably watching me, I hid my face with my hair as a tear streaked my face.

"Delilah... this means very much to us and I'm very sorry," Remus said, his voice very gentle, coming to me from the foot of my bed. "I will come to see you again before you are discharged," Remus said as he turned around and walked out of the room, I could hear his footsteps stepping away as I merely nodded. Wiping the tears away as stealthily as I could so that Louis wouldn't see them, I slowly turned around once more and sunk deeper into my pillows.

"Go ahead, say it, I know you want to. Tell me my husband is an asshole, tell me he doesn't love me, tell me I'm an idiot," I said angrily as I sunk into the bed.

"I'm sorry Delilah," he said gently. "You were right, I have no idea what you and your husband are facing. Personally, I think he's an asshole, and that you deserve better, but I can see that the troubles you both face go beyond the scope of what is normal," he said to which I stated that he had no idea. "However, one thing is evident, he loves you much more than you think."

**TBC...**

**Authors Note: **It's been a little while since I updated, sorry if there are any errors in this chapter but I don't particularly feel like editing one last time. Anyway hope that you enjoyed the chapter. Please review.


	32. Chapter 31: Unexpected Setbacks

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 31: Unexpected Setbacks**_

Louis and I sat on a bed together, each of us staring down at our hands as we waited for the Healer to arrive to discharge us the following morning after having spent an entire night talking about me and Severus. I kept no secrets from Louis, told him everything that I could recall of our relationship, because it was nice to talk to someone about it. "Delilah, why are you going back to him?" Louis asked as he stared at me. I looked over at him and stared at him blankly, wondering how he could ask after what I said last night about going to Hogwarts giving purpose to my life. "I understand that its important to you, but as I see it you have served others long enough. When are you going to put yourself first?"

I smiled sadly as I looked away. "I'm never going to put myself before anyone else, Louis. I can't live just for myself," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "That's the life we led in the Orphanage, that's not the way that I want to live. I want there to be some other purpose, not just trying to make it from one day to the next," I said as I looked up at him. Louis grimaced as he turned away.

"That's a grim outlook on life, that its only living when in the service of others. What about your own happiness?" he asked as he leaned back and rested on the pillows. I didn't say anything in response for the moment. I couldn't see life any other way. There were those who were born to be selfish, there were others that were born to be selfless. I couldn't imagine being selfish.... especially not after losing Monica because for once in my life I was living for only me. I didn't want to return to that, I didn't want to be that monster.

"I don't think I've ever known great happiness, at least not any that is not clouded with pain," I responded with wry smile as I looked at him. He didn't say anything as he sat up. For the moment our conversation was at an end as a Healer walked into the room, carrying with her two charts and looking over them. I found that I wasn't paying too much attention as she told us that we were fine and ready to be discharged. _We already knew that._ However, I found myself snapping to attention when her tone became a bit more stern.

"You shouldn't be apparating anymore if you are going to be splinching. Its very dangerous for the baby. We could put you back together but a child that isn't complete is nearly impossible to save," she said as she pointed at me with her pen. I stared at her with a furrowed brow as my mind reeled. I could immediately feel Louis turn to look at me and I stared up at the woman.

"Excuse me? Did you say baby? What baby?" I asked as I stared at her. She frowned and rechecked the chart.

"_Your_ baby. The chart says that you are three weeks pregnant. You didn't know?" she asked as she stared at me. I gasped as suddenly I felt very light-headed and almost swooned. It was a good thing that I was sitting on the bed and that Louis was sitting next to me as I merely ended up leaning on him as I grabbed my head. Baby?! Was I hearing correctly? How could I be pregnant? My period was supposed to come in a week and Severus always cast a charm to keep this from happening.

"I can't be pregnant. My husband always casts a charm, it isn't possible," I said as I stared at her.

"Well the chart isn't lying. You're pregnant. And you know, charms aren't always very reliable, especially when done in a hurry," she said in a snippy tone before handing me some pieces of paper. "Get to the nearest apothecary, you will need these for your morning sickness and prenatal vitamins....and you'll have to see a midwife about once a month to make sure that the child is fine and to discuss a birth plan," she said before walking out of the room and telling us that we could go.

I couldn't move though. I simply sat there, staring at the papers in my hands and feeling like I was just hit by a truck wondering how this had happened to me. The exact day of conception was a little blurry to me. It had to have been in the first week of December, but that could have been any time. Severus and I had been having sex a lot recently, especially as it relaxed my muscles after an especially long day of being tortured. "Delilah... are you all right?" Louis asked as he stared at me. I merely shook my head in response as I ran my fingers through my hair, wondering what I was supposed to do now. I'd never ever even thought of having kids, I didn't know how I felt about them, but I knew that this was not the time to be raising a kid. Besides, I didn't even know how to raise kids!

And what was I going to tell Severus? Feeling fat, juicy tears rolling down my cheeks, I furrowed my brows. What was I going to do? "Louis.... what am I supposed to do?" I asked as I turned to him and wrapped my arms around his thin neck. He didn't say anything in response as he wrapped his arms around me and let me simply cry it out.

"You've never thought about having a baby?" he asked after a long while, when my tear ducts could no longer produce tears. But I was no less sure what I was supposed to do. A great part of me was convinced that the best thing that I could do was to get rid of it. I didn't want to bring a child into this world to suffer. From what I had seen of life, it was all suffering. I didn't have parents, Louis ran away from his and Severus hated his. What was I supposed to think about them? Why would I bring a child into this world to suffer what I went through, all those injustices because that was just the way that life was?

"No! Louis look at us? After everything you've been through and then living in the orphanage, could you ever think of bringing a child into this world?" I asked as I pulled away from him and looked up into his eyes.

"Yes," he replied with a smile, causing me to reel back. He'd thought of having children? That was something desirable to him? How could that be? "When they brought you in, you were a newborn and I was fascinated by you. You were so tiny and beautiful. You were the smallest person I'd ever seen and you were just a little wonder," he replied as he stared at me, causing me to blush. It was odd to think of Louis as the boy who had taken care of me since I was a baby and as the same man who had confessed to loving me. "You made me happy when you were small, a kind of happiness I knew would only be replaced when I had my own kids. It's the only pure joy in this world."

I turned away from him and thought about my father, wondering if he'd ever gotten the chance to see me when I was that tiny and wondering how Louis could understand my father's joy better than I could. I couldn't even imagine it, much less comprehend it. Was there something wrong with me? Was I a terrible woman for not feeling anything but terror at the thought of bringing a child into the world? Was I missing something? "Louis... I can't bring this child into a world were you-know-who is in power," I said as I felt tears in my eyes.

"But you have faith that he will fall," he pointed out. I turned away from him and wiped off my face thinking about how fat and odious I would become if I had the kid, I mean I'm a bitch as it is, imagine me with fucking raging hormones! OH GOD and the pushing of the thing out of my body! I shivered at the mental image. I was used to pain but that was supposed to be the greatest pain in the world.

"I can't .... I can't have it. I ... I can't be someone's mother! What if I'm-" I stopped in my tracks as I thought of the woman that I'd never met. She was terrible and all she wanted to do was get rid of me... could I do the same thing that she wanted? My insides churned in disgust at the thought that anything about me could be like her. I wasn't like her! I wasn't some self-serving bitch! Staring down at my stomach, not being able to conceive the fact that there was a little someone growing inside me, I wondered if I had the balls to take away its chance at living. Could I kill something that was literally a part of me? I probably could. Maybe the better question was if I could kill a human being that had never done any harm to anyone, someone purely innocent.

"Delilah, you're not like your mother," Louis said as he wrapped an arm around me, trying to be reassuring. I merely nodded in response.... I couldn't be like her, I couldn't believe that there was anything in me that was like her. "You have plenty of time to decide what you are going to do, Delilah. If you don't want it you can just abort it. If you think you don't have the heart to abort it, you can put it up for adoption if you feel that you can't be a mother. Just take your time Delilah, listen to your heart because its something you're going to have to live with."

I merely nodded in response as I stared at Louis. "Thank you," I said as I wrapped my arms around him once more.

"I didn't do anything," he said with a smile as I pulled away.

"You listened to me," I said as I looked up into his eyes and felt my heart pang to see the sadness in his as he nodded. Looking away, I wondered why love was never fair. When was it ever going to be something that both people felt for each other? It had to be rare.... to find someone to love, that also loved you in return.

XX

The days leading up to New Years were a bit depressing. I couldn't seem to make up my mind. Well.... I'd made up my mind that I couldn't abort it. However, I was no closer deciding if I should keep it or not. I had the presence of mind to know that I couldn't possibly be a good mother. I mean... I'm twenty, and do jobs like bar tending for Ravenclaws sake! How would I support it even if Severus were with me and even if he wanted it? I mean I'm not the greatest person, I'm aware of my many flaws. Besides... did I want to bring up a child in a family where Severus was the father and I was the mother? How dysfunctional would we be and how fucked up would the kid be?

However, the alternative was to pick out a family for my kid, or put it in an orphanage. Having personal experience in the latter, I didn't want that for someone that I was technically responsible for. So what was left was to pick a family for it and somehow I didn't think that would be easy. How do you pick a family for your kid? They would have to be magical, after all muggles would become confused with her at a certain point. But how many wizarding couples were willing to adopt? And what were the chances that I would come across one that was perfect?

Sighing as I turned onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling. "Quite the knot you got us in kid," I said as I placed my hand over my stomach. I sighed as I felt silly for talking to my stomach which was as flat as ever, no evidence that there was anything growing there, but I needed someone to talk to. A part of me had hoped that the Healer was wrong, but as I hadn't gotten my period yet, that hope died. I was always on time, never late not even once. Of course, it was something I was very private about, always had been, especially when I lived with Severus. I don't know why, its not that I am ashamed or embarrassed about having a period... but why should I let on when I'm on it? To be told that I am PMSing or that I'm being a bitch 'cause I'm on my period. No thanks.

"Well I don't have the heart to deny you life, even if I think that its a pretty shitty world you're coming into. However, I guess if I'm going to keep you or give you away, I have to keep you safe while you're in there," I said as I rubbed my stomach. "I can't go back to Hogwarts. Thanks for taking away my purpose kid," I said a bit bitterly as I wiped the tears that were coming into my eyes as I sat up, partially angry because it also meant that whatever time I could have with Severus was being snatched away from me. "Happy New Years to us eh?"

Standing up, I threw on some black robes and picked up my wand before apparating to Tonks and Remus' place. Remus said he was going to go visit me in the Hospital Wing while I was still there, but I'm guessing that something came up and he couldn't. But... I knew were they lived. Tonks had once given me her address, she said it was so that I could come by and visit Cerberus whenever I wanted. I really didn't get Tonks... I mean you would think after me punching her in the face she would be pissed at me instead of jumping through hoops to try and get me to stop being mad at her. I mean, if it were me and someone hit me in the face because I'd kissed their mate or whatever, I would think that we were even.

Disappearing with a pop, I soon found myself standing in a living room that she had described. It wasn't much different then what I had pictured. Same threadbare couch facing a fireplace with an old, mahogany coffee table that was round. However, the lamp on the tables on either side of the couch were something that I hadn't pictured. Neither had I pictured all the framed photographs on the walls. They were a bit sickening in a sentimental, corny kind of way, most of them being of the ever-expanding Tonks and a Remus who worshiped her. What was she like... six or seven months along now? I wasn't really sure.

A barking suddenly called my attention away from the pictures on the wall and I turned to see Cerberus run into the room and up to me. I was rather surprised how big he had gotten and a bit afraid that he didn't remember me. However, he simply bounded up to me and knocked me onto my back, licking my face. "Hey buddy, its nice to see you too," I said as I hugged his neck tightly as I heard footsteps walk into the room. Pushing Cerberus' slim black head a bit, I turned to see Tonks standing in the room. She was pretty big and that the thought that I'd get like that made me feel slightly sick. "Hey Tonks, you look.... big. Is Remus here?" I asked as I stood up while Cerberus kept circling around me, his tail wagging wildly and occasionally smacking my legs.

"Hello Delilah, no he's not here at the moment but he left me instructions to give you in case you came by," she said as she walked over and gave me a hug. I frowned as her big belly came between us and uncomfortable with the fact that she was touching me. What was wrong with her? I don't think that even I was that peppy when I was on uppers. "Now if only I could find it," she said as she walked away and started to look around her, all the while stroking her big belly.

"Umm... so do you know what its going to be?" I asked as I sat down on the couch and stroked Cerberus while watching her walk around. Today her hair was pastel yellow and reached her shoulders and she was wearing a lose set of white robes that came down to only her knees and was tied with a yellow string just beneath her boobs, which had gotten HUGE. Merlin.... I am going to look completely ridiculous.

"No, we want it to be a surprise!" she said excitedly as she stooped on a shelf to pick up a paper before discarding it. It was then that my brain snapped into attention and realized that she was probably looking around for instructions on how I can make it back to Hogwarts safely. Realizing that I was making a very pregnant woman walk around in vain, I immediately stood up and walked over to her, grabbing her by the arms, afraid that she wasn't going to stop otherwise. It was like she had her head in the clouds or something.

"Tonks, stop! I need you to give Remus a message next time you see him that he has to pass on to McGonagall. I need you to tell him that something important has come up and that I can't go back to Hogwarts because of my health," I said as I stared at her, causing her to stop and frown as she looked at me. Suddenly it hit me that she had to be aware of what I was going through at Hogwarts. How many people knew? Remus surely must have told her but still, did McGonagall have to tell him about it? Geeze, what if this was the reason that Voldemort wanted me?

"What's wrong," she asked with concern in her voice as she stared at me. I grimaced at this, I didn't want her to be concerned with me. However, as I stared down at her big belly and looked to my flat one, I realized that even though her situation was different from mine, she would somehow get me. Turning away, I walked over to the couch and motioned for her to follow me. I realized that it was a bit rude to just pop over unannounced and then just act like it was my home but give me a break, I couldn't think straight anymore.

"You have to promise that you won't tell anyone, not even Remus," I said as I turned to look at her as we both sat on the couch. She grimaced slightly at this, probably didn't want to keep a secret from her hubby, but she merely nodded at me, her eyes, which were sparkly blue today, staring at me with all the sincerity in the world. I sighed as I turned away as Cerberus put his head in my lap as he lay on the couch next to me. "I'm kind of.... like a month pregnant and I just found out last week," I said, the words coming out in a bit of a rush as I stroked Cerberus behind his ears.

"Oh Delilah, thats wonderful, aren't you excited?" she asked as she threw her arms around me. I grimaced at this as I pried her off me. She really needed to stop doing that. I didn't hate her anymore, but I didn't want her hugging me. I didn't care if it was bitchy of me... I just didn't really want people touching me these days.

"Not really," I replied as I leaned back and sighed. "I mean were you when you first found out? I mean, what with the war going so terribly, and didn't you ever feel that you would be a terrible mother or felt scared that you would fuck up your kid?" I asked as I stared down at Cerberus with confusion.

"Well at first yes, and I was scared to tell Remus. I thought that he would think that it was terrible and irresponsible of me because of the times. And... I can barely take care of myself, I was scared of taking care of someone else," she said, causing me to turn to look at her. I can hear it in her voice, that she was still scared of all of those things. But suddenly, she smiled and I found myself confused all over again. And here I thought I was starting to get her. "But then... I thought about how wonderful babies are.... and how this one is going to be a little part of me and a little part of Remus. How can I not love a part of Remus, that is completely mine?" she asked as she turned to look at me with her bright eyes.

I nodded as I turned and placed a hand over my stomach. My heart beat accelerated as I stared down at my palm. I'd completely forgotten that the baby was a part of Severus almost as much as it was part of me. I smiled, this was the only part of Severus that was completely mine, something Lily never had and never would have. It was a piece of Severus that was meant for me and suddenly I couldn't contain the overwhelming sense of love that I felt for it. Turning away so that Tonks wouldn't see the tears in my eyes, I smiled.

I waited for the moment when my eyes felt dry before turning around, I threw my arms around Tonks. "Thank you," I said, before pulling away from her quickly and blushing. Stupid hormones making me all emotional! Wasn't I just mentally reprimanding Tonks for doing the same thing?

"I'm guessing its Snape's," she said a little coldly. I understood, no one really liked Snape because of what they thought he did. Well I mean he did it... but they didn't know the full truth and I couldn't blame her for her tone when she referred to him. Though I think Tonks was far more understanding about it. "Have you told him?" she suddenly asked, bringing me back down to earth. I merely shook my head in response. That was another problem. What was I going to say to him? Should I even say anything? It seemed better to not say anything, but then even my mother had the decency enough to tell my father that I came into existence. However, look what happened to her. He went against her wishes, not that I blame him. But what if Severus doesn't want the baby, could he do something like that and force me to get rid of it?

"I don't know if I should tell him. I realize that he deserves to know, but it's _Severus_. I mean its not hard to tell that he doesn't like kids," I said as I continued to pet Cerberus while Tonks nodded sympathetically. "Besides who knows what will happen when this war is over," I said with a shrug as a cold chill swept up my spine. I couldn't forget my dream and even though dreams didn't mean anything... I couldn't let go of that terror. Especially since I had a feeling that Severus didn't expect and probably didn't want to make it out of this war alive. Not that he'd ever said anything to make me feel that way, but it seemed pretty obvious to me.

"Well Delilah, it can't hurt to try. You'll always have your baby to live for," Tonks said. I glanced over at her and merely nodded in response, though I wasn't sure. Somehow, I didn't think that Tonks would be quite so optimistic about having a child if Remus were gone. Somehow Tonks didn't seem like the type of person that could raise a kid on her own. She didn't seem to quite have that drive in her.

"I should get going," I said as I gently removed Cerberus' head from my lap and stood up. "Thanks for everything Tonks and don't forget to tell Remus that I can't make it, but don't mention that I'm pregnant," I said as I stood up.

"I'll ask Remus to send you a message when the baby is born. So expect it sometime around April," Tonks beamed as she stood up with a little difficult and gave me a last hug before I disapperated. I supposed that meant she was about six months preggers, but I pushed this thought away as I stood back in the flat and turned to my own stomach. "Well kiddo, at least I know I want you now, if nothing else," I said as I ran my fingers over my stomach as I stood in Louis bedroom, were he was letting me sleep for the past week. "I won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise."

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Please excuse the terribly long wait for this chapter, but I kept forgetting to post. Not to mention that its a bit of a pain to post considering my wireless drive is a piece of crap. I will get around to having it fixed though. Hopefully. Anyway hope that you enjoyed the chapter. Also please excuse any mistakes, I edited several times but something always manages to escape my notice. As always, please review and tell me what you think.


	33. Chapter 32: My Sweet Valentine

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 32: My Sweet Valentine**_

I didn't know how I was going to tell Severus, or even if I should tell him. Day after day passed by and I sent him no message as to where I was, or how I was. I wasn't sure if he was becoming worried, however I could think of nothing to say and for the mean time I didn't want to say anything until I had made up my mind. But somehow days had turned into weeks, and with the march of time I found myself in a new job, though one of much better atmosphere than previous jobs. It was actually a bakery, and though it took me a while to get the hang of things, it was great.

When I had enough money, I moved out from living with Star, Iggy and Louis. I didn't quite like sharing a place with a married couple and somehow it didn't seem exactly right to live with a guy that was in love with me. I was after all married and even though I didn't know how things would turn out and even though Severus and I were not physically anywhere close to being together, it still didn't feel right to me. But I didn't abandon my friends, and promised that I wouldn't just up and leave again without giving notice.

Louis didn't seem to like it very much. He said that he was worried about me living on my own considering that I was pregnant. He was worried that something might happen to me, but I was sure I would be fine. I picked of course, a flat in a muggle neighborhood, not too far from my friends and I put up every protection charm that I could think of around my place. I couldn't be too careful. Not with everything that was going on. Times were getting harder and there were too many disappearances. I even put up protective charms on the bakery where I worked and the place where Louis worked. I even discretely charmed some of the muggle places around mine and the bakery... to try and help muggles where I could from being killed by Death Eaters. That was becoming quite common and I wanted to help.

But... life could be normal and tranquil as well. January soon gave way to February and with financial freedom I was finally able to get that list of Potions, and considering the morning sickness and the whole working in a bakery.... I really needed them. Those potions though didn't worry me about having a relapse into addiction as they had nothing in them to get addicted to. I mean most of them were more like taking vitamins and for my pregnancy symptoms. Honestly I don't know why they call it morning sickness when you go the whole day feeling nauseous. Thankfully though, the wizarding world has a cure for that. Thank Merlin. Well no, literally its thanks to Dily's who invented the potion for morning sickness. Great witch that one.

Which of course reminded me to make an appointment to see a medi-witch at St. Mungo's seeing as I hadn't bothered to contact one of the others that were better qualified for this sort of thing. I popped in on Valentines morning.... seeing as I assumed it would be a miserable day at the bakery what with all the lovey dovey couples coming in to buy sweets for the occasion. Being pregnant and miserable made me want to take my head off things as much as possible, especially the fact that I was preggers and alone.

Walking quickly as I was late, I hurriedly walked towards the room where I was too meet with the mediwitch. As I walked in, I found myself being scowled at by the most stern of witches. Actually she kind of reminded me of McGonagall, though several years older. Already the thin, tall, witch's hair had become completely silver and by the magnification of her eyes, it seemed her glasses were rather thick.

"You're late," she said as she pointed to the chair where I was to sit. I merely nodded at this. The following examination was rather awkward and felt like it took ages to me. She asked me for the potions that I was taking, and then made several tests to make sure that the baby was growing perfectly fine. "Would you like to know the sex?" she asked at long last. I merely nodded in response. Louis and I were dying to know what the child was. He said he had a feeling that it was going to be a girl. As for myself... I wasn't really sure what it would be. I didn't really care. Though I supposed a part of me really wanted it to be a boy. I wanted to have a little Severus running around one day.

"Yes, I want to start thinking up names," I replied as I stared at her. I wasn't sure what I would name the child either way. The two perfect names that sprung up to mind, I imagined would bring me a lot of heartache every time I said them. It was therefore hard for me to pick I name that I was partial to, one that was endearing and did not pain me every time to say.

"Very well. Drink this," she said as she handed me a potion. I merely nodded and proceeded to drink the clear liquid. Oddly enough it tasted awful. I wasn't sure why it was always clear potions that tasted awful. I'd always imagined that they should taste like water, like nothing because they were see-through. However, that was not the case, they tasted as bad as most potions.

"So how do you know what the sex is?" I asked after shivering at the awful taste and handing back the vial to the witch. She didn't respond, merely grabbed the shirt that I was wearing and pulled it up. I jerked slightly at this, however, soon saw why she had done it. A very complex and archaic design started to form around my belly button. The color was whiter than my skin and had a pearlescent sheen to it, kind of like the scales or rainbow fishes. "What does that mean?" I asked as the swirling finally came to a stop.

"This," she said, pointing to the area beneath my belly button, where the markings seemed to make an arrowhead pointing down. "Means that you are having a girl," she replied, as the markings started to slowly become invisible. I furrowed my brow, watching them disappeared as my heart seemed to change its beat. My heart seemed to go out to the poor female child that was still forming inside my womb.

"Oh all the pain that you will suffer," I whispered softly as I stared down at my belly. My vision blurred slightly as I thought of the story of my life, and that of Monica's. I thought of the Hufflepuff girl that I had once consoled whose name I could no longer remember, and I thought of the pain that millions of women had to live through to become a woman. Periods, pregnancy, the injustice of a world geared towards men... it didn't seem fair.

"It is our lot in life," the medi-witch said with a shrug of her thin shoulders. I looked up into her eyes, which suddenly softened. Smiling down at me she said, "But we are not alone. There are men that suffer just as much. All we can do is learn to love," she said as she patted me on my shoulder. I nodded at this as I thought about Severus, about my father, and about Louis. Of course there were the nice guys, or the men that loved too much. Life wasn't fair to anyone and all there was to it was to make the best of it. "I want you back here in four weeks, to make sure the baby is still progressing well, and keep taking your Potions... okay?" she asked. I merely nodded in response as I pulled my cloak tightly around me and made my way out.

I was in less of a hurry on my way out, seeing as I had the whole day off. I was wrapped up in thoughts about the child growing within me, and still thinking about all the mixed feelings about life and whether or not it was really fair to allow someone to be born, when I suddenly had to stop. Was I doing the right thing bringing a child into this world? Was it fair of me to bring her to this world were Voldemort was a threat? Where all there was was chaos?

Taking a deep breath, I merely shook my head. I already made my decision. Not everything in this life was pain. Undoubtedly in my experience most of it was... but then there was also so much light. Even in my life... I had managed to find bits and pieces of it. I had Louis when I was little, Monica for most of my Hogwarts career. I had known love... many different types in my miserable life. The storm could not always rage on... sometimes the clouds parted and rays of light show through enough that you could forget yourself. And my child would at least always have me and I would protect her form everything as best I could. I would not forsake her the way the woman who birthed me had abandoned me. She wasn't going to be alone the way that I was, she wouldn't have to fend for herself. I would look after her for as long as I was allowed.

When I came out of the hospital, I could see despite the paleness that it was still only about two in the afternoon or so. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do with my day off as I made my way through the streets of London, but for the moment I was fine with simply walking around, clearing my mind and trying to wrap my mind around the big news. I was having a girl, and I knew all the negative implications that it involved, but I wanted to think about other things.

What was she going to be like? Was she going to act like me, or would she act like her father? In the looks department, there didn't seem much of a choice. It seemed unlikely that she would have anything but straight black hair and black eyes, after all her father and I both had those characteristics. The mouth... I rather hoped that it would be like mine, just as I hoped that she wouldn't have her fathers nose(not that I have anything against Severus' nose, I think it suits him. But somehow I don't think it would be so great for a little girl). However, I found that more than anything I only cared that she was born perfectly healthy.

When it started to get dark out, I decided to visit Louis at his job. He worked at this bar that was really a lot more restaurant/diner where on weekends sometimes bands came into play. Louis worked waiting tables, and did odd jobs around the place so that he could perform on stage some days with the band. I knew that he was probably having his break, and his boss didn't really seem to mind if I came by the place and ate with him from time to time. His boss was actually quite cool and the old man didn't seem to mind me. Actually he seemed rather fond of me for some reason, he said that he reminded me of his granddaughter or something though the girl is only about ten or something.

Making my way into the place, which was really quite quaint with its red brick walls and mahogany, sturdy tables, I made my way over to the bar and sat down. "Hey Del, how'd the appointment go?" Louis asked with a great big smile as he saw me. I smiled over at him as he cleaned the bar and walked over. He had his hair tied up at the nape of his neck when he worked, so as to keep it out of his face when he was serving customers.

"Fine. Slow day, huh?" I asked as I looked around the place. He looked around as well. There was really no one at the place at the moment, but for a few people scattered at the tables. It was too early for dinner though, so I was kind of beating the rush.

"Yeah. Want the usual?" he asked as he stared at me. I merely smiled and nodded as he went to the back. He was back several minutes later, serving me from a great big tray. Lately I was eating a lot of Americanized greasy food. French fries, milkshakes, burgers. The fact that I was eating for two made me eat more of the crap that was probably clogging my arteries. "So what did they say?" he asked as he sat at a stool behind the bar, sitting opposite of me as I started to stuff my face.

"That the baby's good," I said through a mouthful as I drank thick, strawberry milkshake from a straw and stuffed some fries in my face. Louis was used to the way that I ate and was simply amused by it. His eating habits were really not much different from mine. Although, it seemed that some of his early upbringings from before the orphanage sometimes crept into his manners when he was eating. It made him seem stiff and stilted to me sometimes. "It's a girl," I said when I downed some of the food and was able to talk a bit.

A big smile suddenly lit up his face. "Really? Have you thought of any names for her?" he asked excitedly as he stared at me. He looked like he was bouncing in his seat, he seemed very excited about the fact that I was going to have a baby and he seemed like he was just gushing to talk about it. It made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. I still wasn't thrilled about the idea of having a baby. But I think I was slowly getting there. It was just the uncertainty of the future that disconcerted me.

"Only one special name comes to mind, but I don't think that I can ever say it again without...." I didn't finish what I was saying as I downcast my gaze. I think that he understood, even though I never really said too much to him about Monica. "Maybe it will be her middle name but... I don't know what I should call her. I want her name to be.... sweet and all sunshine," I said as I looked up at him and smiled. Louis smiled at me softly in turn, and stared at me with those dark eyes that reminded me so much of Severus, who I suddenly missed.

Down-casting my gaze, I continued eating, though with a little less gusto than I had been eating with before. "So... what are you going to do today?" Louis asked. Looking up at him I merely shrugged my shoulders as I stuffed some fries in my mouth. It seemed so odd to me that the Americans called them French fries, but they were certainly delicious and they tasted even better when you dipped them in milkshake.

"I don't know, probably just going to watch some old films. What about you, are you working tonight?" I asked as I stared at him. He merely nodded in response before telling me an amusing story about Star and Iggy. They were the oddest couple, but they seemed to make it work and there was always a story to hear about their mildly dysfunctional relationship. Louis, being there to see them, always had some story to tell me about them.

When I was through, I merely got up and paid before leaving, Louis had to get back to work. I was a bit annoyed when I was nearly home and heard someone call out my name, I just wanted to get home and away from all the happy couples that got to be together today! Turning around, my eyes widened in response as I found myself staring at the last person on earth that I thought I would ever see again. I mean it took me a few minutes to recognize him as his dirty-blonde hair was no longer spiked but had been grown out so that you could now see his curls. However, those grey eyes were impossible to forget. I couldn't believe my incredibly, terrible luck of running into my ex, the boy I allowed to walk all over me and who I suffered so much over. And on VALENTINES DAY for Rowena's sake!

"Jake? What are you doing here?" I asked while my brow furrowed and I smiled at him awkwardly. Despite the fact that we had such a rocky relationship and a part of me had loathed him while we were together... our break-up wasn't something nasty. However, I had hoped that I would never have to see him again. Somehow, running into him near my flat was more than just a little disconcerting. I mean come on, what is a pureblood doing in muggle London and why so close to my place?

"I was just on my way to see my fiancé.... " he didn't finish what he was saying as he suddenly started to blush, as though he had just realized who he was talking to and as though he thought that I still cared. I raised a brow at this as I stared at him, wondering why he thought that I would care that he was engaged. I didn't give a damn that he was engaged, although I felt sorry for whoever the girl was. Somehow I doubted that Jake had changed at all since we were together.

"Oh that's nice. Umm does she live around here?" I asked, hoping that the answer was no. I was a mere two blocks away from my flat and I didn't want her to live near me.

"Umm.... no. Her parents live around here and we are having our engagement party," he replied as he looked down at me, he seemed a little reticent about sharing that information, as though he thought I was going to track the girl down and attack her. I mentally rolled my eyes and snorted at this. Apparently Jake gave himself more credit on the hold he'd had over me, than he actually had. Did he really think that I would not be over him yet? Especially after all the crap that he put me through?

I shook my head at this and thought about other things. I guessed that his fiancée was probably either a muggleborn or a muggle... seeing as there really weren't many wizards in my neighborhood, not that I noticed at least. Thought, it was a bit odd to see Jake dressed in a muggle suit. I'd only ever really seen him in robes at school.

"That's nice," I replied as I cast a glance around the mostly deserted street. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, what with not really having nothing to say. I mean really it had all been said. Besides I really didn't want to be in the presence of my ex. However, I wasn't a very lucky person. Jake apparently wanted to make some idle chit-chat as he suddenly asked me how I was. "I'm good," I replied as I turned my attention back up to him. I really didn't want to discuss my private life, but he was staring at me with that heart-melting grin and had a curious, puppy dog look in his gray eyes that I found myself elaborating a bit. "I.... you know, got my own place and a good job."

"Did you ever get married.... you know because of the marriage law?" he suddenly asked as he stared at me. I could feel my lips tauten into a stiff smile as I merely nodded.

"Yeah.... the ministry arranged for me to be married. No one you know," I lied as I was not about to tell him that I was married to Professor Snape. That was really only a need to know basis kind of thing and I thought the whole Order of the Phoenix knowing was more than enough. Besides, sharing that information was dangerous.

"How is that going?" he asked as his brow furrowed in concern, though he tried to keep smiling. The look on his face was utterly confused that I nearly laughed. "I mean an arranged marriage.... I can't imagine that its so great."

"Actually we are fine," I replied with a shrug. "We … get along and actually we're having a daughter," I said as I suddenly placed my hand over my belly, which was still small. Immediately, Jake's eyes were drawn to my middle and they widened in surprised.

"Wow! NO kidding! So how far along are you?" he asked as he suddenly turned his eyes to look up at me. His eyes were warm and there was a large grin on his face that seemed to tell me that he was probably feeling a little guilty that he abandoned me and left me to deal with the ministry on my own. It made me feel a little anger towards him. I mean just because I'm having a kid with my husband doesn't mean that he gets off the hook for all the shit that he put me through.

"Just about two months," I replied with a shrug as I turned away, feeling my vexation rising. "But I will see you around, I have to get home. Congratulations on your engagement and hope that everything turns out great," I said with a small smile as I brushed past him. He seemed a little confused by this and I could hear him murmuring his own congratulations and farewell, but I wasn't really paying attention. I just wanted to get home. I wanted to forget about running into stupid Jake and forget that it was Valentine's day. Considering that I was trying to get the hell out of there, it didn't take me long to get to my flat.

However, I was so distracted that I didn't take any notice that when I stepped into the little entrance, that the lights were already turned on. Placing my keys on the rickety table that I had set up next to the door, I closed the front door and locked it. At this point is when I finally noticed that the light was turned on in the room and that I could feel someone's gaze on me. Whirling around as my heart thundered, I stared at the dark figure that had just risen off my couch and felt it stop. "Severus!" I yelled in surprised as all the breath in my body suddenly escaped. "How- What..." I was speechless. How did he find me? What was he doing here?

"Why didn't you return?" he asked through gritted teeth. I bit on my bottom lip as I could see the vein in his temple throbbing, which was never a good sign. "You've been gone for two months, and I've had no word as to where you have been. Do you have any idea how worried I've been?" he asked as he approached me quickly and started bellowing, making me have to back into the front door.

"I wanted to tell you that I that I wasn't going back, but I didn't think I could send a patronous without raising suspicions," I murmured as I tried to get away from him. However, after a few seconds of cowering in front of him, I seemed to snap out of it and suddenly look up at him. What the hell was wrong with me? I don't cower! "Why are you angry anyway? Isn't this what you wanted? And how did you know where to find me?" I asked, my voice rising slightly while I furrowed my brows as I looked up at him.

"I didn't want you to come back, but I would have liked to known that you were all right. Why did you go to St. Mungo's today?" he suddenly asked. He had by now lowered his voice and backed a way a bit, but I could see that he was still angry. Though, it was odd. It seemed that he was trying to gain control of his temper, as though he hadn't come here with the intention of yelling, but that it simply had occurred. I watched him as he went back and took a seat on my weather beaten couch. Running his hands through his hair and breathing slowly, he kept his head bowed as he sat. I could see what he was doing. He was clearing his mind, to help him regain control of his emotions. Severus was excellent at hiding them, but anger was not something that he had such an easy time with. More often than not his anger got the best of him.

Stepping away from the door, I walked over and sat cautiously across from him. I didn't want to make sudden movements around him and snap him back into his anger. I wanted him to concentrate on controlling his anger so that this encounter could go more smoothly. It was Valentines day after all and the fact that I had missed Severus so terribly made seeing him a relief, despite the fact that he was angry with me and that I didn't know whether or not to tell him about the baby. Though, I think I suddenly understood how he came to be here. Dily's must have seen me come into St. Mungo's today and she could have asked someone about the place of residence that I had down.

"I'm waiting for your answer," he suddenly said, though he didn't look up. His voice was slightly calmer, but he still was concentrating on his breathing.

"Well..." I said hesitantly. I wasn't really sure what to tell him about my visit to St. Mungo's. Obviously I had to tell him something, but I wasn't really sure how he would take the news of me being pregnant. Biting on my lip, my mind started going into a frenzy, wondering what the hell I should do and I could actually feel my heart rate increase. "Severus... I don't really know how to tell you this." I said as I suddenly got up and walked around the coffee table and started to pace in front of the small television that was across from the couch.

"Does this have to do with the spell you cast? Are you suffering side-effects?" he suddenly said. I paused in my pacing and looked at him for a moment. His eyes were narrowed on me and giving me an accusing look, which vexed me.

"No, of course not," I said in mild irritation as I resumed my pacing, aware that he was still watching me with his eyes narrowed. "Look.... the day that I was released... the Healer informed me about something. She said that I was," I paused in my speech and ran a hand through my hair as I continued to pace frantically. How was he going to take this? Severus hates kids! Is he going to blame this all on me? Is he going to hate me for allowing this to happen? Will he ask me to get rid of it? My brows furrowed in concern at this. Unconsciously my hands went to cover my stomach protectively as I continued to pace, completely lost in my thoughts and forgetting all about Severus being in the room.

"Are you-" I stopped in my pacing and turned to look at Severus, whose eyes were glued to my stomach where my hands were still resting. Immediately I removed my hands from my stomach and realized that I had given myself away with the gesture alone. Severus was staring at my stomach with a grimace. However, there seemed to be confusion in his eyes, as though he couldn't believe it was possible and yet he seemed amazed by it. "You can't be, I've always taken precautions against this," he said as he suddenly stood up and started pacing. I merely stood there and watched him, but his face was slowly becoming his usual impenetrable mask as he lost himself in his thoughts.

The curtains of hair that hung on either side of his pale face didn't allow me to see his eyes, but I knew that they would shut me out and I would not be able to see anything in them anyway. "I said the same thing, but the Healer said that sometimes in the haste of it all, people might cast them improperly. She said the spell isn't really reliable," I said softly as I watched him, afraid of making him angry or something.

"Presumably you are keeping it, or else you wouldn't-" he didn't finish as he suddenly stopped and turned to look at me. There was no expression on his face at all. "When did this happen?" he asked. He seemed more angry at himself about this then he was with me, which I didn't understand for a moment.

"Probably the first week of December," I merely replied. He didn't say anything to this, merely turned away and rubbed his temples. I didn't say anything and merely watched him as he finally stopped pacing and just stood there with his back to me. I started to feel a little sad.... of course I know that Severus doesn't like kids.... why would he want one that was made by me and him? If there was any kid he'd ever be capable of loving, it would have to come from him and the woman that he loved. No one else.

Placing my hand once more over my stomach, I forced myself not to cry. I hadn't made myself any delusions that Severus would ever change his mind. Yet... the pain was still there. Turning away, with my back to Severus, I placed my hands tenderly on my still flat stomach and smiled wearily. She wouldn't have her father... Severus didn't want to survive this war and I couldn't change his mind, and this baby certainly wasn't going to either. "I will give you all the love that you will ever need, I swear you will want for nothing," I whispered very softly so that Severus could not hear from where he was standing as I held onto my stomach and felt my eyes water some more. But I kept the tears at bay. One parent was better than none, and I would make sure that she had everything that she needed. Love and affection more than anything.

"Delilah?" I turned around slowly, first making sure that the tears would not be evident and looked at Severus. He was standing, staring at me from across the room. His face was still expressionless, though there was a slightly apologetic expression in his eyes.

"Don't worry about us, Severus. I have a job in a bakery and the baby is healthy. She isn't due until about September and-"

"She?" Severus suddenly asked, his expressions softening for a moment. I merely nodded in response, realizing that I hadn't really said much about the baby, and that I certainly hadn't mentioned the sex of the child.

"Anyway, we'll be fine, I'm not going to let anything happen to her. It's not her fault any of this happened," I said as I tenderly ran a hand over my stomach. Severus grimaced at this comment and turned away for a moment. "It's not your fault either Severus and honestly... you don't have to worry. I know that our future has always been very uncertain, but I have faith that the Dark Lord will fall and I will do everything in my power to keep her safe. Even if its just the two of us, she won't want for anything."

Severus looked up at me at this and there was a truly tragic expression on his face that made me look away. I felt as though I was saying all the wrong things, like what I was doing was only making him feel more guilty. But that's not what I wanted. I just wanted him to know that we were going to be okay, I didn't want him to feel any more pressure. "Delilah... I-"

"Please Severus," I said interrupting him. Looking up into his eyes, I sighed and stared at him with a tired smile. "I think we both know what you want in this life," I said as I stared at him. He seemed a bit take aback by this, but I went on. "You don't have to … play a part for me. I know what's in your heart, despite how closely you guard it."

"How can you love me?" he suddenly said as he stared at me with a furrowed brow and a look of confusion on his face. I was taken aback by this question as it seem to come out of nowhere.

"No one is perfect, Severus. I should know, I'm the most imperfect person in the world," I said, with slight amusement in my voice. He looked at me sharply at this, wiping the smile off of my face.

"But you're not a murderer," he said sharply. "You love a monster. Why?"

"You're not a monster, Severus," I said with a furrowed brow as I stared at him. Sighing, I thought about his love for Lily, which is never happy thinking for me, but it had to be done. I had to reassure him. "Severus, a monster can't love, but you love Lily Evans with all your soul and you have never stopped loving her. You've protected her son even though you hate his father and its all been for the love you have for her. You've made mistakes in your past and yes maybe they have been more dire than those of others, but you turned away from that path. Not many people can say that."

Severus didn't say anything to this, merely turned away with a more pained expression. I sighed in exasperation, not knowing what I could possibly say. Apparently nothing that I was saying was right. "I have to return to the castle," Severus suddenly said. I looked over at him and merely nodded, though he didn't see it as he was somewhat turned away from me.

"All right," I said. I walked over to the door and opened it for him, though I felt a bit sad that he was leaving. However, I wasn't going to make a fuss over everything that happened or try to cling to him. I really thought it was for the best that he return to the castle before anyone noticed that he was gone. I after all didn't want him to blow his cover. Besides.... why should I make this any more difficult for either of us?

"Take care... of the both of you," Severus said as he came to a stop before me at the door. I looked up at him and nodded, and was slightly surprised when he leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead while he placed his hand over my stomach. "You are more than I ever deserved," he said as he pulled away and stared down into my eyes. I felt my heart begin to race at this and yet I was annoyed. This felt like this had to be the end and he was drawing me in again with his words!

"And yet not what you want, funny how life works out that way, huh?" I said irritatedly with a weary smile as I looked down at me feet.

"Delilah I-" I looked up as he suddenly stopped. He sounded as though he were about to say something, but had suddenly decided against it. "Happy Valentines Day," he merely said, before turning around and walking out. I furrowed my brow as I watched him go, not knowing if I would ever see him again. My heart missed him before he was even out of my sight. However, I pushed away all the misery and closed the door, before walking slowly to the couch and sitting down.

"That was your father, strange man but a good one despite everything he's done," I said as I placed a hand over my stomach. "Well kiddo, its just you and me. What do you want to watch?" I asked as I grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. I flipped through the channels absentmindedly, trying not to think about anything that just happened and the uncertainty of the future. However, despite everything, I knew that I would never be alone again. I would always have my baby, I would always have to look after her, at least until she was old enough to fly the coop and that wasn't going to happen for many years.

It was a comforting thought, and I felt my love for my baby girl swell. I wasn't alone. She was my Valentine and that was more than enough for me.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Decided to update just because I felt like it. Didn't edit the last time so as usual please excuse the mistakes that slipped past. Thanks for all the reviews from the last chapter. Hope that you all enjoyed this one and as always please review


	34. Chapter 33: Nightmares And Broken Dreams

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 33: Nightmares And Broken Dreams**_

**Severus**

He could see her standing in a white room. Her black hair was tied into a sloppy ponytail at the nape of her neck and though she stood with her back to him, he could see that she was holding a small bundle in her arms. Stepping forward, Severus reached out a hand, but she was drifting away, getting farther and farther. He tried to call out her name, but he couldn't speak or she couldn't hear him. He couldn't see her face and most vexing of all, he couldn't see what she was carrying.

Sitting up, Severus shook his head of the dream that he was having and stared around at the darkness that surrounded him, allowing his eyes to adjust. Lately, he had two recurring dreams. One was the one with Voldemort and Delilah, and the other was always Delilah and the unknown child. Though he was even more confused about the second dream. He wasn't really sure why he kept dreaming about a child that he didn't want. He wasn't sure why he wanted to see the child so desperately in his dreams when he'd never, EVER wanted kids.

It had been slightly over a week since he'd found out the news. He was still shocked by it. He'd never pictured himself fathering a child. NEVER. The thought had not crossed his mind, not even in his wildest dreams. However, ever since Delilah had told him.... he couldn't really stop thinking about it. He really didn't understand how this could possibly have happened, he couldn't believe that he had botched the contraceptive charm. And yet... it was done and he had washed his hands clean of it.

He supposed that was why he couldn't stop thinking about it. He felt guilt. Yes, he felt very guilty about getting Delilah pregnant. He knew that he should have just left her alone, but his desire for her had resulted in her becoming pregnant and now.... he was going to let her be a single mother, raising a child on her own? He didn't want to survive the war, and he was very surprised that Delilah knew that the end of his life was his deepest desire. He didn't know why he was so surprised that she knew, after all she was brilliant and she knew of his desperate love for Lily, and yet he hadn't thought that she would be aware of his desire for his life to come to an end already.

But that future was uncertain. If the Dark Lord survived the war and didn't find out where his true loyalties lay.... what was he to do? Simply go on pretending for the rest of his life and continue to be his servant? Would he leave Delilah alone? And what if the Dark Lord fell and he survived the war anyway? Would he return to Delilah and try to raise the child? Or would he be fine with washing his hands of it all. They'd be able to get a divorce in about a year.... would he do it?

Severus was aware that he would be a very unfit father and despite how much he loved Delilah, he knew that she deserved so much better. The best thing in that scenario for him to do would be to divorce her and let her go on and live her own life. But would he be able to do that? If he survived... his life would have no purpose, but at least with Delilah in it he wouldn't feel so alone. But her life would be miserable at his side, because he knew that he could not love Delilah the way that he loved Lily. And what of the child? Would he be able to love her? He didn't think so and considering his own childhood.... he didn't want that for her.

The best case scenario was that he should die and Potter should succeed in destroying the Dark Lord. Delilah was stronger than she gave herself credit for. He knew that eventually, she would move on if he passed away. He knew with the Dark Lord gone, she would be able to provide a bright future for the child growing in her womb. Delilah had a lot of potential and he knew that she would really make something of her life and she was very bright. She just needed to finally make her nest and considering all the protective charms that he'd had to get through to get into her place.... he knew that she was already starting to understand that. That slowly she was starting to understand that she would need stability, especially for her daughter.

For years she simply bounced around, never really settling anywhere for long except for Hogwarts. He supposed that being abandoned in an orphanage made her the wild roaming bird that she was. But he was sure that for her daughter, Delilah would settle down at last and really reach her full potential. And that was the future that Severus wanted for her. He wanted her to be successful and more than anything resplendently happy. That could only occur with him buried six feet under, though perhaps she might not see it that way.

Laying back down, Severus stared overhead for a moment and went over in his mind for the millionth time what occurred between him and Delilah. She'd ended things... that's what it sounded like to him and it was only logical. She wasn't coming back to the castle.... she couldn't while she was pregnant. She would have to stay away from it and the wizarding world to protect the baby. There was no certainty that they would ever see each other again and Severus couldn't slip away to see her, though these last few days he wanted no more than to do just that. He missed her terribly, so terribly that for the time being... Lily's memory was giving him some peace.

He didn't know how often he'd been near to leaving to see her these last few days. However, he always stopped himself. He was more than aware of what he'd done to Delilah over the last few years. He wasn't sure how often he'd done it, but he always drew her in and when he became frightened that she was getting too close, he pushed her away. He could only imagine how painful that was for Delilah and how very confusing it had to be. He needed to stop it. He couldn't keep doing that to her, he needed to leave her alone once and for all. He'd already made her suffer enough, he'd already ruined her life.

And yet.... there was the longing always to see her again. He just wanted to look into her beautifully dark eyes, run his hair through her amazingly silky hair, to just see the way that her dark sooty lashes contrasted against her skin. He wanted to simply hold her slim figure, try to provide some shelter and comfort for her. He wanted to see her smile at him, he wanted to feel her lithe, arms wrapped around him. He missed every inch of her. He even missed all her imperfections. He wanted to kiss away every scar that Umbridge had left on her back. He wanted to hear her voice, even if she was saying all the wrong things or was being rude and swearing.

Sighing at this, Severus decided to get out of bed, knowing that sleep was not going to return to him. Climbing down the stairs in his gray night shirt, for a moment he cast a glance at the portrait of Dumbledore who was pretending to be asleep and thought of what the old man once said. He'd pointed out the fact that Delilah was amazing, for finding her way into his heart when he'd locked away tighter than ever before. It was something that Severus now had acknowledge as the truth. He wasn't sure how it had happened, how Delilah had managed to pry through his layers and wedge herself in the heart that he'd thought was long dead. But she had miraculously pulled it off and he wasn't sure how.

Walking over to the desk, he sat at it and used his wand to bring out Dumbledore's pensieve before sinking his head into it. Because he couldn't sleep lately, there were many memories of Delilah inside it. Memories that he'd chosen to see when he missed her desperately just to keep himself from going to visit her. They didn't quite quell his longing, but it was almost enough to see her. To know that she was real and that he hadn't lost his mind, or that it wasn't some dream.

There were memories that it pained him to see. Like the night that she tried to kiss away his Dark Mark. He was too acutely aware of her anguish, but yet the moment had been so significant. He could still remember his astonishment that she would kiss the hideous marking, and he remembered the way his heart swelled with love for her. If he were not so in control of himself, he knew that he could have then shed some tears.... to see that something that he thought was so grotesque and seen that way by the world and to see Delilah kissing it... it had turned his world on its head. Shattered his preconceptions and he couldn't help but feel awe at Delilah. How could she be human when in that moment she was so beyond being such a petty creature? And yet she was kneeling at his feet, worshiping _him!_ When he wasn't even worthy of licking the dirt from the soles of her shoes.

It wasn't hard to note that there weren't very many memories that didn't have more than one feeling attached to them. While in every one he chose to see he felt a great love for Delilah, he was all too aware that there was always pain and anguish thrown in the mix. Yet, despite all the complexity of feelings in every memory, he cherished every one of them.

For now... it was all that he had of her. Delilah had to become another ghost of his past, so that he could give her peace. It had to suffice for him at the moment to know that she was safe, that she was somewhere in the world, alive.

XX

February was dragging. Honestly... my life was so boring these days. I went to work, sometimes I hung out with the guys, and I spent most of my evenings watching TV and talking to my baby. I realize that I was... numbing myself really. Somehow I didn't think that I would see Severus again.... unless he decided to visit me and somehow I didn't think that he was going to. It was a bit frustrating because, I wanted to see him with all my heart, but I knew what that would do. It would be the same pattern of our long and unstable relationship... you know him drawing me in only to pull away. And I was more than aware that _that_ wasn't healthy for me.

Unfortunately... despite trying to not think about Severus, my dreams weren't cooperating. It was terrible. Sometimes I dreamt that Severus survived the war, that the Dark Lord was gone, and that he and I were happily raising our daughter together. I hated those dreams and always woke up with tears in my eyes because of them, because I knew just how impossible that was. If Severus survived the war, if the Dark Lord fell... if we were able to be together in the future.... I knew Severus would be miserable.

Yet... the alternative dream wasn't much better. It was the same one that I had that night back in December, when I told Severus that I hated him because I felt bitter about the doe and everything that it represented. That dream haunted me and I would wake up on those nights terrified. Except now I didn't have the comfort of being able to get up and simply check on Severus. He was at the castle and going there was simply impossible. But I always woke with the desperation that I needed to know that he was still fine, that his cover wasn't blown, that he was safe and the fact that I could do nothing to really check on him was driving me a bit insane. I was practically ripping out my hair. But I supposed that if something happened to Severus someone would inform me, so I tried not to worry too much about it.

When March came... things didn't seem to be getting any better, especially not when it started to rain. It made things so much more gloomy. Things were more or less the same, though my body was changing. You could almost start to see a small bump beginning to form and this was very exciting to Louis, Star and Iggy. Though, not so much to me. I mean it was hardly noticeable at all when I wore tight shirts, but I was thinking ahead. You know... my chest getting bigger, my stomach growing... I was going to look ridiculous. I mean I'm not very tall and even though I'm gaining weight it my stomach and boobs, everything is still small and thin. My arms are still going to be like spaghetti, and my legs are still going to be like sticks. Really... its not a good look for anyone.

However, despite everything, I was forcing myself to make it through. I drew strength from the knowledge that whatever I felt affected my baby girl and I didn't wan to cause her any harm. So day by day, I managed to pull through. I suppose it really helped to distract myself and to tell the truth, working in a bakery is really more work than working at bar. So I was distracted quite fine on Monday through Fridays from like 9 to 5. Afterwards... my afternoon really depended on whether or not Louis was working that particular day or not. He didn't really have a set schedule like I did and he tended to work a lot more hours. Don't know why, not like he particularly needed the money... I mean he, Iggy and Star shared all their expenses.

Anyway, before I knew it, it was April. I went to St. Mungo's and apparently the baby was growing in all right and everything. I was glad to finally be out of my first trimester as that meant no more morning sickness. I found it slightly odd thought that I was counting down the days until my baby was born. The due date was pinned to be somewhere around September 5th. Not that I was looking forward to the actual birth or anything, I hear it can be quite painful which only seems about right considering your twat is supposed to stretch open big enough to fit a baby's head through. However, I was actually quite impatient to meet the being that was growing inside me and September just seemed an eternity away rather instead of just a couple months.

As Easter steadily approached though, I started to get this odd nagging in my head. It was the usual nagging, when you forget something. I had an odd feeling that something was supposed to happen this month. I didn't think that it was anything important that I was forgetting, but I knew that it was something that could be of mild importance. I racked my brains trying to remember what it was that I was forgetting, however, nothing immediately came to mind other than the fact that Tonks was probably going to have her baby at some point this month. However, that was not what I was forgetting. Besides, she told me that she would inform me so that I could visit, so that was certainly not what I was forgetting.

I tried not to worry about it though. It would come to me. Hopefully when it did, it wouldn't be like too late or anything. I had a tendency to forget things, mostly dates. Hence, nothing to worry about, right?

**Severus**

Severus watched as the Dark Lord sat down in the Headmaster's chair, behind the great desk and wondered what the Dark Lord had come down to Hogwarts for. He'd of course already heard that Potter had been captured the previous evening and that as a result the Dark Lord had been summoned. He'd of course also been made aware that Potter had escaped and that all the inhabitants of Malfoy Manor were severely punished for it. However, that didn't quite explain what the Dark Lord had come to Hogwarts for, nor did it explain what the Dark Lord seemed so pleased, especially not the morning after Potter's escape. It made Severus uneasy to say the least, but he had enough experience to hide the fact and adopt the role of loyal servant.

"My Lord, to what do I owe the honor of this visit?" Severus asked in his silky voice. The Dark Lord was sitting back as though on a throne. His long, pale, skeletal-like hands were holding his wand between them and twirling it while his red eyes stared in satisfaction. It drew Severus' attention to the fact that the Dark Lord must have acquired a new wand.

It was no secret amongst the Dark Lord's inner circle that the Dark Lord was in search of a wand to do away with Potter. It was no secret either that Malfoy's wand had been inexplicably snapped by Potter's when the boy was being moved. However, Severus didn't quite see why the Dark Lord thought that this wand would make any difference.

"It is only a matter of time, Severus, before Potter will cease to be a nuisance," the Dark Lord hissed as he continued to stare at his wand. After a moment, his snake eyes lifted and stared directly into Severus' impassive face. "You are one of my most loyal and valued servants," he continued, his tone altering now and taking on an ironic tone as his eyes hardened. Severus could almost sense what was coming, as his stomach muscles tightened, but he made no move to do or say anything. He merely waited patiently for the blow that was coming. "It is why I am surprised that you were not more forthcoming about your marriage."

Severus did not react, though he felt the blood begin to run cold in his veins. He hadn't exactly expected _that_. "It was a trivial matter, my lord. I was at the time more concerned with the task that you had set for me," Severus replied calmly and in an apologetic tone. "However, I had every intention of turning the girl into your service once I had her properly trained in the Dark Arts," Severus went on, knowing that the Dark Lord was bringing this up because he was more than just aware that Severus had been married. He knew that the Dark Lord knew something that made him take an interest.

"You are a good judge of character. Undoubtedly you saw great potential in the girl," the Dark Lord said in a somewhat bored tone of voice. As he turned his red gaze back to his new wand. "I quite agree after the reports I have received from the trappers and to my....disappointment, Bellatrix," the Dark Lord said as he lazily raised his red gaze to Severus. Severus once more did not react, though now that he knew that Delilah's true identity must have been discovered, as well as her recent alias, he felt uneasy. His only consolation at the moment was that Delilah was good at disappearing. Instead, Severus focused his attention at getting out of this unscathed. "What I'd like to know is why she was here under the pseudonym Emma Lovett and has not been brought before me in the past two years."

Severus' mind had already been furiously working on this and had the story mapped out so that it would not be too incriminating against Delilah, so that if she was ever caught she had some chance. "She was only under my tutelage for a year and while she demonstrated great aptitude and willingness, she started to steal my potions and became an addict before disappearing. She only recently returned to me and I brought her to the school to get her detoxified and ready for your service, My Lord. Unfortunately she disdains the Carrow's incompetency and I believe it is the reason that she fled. She won't stand to be ranked lower to those she deems beneath her."

"I'd like her found," the Dark Lord said to this after a moment's consideration. "Emma Lovett called my attention as she eluded Bellatrix, and is the daughter of a pureblood. But after looking into her history..." the Dark Lord trailed off as his eyes took in a far away look. It seemed odd to Severus and made him wonder. "A half-blooded orphan; a Ravenclaw with all Outstanding in her OWLs and nearly perfect NEWTs; resourceful and powerful. She is of great interest to me," the Dark Lord said as he suddenly turned his gaze to Severus. "You understand that she would be a great asset at my side, especially with all your training," he continued.

Severus felt his stomach churn for a moment at the way that he said '_my side'. _It seemed to him an odd way for the Dark Lord to put it, and the way he seemed to speak of Delilah... it was as though she were an object that the Dark Lord wanted all for his own. For a moment, Severus' thoughts turned to Bellatrix and the rumors about the _special_ services that she provided for the Dark Lord. However, the Dark Lord was very displeased with Bellatrix and it sounded to Severus as though he were looking for a replacement. It didn't sit right with Severus that he was showing so much interest in Delilah.

"You will find her," the Dark Lord said as he suddenly stood up and pocketed his wand. "The incompetency that surrounds me is getting more and more vexing. I need competent servants that don't fail me."

"Yes, My Lord," Severus merely said as the Dark Lord strode around the desk. Severus wasn't surprised by the abrupt end to their visit and merely accompanied him to the door and opened it for him. The Dark Lord paused for a moment in the doorway, allowing Severus to bow, before gliding past the threshold. Severus watched as the Dark Lord concealed himself to exit the castle, before closing the office door relieved to be at last alone with his own thoughts.

Running his hands through his hair, he wondered what he was supposed to do now. There was no way that he wanted to turn Delilah into the Dark Lord's service, especially not in her current condition, but the alternative meant failing the Dark Lord. Severus felt that he could rip out his hair. Why was the Dark Lord so interested in Delilah? Something about her seemed to have an eerie and unnatural calling to the Dark Lord that Severus did not like at all. Yet she was intelligent, resourceful and a strong witch, but why such an intense interest?

Casting a glance at Dumbledore's portrait, he suddenly recalled who the Dark Lord was before he'd risen to power and his dreams at last made sense to him. In the presence of the Dark Lord, and even when thinking of him in abstract, it was easy to forget that he was human, and had a past and was even once a child. That he had once been named Tom Riddle and he, like Delilah, had grown up in an orphanage. This perfectly explained his odd dreams, but Severus wondered if that alone was the reason that the Dark Lord was so bent on having Delilah in his service. Surely his deep-rooted interest in Delilah was not simply because she was a cast off, half-blooded orphan? Or had the Dark Lord lost that much confidence in his inner circle?

Severus pushed these thoughts aside as he walked over to his desk. It was far too early in the morning to deal with all of this! Severus supposed that at least it was the Easter Holidays and he had time. The Dark Lord couldn't possible expect him to find Delilah in a week and once the Holidays were over, he had to resume his regular duties. However, Severus doubted that the Dark Lord wanted to wait until the summer. What was he supposed to do? Turn in Delilah after she had given birth? Severus knew that he could worm his way out of performing this task long enough for Delilah to give birth, but could he really do that to her?

Now, more than ever, Severus was acutely aware of the way that his heart strings were tugged in two separate directions. If he didn't turn Delilah in, he was risking his position and everything that he was working for. He'd be betraying Lily. But he couldn't stand the thought of Delilah being anywhere near the Dark Lord. Yes she was very good at shutting people out of her mind. Her mind had become a fortress, but could Delilah be subservient? Severus shook his head at this, Delilah was incapable of taking orders and she was far too rebellious. Under the Dark Lord, she would crumble. He knew it well. He couldn't do that to her, could he? It would be like handing her into Death's hands as the Dark Lord would kill her as soon he realized where her loyalties lay. Severus would be killing the woman he loved all over again.

Severus sat at the desk and places his head in his hands. Rubbing his throbbing temples, Severus pushed all his thoughts aside. He was getting a massive headache and he wasn't getting anywhere. He needed to step away from the situation and get his head straight. He knew what he had to do, knew what it was his duty to do. Yet, that had been what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He'd overhead a Prophecy concerning the Dark Lord and reported it. Now it was his duty to turn in Delilah to keep his position solid so that he could deliver Potter his final instructions to bring the Dark Lord down.

However, his heart was telling him that it was wrong. How could he hand over the only other woman that he'd loved to the man that had not only killed Lily, but who would surely kill Delilah as well? How could he make an orphan of the child growing inside of Delilah or endanger the child's life? Yes, maybe Delilah could pretend for the sake of her child, but would that really keep the child safe? What kind of life would that be? He supposed like his or that of the Malfoy's, and it was more than unfair to condemn Delilah and the innocent child to that existence. He'd only wanted the best for her.

He needed time. Sitting back and closing his eyes, Severus decided that for the time being, he would wait. The Dark Lord had gone, who knew where to. He'd been abroad for quite sometime, and if he went abroad once more, that gave Severus more than enough time to think. Besides, at the moment the Dark Lord's primary concern was Potter and Potter was now safe as far as anyone knew. The boy had escaped and there was yet hope despite the pleasure that the Dark Lord had demonstrated earlier.

Severus furrowed his brow at this. Why was the Dark Lord so pleased? He'd seemed quite confident that Potter's time was drawing to a close. As he thought back to seeing the Dark Lord twirling his new wand, Severus found that he felt as though he had missed something vital. Every flash of the Dark Lord sitting like a king in the Headmaster's chair made him feel an odd nagging in the back of his mind. There was something there, something critically important that he was missing. Like he'd forgotten something. Yet he couldn't put his finger on it. Something was evading his mind, and he knew that it was something important, but what?

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Sorry for the long wait. This chapter has been written for a long time, but I've been hesitant to put it up. However, the end is very near. So please review and tell me what you think!**  
**


	35. Chapter 34: Minutes to Midnight

**Unrequited Wrong**

_**Chapter 34: Minutes To Midnight**_

I felt a bit uncomfortable to say the least. Not that I was unwelcome, as Tonks was happy to see that I had come after all to visit her, but still I felt that this was rather more of a family affair and that I didn't quite belong. The only other people in the room were Tonks' mother (who was apparently Bellatrix's sister and who she looked quite a bit like) and of course Remus. "When was he born?" I asked as I stood next to Tonks' bed, staring down at the tiny infant that she was carrying in her arms, whose eyes looked turquoise and the tiny bit of hair on its head seemed to be turning the same shade. I had to smile at that. The kid was absolutely adorable! And so freaking tiny!

"Yesterday, April sixteenth," Remus replied from where he stood, on the other side of the bed. I merely nodded at this, wondering why bells were going off in my head. Shaking my head of this, I focused my attention once more on the little bundle of blankets that Tonks was holding in her arms as her mother stepped out of the room to get another bottle for the baby, stating that it was almost time for him to feed again. Apparently Tonks wasn't going to breast feed.

"Well that's a mighty fine boy you got there," I said with a smile at Remus. He looked years younger now. It seemed a bit odd to me, but I suppose it was just the overwhelming sense of happiness that he felt. "So has anyone else come to visit?" I asked as I turned my attention back to Tonks. It seemed a bit odd to be in their bedroom, you know 'cause they are a married couple and it feels like an invasion of privacy, but this was where Tonks was resting. Presumably she'd given birth here too. The wizarding world is apparently big on the home-births thing.

"Well the Weasley's have all gone into hiding, Kingsley and their lot are on the run and everything..." Tonks was saying, causing my eyes to widen.

"Whoa, hold up a sec. What do you mean the Weasley's are all in hiding? Why?" I asked alarmed as I looked at Tonks. However at that moment, Tonks and Remus exchanged glances for a moment, as if neither were sure that they should tell me. After a moment, however, Remus cleared his throat as Anrdomeda Tonks came back into the room and handed Tonks a baby bottle.

I stepped back for a moment, allowing Tonk's mother access to her daughter, however, I shot a questioning glance at Remus. It seemed more than just odd that the Weasley's were all going into hiding because as far as I knew they had all been all right. I mean I'd known that Mr. Weasley was still going into work and all, but they were in hiding now? It seemed more than just a bit alarming considering what it had to mean. There was no doubt in my mind that wherever Harry was, Ron and Hermione were with him.

However, the word around Hogwarts was that Ron was home with spattergroit, though really I knew that had to be just some cover story so the Death Eaters wouldn't go after the whole lot of the Weasley's for information. Which was why it didn't make any sense that they had all gone into hiding unless.... well unless they were somehow discovered.

I shivered at the thought of that. That could only mean that one of them was caught and I didn't really want to think about that. Turning my attention back to Remus, I could see that both he and Tonks were now both watching me closely. After a moment, I seemed to understand that they were rather suspicious of me. They probably thought that I would tell Severus whatever they told me and that Severus would go running with any information to the Dark Lord. While they were perhaps right about me telling Severus, if I knew where he was that is...

My brow furrowed suddenly. "Whats the date?" I asked suddenly.

"April seventeenth," Andromeda Tonks said as she shot me a look as though she thought that I were daft as they had just mentioned earlier that yesterday was the sixteenth. Something in her pureblood haughtiness reminded me of another pureblood and suddenly it all snapped into place. I was forgetting someone's birthday, coincidentally it was Eileen Prince's birthday. Not that I had any desire to see her or anything, but the reason I was probably trying to remember was because it meant that I knew where Severus would be. He said he ALWAYS visited her on her birthday.

"Umm... I think that I have to go," I said suddenly. "It was nice to see you, wish you all the best," I said as I turned around and headed out of the bedroom hurriedly and made my way across the living room from where I could apparate. However, before I had a chance to pull out my wand from my jeans pocket, I felt a hand clamp down around my upper arm.

"Are you going to go see, Snape?" Remus asked in a steely voice as he forced me to turn and look at him. I stared up into his amber eyes, which were glancing down at me sternly. I winced in pain for a moment as I tried to remove his hand from my arm, but there was no getting out of that painful grip.

"No," I replied, which wasn't a lie. There was no guarantee that Severus was going to be there. He might be too busy with everything else going on, or he may have gone earlier and I may have missed him. However, despite all this and despite disliking Eileen, it was a worth a try. The overwhelming sense of missing him was just too overpowering. I needed to see him! "And if I were, Remus, you should know better than to think that I would endanger anyone's life. You _know_ what side I'm on, I've bloody proved it all that time I was in Hogwarts," I said in a low an angry tone as I wrenched my arm out of his grasp and took a step away.

"Delilah, I know what side you're on," Remus said in mild annoyance as he grabbed onto both my arms and pulled me so that I was standing before him once more. However, he wasn't holding me as hard as he had been before, his grip had relaxed. "But I also know that you love and trust him for whatever reason and I can't let you go and say something that can-"

"You didn't say anything of importance, all you said was that the Weasley's are in hiding and I'm sure You-Know-Who doesn't need anyone to tell him that," I interrupted him, speaking rationally as I looked up into his eyes. "And trust me when I say that he doesn't give a damn about you or Tonks, or anything that is going on in you personal lives. So if that's what you are worried about, than you are being an idiot because you know that as well as I do."

Remus sighed at this and merely let go of me. "All right Delilah, but be careful around him. Not for our sake, but for yours and your child as well," Remus said suddenly as his eyes became gentle once more. He turned and looked down at my stomach. I was wearing a sweater to try and keep the small bulge that was forming from being to visible, but he could see it well enough. "Remember that you have more to live for now, someone else that should come first," Remus said as he suddenly looked up into my eyes.

I nodded at this in response, not really wanting to contemplate what Remus was saying as I was impatient to go. I gave Remus a brief hug before turning around and apparating on the spot. Once I was through being sucked and squished through the darkness that was space, I found myself standing on the very same spot that Severus had apparated me too. The room had not changed at all, not that I expected it too, but it still felt as though I had not only moved through space, but that I had actually moved back in time as well. Only this time, Severus wasn't standing beside me and there was no one immediately around to be seen. Turning around, for a moment I stared at the Snape family portrait and I smiled fondly at little Severus, thinking that even if he wasn't here... this should be enough.

**Severus**

"This is the second year in a row that you have not brought your wife, Severus. Last year you said that she was sick, what is her excuse this year?" Eileen asked from where she stood. Severus didn't say anything from where he sat on top of a pile of boxes on the other side of the attic. He wasn't much listening to his mother as he had other things on hid mind. Like clearing things up with his mother and more importantly what he was supposed to do with Delilah. It seemed thus far that the Dark Lord was not surprised that he didn't have any news for him, but his patience wouldn't last long, of that Severus was sure. He supposed, however, that he could hold the Dark Lord off until May without any maneuvering on his part. "_Severus are you listening_?"

"Yes mother, but I have more important things on my mind," Severus replied coolly before turning his attention to his mother. "What are you looking for?" Severus suddenly asked as he realized that for some reason or other they were in the attic. When he'd arrived, he'd found his mother up here and after greeting her and wishing her a happy birthday, he'd merely sat in the corner. However, he hadn't really been paying much attention to what he'd been doing. It was all rather auto-responses. Neither had he paid her much mind either.

"I snapped my wand the other day, and I know I had a spare one stowed away here somewhere," she replied as she looked through one box after another. Severus raised a brow at this and was about to say something sarcastic, but was stopped in his tracks by his mother, as though she knew what he was going to say. "Severus, why don't you make yourself useful and try looking through some boxes yourself?" Eileen suddenly said. Severus sighed as he merely got up and did as he was told.

He wasn't paying too much attention as he went through the first couple boxes, which were really just full of clothing and other miscellaneous objects, however, he was looking through his fifth box when he came across something he'd never seen before. Inside one of the many cardboard boxes containing old table linens, there was an oddly out of place silver box in the shape of a butterfly. It was small enough that it fit onto the palm of his hand, but it was slightly heavy and was far more expensive than anything shut up in the attic.

Furrowing his brow as curiosity got the better of him, Severus gently pried open the silver butterfly to see what was inside. The inside of the butterfly was lined with purple silk and propped up in the center was a goblin-made, engagement ring that he recognized all too well. There was a large, rectangular diamond that occupied the center and on the silver band there were tiny inlaid moonstones and diamonds that alternated. It was a very beautiful and very expensive ring that he'd always seen on the same long, thin finger along with a just-as-expensive wedding band.

"What is granny Lulu's engagement ring doing here?" Severus asked as he turned to look at his mother. His great-grandmother Lulu was probably the only Prince that Severus had liked, and she wasn't even really a Prince. She'd married his great-grandfather, a sour old man who hated everyone but was completely and utterly devoted to Lulu. Lulu, despite being a bit eccentric, was simply the type of person one couldn't help loving because she was kind, generous and loving.

Eileen glanced over, looking mildly surprised, before going back to what she had been doing. "She gave it to me, shortly before she passed away. She wanted me to give it to you when you met the girl you fell in love with. It was so long ago that I completely forgot about it," Eileen said with a shrug of her shoulders. Severus sat back on his heels for a moment and stared down at the ring for a moment, wondering at the fact that Lulu had bequeath to him the only thing that ever seemed to mean anything to her, or rather the only object that had significant, sentimental value to her.

Placing the ring carefully back inside its encasing, he closed it and for a moment, he was reminded of Delilah, though he wasn't quite sure why. He supposed it was staring at the butterfly encasing that reminded him of the special lumos spell that she used, although he wasn't quite sure why it reminded him of that, considering the fact that the spell she used took on the shape of pixies. However, he supposed that it didn't really matter why he was reminded of Delilah. He hadn't seen her since February and after the Dark Lord's visit, that seemed reason enough for her to be at the forefront of his mind.

"You should give it to Delilah," Severus looked up and found that his mother had stopped for a moment in her search and was watching him.

"Why?" he asked as he stared at his mother.

Eileen shrugged her thin shoulders and turned her attention back to her task. "I simply can't think of anyone Lulu would more willingly give that ring to but to someone like Delilah," Eileen said, rummaging through a box with her brows furrowed. "Lulu... she could be quite kind and loving, but she had an aversion to weakness. She was drawn to people who had hard lives, people with battles scars who despite everything had the courage to keep fighting. Delilah, she isn't spineless and she's quite odd. Just the type of person Lulu would have loved."

Severus watched his mother for a moment as she fell silent and thought about what she said. It was true enough, Lulu always seemed drawn to the outsiders. Severus remembered all the stories Eileen would tell him about the way that Lulu had treated her as a child, the way that Lulu had doted on her and she had done the same with him when he was a child. Whenever he had any opportunity to see her, which really wasn't all that often, she had always treated him with kindness and a lot of affection. Really, she'd been the only one. She'd also always given him all the sweets that he could eat and many other gifts.

Staring at the butterfly, Severus merely shook his head of the memories that he had of Lulu. There were so very few now, and there wasn't much that he really knew about her. However, he felt sure that Eileen was right. For some reason or other, Lulu was drawn to people that life was difficult for. Delilah was exactly the type of person that Lulu would have doted on. Delilah was someone who had to learn to fend for herself when she was still only a child, it wasn't fair and yet Delilah had managed to pull through.

However, Severus forced himself to stop thinking about Delilah as he tucked away the butterfly in his pocket. He didn't want to think about her, at least not now. He didn't want to miss her, he knew he'd go look for her if he allowed himself to think on her too much and he didn't want to continue to hurt her. He didn't want to continue to toy with her affections, not that he'd ever done it intentionally, but that didn't seem to matter. At least not to him, whether it was intentional or not, harming Delilah was not something that he wanted to do.

Focusing his attention back at the task at hand, Severus continued to search through several boxes. Working in relative silence, Severus found that he could hear almost every creak and groan in the house and he furrowed his brow at the faint pop that reached his ear. Standing up, he quietly exited the attic without Eileen noticing and made his way down the stairs. Quietly, he crossed the landing on the second floor and made his way down the set of stairs.

Severus couldn't imagine that anyone would visit his mother being as she was such a recluse. Therefore, he wasn't really surprised to see _who_ it was standing in the living room with her back to him, though he was quite stunned to actually _see_ her, as if all his thoughts of her had reached across space to bring her to him. "Delilah?" he asked in confusion before he could stop himself.

XX

My heart started to thunder at the sound of his voice. Turning around slowly, I looked up to see him standing half-way down the stairs, his brows were furrowed over his eyes and for once his face was not his usual neutral, impenetrable mask. He looked rather confused and stunned. "What are you doing here?" he asked as he recovered himself, his voice coming out as a croak and barely recovering itself by the end of his sentence. I looked down at my feet, unsure of what to say as he descended the stairs and walked over.

"I needed to see you," I replied softly. Almost immediately, he raised his voice in anger to say something, but I raised a hand to silence him. "Things between us, they aren't over yet. But there are things I need to know, to understand," I said, looking up into his eyes. There was something I couldn't bring myself to say. The reason why there were questions that needed to be answered, but he knew or understood without me having to say it, or even think it. I cast my gaze down to the floor and smiled to myself. _My ever so brilliant prince. _

"I will answer them to the best of my ability, but there is something that I need to do," he said as he stared down into my eyes intensely. I furrowed my brow as I looked up at him, unsure of what he meant. "Go to your place and I will be with you shortly," he said. I nodded as I began to understand what he meant, what it was that he still had to take care of. Looking away from him, I cast a glance towards the top of the stairs as my heart slowed and pained. Tearing my eyes away, I gazed down at the floor as I stepped away from him. This seemed to make things so much more final and I couldn't bare to think of that.

"Severus, tell her you are sorry that life was so difficult, if you made her suffer and forgive her for any mistakes she made," I said softly, as I gazed up into his eyes, which he returned with mild confusion and anger. I stared at him, and for reasons I didn't understand I thought of my father who I had forgiven without realizing it... and oddly enough of my mother, who I couldn't bring myself to quite forgive. Who all my anger had been dedicated too so powerfully, and still had yet to recede. Someone who didn't have the benefit of the doubt, but whom I found I couldn't exactly judge because I knew nothing of her. "She was a better mother than you may be able to give her credit for," I said as I gaze down at the floor.

Severus didn't say anything in response to this, and it didn't really matter. Turning away, I slid my hand inside my robe pocket, trying not to think of anything. It was simply too much to process. However, before I apparated away, I turned and looked toward where Severus was still standing, gazing at me with an odd mixture of emotions that I couldn't even think about at the moment. "Don't forget to tell her that you love her."

He sighed in mild exasperation at this, I assume he was simply getting tired of me telling him what to do. "Delilah, she knows that I do," he said as he gazed at me, causing me to smile in return. It was a bitter sweet smile of amusement, which only served to confuse and perhaps irritate him further.

"You have to tell her. None of us can be certain of another's feelings unless being told explicitly and reminded at intervals. Or else how would we ever be certain, how do we know that time hasn't changed things?" I asked, looking away for a moment as my eyes clouded over with melancholia. "We were made such insecure beings, never certain of how someone feels about us. And in your case especially, Severus. You are almost impossible to read," I said, turning to him with a small smile that was ephemeral like all these moments that would soon be gone and would never be again.

I lifted my gaze and found him staring at me once more with something akin to wonder. But I was reaching the brink, I wasn't sure how much more I could take at the moment. Turning around on the spot without another look, I apparated straight into my room. I was barely able to take a step back and seat myself on the edge of my bed. Trying to not process all the recent events, I pulled myself towards the pillows and lay on my side. Placing a hand on my still small lump, I closed my eyes and thought of my mother with some anger.

The rage seemed to nullify my breaking heart. However, all the emotions seemed to drain me. I suppose the fact that I was pregnant didn't make things any better. Sometimes it really made me so tired. I suppose that was the reason that before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, my room was considerably darker and I was no longer alone. Raising myself slightly, I was surprised to find that my head was resting on a man's shoulder, and in my drowsiness, I smiled up at him when I realized who it was. Momentarily, every painful thought was forgotten.

"I couldn't bring myself to wake you, but considering the fact that you didn't stir at all when I moved you, I doubt I would have been able to," Severus said as he brushed stray strands of hair from my face as he gazed down at me with a small smirk on his lips. I could feel his arms wrapped around me, and he was holding my body to him. Staring up into his face through the darkness, I could barely bring myself to smile. While a part of me was curious about what occurred between he and his mother, I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to waste, what I knew in my heart to be the last time we would be together. However, I wasn't really sure what to say.

Reaching across him to the nightstand, I grabbed my wand and whispered a spell. From the tip of my wand, pixie shaped lights of white, with purple edges floated out and around us to give more illumination to the room. When I looked up into Severus eyes, I found his eyes were looking at the pixies with mild interest as he always seemed to when he saw my lumos spell. However, I was surprised to see that there was a slightly pink edge around his eyes, which I could now see due to my Lumos. It almost looked as though he had been crying, but had glamored away the puffiness and redness.

A smirk spread across his face. "I was reminded of your spell today," he said as he turned his gaze to me. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, because my heart was breaking to see that his eyes were slightly pink. I merely looked at him questioningly, because I didn't trust my pain not to show through in my voice. "There is something that I wanted to give you."

I furrowed my brow as I straightened up and sat back on my heels, looking at him in confusion. His mind seemed a bit scattered to me, as that seemed a rather random statement and change of subject. Perhaps he'd noticed the way I was looking at him and wanted to draw my attention away? Well if that was his intention, he succeeded. "What is it?" I asked. Being stunned by the fact that he brought me a gift made me forget for a moment that my heart was breaking because he wouldn't be in my life for much longer.

Severus didn't say anything as he too sat up and reached into his robe pocket and pulled out what looked like a butterfly-shaped box made of silver. "It was left to me years ago, by my great-grandmother Lulu. She was a great woman; Extraordinary, just like you and she would have liked you to have it," Severus said as he stared down at the box in his hands and opened it. I stared at him in mild confusion before looking down at the box he held open for me.

I was startled to see the most beautiful, diamond ring that I had ever seen, worth more money than I'd probably ever made or would make working. The large diamond, and even all the tiny ones around the band, refracted the light it caught from my spell It was really a stunningly beautiful ring, that made my breath get caught in my throat. He wanted to give it to _me_? That didn't seem to many any sense at all, I couldn't comprehend it. "Severus, I can't take this," I said as I shook my head and tried to back away from him, thought that was rather difficult considering I was kneeling on the bed. Severus smirked at my reaction.

Plucking the ring out of the box, he wandlessly levitated the box from his hand and made it float over to the nightstand. With his now-free hand, he reached out for my left one and and gently but firmly pulled it closer to him. "It was meant for you, Delilah," he said softly as he slipped the ring on the finger next to my pinky. He smirked once it was in place. "See, fits perfectly," he said as he looked up into my eyes. I almost gasped to see how unguarded his eyes were, how deeply pained.

I had to look away and found myself staring down on the ring on my hand. It _did _fit perfectly on my long, thin finger, almost as though it were made for my hand. I couldn't believe that he'd given it to me, and not simply because its material value, but because it was his grandmothers and given by the way he'd spoken of her, he'd loved her. "You know, I don't know why I never thought about it, I suppose because it only made logical sense, but we never had wedding bands," I said, trying to distract myself from the way my heart swelled painfully due to this gesture. "I guess I already knew the reason, its not as though we would have really been able to wear them, not if our marriage was supposed to be kept secret."

"It occurred to me on several occasions, but it wasn't possible," Severus said, pausing at the end as though he were about to say something and changed his mind about it. I looked at him and smiled for a moment, and he seemed to be briefly thinking about something and I wondered at what he said. I wondered if perhaps he was thinking that he had to explain why we'd never had rings.

"I wasn't reprimanding you. I understand. Especially as when this all started we both seemed to desperately want to get out of it," I said with a small smile as I thought of those early days. Sometimes it still seemed so surreal to me that I fell in love with him. If someone had told me three years ago that I would marry Professor Snape and fall in love with him, I would have said that person was daft. Not that I'd ever hated him in the past, but I didn't like him very much. I could muster some respect for him, but to say that I even liked him as a professor would have been an overstatement. "I think when I was your student I was either invisible to you, or at times got under your skin, but when I saw that you objected to our impending marriage as much or perhaps more than I did, I thought perhaps you loathed me more than I'd ever thought."

Severus chuckled at this and it startled me. Severus very rarely laughed. I could probably count on just one hand the amount of times I had seen him do it. I looked up at him startled. "I didn't realize that you managed to see beyond your own feelings that day. You were far more adamant, and may I add loud, in your objections to us being married. I thought you'd do anything to get out of it, even if that included fleeing the country or killing your intended spouse-to-be," he said with a smirk at me. It caused me to blush and look away.

"But you did object to it as much as I did," I said, as I thought of something that had happened a few months before. "Severus, the day I accused you of not caring... you showed me the memory of the day we were married and I still don't understand. When we married, you didn't want anymore to do with me than you would have with any other of your students, and that was simply what I was. So why that memory?"

Severus turned away at this. His hair covered his face so I could not see it as he turned and dropped his legs over the side of the bed and sat on the edge. "Before that day, you were only a loud, disruptive student to me. Even when you were quietly sitting in Potions, your hair was loudly crying out for attention. Though you showed intelligence and even talent, I always ignored you. With the years, you became louder and more outrageous, you seemed to me rather crude at times," he said, causing me to frown. His impression of me as a student seemed rather harsh. And I frowned as I recalled our first year together. His objection to my way of speaking, his intolerance for my messy ways, his annoyance with me fighting with everyone...

"That day, you looked... beautiful. Contrary to my belief that you would flee, you showed up and you stood there the entire time, quietly resigned to our marriage. I hadn't really seen beyond my own sentiments about the marriage, and I saw that this was ruining your life far more than it was mine. You were still so young. And I suppose I saw _you_ for who you _really_ are for the first time, and it floored me because I realized that I everything I knew about you wasn't nearly half of everything you were. I could see that there was so much more to you and I could sense that you were more than I deserved. That this could possibly be fortune finally smiling on me, but only at your cost. And though you were hardly there, you could manage to look graceful. You were amazing, and I could see that even then."

I stared at the back of his head as he fell silent. My heart beat hard in my chest and my eyes filled with tears that were a mixture of happiness and pain and I didn't understand the mixed emotions. Rubbing my eyes free of tears, I scooted closer to where he was and wrapped my arms around his waist, before running my hands up along his chest and resting them there as I leaned my head against his back, embracing him.

"I am not amazing, Severus. I haven't done anything," I whispered into his back as I closed my eyes and held onto him. For a moment, I concentrated on my breathing, and the beating of Severus' heart beneath my fingertips. For the first time in a long time, I could sense his magic. For a moment, it startled me because ever since my addiction I had stopped being sensitive to it, and I didn't expect that I would feel it again. However, in this moment, I could feel his magic thrumming to me and it wasn't what it had been. Though still laden with sadness, though still dark and mysterious, it wasn't so oppressing. It was beautiful. As though it sang to me, like a sad requiem that could make anyone tear up because it was so beautiful.

"Delilah," Severus said as he pried my arms from around me and turned to face me. I looked up into his eyes slowly. They were almost shining down at me, luminescent with what I would have thought of as tears in any other person. "You _are_ amazing. You are the only person to ever... love me," he said as he gently held my face between his hands, his voice almost choking with the last words. He turned and looked down for a moment, composing himself, before returning his gaze to mine. "You don't know what it has meant to me."

I didn't say anything to this, my throat constricted and I could barely manage a smile in response. Gently, I reached up and placed my hands over his and pried them from my face. However, I continued to hold them. There was really only one last thing that I needed to know from him, however, I couldn't bring myself to ask. While at many points in my life I felt that he genuinely was in love with me, I couldn't believe that he loved me at all. At least not in _that_ sense. "I think it is _you_ that can't imagine how much having you has meant to me, even if you can't reciprocate my feelings."

I looked up into his eyes, and found him furrowing his brows to comprehend. "You have called yourself a monster, said that you can't understand how it is that I could love you, but I do. You've become my closest friend. You've helped me grow. You've consoled me and even helped me out of my darkest moments. Perhaps I haven't lived a fairytale beside you, but I think that without great pain, there can be no great love. Without pain, you can't appreciate or truly value it and I wouldn't exchange a moment with you... for a painless existence."

The expression on his face became more and more tender, while his eyes seemed to sadden more. I hated this, having him so near and feeling that this was a farewell, the final one. Severus hands moved to touch my cheek and he leaned in to place a kiss on me, but I turned my head slightly and felt his lips lightly touch my cheek. I wanted to hold him, wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me and feel his warmth. However, I didn't think I'd ever be able to let him go if I did so. If I felt his soft lips upon mine once more, I didn't think that I could trust myself not to beg him to stay. For once in my life I wanted to be selfish and ask him to fight to stay here with me, and with his child. I wanted to ask him to never leave me, to love me as I loved him.

However, I knew that he couldn't. That he didn't love me anywhere near to the way that I loved him. I couldn't ask him to stay. "Severus... I'm not strong enough, I love you too much," I said as I turned my gaze to look at him, feeling pained that for him I couldn't be strong enough. However, there was only understanding in his gaze. Gently, he placed a gentle, lingering kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes, and the moment stretched on for what seemed an eternity. It was so bittersweet to feel his lips against my forhead, to feel his breath against my skin, to breath the same air and know that it might be the last time.

"You smell like lavender and cookies," Severus said softly when he pulled away. I looked up into his eyes wilth confusion. He had leaned back slightly and had his eyes clased. When he opened them and turned to gaze at me, there was a small smile tugging at the left corner of his mouth. "You smell like a heaven sent mother."

I smiled at this, feeling my cheeks becoming rosy. "That has to be the oddest... yet sweetest copliment I have ever heard," I said as I looked into his eyes, feeling a geuine smile of amusement spreading over my face. Severus chuckled lightly as he sighed and looked down. I furrowed my brow at this, wondering what ws going through his mind now. I always wished that I had some insight into what he was thinking, and how he was feeling. Sometimes no matter how close he seemed, he felt as though he were an entire universe away. No matter how much I thought I knew his heart, his mind was unreachable.

"I know you will be a wonderful mother, Delilah. I can see that already. I'm sure she will never want for anything, and that you will take care of our precious treasure. I hope with everything I am that she is exactly like you," Severus said as he looked up into my eyes, his own sparking with a great mixture of emotions. My breath felt caught I my throat with his words. I had never heard him say anything kinder, and the fact that he had called her _Our treasure_, made my resolve to not say anything crumble into dust. However, I almost felt certain that he didn't mean to say that, and I couldn't find the words to ask him to stay with me. "It's getting late."

"I know, you have to go," I said, feeling my heart pang. Severus nodded at this, while pulling his wand from his pocket. For a moment, were merely stared into each others eyes. I wanted to ask him, as I searched his face, if he was in love with me at all. However, I couldn't ask him. I think that a part of me really didn't want to know, because what good would it really do me at this point? Staring into his eyes, I knew that he was simply waiting for me to be ready. "Well," I said, searching for the words... the last ones I'd ever say to him. I smiled when they suddenly came to me. "Good night, my sweet prince."

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Hope that you all enjoyed this chapter, as always sorry for any mistakes I may have missed. I think that after this, there is only one chapter left, two if you count the epilogue. Anyway, as always please review and tell me what you think.


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